Welcome to the first recap of the third season of The L Word: Generation Q, brought to you by the same network that brought you the original L Word, a show that asked and never quite answered the question: Nipple Confidence?

My friends, it is an undeniable thrill to be back here in this space with you, writing Generation Q recaps, nose-diving head-first into a long-awaited frothy sea of Sapphic Chaos. As you know, Angie still has her kidney. Let’s dig in.


As the moon resigns and the sun wakes to rise, as the tides ebb and flow, as hurricanes gather and storms fill the clouds, as babies are birthed braying into the sanitized hospital air and tennis players are given fatal illnesses and left to die while their exes make small talk in a hospital courtyard, as wars rage and peace screams for attention, as the stars and LAPD helicopters light up the night sky and parents tuck their children into bed, so too do Bette Porter and Tina Kennard return to one another, over and over again, forever and ever, as predictable as the aforementioned rising sun, as inevitable as a tornado’s restless eye. And we, mere mortals, bear witness to this clash of legends, to The Song of Bette and Tina, Chapter 75, Verse 16.

As you recall, dear reader, we last left these fine young cannibals at a pivotal moment. Pippa was stepping out of a shiny car into her Fancy Art Show Debut, looking fantastic. Bette was at home but on her way out to meet Pippa — adorned in a killer white powersuit and armed with a penchant for sending conflicting romantic signals — when Bette opened her very own door to find a surprise guest on her doorstep. It was not, unfortunately for me personally, a Girl Scout selling cookies. Instead, it was the one, the only, the formidable TINA KENNARD.

We return to exactly that same spot: Bette dressed up to go out, Tina entering the foyer.

Tina on Bette's doorstep
I can’t *believe* you almost hooked Angie up with one of those scammy college admissions consultants who place students on niche sports teams to get them unearned spots at elite schools
Bette looking at Tina
Well to be fair Tina I was too absorbed in my own personal drama to pay attention to the news cycle that year

Tina’s got one question for Our Lady of Porter: “are you in love with me?” I think we all know the answer to this question (yes). Tina chastises Bette for destroying her romance with Groupon Queen Carrie — a woman for whom all of us would lay down our lives — but defers Bette’s offers to fix it. Because there’s no fixing the fact that Tina is — just like you! — in love with Bette Porter.

Tina: “I’ve loved you my whole life.”
Bette: “And I’ve loved you all of mine.”
Tina: “I just wish that you were fucking better at it.”

Tina storms out. Bette does a good old fashioned primal scream:

Bette screaming FUCCCKKK
TINNNAAAAAAAAAA

And her voice goes out into all of the earth, her words echo across the canyons of the world!


We then leap into our DeLoreans and race down the runway into a whole entire year later, where Alice is engaging in sexual intercourse with a mysterious alleged member of Generation Z I have identified as “Teddy,” played by Chris Renfro, who played Daddius in the short-lived Peacock reboot Queer as Folk. I love this crossover episode and a classic silly Alice sex scene.

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Alice looking back at a guy sexing her
Ok tiny kisses are cute but can you go back to the big thrusts

Sex Scene #1: Why Don’t You F*ck Me On Your Livestream
Participants: Alice & Teddy
Materials: He wants to f*ck her face! He wants to watch her f*ck her clone! He wants to f*ck her on his livestream! Alice says yes to everything except the livestream, because she is famous! Good on Alice for setting boundaries.


We then transition into an enormous apartment that quite possibly is the apartment Shane’s had all along but newly redecorated. It is hereby christened The Shess Shack. Last we left these two, they were 11 days into their relationship and Tess had announced her intention to move to Las Vegas to care for her ailing mother and subsequently asked Shane to come with her to Vegas.

It’d appear that they listened to our podcast and therefore chose a far superior, third option: bringing Mom to Los Angeles. You know what I always say: “What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas, unless it’s your Mom getting sick and then she should come to Los Angeles.” So we meet Tess’s former showgirl Mom Patty, no relation to Peppermint, who is played by Joanna Cassidy (aka Margaret Chenoweth on Six Feet Under, my favorite show of all time).

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Tess and her Mom barter over a carafe of milk in Tess's apartment
Come a little closer dear I just wanna feel for myself if your shirt is one mutil-colored t-shirt or three t-shirts combined into one t-shirt

Tess and Shane are in a tizzy regarding an MS Society Fundraiser they’re hosting that evening and Shane’s manhandling an assortment of prescription medications for Patty when Gloria the nurse arrives.

