Thomas: I remember hearing that there was a trans character named Max, and that he gave birth and that possibly he was inspired by my actions.
Riese: A hundred percent, he was inspired by you.
Carly: A thousand percent.

Riese: I guess if you marry Jodie Foster, you don’t have to do anything anymore.
Rhea: You don’t have to.
Carly: Nooooooo
Riese: I mean, you win!
Rhea: Yeah!
Riese: You win!
Rhea: I mean, you really do! That is it. That’s bingo, right there. “See you guys!”
Carly: You did it!
Rhea: “Later!!”
Carly: You did it.
Rhea: “I’m going to do my thing now. It’s only whatever I want, from here on out!”

John: Could you imagine you and Dylan just got done cunnaling-ing together, you’re in bed, the California sun is basking on you. And then you turn to Dylan and you’re like, “We have to get up so we can go to Max’s Willy Wonka baby shower.” That’s the thing you interrupt with.

Carly: I feel like if I confusedly kissed Jennifer Beals, I would also have to move away.
Christina: I would have to join WITSEC. I would be like, “Listen, get me on a USA cable drama because I got to go. I’m losing it.”
Carly: “I got to go. Give me a wacky sidekick, we can go fight crime together, or whatever. Maybe we’re lawyers. We’re going to wear suits and my name is not Carly anymore.”
Christina: “I can’t be Christina anymore because my mouth has been on Jennifer Beals’ mouth.”

Episode 606 of The L Word, titled “Lactose Intolerant,” is the worst thing I’ve seen on television since Episode 604 of The L Word. Howevs; whereas 604 was calmly terrible — bumbling softly along its housework-heavy path of mediocrity — 606 was outrageously, actively, aggressively terrible.

Talk about NOT ending with a bang. Really IFC, it’s one thing to weigh down your show’s sixth season with an endless parade of unnecessary melodramatic plot devices — a murder, a pregnant man, a stolen film, a botched adoption from homophobic out-of-towners, two out-of-the-blue love triangles — and quite another thing to, when the season ends, not even “use” these devices to infuse the series finale with aforementioned melodrama.