Friends, we’re finally at the end here. After ten episodes that somehow felt like 50 episodes, The Ultimatum: Queer Love season two arrives at its ultimate conclusion with this reunion episode. Below, find my reunion thoughts. And catch up on recaps from the whole season!
The Ultimatum: Queer Love Recap – Reunion
Okay, as someone who watches a lot of reality television, I’m a little confused about why they did the reunion the way that they did here. On most Bravo shows, the reunion is filmed after the events of the actual season but also after at least some episodes (often, half a season) have aired for the public so that the cast members can respond not just to what was in the episodes but also how viewers reacted to what was in the episodes. This reunion however was filmed a year after the events of the show but before any episodes dropped for the public. They don’t know what we’re seeing and picking up on!
I mean, let’s go ahead and start with what I think is the biggest shocker of the reunion: Magan and Dayna are still together. I’m shocked that they could have watched episodes one through nine and stayed together, but I have to wonder if once they’re more aware of how their relationship is perceived by viewers that it’ll shift something. I get that we’re seeing something produced and can’t know everything about other people’s relationships as mere reality television viewers…but is anyone watching and NOT seeing Dayna’s behaviors as manipulative and controlling? It’s not subtle! I don’t know how it could be spun in such a way that we’re “not seeing the real Dayna.” But who knows — her middle name is practically Spin!
But I suppose I’m getting ahead of myself! Let’s get into our updates on each of the couples. This recap is going to jump around the episode a bit, because it’s a chaotic episode!!!!! So instead of going linearly, let’s go couple by couple.
Britney + AJ
These two bring the least amount of drama to the reunion, because they’re still happily together in a way I find entirely convincing and sweet! They are still engaged but not married yet with no date picked. They have a location in mind though, and they’re thinking Destination Wedding. They both look great. They have learned a lot from their experiences on the show, including more work-life balance for Britney and more confidence for AJ. AJ thanks Marita for telling her that if it ever came down to the business or AJ, Britney would choose AJ every time. That gave her the push she needed.
We’re also treated to a clip package of all the times AJ talked about herself in the third person. Did other people notice this as it was happening during the season?!?!?! Because I did not, but seeing it all packaged together really made me laugh!!!! AJ’s just gotta be AJ.
Joanna Heterosexual Garcia Swisher asks the group if they think AJ was too forward during the dating week at the beginning of the season, and Ashley emphatically says yes in a way that suggests Ashley has some resentments about it. What I love about this whole thing though is that Britney doesn’t care at all. She knows AJ is just a charming flirt. She never seemed particularly threatened by it, and even now, she doesn’t care. Again: AJ’s just gotta be AJ.
The strange part of this though is how aggro Marie gets? Like Britney, I struggle to see Marie’s point when she keeps drilling into the fact that Britney and Marita got to have this lovely trial marriage that didn’t really threaten their existing relationships and meanwhile Marie had to see Mel with Dayna while also contending with the fact that Britney and AJ were meeting up. I agree with Britney: It seems like Marie is holding it against her that she ended up in such a good and low-stakes trial marriage with Marita. Marie just wants…empathy from Britney? This feels like such misdirected intensity from Marie, but that’s pretty much her mode the entire reunion.
“I’m trying to be so soft with everybody,” Marie says. If this is soft mode, I’m scared to see hard mode!!!! The vibe is so off. I think she’s just mad at Mel and doesn’t know how to process or direct that anger, so everyone’s catching strays.
Marita + Ashley
Unsurprisingly, these two are no longer together. But their interactions in the reunion are truly shocking. It gets a little confusing, because they both are still pretty bad at communicating and they also both clearly have entirely different ideas of what really happened, but I’ll do my best to summarize.
Marita shares that on decision day she was so heartbroken she didn’t know what to think or feel. She says when they went back home that Ashley was using her (???) and then Marita kicked her out and told her to go back to Indiana. Marita says she broke up with her in May. Ashley chimes in to say they did not get back together after the show but they went to Key West and had a good time. Marita interrupts. She accuses Ashley of gaslighting. Ashley says she was just acting weird on the show because she felt uncomfortable around cameras. This is a mess! And it’s about to get messier.