Tess’s attempts to canoodle with Shane in the living room are rebuffed by Shane, who is too modest to make out in front of people’s Moms. Everybody knows Shane is much better at making out with people’s Moms, hey-o! Anyhow, Shane and Tess shuffle into the lower level of this behemoth residence to steal additional sexual moments together.

Shane and Tess's faces close up about to kiss
Did you steal my peppermint chapstick again

Even safely downstairs, Shane’s still uneasy about having full sex right underneath Patty, but Shane cannot resist Tess’s wiles and eventually caves to the makeout. I just dropped a blueberry on the ground and I’m not sure where it is or if I’ll ever see it again.


Speaking of hot people being hot, we dash on over to Dani’s Castle in the Sky, where Gigi and Dani are looking extremely hot and lightly teasing the prospect of a top-off before Gigi gets off Dani’s top, announcing she’s gotta dash due to a traffic situation in Los Angeles, the innermost circle of hell. Specifically, Beverly is down to just one lane! Dani has a great idea to fix this chronic civic issue: Gigi should simply move in! I’m going to run for mayor of Los Angeles on this exact platform.

dani in bed looking cutely at gigi
C’mon we’d have so much fun as roommates I could make you fresh coffee every morning—
gigi in bed looking cutely at dani
Babe shoving a Nespresso pod in a machine isn’t making fresh coffee

Dani expositions that this has been the hardest year of her life — I imagine perhaps this is related to the ambiguous incarceration of her father, Lex Luthor — and Gigi’s been there for her all this time. Most L Word relationships transition into cohabitation immediately so bravo to them for taking it slow.

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“Of course I wanna live with you,” Gigi says breathily, before delivering a crushing blow: she’s just gotta check with Nat first! Because of the kiddos. This feels like an extremely reasonable next move, but Dani’s face suggests she doesn’t agree with me on that.


At last we are now returning to the esteemed California University: the former employer of Bette Porter, legendary dean of the art school best known for banging an intern (Nadia) and the visiting artist (Jodi Lerner) and then cheating on Jodi with Tina (Tina), thus inspiring Jodi Lerner’s unforgivable video art installation “Core.” It appears Angie is joining the Cal freshman class, hoping to one day appear in an alumni newsletter with Brandon Walsh, Nadia the Intern, and Zach Morris.

Shane looking surly with a coffee cup leaning on a travel bucket
Why do I look more hungover than all of these college freshmen

Alice, exuding a post-coital glow from her romp with Teddy, is extolling the virtues of Gen Z — they’re hot! they’re smart! they’re bi! they don’t want the white picket fence! — in what feels like a self-soothing mechanism. She concludes that she was ahead of her time, and I agree. Shane’s bummed about a makeup artist cancelling for their MS fundraiser and Alice volunteers her Glam Team, thus saving the day.

Hark, look who’s here!

Angie approaching her pals in a Sisterhood is Powerful t-shirt
Oh THAT’S why the registrar asked “any relation to Bette Porter”

Angie asks where her Moms are which bring us to the best part of every season premiere that occurs after a lengthy time jump: EXPOSITION!

Firstly: Tina and Bette have been in touch this year, but mostly regarding logistics such as college tours.

Secondly: Shane’s all “domesticated” and grown up now that she’s living with Tess and caring for Peppermint Patty Chenoweth. (I changed my mind and decided there indeed is a relationship to Peppermint Patty.)

Thirdly: Bette’s been doing a lot of “personal work” of her own and “reflecting.” Furthermore, Tina is fine, totally fine, and not feeling even remotely weird about apparently seeing Bette for the first time in a long time.

Tina looking knowingly at her friends
Okay, soooo which one of you two told Angie the best way to make new friends at college was to sell weed

Alice pointing her thumb at Shane

“Speak of the devil,” Shane gestures towards the resplendent entrance to the University Drop-Off-Area as Bette Porter herself pulls up in her Tesla, gazing at Tina as Tina gazes at her, radiating effortless calm and cool which is immediately disrupted by a careless child recklessly parking her car directly behind Bette Porter’s car and subsequently ramming it right in the rear.

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Alice and Shane taken aback by what they see
Stand back I think Heads Will Roll Kroll is heading our way

Shane, Alice and Tina assume Bette’s gonna unleash her documented road rage upon this poor soul, but this is new Bette! Evolved Bette. I’ve Done A Lot Of Personal Work Bette. When the student emerges crying from her car, Bette has nothing but serene words to share: “the only thing you have to do is hold compassion for yourself and enjoy move-in day.”

