This recap will have spoilers for Season 2, Episode 6 of The Last of Us, “The Price”

Hello and welcome to the penultimate episode recap of The Last of Us season two, where Nic and I (Valerie Anne) hope you’ll join us in shouting about our many feelings. As always, we’ll talk about the video game, but not spoil anything that happened in the game that hasn’t happened in the show yet, and we ask you do the same.

In this episode, we do a little time traveling. Which is actually convenient for the format of these conversations. Instead of questions this week, I’m just going to break this episode into the time jump segments and we can have a freeform discussion about it!

Our first stop is Austin, Texas 1983 for a little Joel and Tommy backstory!

“If you put your paws on my brother, you’ll meet the jaws of his brother.”

Nic: I loved this addition to the story a lot; it gives us context for who Joel is and some potential insight into why he makes the decisions he does. For better or worse, Joel’s a Protector™ and he always has been. It started with him protecting Tommy from their father’s fury, and I’m almost certain this wasn’t the first time he’s done this. Something that stood out to me in this scene was Joel saying the quiet part out loud after his dad told him the story of his own father breaking his jaw. He asked his dad why he hurts them when he knows what it’s like to be on the receiving end of abuse. And his father’s response is that sure, maybe he goes too far, but at least it’s better than what his father did. Which, congrats for not breaking your kid’s jaw I guess? I think that’s the moment that Joel decided he was going to break that cycle of abuse; he decided that doing a little better than his father wouldn’t be enough, he would do everything in his power to protect his kids.

Valerie: I agree, I really liked learning this about Joel, and seeing how protective he was of Tommy from the jump. We’ve seen this from him a little as an adult, but we haven’t seen a ton of the brothers together, so it’s nice to be reminded they’ve always been close.

I’m sure Joel remembers this moment as a relatively good day with his dad. The day his dad didn’t hit him or Tommy for once, but sat him down, slid him a beer, and talked to him man to man. But as an outsider, it was hard to watch. “It could be worse” and “you don’t have it as bad as I did” are classic abusive parent lines. But at least his dad had a moment of clarity this night, even if it was short-lived, that he’s maybe not the best dad. And Joel DID do a little bit better. A lot better, even. He’s not perfect, not by a long shot — which we’ll get to — but I have no doubt in my mind that Joel Miller never raised a hand to Sarah in anger. And he never stopped looking out for Tommy.

Nic: I didn’t catch this during my first viewing, but on rewatch I noticed the camera lingering on Joel’s dad’s watch, only the watch is still ticking away. Very different from Joel wearing that same watch while it’s broken; a constant reminder to be better.

Valerie: YES! Also!! JOEL IS BACK IN THE INTRO! My heart!

Then we skip ahead to Ellie’s 15th birthday, her first in Jackson.

Valerie: First of all, of course Seth is a fucking cop. I don’t care if he has grandkids who love Lego or makes delicious cakes. I have not forgiven him for hurling a slur at our precious girls and he can choke on a bone for all I care.

Eh hem. ANYWAY, on to the cute stuff. I knew Joel gave Ellie her guitar, that much was clear. I didn’t know Joel REFURBISHED Ellie’s guitar and put so much love and care and time into it. HE USED ONE OF HER DRAWINGS FOR THE DESIGN. That’s some cute dad shit.

Nic: I’m so glad you said that about Seth too, because my first all caps note about this scene was “OF COURSE Seth was a cop in the Before Times.” Admittedly, I did think it was sweet that Lego trade would benefit his grandkids, HOW’MEVER not even that can change my opinion about that bigot. We texted about this a little bit, but I can’t remember if Joel physically making Ellie’s guitar was in the game but either way, this had me in my FEELINGS! The care he took with making sure every single aspect was perfect, the gorgeous closeups of the moth, and finding out that he decided to include that because of her drawings?!?!

Valerie: Also cute? Ellie hopped up on pain meds. Like obviously it’s DEVASTATING that she was so stressed about keeping her secret that she SCALDED HER OWN ARM but her little face and look of distress when she says her arm “smelled like pork” was freaking adorable.