“Let’s talk about the fact that my grandfather was dying, and this one was cheating on me,” Marita says, pointing at Ashley. Marie asks if they had actually been together when that happened (why is Marie inserting herself here?!), and Ashley says that no they were not together. Marita is so perplexed Marie is weighing in, and same! Ashley says she can name five times that Marita cheated on her, and Marita says the words “I actually fucking hate you,” which MY GOD! I already found Marita to be pretty emotionally immature, but this is bad. There’s something about her reactions to things that just feels so childish to me. Ashley shares that her grandfather is dying right now, and Marita says she doesn’t care. Ashley walks off, and Marita says “yeah, get out!” Mel follows Ashley, and Britney goes to Marita to give her a hug.
I know we, again, don’t have all the details or know what really happened, but it’s hard to really see Marita’s side here, especially knowing Ashley’s history of abusive relationships. Marita’s desperate to control the narrative, and it’s not a good look!
Marie chimes in again to say “I see you. I’m right here. Let’s simmer.” Y’all WHAT is going on with Marie!
Ashley returns, and Marita vaguely apologizes? But it seems more like she’s apologizing to the Straight Host than to Ashley. Ashley says she could never scream that she hates Marita, because she doesn’t. She shares she was bawling her eyes out after Marita blocked her, eventually realized her self worth and tried to pull herself together, but that Marita and her have never been able to communicate about any of it like adults. You don’t say!!!! I don’t think there’s any real coming back for these two.
Straight Lady Joanna Garcia Swisher attempts to at least reorient the conversation back to the events of the show, and Marita sort of tries to blame Bridget and Kyle for talking Ashley into reversing the ultimatum? Bridget assures Marita that Ashley loved her a lot and there was no convincing that occurred.
Marita did not want to marry Ashley when the show began, and I just really don’t understand what Marita wants period! Other than a bouquet of grocery store flowers and some hand holding I guess?
Marie + Mel
If you can BELIEVE it, these two are also broken up. OBVIOUSLY. Marie has a very bizarre agenda at the reunion. First, she asks Dayna if she and Mel had hooked up prior to the conversation Dayna had with Marie at the cocktail party. Dayna says they kissed but that more didn’t happen until after the party that night. I get the impulse to become obsessive about timelines in the wake of being lied to by a partner, but babe, none of this matters anymore! Y’all are broken the hell UP!
Mel says Marie didn’t want to be with her anymore, and Marie confirms she broke up with Mel before the episodes aired, which she’s grateful for because she would have been embarrassed to still be in a relationship with Mel while watching the episodes. Leading up to the breakup, Marie had set more boundaries and didn’t want to do the food truck as much anymore.
Things get weird again. “Did you really think I didn’t know that you couldn’t have kids?” she asks Marie. Listen, I don’t really ride for Mel, but this is a wild thing to use against Mel! Marie then also says something about Mel’s lupus, and Mel never disclosed her actual chronic illness, so it’s kind of fucked up that Marie makes that choice for her! Marie also asks something about where all the lupus books went, and Mel is like I gave them away. I’m sorry…does Marie want credit for buying Mel books about the disease Mel has?
And now Marie wants to move on from lupus to………brussels sprouts. She wants to know what was up with the brussels sprouts Mel made for Dayna. Dayna is super confused. But Marie wants to know one thing: “Did you like them?” she asks Dayna, who is like yeah sure but come on what is this even about. “Who taught you how to make those?” she asks Mel, and Mel says “you didn’t teach me anything,” prompting Marie to call her crazy.
What is going on!!!! Marie is clearly just so mad at Mel that she can’t even really articulate herself. Sometimes when one is betrayed in a relationship, suddenly everything becomes a betrayal or evidence of the primary betrayal. I’ve been there, and I’m glad there weren’t reality television cameras around, but come on! Be mad about the brussels sprouts in your DIARY, don’t air this out publicly because you’re going to sound absolutely unhinged!
Please weigh in on BrusselsSproutsGate in the comments, because I’m still reeling.
Joanna “I’m an Ally” Garcia Swisher then wants us to dig deeper into the question of whether Mel lied to Marie on camera about having sex with Dayna. OBVIOUSLY, SHE DID, though I hear Mel is still defending the lie on TikTok? Can anyone confirm? Joanna asks Haley if the Spotify playlist was the receipt to which she referred when she told Marie there was proof Mel and Dayna were fucking, and Haley does regret using the language of “receipt” and “proof” but says yes that’s what she had been referring to.
