Fall Is Always a Time for New Beginning

This is The Parlour, a place for intimate conversation, a real-time archive, a shared diary passed between a rotating cast of queer characters every week in an attempt to capture a kaleidoscopic view of what it’s like to be a queer person right here, right now.


Maybe it’s conditioning from being a kid, or because I have a kid who is school age, but late summer/early fall always feels like a new beginning to me. As the calendar turns from July to August, my brain is in refresh mode. What newness does the next few months hold?

My son started middle school a few weeks ago, which is absolutely ludicrous to me. I took him to my favorite store, Staples, to buy new school supplies, and breathed it all in. As he debated what kind of pencils to get, I squatted down, looking at pens for myself.

There is nothing but possibility in a new pen. I am constantly buying them in the hopes that they will help me find the spark of something new.

This year, I find myself craving the rejuvenation of fall even more than usual. I spent most of the summer recovering from a really intense case of burnout. For the last six months, I have been slowly losing the energy I need to access my creativity, despite working so hard to carve out space and time for it. When August rolled around, I knew that it was time to start fresh, even though I’m still figuring it all out.

Then my wife accidentally broke our couch. I saw it as an opportunity for the change I desperately needed.

“Let’s redecorate the living room,” I suggested. “You hate the color, and since we have to get a new couch, it feels like a sign.”

I immediately went online, scouring the Lowe’s website to find the perfect shade of gray for our walls. When it comes to decorating, my wife and I are polar opposites. I’m all about dark colors and maxmalistic vibes, and she’s into pale colors and serenity. Trying to compromise is what led to us having turquoise walls she’s hated since the moment we painted them.

(I feel like it’s important to note that I wanted gray walls initially. If only she’d have listened to me from the beginning!)

A compromise was made about the walls, and they are coming along nicely. Repainting has forced us into some much overdue cleaning. There is a giant plastic container on the floor full of books that need proper housing — the bookshelves are part of phase two of the big refresh.

Our new couch is the perfect shade of navy blue. It looks awesome against the gray walls. The next piece is the one I’m most excited about: a hot pink desk. I need a space for myself, one that will inspire me when I’m feeling lost.

As the calendar changes to September, I’m excited to start finding my way back to myself. It’s the perfect time for new beginnings.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Sa'iyda Shabazz

Sa'iyda is a writer and mom who lives in LA with her partner, son and 3 adorable, albeit very extra animals. She has yet to meet a chocolate chip cookie she doesn't like, spends her free time (lol) reading as many queer romances as she can, and has spent the better part of her life obsessed with late 90s pop culture.

Sa'iyda has written 148 articles for us.

2 Comments

Contribute to the conversation...

Yay! You've decided to leave a comment. That's fantastic. Please keep in mind that comments are moderated by the guidelines laid out in our comment policy. Let's have a personal and meaningful conversation and thanks for stopping by!