Then Joel calls Ellie “baby girl” and kisses the top of her head when she leans into him and it’s one of if not the most affectionate things we’ve seen either of them do with each other and on one hand, it filled my heart right up, but on the other it shattered it to pieces. Because a) Joel is gone, and they will never have this again, and b) it reminded me of how Joel must have been with and also would have continued to be with Sarah.

Nic: I loved how Joel went from fear to anger to understanding when Tommy brought Ellie home high off painkillers because she was just so tired of hiding her secret from the world. I agree with you on getting to see them both be so gentle and loving with each other. It makes the knowledge that they’ll never have that again hurt so much more. Brilliant and devastating work by this team.

“Baby mine, don’t you cry, baby mine, dry your eyes. Rest your head close to my heart, never to part, baby of mine.” 🎶 (Photograph by Liane Hentscher/HBO)

Valerie: On the non-feelings side of things, when she wakes up from her drugged up stupor, the camera pans around the room, and I love that they showed the A-ha cassette tape, and her knife stuck into the bedside table.

Nic: OMG yes! I loved these details!

This kid has impulse control issues and I love that about her.

Valerie: When Ellie has a mouthful of cake and is absolutely BEAMING, it’s such a fun, sweet moment. We don’t get to see a lot of Pure Joy Ellie in this show — sure, she’s funny and quippy and punny and sarcastic, but usually as a distraction or protection from the Hard Things going on. This is just a childlike happiness that, frankly, she deserves.

Nic: We’ve always been Team Bella Ramsey over here, but for anyone who’s been doubting their casting as Ellie, this episode is a perfect example of why they are perfect for this role. Both in the game and the show, we rarely get to see Ellie just be a kid; and it makes sense, it’s the end of the world, and she’s been through more than even other apocalypse kids. I loved that they expanded on the flashbacks we got in the game to show the progression of Joel and Ellie’s relationship, as well as to remind us that while Ellie can murder with the best of them, she’s also a teenager who is so excited to have her own birthday cake that she can’t help but dig in hands first.

Once my (Valerie) dad hand-carved me a stake and cross for my Buffy the Vampire Slayer Halloween costume and that’s the vibe I got from this.

Valerie: I’m going to admit something embarrassing here: When I first played the game, I thought this song was written for Joel and Ellie specifically. It wasn’t until I was looking up lyrics after Ellie played it last week that I realized “Future Days” is a real song that was released two decades ago. Oops! I am not very familiar with Pearl Jam’s oeuvre. It doesn’t mean it hurt any less to hear Joel sing it for Ellie. Because Joel did, didn’t he? He lost himself when Ellie was taken, and he only almost lost her there. And Ellie is losing herself now, too, after losing him for real.

Nic: If it helps, I also looked up Future Days back when I played the game because I had no prior knowledge of it! And the fact that it fits so perfectly underscores the importance of music to this story in general.

Now it’s time for Ellie’s 16th birthday, one a little more familiar to players of the game.

The fact that he didn’t even catch on that she was blatantly laughing at him was very cute.

Valerie: This entire sequence was just perfect. A lot of it was lifted right from the game, but with Bella Ramsey and Pedro Pascal’s personal touches. Ellie cackling at Joel’s insinuation she has a thing for Jesse and him insisting he has an eye for these things. The way Ellie says “Dicks and vaginas” with a gleeful smile, trying to make Joel as uncomfortable as possible, as is her right as a teenager.

Also the transition of her trying to make the case for being old enough to go on patrols into IT IS A DINOSAUR and immediately scaling it brought me so much joy. The duality of being 16. These flashback scenes, especially her 15th and 16th birthdays, are the most childlike we ever get to see Ellie, save maybe for brief moments in the flashbacks with her and Riley. Some 16-year-olds might be too embarrassed to put on a helmet and play pretend in front of their dad but Ellie hasn’t really had the chance to do anything like this before, so she gets swept up in her excitement, and it’s so sweet to see.