We then get a clip package of everyone in the cast reacting to the Spotify sex playlist scandal. The playlist was called “three weeks” with a rainbow emoji and a ring emoji. Haley says it had some horny songs on it and was being played at suspicious times of night. I’m mostly like: HOW DID MAGAN AND HALEY SEE THE PLAYLIST IN THE FIRST PLACE? There was clearly some producer intervention, but I don’t really understand the logistics.
In any case, Dayna wants to make it clear that the playlist had a lot of sad and yearning songs on it, too, and would have made for a depressing sex playlist. She thinks it was none of Haley’s business to bring it up.
And then there’s another clip package, this time of everyone in the cast attempting to define sex, with AJ explaining that the spectrum of what “counts” as sex can be expansive for queer people and lesbians. Dayna is insistent she and Mel didn’t finger each other. Joanna asks Mel outright if she had sex with Dayna, and Mel won’t answer, Dayna interrupting to say it’s no one’s business. Joanna also asks if Mel feels like she lied to Marie, and she says yes but also no? I’m sick of everyone on this show!!!!!!! Just be honest!!!!!
As for Mel and Dayna, Dayna tried to FaceTime Mel after filming, and when she didn’t answer, Dayna sent her a message and then was ghosted for two months. Finally, Mel wrote her back. The not-gay host asks what the tattoos mean to each of them now, and Dayna says they’re just a way to remember their time together. Mel says they were essentially in a competition with each other to see who could make the stupidest decisions. You know…I feel like there’s something about Mel and Dayna that really works. But alas, Dayna and Magan are locked IN. Did anyone else feel like they were GRIPPING each other to show just how strong they are coming out of all this?
Marie has nothing left she wants to say to Mel, and Mel has nothing left she wants to say to Marie. The food truck is fine by the way, I’m sure you were wondering. Mel is running it solo.
Kyle + Bridget
After a clip package featuring everyone’s fur babies (gay!), we move on to Kyle and Bridget for an update. They’re still engaged and living together. They don’t have a wedding date picked yet. Bridget makes a joke about being pregnant and then says no they can’t actually afford that. We get one last monologue about love from Kyle’s mom, who quotes the Wicked song “For Good,” which is sweet, but there’s nothing else to really say here! Good for them for being low drama, but it doesn’t make for the most thrilling reality television!
Haley + Pilar
These two are still engaged as well! When they left the show, Haley promised to propose back to Pilar within the year, and she did it one month later. They’re planning an elopement because of the state of the world and how Haley wants the extra security legal marriage could provide. They might eventually have a wedding.
Pilar did end up sharing her engagement with her parents and has come so far with them. Her entire arc all season was one of my favorite parts, because familial estrangement for queer folks is so common and so hard. She says she started standinf up for herself, which has led to more open doors. When she brought Haley to her cousin’s wedding, which was the first time she had brought her around extended family, she shifted from introducing her just as “Haley” to “my fiancee Haley,” which she said forced them to really look her in the eye and accept Haley’s role in her life.
Magan relates about the family stuff. Even though her family is coming around now, it was so push and pull for years, and she felt rejected by them, but she keeps choosing herself and it pays off. I do love this moment of connection between Magan and Pilar. They both have done really hard things by asserting themselves and their queerness around their family. Pilar has come so far in how she views and deals with her family situation just in the course of this show!
JGS then wants to hear Pilar’s point of view from the night at the club with Kyle. I’m still unclear on what happened here also. Kyle wishes she could have been better about communicating how she felt. Pilar wishes that, too. Kyle cries again about how Pilar was there for her, and they hug. I think these two have closure over the whole thing, but I don’t? And I guess that’s fine! I’m not part of their lives! For viewers, it just went down so confusingly and was hard not to view it as anything other than Pilar ignoring Kyle’s boundaries? But that doesn’t seem to be how either of them are framing it now, so I’m not sure! Thoughts? Put them in the comments, because frankly my brain is just one giant brussels sprout.