Bette hugging the girl whose car she hit
It’s okay, it’s okay, you’re not the first crying freshman to realize they’re a lesbian after being held closely to my chest

Ladies and gentlepeople, I would like to introduce you to…. THE NEW BETTE PORTER:

The Old Bette: "Do you understand me, you fucking idiot?" yelling at the man she just had an accident with. The new Bette: Bette hugging the student and telling her to have compassion for herself.

As Alice and Shane head upstairs with Angie and her possessions, Tina remarks fondly that she’d expected Bette to “bite that girl’s head off.”

“Well, we’re all gonna die,” Bette recites my own personal life philosophy. “So what’s a little bumper?”

Bette porter holding a basket of goods talking to Tina
You might not know this Tina but actually Bed Bath & Beyond does these coupons for 20% off everything in the store

Over at FiSoMi’s, Sophie’s panicking about Finley’s impending return to her home and into her arms, as apparently Alice paid for Finley to not only attend rehab but also sober living, both events consuming the entirety of a calendar year. Amid her compulsive rearranging of objects, Sophie finds a cute small box atop a dresser and pops it right open.

Sophie in a button-up short sleeved floral crop top and black jeans, holding an open jewelry box in amazement
You ALSO keep all of your baby teeth in a tiny box???

It’s a ring! It’s true: Micah’s gonna pop the question to Maribel!!! But before we can get into the details of this premature predicament, FINLEY’S HOME!!!

Finley in the landing, looking up at Sophie
Well you are … just as hot as I remembered
Finley and Sophie embrace
I know

Finley drops her garbage bag suitcase and embraces her one true love, Sophie Suarez, who immediately spills that Micah’s gonna propose to Maribel, and Finley greets Micah, and everybody is home again. Most importantly to me: #SINLEY IS STILL ON.


Sophie and Finley relocate to a local civic park to discuss Finley’s experiences in rehab, which she testifies were just like 28 Days. Finley’s pretty bright-eyed about her sober future, certain she’s ready now to give Sophie what she needs, and Sophie’s trying her hardest to believe in this bright turnaround, too.

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Not wasting any time or conforming to the actual guidelines for amends in the AA program such as asking for Sophie’s consent to be amended upon at this moment — Finley unpacks a square of paper containing her ambiguous apologies to Sophie and begins to read.

Sophie lying on the grass smiling at Finley
Remember when you said your first night back you wanted to drink a bunch of cran-raspberry juice, put on Radiohead and make out, is that still in the cards or—
Finley on the grass squinting at Sophie
Oh yeah. Big time.

Finley confesses that when they were together she couldn’t see Sophie or consider her the way she’d like to, which was because she couldn’t see herself. “I’m sorry you had to take care of me and I’m sorry that I couldn’t see that the intervention was an act of love,” says Finley, which is a really generous re-framing of a truly unhinged intervention, and also re-writing history because we actually rarely saw Sophie taking care of Finley, usually she was just as drunk! “I’m sorry that I haven’t loved you the way you deserve to be loved, because you really deserve to be loved, well. Thank you for saving my life because you did, but you shouldn’t have had to. But thank you.”

Finley and Sophie being flirty in the park
C’mon lemme feel the forearm muscles you developed playing table tennis in sober living

Now that this amend is done and dusted, Finley moves on to discussing her optimistic plan for the future: she’s gonna get a job with benefits and a car and maybe go back to school? Sophie congratulates her on this unrealized dream. Finley promises to always be honest with Sophie and they laugh and kiss and roll around and it’s super cute and I hope that after this, perhaps off-camera in some tender night of the soul, they sit down and talk about how Sophie can support Finley in her sobriety and what this means for their relationship in general!


Back at California University, Shane and Alice are imploring Angie to call them if in need, while Bette and Tina are hovering, trying as always to resist the urge to plow over Angie with their overwhelming need to hold her extremely close while also respecting her independence as an autonomous human being. They offer her cash and then, in the grand tradition of mothers with smartphones, try to corral Angie into a selfie. She wisely refuses.

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Bette and Tina in Angie's dorm being concerned
And remember if any sketchy characters on campus try to give you a lollipop, it’s probably fentanyl

The Moms have just begun their exit through the hallway when Angie pops out and calls them back for a hug, to tell them she loves them. Bette is crying. It’s very cute.