And this is SUCH a great dad gift for Ellie. We know he spent time here before he brought Ellie, because he greased the planet mobile, and I wouldn’t be surprised if that wasn’t all he did. If he spent the weeks between when he found this place and her birthday cleaning it up, clearing bigger debris, maybe even clearing out some stray infected or bodies or dead animals so it was a pure experience for her. He scoured their small world for a cassette tape of a mission to space and let her sit in a spaceship and escape for just a few moments. As often as he literally saved her life, he can’t save her from the trauma and pain of this world, but he can give her this.

It’s such brilliant but heartbreaking storytelling to put this scene at this point in the story. Instead of showing us these in the beginning, they waited until after we lost Joel. They waited until we saw Ellie cross a line we’ve never seen her cross before to remind us why. To remind us how much Joel meant to her, how much she meant to Joel, and why they killed for each other.

It’s such a perfect and joyful and wonderful moment but the bubble shatters on the way back to Jackson, because Ellie sees some literal fireflies and is reminded of the questions that have been plaguing her for years.

THEEEEE CUTEST

Nic: I WOULD DIE FOR ASTRONAUT ELLIE!! Ahem. I’m sorry, I’m getting ahead of myself. This sequence is one I’ve been most looking forward to AND dreading because of the Feelings they bring up. It turns out, I didn’t need to be worried about whether they’d be able to evoke the same emotions this scene did in the game; Bella and Pedro somehow affected me even more.

Every single thing about these scenes hit. Joel and Ellie are just so cute together! She thought it was called a “lotter” of kittens, Valerie! A LOTTER! Ellie’s absolute incredulity at Joel thinking something was going on between her and Jesse absolutely SENT me. And when she saw that her dinosaur guess was actually true, I was rocketed back to when you streamed the game and made the same exclamation seconds before Ellie did.

Valerie: It was not the first nor the last time Ellie and I were on the same page.

Nic: The first time I watched this, I was so focused on Ellie’s reactions to everything; her awe and wonder at seeing things she could only dream about brought to life, her mischievous excitement over getting to break the glass to choose a helmet, her disbelief that she was listening to an actual rocket launch. Bella portrayed every single emotion perfectly. The second time I watched though, I focused on Joel. The way he revealed each new surprise to Ellie showed a restraint that I would never have, especially knowing how excited she would be. Before they reached their destination, Ellie sarcastically commented that her childhood has been SUCH a joy so far, not knowing that Joel had gone through the pains of setting up this surprise so she could have just that. And as they moved from room to room, he let her explore and discover surprises at her own pace, just watching and hoping that she would love it. And him asking if he did okay absolutely broke me. How nervous must he have been about her reaction?!

TOO EMOTIONAL FOR A CAPTION

Nic: There’s so much loss in this show; loss of loved ones, loss of normalcy. The one I keep going back to is the loss of innocence. We’ve talked a lot about how quickly Ellie’s had to grow up and how much she’s lost. Dreams and aspirations often feel like a luxury in the apocalypse, but for a few precious moments, Joel gave Ellie back some of what she’s lost. He may have lost his opportunity to do this for Sarah, but he’s doing better for Ellie.

Veering out of childhood and into adulthood, we get to Ellie’s 17th birthday.

Peak dad pose!

Valerie: The first thing I noticed in THIS segment is that Joel sprung for chocolate cake this time, which means he planned it much further in advance than he did her 15th. (And, of course, made sure Seth spelled her name right. I also love that Joel did the classic dad knock-and-open move, giving Ellie and Kat just enough time to pull apart but not enough to get their flannels back on. And I won’t lie to you, the first time I watched I was focused on something else in the shot when Kat’s bag fell open and Joel said “what is that??” and thought it was a sex toy before I went back and saw the tattoo gun. I’m not sure Joel would have been ready for dildos. Instead it’s just hooking up, tattoos, and weed.