Pilar says it was confusing to watch Haley and Magan but that she mainly just didn’t want to look stupid. But Pilar also realized she wasn’t prioritizing Haley by watching Haley with Magan and she was able to figure out what Magan could provide that she wasn’t and then adjust. Okay, I hate to say it, but this might be an instance where the premise of the show actually…worked? And brought two people closer? And helped them fix relationship issues? I can’t believe I’m admitting that!
Joanna asks Haley what it was like to be in love with two people at the same time, and I swear this show exists in a weird world where the words “poly” and “nonmonogamy” cannot ever be said??????? Anyway, Haley says doing the physical stuff with Magan made it that much harder to separate out her feelings. She also just really wanted to make Pilar feel secure after that, which she seemingly accomplished. So I think when everything’s said and done, Haley and Pilar both really handled everything together pretty well!
Dayna + Magan
I am just!!! So put off by these two still being together!!!! They’re still engaged, but they don’t have a wedding date yet. So literally no one has a wedding date yet. I get it, weddings are expensive and take a lot of work but set a date people! I don’t know why this is stressing me out!
We get a montage of Dayna and Magan’s past year together, which would be cute if I were more genuinely invested in this relationship, which I’m not!!! In fact, as the montage played, I wrote in my notes: “I’m scared.”
Magan has been bringing Dayna around her family, which is a big deal! I’m really happy for Magan’s growth she has been doing around her family, much like Pilar. Dayna says Magan has been really brave and believed in herself, and she admits that she finally had to be the brave one in going over to Magan’s mom’s house and acknowledges the bravery on her family’s part, too. Magan and Dayna didn’t anticipate their situations being so dramatic on television and hoped that maybe going on the show could help normalize queerness and queer relationships in some people’s eyes. Now they’re worried people could see their behavior on the show and think queerness is messy and fraught. Woof, I definitely understand that burden of representation!
Magan has previously mentioned that doing the show was the most queer and queer-affirming space she has ever really existed in, which is huge. I think Magan has done a lot of growing into her own queerness through this experience. I’ve watched a lot of reality shows recently where people have essentially used the platform of reality television to come out to family. Lake on Southern Hospitality kind of did it, too. It does seem like even though their drama ended up being pretty heightened, Magan did gain some tools for how to better advocate for herself and meet her family where they’re at.
Magan says that being with Haley was good because Haley was a good listener and gave her space. She found a lot of clarity in talking to her. Magan does say that she was telling Haley all the time that she loves her and wanted her in her life. She thinks Haley would have been an amazing friend to her. So I think this is Magan sort of reframing being in love with Haley to just loving Haley. And maybe that’s sort of what she was getting at when she first tried to backtrack telling Haley she loved her? But it all feels like a a weird spin again, and I can’t tell if Dayna’s the one holding the wheel or if they’re both sort of complicit in this attempt to reframe and control the narrative about Magan/Haley. I maintain that Haley did not use Magan nor does she owe Dayna an apology. And it’s hard not to notice how defensive Magan always has to be with Dayna. We saw a completely different Magan with Haley. I’m confused!
AJ and Britney hope Dayna/Magan and Pilar/Haley can end in a good place, because they’re friends with both couples and would love to have them all at their wedding. Marita hopes everyone can hold hands after, which is a wild thing coming from the only person who screamed “I hate you” during this reunion!
Joanna Garcia “Not a Lesbian” Swisher concludes that it seems like everyone is in a great space. DOES IT? AJ thinks the host deserves more credit for what she does, which prompts ol’ Jo to cry because it means so much to her because she really considers herself such an ally. No, I’m sick of all the attempts to make it seem Actually Good that she’s the host of this show! Get a queer host, I beg!
Kayla, my wife and I have literally been refreshing the autostraddle page like crazy every time we watched episodes, just waiting for your recaps. Then we’d drop everything and read them to each other. They have been so much fun!!
One thing about the reunion. Although I do not condone how Marie was behaving, I think what she was trying to get at with Britney/AJ is that even thought Britney had Marita to talk to, she still called AJ away from Marie in order to talk. Which probably left Marie feeling really alone, since she couldn’t talk to Mel, and also AJ was off taking care of Britney. I do get where she was coming from there.
Other than that, Marita’s behavior was absolutely shocking, Magan and Dayna are wild and PLEASE YES QUEER HOST NEXT SEASON.
