When Restorative Justice Language, Instead of Action, Perpetuates Sexual Abuse

I tried to lead restorative justice in my own sexually abusive (former) t4t relationship. I did this because I am an abolitionist and know people are more than the worst things they do. What I didn’t know at the time: we should have not been the ones to facilitate the process. With leftist language co-opted, I didn’t know I was allowed to leave; I didn’t know I was allowed to have boundaries.

How We Survive This Together

Let’s make radically caring space for each other, OK? Here are some tips and tricks for grounding ourselves and taking care of our communities in times of collective trauma like RIGHT DAMN NOW.


He pressed further, asking if I was an actress. I said something along the lines of “I hope so.” He suggested that I meet his brother as well – his producing partner. I remember him suggesting some place quieter, more private.

How Rape Jokes Sound Inside Queer Bodies

If the performer had known that I write about the horrific violence against my community by day and process the trauma of that work in my journal by night, maybe he wouldn’t have made that joke. But I bet you he would have resented the implication that he shouldn’t.