Nic: HAHA! Oh wow, imagine??

GAAAAAAY

Nic: Talk about getting all of the stereotypical teenage shit out of the way at once! I was very “oh, poor Joel” riiiiight up until he added “experimenting with…girls” in a way that made it clear he did not approve. I know we see him flip later on, but I sure did not have Joel as a low key homophobe on my Bingo card, I’ll tell you what. I love that Ellie corrected him right away though; she doesn’t need to get back to herself, she knows who she is and she’s very clear with him about that it’s not an experiment; it’s up to him what he decides to do with that information.

Valerie: I agree, I think especially since Pedro Pascal is SUCH a vocal supporter of the LGBTQ+ community, it took me by surprise when a dash of homophobia came out, but then I remembered we did JUST learn he was raised in the 80s by a cop in Texas. Since he did come around, I’ll give him grace on this one slip-up.

Nic: I like that we get to see flashbacks that aren’t in the game to add even more context for the depth and complexity of Joel and Ellie’s relationship. They might not be father and daughter by blood, but they’ve experienced a lot of the same growing pains that come with being a teenager and the parent of one. Even Joel’s attempts at connecting with Ellie over her tattoo felt familiar; those first moments after a fight when you’re tiptoeing around the other person, trying to get back on their good side.

“Hurts a little, but kinda good” is also how I (Valerie) felt about getting a tattoo.

Valerie: Their fights do feel very father/daughter, even when Ellie is resisting that title. Like when she looked Joel square in the eye and said, “You don’t own anything. She was NOT just talking about the house.

Cue Lesley Gore’s “You Don’t Own Me”

Nic: For a show that almost definitely isn’t a comedy, I sure do cackle a lot while watching. In an attempt to understand her even more, Joel goes to talk to Gail while she’s minding her own damn business trying to enjoy a book and a meal. The way he just plops down like “you guys study dreams, right?” Who guys, Joel? All therapists?? I caaaan’t with him! LOL. Catherine O’Hara sets him straight about the meaning of moths though; they’re not necessarily symbolic of change and growth like butterflies are. They symbolize death, if you’re into that sort of thing. That pause before Gail asks Joel why he’s even asking … Catherine O’Hara, the actor you are!

I don’t know Gail’s last name, but I know her middle name is “Sick of Everyone’s Shit.”

Valerie: This scene cracked me up. When Gail tries to go back to her book and realizes he isn’t leaving, she begrudgingly adds, “Why do you ask?” and he just leaves?? So funny. Also, she’s wearing pot leaf earrings. Obsessed with this woman.

Nic: When we cut to Ellie packing up her room preparing to move to the garage, we get a glimpse of more moth drawings but this time with the phrase “you have a greater purpose” front and center. Oh, my heart.

We skip two years this time and make it to Ellie’s 19th birthday.

This is neither here nor there but Joel really did transform this garage.

Nic: What if we just don’t talk about this part? What then? I didn’t necessarily enjoy watching these scenes, but from a storytelling perspective they were so powerful and important. I don’t think there’s been a moment since it happened where Ellie thought Joel was telling her the entire truth. The extent of the lie may not have been clear, but she’s smart and some things just never added up. It’s what led her to even ask him to swear about it in the season one finale. So I loved watching her do the relatable thing and practice asking the questions that’ve been rolling around in her mind. And they’re good questions!

Valerie: The closest thing I have to what Ellie is feeling is that feeling of needing to come out. Of having suspected I was queer for years, then realizing I was almost definitely queer, and then feeling so sure I had to say it out loud to make it real. Years of it hanging over me and chewing me up on the inside, growing and growing until it was practically bursting out of me. This theory of what really happened in Salt Lake City has been haunting Ellie, these questions consuming her. And she needs to get it out.

Nic: Before she can do the scary thing though, here comes Joel with the news that she finally gets to go on her first patrol.