Thanks for all the work you put into getting these recaps out so quickly, they were a highlight of our days!
Thank you for reading!!!!!! Means a lot to me!!!!
And okay yes I see Marie’s point technically. The delivery was just 😳
Oh yeah the delivery was objectively horrendous 😂
Yes, same here! It is always such a delight to read your summaries and thoughts of this wild TV show. The people in my life are not watching (and I find it hard to believe that I am!), so it is great to have other queers discuss it. Also, I love your refreshingly frank assessments on these interactions/people.
Players often find that the jetski race
serves as a great way to unwind after a long day, as its fast-paced action provides a welcome escape from daily stresses.
– Dayna about participating in reality TV: “We have something to show for us – be proud – we’re normal.” Having just re-read “Dykes to Watch Out For,” I imagine Mo to say (flabbergasted and in utter shock and disbelief): “Is this progress??? That lesbians now have their own reality TV show?? To show their homophobic relatives that lesbians are ‘normal’? How assimilationist have we become?” I would LOVE to see Mo ranting about that.
– AJ to Marie: “I was always honest with you” – hm, interesting take! AJ was honest after Marie found AJ sneaking in at night consequently to AJ having met Britney. Would AJ have confessed, had AJ not been found out?
– AJ to the straight host: “People don’t give you enough credit for how an amazing host you are.” Me: Confusion! And also: Clearly the host was much better in moderating moments that didn’t end in the final cut because from what I’ve seen, I thought she was really not doing a good job at moderating this. All the yelling, and she just kept saying she saw the growth and constantly asked: “How does that make you feel?”
– I wonder how different Magan would be had she ended up with Hayley. Surely after more than three weeks, her not-so-awesome behaviors would have come out, but also, the people we spend time with inform a lot of how we are and behave, and Magan was different with Hayley than with Danya. Again, only three weeks, but still! It would be interesting to know how Magan could be with an honest, considerate partner who is good at communication. I’m also confused how any of them both thought it was a good idea to remain a couple after having seen their fights reflected back to them by so, so many cameras, but some people seem to need the drama and don’t do stable relationships. I don’t know.
– Yes, Marie was intense and it was a bit much, but I understand where she came from and would cut her some slack after the way she has been treated, not just by Mel. I liked how sha was asked if she had anything to say to Mel. and Marie just replied: “No.” That was powerful.
– It seems like Marita behaves in a way as if she’s skipped crucial development stages as a child or teenager or is now regressing. Not behavior or reflection that I would expect an adult to have! Then again, this world is in a horrific state because adults make terrible decisions so maybe I am too optimistic what adults should be able to do. Happy for Ashley that she doesn’t have Marita as a partner anymore and I hope she can do some healing and maybe find a partner who actually considers her, including her story of intimate partner abuse and its consequences.
– re: Dayna wanting to “seem normal”: I am circling back around to why some queers hate the heteronormativity of it all on this show. GIRL, YOU CAN NEVER BE NORMAL ENOUGH FOR FASCISTS TO NOT HATE U!
– I would also be mad if my partner made my brussels sprouts recipe for someone else and lied about sleeping with them, especially because food seems to be so special for Marie and Mel. that said, Marie, maybe coming here was a bad idea for you. you have to go yell about this in a bar with your friends. every betrayal seems to have taken on equal weight for Marie in the wake of it all and it’s like, okay, this is not even half as bad as the matching tattoo thing! or the repeatedly lying to your face thing!
– genuinely sort of sick to my stomach that Magan and Dayna are still together, but happy for Haley and Pilar! I think it is easier for Magan and Dayna to stay together if they exist in this narrative that Haley is a villain/used Magan/was crazy/misinterpreted Magan’s words and actions… but it is so jarring to have seen what we saw in terms of VIDEO EVIDENCE of the trial marriages and then hear Magan say those were platonic “I love you”s. WE HAVE THE RECEIPTS BABE! I suspect this may be a situation where in like 3 months they are broken up. time will tell.
– I wonder if Dayna is Magan’s first queer relationship, or at least first serious one?
