She didn’t say “I have suspected this for years and I still love you.” It went more like a Scared Straight kind of thing but instead of scaring me about drugs and a life of crime, she wanted to scare me straight, straight. “Just Say No to Lesbianism” straight.

Our moms made food for you! Cookies, brownies, a casserole, a cheese thing, beef brisket and latkes with applesauce! Don’t forget to say ‘please’ and ‘thank you.’