Tina, who previously told Shane she couldn’t attend tonight’s benefit, asks Bette if she’s going to the benefit and when Bette says yes Tina turns her frown (no) upside down (yes) ’cause she’s got a big fat lesbian crush on The New Bette Porter! Despite her professional success, ultimately Bette’s always been a bit resistant to acknowledging that she still has work to do on herself. But her newfound dedication to that work is giving Tina the ability to feel hopeful about their future for the first time in a long time. Maybe this time getting back together will be less like “returning to their old ways” and more like “growing up together.”

Then Bette gets a call — it’s Pippa, who’s doing a show in South Africa, and Tina tries not to have a visible emotional reaction to this call. She mostly succeeds.


At last, the moment we’ve all been waiting for: a Las Vegas Themed MS Society Fundraiser at The Dana Fairbanks Memorial Tavern! Tess opens the Silent Auction with a head-to-toe makeover from The Aloce Show’s Glam Squad, before Dani ushers Tess offstage to confer about the evening’s prospective revenue pull — they need $5k to break even but me and Dani are confident this figure will be handily exceeded. I think $5k is probably like, Bette’s monthly Erewhon budget.

Tess at the mike with a small masc behind her
But if there is no spring in your step and no junk in your trunk then you WILL be eliminated!

Over at the bar, Alice and Shane relay to Tina that Bette and Pippa are simply friends now, that Bette apologized to Pippa and somehow this apology went well. The New Bette!!!

The Old Bette: Jodi saying "I don't want a friendship with you." // The New Bette: Tina saying "Really she's friends with Pippa Pascal?" and Alice says "Tina, she apologized to her"

Tina shares that this isn’t the case with Carrie — Carrie’s shut Tina out like a cold potato on a hot winter evening. And then who should arrive at the event than the one and only Bette Serenity Porter: breezy, beautiful, wearing an off-the-shoulder situation and a smile.

Alice and Tina facing each other with Bette behind them and her arms on their back
Why don’t you both just try one kiss just one kiss

“It’s nice to see you out in the world,” Bette says to Tina like it’s a wink.

“Same,” Tina volleys.

“Same,” Alice sips her drink.


Just directly outside the bustling venue, Dani approves of Micah’s ring for Maribel and expresses lament regarding Gigi’s insistence on checking in with Nat prior to signing a lease with her beloved hottie girlfriend.

Dani and Micah outside smiling
I think I just peed a little

Inside, Maribel’s got a complaint: Finley’s back and Mari thinks Sophie’s gonna be in trouble. Sophie says she’s so happy, bro! Maribel says Finley ruined Sophie’s wedding. I disagree, I think Finley’s cameo at the wedding was a thrilling dramatic twist that saved all of us from Dani and Sophie’s doomed union and in turn enabled us all to eventually witness something extraordinary: Gigi and Dani making out. It is true that Finley peed in Dani’s hallway, but, in Finley’s defense, there’s a severe lack of public restrooms in this municipality! Maribel thinks Finley and Sophie are toxic together, but Sophie says actually Finley has changed and is so good for real.

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Maribel with a glass of champagne to her lips
Eh, I’m pretty sure Zanab was overreacting in the Cuties conversation
Sophie at the bar looking shocked
Uh yeah sure only if you forget LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE COLE SAID TO HER ALL SEASON THAT LED TO HER BEING SO SENSITIVE IN THE FIRST PLACE!

Meanwhile, Finley’s hovering in the backroom of Dana’s Memorial Tavern preparing to spring her amends upon Shane and Tess without warning or requesting an ideal time in which to do so! They arrive and Finley’s barely gotten into apologizing for being drunk before work, during work and after work, when Shane interrupts to acknowledge that she also is often drunk before, during and after work JUST KIDDING LOL!!!!! Shane interrupts to say that Finley’s got nothing to be sorry for and Tess agrees that Finley’s family and you know what they say about family: “family has nothing to be sorry for.” Tess really should know that it’s important for Finley to perform her entire amends from top to bottom but I will let it go because we’re all going to die so what’s a little bumper.

Tess puts her hand on Shane's arm
Oh my god babe I think Finley’s wearing your tank top
Finley up in arms
I don’t know how to BUY SHIRTS!

Then, Shane and Tess immediately invite the newly-sober Finley to return to work AT A BAR and rather than being terrified by this prospect, Finley’s absolutely ecstatic. Hopefully they can just schedule her for day shifts! Also, Finley would love to speak about benefits!

At last alone in this in-between room, Shane feels a mysterious tug towards the back room, like the lion and the witch towards the wardrobe. Will she take a peak behind the curtain? Indeed she will! Then, like a very hot moth fleeing a bright burning flame, Ivy (Kehlani) emerges from the mayhem, and approaches the door Shane’s gazing through.