– sometimes i wish there was no host at the reunion because I feel like she asks questions I don’t care about? I don’t need clip compilations? joanna, please. i HATE the straight propaganda at the end. I am happy the cast feels seen by her and likes her, but I need a queer hosting this show yesterday. i have a LIST.
does everybody know that The Food Truck has a brussels sprouts dish called Brothel Sprouts
are these THEEEEE brussels sprouts?!??!
Sighs in gay angst, Idky I watch this show bc it always leave me with such a heavy feeling. I do know why, I’m desperate for queer tv!
Marie, I want such good things for you babe! I know you’re angry, you mentioned it on the show and it was so visible how angry you were and I’m sitting here screaming for you! I wish this girl so much healing and I think there’s so much to heal from and let go of in terms of anger. I get the Brussel sprouts too, and I’m so glad she is not with Mel. I do think she felt cheated by AJ still connecting with Britney and prob Britney and Marita felt cheated too bc they didn’t pick each other. The show prob needs a new format so there are options for the trial marriage outside of the six couples?
Can we just talk about how Kyle’s mom’s words for Pilar had me in shambles. I immediately texted my mom sobbing and thanking her for her unconditional love.
Mel
I have a strong suspicion that Dayna got coaching from a PR professional before the reunion, because the state of Magan and Dayna’s relationship and the way Dayna was speaking in the reunion were SO different from what we had seen in the show that I have a difficult time believing that was natural growth on their parts, and Dayna in particular.
(I’m imagining her parents deciding that while she is a talented SPIN amateur, her skills needed refinement from a SPIN mentor.)
Or maybe she got A LOT of therapy to help her with ALL her refusal to take ANY responsibility?
I also want to say that I got a bad vibe from Marie throughout the season, but I couldn’t figure out why. I still don’t get what was going on there, but I felt the reunion confirmed what my gut was saying.
I do need a reporter to find out exactly what went down between Ashley and Marita. I mean, Ashley’s sisters were basically telling them to break up. It felt to me that Ashley couldn’t commit to Marita, but she also couldn’t let her go, and maybe there was see-sawing afterwards where Marita felt jerked around? Marita is just so angry and Ashley just seems so confused. But those two definitely should not have gone to Key West together after the show ended. They needed a clean break, and clearly they got the opposite.
I enjoyed these recaps so much! This is the distraction I needed from All The Horrors!
Marie herself said that she is an angry person. That she is angry at the world. When talking about her mother to AJ. So I think some if it can be attributed to that. She’s mad, sad, angry and disappointed. It makes her act like she hates the whole lot of them.
Magan and Dayna still being together at the reunion was MIND-BOGGLING yikes yikes yikes.
Marita saying such childish things throughout but especially at the reunion makes me wonder if that has something to do with what she mentioned about being a child/teen pop star and that stilting her emotional development at an important time of her life.
also I have so much sympathy for Marie. I agree that she didn’t come across as super logical with her remarks in this episode, but to me it was pretty clear it was because she was holding herself back from giving the producers one of those classic reality TV reunion moments where someone absolutely goes off screaming like “how could you lie to my face like that when you were fucking Dayna the entire time!!!!” which i kind of wish she had done, but it was very cool of her to be like “no” there’s nothing else to say to Mel.
also Straight Host trying to wrap it up at the end with “clearly you have all grown so much” despite all evidence to the contrary made me actually laugh out loud. her “moderation” this whole season was so lackluster. PLEASE GET A NEW HOST
JGS really is not a good host, straight or gay, she stayed way too silent during that reunion. And I cant believe she said everyone was in a good place at the end??? 😂
Also CANNOT believe we got a Dayna and Magan in love clipshow at the end……they were the “villains” of the season!!!! Dayna the crimes you have committed on this show……….scary to see her get out of this reunion unscathed. But just highlighted the maturity of Haley and Pilar. Whew!!!
Ughhh I want to like Britney because I did in earlier episodes but I’m starting to feel she is media trained because of her business and better at hiding her mean girl behavior. I see the subtle things people do. The way she wouldn’t let Marie speak, just so Brit can be tacky and invalidate someone’s pain/experience to highlight how “AJ is so great”. The fact that Britney/AJ are friends with Dayna, and their other friend Marita came out of absolutely nowhere to say something so cruel while Britney hugs her. I don’t buy it.