I’m not very good when it comes to the “About Me” section but here goes nothing.

I’m a 31 y/o, white, hetero-married, male-bodied, trans/lesbian self-identifying and still coming out to myself first and foremost, out to my wife, some siblings and best friend, “sigh” and lastly also my rigid fundamentalist christian leaning mother. The process has (for the most part) been easier than I had anticipated, but I’ve a long road ahead of me yet so who knows what will happen.
My wife, if not supportive, is at least progressively minded and understanding.

I am a massage therapist by trade, sometime computer nerd, love scifi/fantasy fan. Aspiring writer, though I’ve always felt inadequate and my writing (to me) feels amateurish and lackluster.

My dream job would see me writing and being published. Or music, though I can claim no proficiency with an instrument whatsoever. Or an actor/actress, because honestly my entire life has felt like an act and I a stranger in a story that doesn’t feel like it’s my life.

I have had 2 dogs (excluding childhood pets) that have been mine, one a chocolate lab I named Tara, given away when I joined the navy, the other I have now a mixed breed I named Willow (yes, I’m a diehard Buffy fan(girl?).
I’m the youngest bastard child of a WW2-immigrant Hungarian mother and a (supposedly) Turkish father with no name or face. Adopted at the age of 4, native of SoCal’s Hollywood (Van Nuys) area.

I jumped on the AutoStraddle band wagon because I’m lost and alone in this trans/lesbian identity that began to surface about a year and a half ago or more, when in a moment of clarity amidst a heated discussion with the wife about wanting kids and strongly suggesting homebirth, I uttered the words, “if I could have kids myself (physically speaking) I would.” I thought nothing of that outburst at the time but not long after I realized I had honestly and genuinely meant it.

I’m trying to get to that place of allowing myself permission to just simply exist and be happy in my own skin. To become that which I have always felt clawing and scratching beneath the many layers of Christian upbringing, self-doubt, and severe self-loathing. Even just the simplest act of looking at my body in the mirror is downright unbearable.