Shane looking into the backroom
Sweet little figs? Anybody back here got em?

Unfortunately, Ivy doesn’t tug Shane backwards into her chamber of mystery and magic, she shuts the door right in her face.


Back on the floor of the Memorial Tavern, Bette and Tina are settling back into each other in the way you can with somebody who’s known you for all of your adult life — talking about Tina’s show which just got picked up for its ninth season, on-set drama, and Tina’s noted skills at putting out fires.

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Meanwhile on the other end of the spectrum, Teddy is rambling to a very bored Alice — “my for you page really thinks I’m a poly pan queer in a long distance relationship” — when they’re interrupted by Shane who would like Alice to take note of Bette and Tina speaking amicably at the bar. Teddy starts speaking astrology to Shane who’s deeply uninterested and probably hasn’t even been bullied into joining Co-Star.

Alice and Teddy sitting on the couch and Shane is leaning over pointing
Hey Al the camera is over here

Next up is Finley, who Alice insists should stop venoming her weird amounts of money but Finey says she’s gotta pay her back for rehab!

Then Finley grabs Dani — Dani who is literally at work — and asks if now is a good time to talk. Dani says it’s not a good time to talk. Finley asks when a better time to talk would be. Dani thinks about it and then relays “never.” Which brings us to our first lesbian squabble!

Finely vs Dani

Lesbian Squabble #1: The Worst Amendment
In the Ring: Finley vs. Dani

You’re not supposed to do amends with people who don’t consent to receiving them, and yet here Finley is, insisting Dani receive her amends at a time of Finley’s choosing!

“I’m just trying to apologize,” Finley manages and Dani reiterates the bad timing and location for this interaction. “You still think that what I want somehow matters less than what you want,” Dani hits back. Finley insists that’s no longer the case, but Dani keeps going:

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Dani: “You know, I don’t think you’re cute.”
Finley: “That’s always been pretty clear.”
Dani: “And I don’t think you’re charming.”
Finley: “Sure but uh—”
Dani: “I think you’re fucking annoying!”
Finley: “Okay maybe if you just gave me a second—”
Dani: “What the fuck is wrong with you? I literally just said no!!!”

Who Wins? Dani.

Along with everybody present in the Dana Fairbanks Memorial Tavern this evening, Tess notices the scuffle. She feels responsible for Finley, somehow — because she worked for Tess, because she’s been there, because she knows how raw Finley still is — and knows this is an ill-advised adventure. She summarily ends the interaction.

Once Finley is safely removed from Dani’s vicinity, Dani recalibrates: enthuses that they’ve raised seven thousand dollars, an apparently impressive amount of money, emphasized by Ari and Jamie trying their absolute best to say SEVEN THOUSAND DOLLARS together like America’s Next Top Model contestants.

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Dani and Tess celebrate together the raising of seven thousand dollars
A MODELING CONTRACT WITH FORD MODELS A FASHION SPREAD WITH ELLE MAGAZINE AND FROM OUR FRIENDS AT COVER GIRL COSMETICS ONE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS!!!!!!!!!

Back outside, Finley’s taking a breather on her favorite place to sit after having an awkward interaction with Dani Núñez: the curb. Sophie’s already on Finley’s side, asking what Dani did to upset her, and Finley at least summons the self-awareness to push back, with her newfound interior reflection skills: “I’ve gotta think about my own part in this.” It was too soon, Finley acknowledges, Dani wasn’t ready.

Finley and Sophie sitting outside of Dana's
You know if you’re ever feeling chilly, you could wear a jacket

Sophie says Finley’s cute when she’s serious and smoking her little Juul and Finley’s got an idea for where they could go and potentially have slightly more fun than they’re currently having. They dash off into the night, giddy and alive.


Back inside the vibrant Dana Fairbanks Memorial Tavern, Ivy’s leaning suggestively on the bar, admiring Shane’s bartender vibes. Ivy wants to apologize for rushing Shane out of the backroom — she didn’t know Shane was Shane, you know? But then she thinks she recognizes Shane from somewhere. I immediately assume they slept together in 2008, but nope! It clicks for Ivy and once it does, she leads Shane into the back to show her something: a jar of Shane for Wax pomade. The product has apparently been discontinued, but Ivy’s been scouring ebay for it and rationing it out for her personal usage.