Valerie: I loved the little moment when Joel says, “and your gun” and Ellie has to try to play it cool because we watched him deny her a gun for AGES and now he’s the one suggesting she bring one. You know she was squealing on the inside as she headed out with him.

Nic: And for a few moments, they’re Joel and Ellie again, she’s joking with him and he’s being overprotective. But then everything changes when someone radios about Eugene and Adam getting overtaken by infected. I kind of love that I’d forgotten about the infected until this point. It’s just another reminder that the interpersonal aspects of this show are just as important as the threat of infected. This scene is particularly harrowing because both of those things are intertwined. When they realize Eugene is bit, Joel goes right into protocol mode: eliminate the threat, keep the community safe, protect.

Valerie: One small detail I liked in this scene is that Joel keeps his gun trained on Eugene the entire time. Ellie had her gun pointed down until Eugene pulled his gun up to aim it at Joel, and once they realized Eugene’s gun was shot, she lowered it again.

Nic: Of course Ellie remembers when she was in Eugene’s place, so she tests him the way she was tested. When he passes, I wonder if there was part of her that was holding out hope that maybe there were other immune people out there; that maybe Eugene should be given the same chance she was.

Valerie: Hey what the fuck??? That hurt my feelings, Nicole.

Nic: Either way, she figures he’s got time to at least say goodbye to his wife, so when Joel agreed, I believed him, I did. Right up until Ellie made him promise.

In a world like this and in a community like Jackson, there needs to be rules and protocols. I can understand that on a base level. But why lie? Why give both Eugene and Ellie hope? Why not just lean on the rules and protocols if that’s the reason?

Valerie: I don’t know who he thinks he’s protecting. I don’t know what the difference would have been if he tied Eugene up and brought him back. He knew Ellie would be safe from him, so it wasn’t that. Was he afraid he’d lose his nerve if he saw Gail mourning? But no, because someone else from Jackson would have taken care of it if he couldn’t. And he’s one old guy slowly turning into a fresh infected, so surely he wasn’t worried about his own safety (and thereby his ability to protect Ellie.) So I don’t understand Joel’s motive’s here. I don’t understand why he looked her in the eyes and said, “I promise” when he damn well knew he was going to break it. The only thing I can think is that maybe Joel has never seen anyone turn, so he doesn’t know how slow it is, or how much time they actually have. Ellie sat with Riley while she turned. She knows they have time in a way Joel might not have understood.

Nic: When Ellie realizes what Joel’s done, you can see the moment her biggest fears have been confirmed: Joel can lie right to her face. And he does it again when they get back to Jackson! He doesn’t just tell Gail the bare minimum, he outright lies about what happened, so I completely understand why Ellie tells Gail what actually happened. And the pain in Ellie’s voice when she says, “you swore”?? BRUTAL.

Shot to the heart, and you’re to blame.

We’re done with the birthday train now and we only skip nine months here, which is also kind of going back in time, because we are at the New Year’s dance we saw earlier this season. Timey wimey!

“Forgiveness, can you imagine?” 🎶

Nic: Timey wimey indeed! I really liked seeing Joel’s literal perspective of that night, especially him seeing the joy on Ellie’s face as she danced with Dina. He looked both happy that Ellie has Dina and Jesse, but also sad at how much he’s missed out on in the 9 months since everything changed.

Valerie: It is interesting to see where Joel is coming from now. Why he shoved Seth for calling Ellie and Dina dykes. Because HE did a wee homophobia and saw how much it hurt Ellie and regrets it and now he’s overcompensating. For that, and for everything else. He wants back in Ellie’s good graces so badly, and just keeps fucking up.

Nic: That’s such a great point. And as we thought, Ellie initially walking past Joel was just the beginning of their interaction. Now we get to see the porch scene that the game saved for the very end. The majority of the dialogue is a 1:1 lift, and Bella and Pedro KILLED this entire scene. The soft look on Joel’s face when he brings up Dina, afraid to push too much because Ellie is finally talking to him after who knows how long. The pain in Ellie’s voice when she reveals that she recognized that Joel had the same look when he swore about the Fireflies as when he swore about Eugene. When her worst fears about him were confirmed. Brilliant and devastating.

