Relevant To Your Interests: I’d Rather Be In Hyrule

Welp, it feels like whole world is going to hell in a handbasket. Trump violence, climate change, and we lost an hour of sleep. And I thought I was tired all the time before. I’d rather be in Hyrule, like, even with Ganondorf running amok; Ganondorf feels less scary than Trump. And I feel like if I’d rather be in Hyrule, some of y’all might want to join me.

Zelda Books

Hyrule-Books

Two books: one for writing, one for reading. On the left, we have Legend of Zelda: Hyrule Historia, which is exactly what it sounds like. Yup, that’s the history of the game and the history of Hyrule, all in one book ($30). On the right, a Zelda journal ($20).


Link-cessories

hyrule-accessories

Queermos, I present to you: a Majora’s Mask leather wallet ($39), Triforce Cufflinks ($110) made by a former armourer (how badass is that!), a Heartpiece keychain/necklace ($8) for when you could use a little extra health, and this Ocarina of Time Hylian Shield patch ($8) for your denim vest. Oh, and don’t forget an accessory for your dog —

dog-link

— your dog can just be Link ($40).


Home Goods

hyrule-home-goods

And now to Zelda-fy your home with: a Link Stained Glass Wall decal from Wind Waker ($35), a Hylian Shield wall clock ($37), a Triforce cutting board ($19), a map of Hyrule ($20) and an awesome keyboard decal ($16).


And for the Ultimate Escape

actual-ocarina

An actual Ocarina you can learn to play ($25). Imagine just busting this out and playing it whenever your favorite bar is projecting CNN Trump News onto the wall. I REJECT THIS REALITY AND SUBSTITUTE MY OWN.

In times of extreme stress—

nintendo-ds-zelda

just play the game ($277.99).

Staff Writer for Autostraddle, Part-time Faculty at The New School (teaching digital storytelling), Managing Editor for Scholar & Feminist Online at Barnard Center for Research On Women. Follow me on Twitter @AEOsworth or on Instagram, also @AEOsworth.

A.E. has written 542 articles for us.

13 Comments

  1. The books look cool, but ultimately nothing beats the serenity of a Link to the Past play-through.

    I think when my current hyper frantic work project is over with, I will celebrate by cracking out the SNES and seeing if I can play Zelda all the way through without the cartridge dying.

  2. I’m loving this!

    However, I’m gonna jump on in and say, as someone who sells ocarinas, specifically the Ocarina of Time, don’t go through that seller. They mass produce the instruments for pennies through sweatshops. Half the time they don’t work.

    I’m speaking as a die hard Zelda fan, here. If you want an honest to goodness handmade ocarina that actually works, go through small business. If you want my personal recommendation, Stonehenge Ocarinas (he’s on etsy) is a one man production team. I own several of his ocarinas and I’m never disappointed. He even has replicas of the Ocarina that link plays!

  3. I would also add that on etsy I have seen rings with the various zelda ocarina tunes on them. Super cool. Stumbled upon when searching for gifts for my zelda obsessed missus.

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.