Shane holding up a container of hair wax
Believe it or not, this is actually poison
Ivy in a shimmery green tank top looking suggestively at Shane
Well grease me up and call me Poison Ivy then

Ivy wants Shane to style her, and Shane’s deferring in that way she does when she’s attracted to someone but somehow has found herself in yet another long term monogamous relationship, like birds. “C’mon, have some fun with me,” Ivy says seductively. Shane’s “not sure she even remembers how” but Ivy says a talent like Shane’s never goes away.

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close-up of Shane
Tell me what you want
Kehlani looking sexy at Shane
I want so many things.
shane looking at kehlani's hair in the mirror
But in terms of what you can do for me?
close-up of Ivy's face
I want a change.

Shane starts touching her hair, looking into her eyeballs, making suggestions, listening to the atmospheric music laid over this little scene, but when her urge to fingerbang Ivy up against that exposed brick overwhelms her six senses, Shane pulls back.

“You don’t really have to do anything,” Shane concludes, letting go of Ivy’s hair.

Ivy says she’s gonna pack up and relieve her babysitter.


Back in the marketplace, Bette’s taking the stage: she’s auctioning off a work of art from her personal collection and it’s not just any ‘ol deer picture. It’s the Kiki Smith deer picture.

L Word Generation Q 301 Recap image: Bette at the microphone with the Kiki Smith deer picture behind her
If I may have the room’s attention I am about to announce an impressive act of philanthropy

As any L Word expert with 4+ mental illness diagnoses (me) could tell you, we’ve seen this picture before. Specifically, in Episode 303 of the original series, when Bette’s passion project lost its funding, Tina yelled at her about money, and Bette was forced to consider selling some artwork from her personal collection to keep her baby nannied and herself in only the latest and most exclusive meditation caftans. But when Bette called her art dealer (?) to suggest unloading a Maplethorpe, he suggested she sell a Kiki Smith instead. Bette refused because Kiki Smith is one of the first artists Bette ever collected.

Bette on the phone in front of her deer picture
How can you be out of olive oil cake???

And now, the benevolent and evolved Bette Porter is willing to give it all away for whatever the lesbians of Silver Lake can afford in service of the MS Society. One again my friends, we see the new, transformed, Bette 2.0:

The Old Bette: I don't want to sell my Kiki Smiths // THe New Bette: bidding starts at $500

The bidding begins at $500, sending Tina into an immediate tizzy, ’cause it’s “worth way more than that.” As the stakes raise to the big One Thousand, Tina steps in with a $10,000 bid. (According to ArtNet, this print is worth $4k-$5k, so FYI Tina’s a generous philanthropist.) Bette eyes her with compassion from the stage, Tina returns her gaze with a shrug: she did what she had to do!

Tina looking suggestively at Bette
That’s right, Mama T’s got her own money now

Bette says Tina’s bid was unnecessary but Tina said the picture reminded her, just as it reminded me, of their old house in West Hollywood, and the art Bette refused to part with. This is now Tina’s second time saving Bette from parting with the Kiki Smith, the first time she did it by accepting a job at Helena Peabody’s ultimately notorious incubator for litigious documentarians, Shaolin Pictures. Shane and Alice excuse themselves, only to observe that Bette and Tina are exiting the building… together.

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ETA: A commenter has pointed out and I have since confirmed that in fact, Bette did take the Kiki Smith off the wall at the end of Episode 303, and wrapped it in tissue paper, sighing sadly about what did appear to be her decision to sell it.

Bette takes down the Kiki Smith picture in a scene from Season Three of the original series

Soooo…. ?!?!?! Does anybody remember seeing this picture in her house again after this episode?

Alice says it’d be nice to have something real for herself, gazing over at her Gen Z boyfriend doing ambitious aggressive shots with the enthusiasm of a human who doesn’t remember The Gulf War and has not yet witnessed the downfall of his own pretty face. Alice realizes it’s time to cut off this intergenerational romance.

Alice puts her hand on Teddy's shoulder
I appreciate the offer but I don’t know how to stitch a TinkTok and I have no interest in finding out

“I actually just got this last minute DJ thing at this loft space downtown,” Teddy tells her, a line that sends immediate chills down the spine of anybody over 35. Alice says it’s past her bedtime, this whole thing is kaput — but she had fun, and she says he gives her hope for future generations. “Well don’t hope too hard,” he counters. “I just did a bump of ketamine in the bathroom.”

Alice nods. “Well, you can work that out on your own time, okay?”