“He’s all he had left, and he lied.” – Roberta, Now & Then

Valerie: I agree it was absolutely devastating to watch Joel choke back sobs as he confirmed Ellie’s worst fears. Bella’s delivery of “Then I was supposed to die, that was my purpose, my life would have fucking mattered” shattered my heart into a bajillion pieces. It’s not exactly the same but it reminded me of that line from Hamilton. “And if there’s a reason I’m still alive when everyone who loves me has died, I’m willing to wait for it.” And he took away that reason, so what does she have left to wait for?

Nic: OUCH! The portion of their conversation where he owns up to what actually happened that day happens two years earlier in the game, and at first I thought that having Ellie vow to try to forgive him was a little fast considering she learns the truth mere moments before. But it’s like we’ve said. She’s always known. She’s been preparing for this moment for years. I think it was important for Joel to hear Ellie say what he took from her, and I’m glad she said it. I’m also glad that he told her that he did what he did because he loves her. I’m not a parent. I can only imagine the depth of that love. But conceptually, I can understand how a love that deep can drive someone to make impossible choices in the name of protecting their child.

Valerie: I also think that actually confronting him about it made it clear to her how much he has tortured himself over this. He knows telling Ellie the truth about what happened would cost him, but he’d rather have her alive and mad at him than dead and he stands by it as a way to show her how important she is to him. If he had come at her flippantly or defiantly like “yeah and I’d do it again, so what!” instead of the heartfelt way he explained — telling her he loves her, saying the words this time — I think it would have taken her much longer to come around to wanting to someday try to forgive. But this conversation, as hard as it was, is a weight off her shoulders in a way. So she does want to forgive him.

Nic: I love a lot about this story, and at the top of that list is its ability to get me to think deeply about the human condition, what makes us who we are, and why we do what we do. To this day, I don’t think I can say one way or another whether or not I agree with Joel’s decision. I actually don’t think it matters, because what I can do is understand why he thought what he was doing was right.

Valerie: Joel isn’t a perfect dad, or a perfect man; he’s made selfish choices that took away Ellie’s (and other people’s) autonomy to save himself from more hurt than he could handle, but like you said, HE does think he’s doing the right thing. And he IS doing a little better than his dad. Sometimes generational curses don’t break, they erode.

Nic: I guess we’re just taking turns lobbing emotional grenades at each other this week, because, whew. Yes. All of that.

Valerie: Random question! Why do you think Joel took Dina out the next morning? To give Ellie space, and let her sleep in, knowing he dropped an emotional doozy on her the night before? To have the “what are your intentions with my daughter” talk with Dina? After all the times over the years he said “we should do this more often,” it’s kind of surprising now, in retrospect, he didn’t go out with Ellie. Though I suppose the result would probably have been the same.

Nic: Ya know, I forgot about that until this moment! If I had to guess, it was to give Ellie space and let her take the lead when it comes to their communication instead of assuming they could hop right back into patrolling together. But you’re right, an interesting choice!

And last but not least we ever so slightly jump forward just a few days to catch up to where we left off: Seattle, Day Two. (Well, Night Two.)

IT’S LIKE RAY-EE-AIN 🎶

Nic: The smash cut from the realization that the literal night before he was murdered, Ellie decided to try and forgive Joel, to seeing her in the aftermath of doing her best Joel impression made me chuckle in a “we’re in danger” kind of way. I’m terrified at what she’s going to find inside that theater, what with Dina taking an ARROW TO THE LEG and all. This level of stress and emotion can’t be good for us.

Valerie: At first I was like, “Uh oh, why are the lights off?” but then I remembered when Ellie last saw Dina and Jesse they were being ACTIVELY HUNTED by WLF soldiers so I’M SURE THAT’S FINE. Going into the SEASON TWO FINALE. Stress!!

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