Ivy says “goodnight” to Shane on her way out but by “goodnight” she means, I want you to fuck me on the cement edge of a fancy swimming pool. Before Shane can dwell too excessively, Tess rushes over, bursting at the seams with enthusiasm for what she’s about to show Shane: an empty building right next to the building they were just in!

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Tess outside going Ta-Da
And THIS is where we’d have a big neon sign that says “The Jenny Schecter Memorial Tavern”

Tess knows they’re not doing the “marriage and kids thing” because instead they gave birth to a bar and now Tess is thinking she’s ready to buy another baby, but by “baby” she means “bar.” I hope she is giving her full-time employees benefits before considering investing in a second location but okay!

“I love our life together and I want more of it,” says Tess. “I want it all.” That’s what “wanting it all” has always meant to me personally. Not owning just one bar but owning two bars. I hope this one is also a lesbian bar, the most profitable and easily-managed type of bar in the world!

Shane and Tes embrace and lean back
Feel that strain in your back that’s what we’ll both be feeling in our bank accounts if you purchase additional real estate

We then zoom on over to a public basketball court, where Finley’s losing the game and thus also losing her attire and in general #Sinley are just being really cute.

Finley in her underwear covering her boobs
Oh FUCK I think I left the butt plug in

Finley would like to renegotiate the rules of strip basketball but Sophie would like to make out. “You’re still fun,” she gushes, before they smash their mouths and bodies together and say that they missed each other and Sophie’s kissing Finley’s shoulder and Finley says she wants to, she really wants to… but she feels like she should actually instead go to a meeting.

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It’s Finley’s first night back and all, she says, and she just doesn’t want to fuck it up, and Sophie says that’s okay because that’s what you say when someone wants to go to a meeting. But meetings only last one hour, so they certainly could circle back to this very hot makeout!


We then return to the dormitories of the hallowed institution of California University, where Angie wants to show her visiting girlfriend Jordi her impressive closet space and where she’s hung pics of her fave babe! It’s their first night alone together — Angie’s roommate hasn’t moved in yet — and Angie would like to celebrate but Jordi would like to break up.

L Word Generation Q 301 Recap image: Angie and Jordi looking into her closet
Okay this secret portal to a hidden dimension was NOT here when I opened my closet earlier

Jordi says that it doesn’t make much sense to stay together now that Angie’s in college and they’ll probably be totally different people soon! This was definitely true for me because I was really happy my senior year of high school and then I went to college and was really sad.

Speaking of people who are really sad:

Angie: Why couldn’t you have done this yesterday? That’s fucked up!
Jordi: This isn’t easy, Angie.
Angie: For who? Who isn’t it easy for?
Jordi: For both of us. I’ve never broken up with someone before and I don’t wanna hurt you—

Jordi sits on the bed next to Angie with her head in her hands
Please just leave my room so I can get five candy bars from the vending machine and play geography Sporcle until my brain short-circuits

It does make sense for them to break up now that Angie’s in college, but I agree with Angie that Jordi’s timing is questionable and not ideal.


We then transition to a meeting where Finley tells the room she knocked out a bunch of amends that evening but surprisingly enough, not everyone forgave her. Also she tried to have sex with her girlfriend but choked.

Finley sitting at a meeting talking about her feelings
I’m really glad we’re focusing on the seventh step today and Toby’s share — thank you for your share, Toby, it really resonated with me — really got me thinking about something completely unrelated to today’s topic that I was honestly planning on speaking about no matter what anybody else said today

Finley’s never quite prepared for anything, really — perhaps due to a lifetime of having minimal control over her circumstances and needing to roll with the punches — and she often seems to think that making a plan is the hardest part of doing a thing, when in fact planning is the easy part, it’s executing that plan where the real challenge lies. Finley says she made a plan in Sober Living but it’s hard now in the real world to see it through, because everything moves really fast, here. (Like her amends!) There are so many decisions to make and she wants it to be different this time but how will she know if she’s really changed?

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This is the big question this episode not just for Finley but for Bette and Shane, too. Have they changed enough to make their lives and relationships work better than all the lives and relationships they’ve already lived?

Finley’s monologue continues as a voiceover as we re-visit the rest of our fine friends.


Micah’s down on one knee with his little ring box proposing to Maribel and Maribel’s like … I don’t wanna get married. I wanna have a baby! Okay Maribel!!!!

Maribel closes her eyes and purses her lips
Is that a … ring pop?

Back at Chez Alice, our favorite talk show host is firing up Tamimi, an LGBTQ+ dating app that secured a solid brand partnership with Showtime, and adjusting her criteria — sliding the little latch of doom away from 25 and towards 41, where she rests, knowing that I personally am 41.

Alice in a face mask on her bed looking at her phone
Fuck I’ve got 15 minutes to get the panagram or my whole life is meaningless

Meanwhile at the Shess Shack, Shane’s unboxing a box of her own hair products, just to see if she can cop a thrill off the remainders of an expired jar of volumizing wax. Before she can get too high on her own supply, Tess cozies up for a little pre-bed makeout.

Shane in a tank top and no bra sniffing her fingers
Mmmmm, smells like pussy juice and creamed corn

Dani arrives at Gigi’s to find our favorite character in a nightshirt reading a book, because perfect women do perfect things. Dani says tonight was great! Bette asked her to do a gallery job, and Sophie’s gonna talk to Alice about Dani doing The Aloce Show’s hundredth episode! After sharing her good news she asks Gigi how it went with Nat. Gigi closes her book and looks up at Dani like somebody without any more lines in this episode.

gigi in bed in a sleep shirt and her book closed looking at dani
I just got to the part of the book where Prince Harry and Alex kiss outside the New Year’s Eve party at the White House so whatever you’re interrupting me for better be good

Finley’s voiceover continues —  she feels lucky to be here, just like an Oscar nominee, and feels like she’s got a real shot this time — as Finley herself arrives home. She settles into bed next to Sophie and hugs her really close in their little cloud of bedding as the camera pans over to Sophie’s phone, buzzing just a bit over a very unlikely iPhone background… IT’S A “U UP” TEXT FROM SOMEONE NAMED DRE, A U UP text! From Dre! With a RAINBOW in it.

iphone with the message "u up?" on it
U Up? cuz the rainbow is

We then return to where we began: The Porter House, where Bette’s made some tea for two and is ready to talk to Tina about the past entire year of her life. For example, Bette found her Mom!

The Old Bette: My Parents Are Dead // New Bette: I can't believe you found your mom
As illustrated, the New Bette can raise dead parents from the grave into the discourse

Bette also testifies that she revisited the doomed Silent Meditation Retreat from Season Three — which she’d escaped after ten days — with renewed vigor, and this time she emerged victorious. As you may recall, the first time I’m not sure she was committed to meditation so much as the show was committed to masking Jennifer Beals’ pregnancy in tunics and stacks of blankets. Bette’s 2022 Meditation experience was far superior, enabling her to achieve serenity, although it probably helped that Tina wasn’t banging Henry against the wall of the nursery while Bette was trying to find inner peace in the woodlands of Southwestern Canada.

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The Old Bette: "I just escaped a Silent Retreat" // The New Bette: "And I stayed the whole time."

On Bette’s second day of silence, a question kept echoing: “where did the good go?” Just kidding the question was “who taught me how to love” and the answer was “Mom!” Bette realized she needed to be open to hearing from her mother and also forgiving her, which was very freeing, as was telling her Mom all about Tiny Tina and their little baby Angie.

Bette on her sofa talking to TIna
Remember when I bought that $200 tunic for the meditation retreat and you were like “I didn’t know that you needed special clothes to meditate”
Tina smiling and laughing in return
I sure the fuck do yes

But now it is late. The sky barely remembers the sun. The crickets are chirping in fields of pesticides, stars are lighting up the night sky, the tide has ebbed, the traffic is inching along one lane on Beverly, and it’s time for Tina to rest her own weary head. Before she can exit the premises, however, forces greater than all of us compel her towards Bette. They are intertwining their fingers, and leaning closer together, and then they are kissing, slow but familiar and excited because “getting back together” has always been their favorite part of the Bettinian Cycle and just as things are truly heating up and the suggestive soundtrack is screaming about feeling their feelings, there’s a click at the door and ….

Angie walking into the house, in a t-shirt and baggy denim shirt carrying her bag
Hey sorry I’ll just be a sec I realized I forgot to bring my lava lamp—
Bette and Tina break apart from each other to see Angie through the door
Oh —
Angie looks shocked
You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me

“You’ve gotta be fucking kidding me,” Angie says, and we CUT TO BLACK.


The Round-Up:
Sex Scenes: 1 this episode, 1 all season
Squabbles: 1 this episode, 1 all season
Quote of the Week: “Well, we’re all going to die, so what’s a little bumper, right?”

Well, I hope you enjoyed this L Word Generation Q 301 recap and I personally am so excited for this season and dying to hear your thoughts on the first episode!!