10 Hot Lesbian Movies To Prepare for a Hot Lesbian Summer

I don’t care if climate change has kept the weather in my city cold. I don’t care if my government is trying to legislate me out of existence. It is the last week of May and I WILL be getting excited for summer. That means wearing a crop top — even if I’m shivering in said crop top.

To welcome in the summer vibes, here are ten hot lesbian and queer women films that take place during the summer and can inspire sex, adventure, reckless behavior, and maybe even falling in love.

No, this list does not include My First Summer, Summer of Sangailė, or Cocoon, because those films are less “hot lesbian summer” and more “emotional YA summer” which is also totally valid but not what we’re talking about here. This also doesn’t include the wonderful film In the Summers, because that’s more a “spend time with your divorced dad summer” vibe.

And if you want even more lesbian movies check out Autostraddle’s Encyclopedia of Lesbian Cinema.

Anaïs in Love

Valeria Bruni Tedeschi shares a hot lesbian summer kiss with Anaïs Demoustier in Anaïs in Love

Not only is it the start of summer, it’s also Gemini season. And that means there’s never been a better time to embrace your inner chaos demon. Maybe that means having an affair with an older man and then getting obsessed with his wife and then having an affair with her instead! This movie is simmering with a beautiful screwball energy and also has a great beach sex scene.

Bumblefuck, USA

Two queer women in bikinis apply sunscreen to each other's backs in Bumblfuck USA

Okay maybe a movie about a woman mourning the death of her gay friend who died by suicide doesn’t feel like quite the right vibe for hot lesbian summer. But the fact is no matter how much I want to shut out the grief of the world, that’s not really possible! So it’s actually really great to have an example of queer full of melancholy who still manages to adventure and explore and have hot sex.

Chestnut

Two young women dance with their faces close together in a bar

As someone of mostly sexless, very drawn-out situationship experience, I love this movie about a recent college grad who spends a summer entangled with a straight(?) couple. A lot of queer movies have the flirty straight girl archetype, but this just feels so much more honest about what that really looks like. It’s not about straight vs. gay but about a person who likes the attention of someone who hasn’t learned to pay attention to herself.

Hearts Beat Loud

Sasha Lane and Kiersey Clemons lie in bed together

This film definitely leans toward the wholesome, but if you’re going to start a music duo with your soon-to-be empty nester dad, it doesn’t hurt to also spend that summer falling for Sasha Lane. The father/daughter story is sweet, but the movie’s spark is the chemistry between Lane and Kiersey Clemons.

Holy Camp!

A girl with blonde and pink dyed hair kisses a nun

A lot of gay summer movies are about people in high school or college — I suppose because the summer means more on a school schedule — but, personally, I think there’s no age limit to falling in love with a nun or literally God himself. True to its English language title, this Spanish film is a wild good time. It’s also a genuinely moving story of romance, friendship, and blasphemous faith.

Laurel Canyon

Frances McDormand stands with a hand on her hip in Laurel Canyon

Are you really experiencing summer if you’re not kissing your boyfriend’s mom or your son’s girlfriend?? While this is a movie of complicated dynamics and fraught tension more than full-on scandal, in the hands of Lisa Cholodenko it all feels super queer.

Love, Spells and All That

Two women sit by water silhouetted by the sunset in Love, Spells and All That

Starting mid-July, Mercury is going to be retrograde which means it’ll be the perfect time to reconnect with people from the past. This Turkish film about childhood sweethearts reuniting decades later is a perfect primer for romance, regret, and second chances.

My Summer of Love

Two girls ride on a vespa in the summer time

Sometimes a hot lesbian summer is a toxic homoerotic friendship that evolves into a romance without losing any of the toxicity. Emily Blunt’s breakout film is certainly not a portrait of summer bliss, but it is worth watching if you want a dose of summertime sadness.

Princess Cyd

A girl in a bikin top has her back kissed by a nonbinary person in Princess Cyd

I love this movie so much! And it’s truly the ideal summer vibe! It’s a celebration of pleasure and the things that bring us joy that makes room for sex, community, intellectual stimulation, and cake! There’s no judgement here. There’s value in wherever you find enrichment even if it’s different from those around you. Personally, I’m greedy and would like all of the above.

Summertime

Two women have a hot lesbian summer make out against a brick wall in Summertime

The title says it all. This is the lesbian summer movie. With hot sex scenes, a heavy dose of yearning, and connection over political action, this is a perfect film to kickoff the summer. It also acknowledges the impermanence of many of life’s joys, so soak up the sun — proverbial and literal — while you have it!

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 718 articles for us.

2 Comments

  2. Hell yeah! All of my favourites are here, « Les Amours d’Anaïs », “My Summer of Love”, and « La Belle Saison ». MSoL is hypnotic what with the cinematography and the soundtrack: from Saint-Saëns to Goldfrapp! LADA and LBS has some gorgeous scenery! Anaïs Demoustier and Izïa are perfection.

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AF+ Crossword Is Applying for the Role of ‘Bottom Chef’

and

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Rebecca Goldstein

Rebecca is a research scientist and espresso snob who identifies as a stay-at-home queer. Constructing crosswords began as an early pandemic hobby, and she's since been published in the the New York Times, the New Yorker and several other mainstream and indie venues.

Rebecca has written 38 articles for us.

Rachel

Rachel is a queer crossword constructor, writer, and bioethicist.

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4 Comments

    • Phew I was begining to worry !
      Finished it though, a very satisfying experience.

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‘Hacks’ Is One of the Best Shows About Being a Writer I’ve Ever Seen

Hacks concludes its excellent fourth season run this week with a quiet, contemplative, intimately character-driven episode written by the showrunning dream trio of Lucia Aniello, Paul W. Downs, and Jen Statsky and directed by Aniello (who truly deserves awards for her directing work this season). I felt mixed heading into this season finale, mainly because last week’s episode was so perfect. It would have been a great season finale. I imagine some viewers will wish it had been. But I’m a fan of the slowed-down, refocused, almost standalone season finale. And Hacks delivers a great one.

The bulk of the episode centers just Deborah and Ava and their relationship, but before we get to that point, a prologue sees them through their initial reactions to the events from the end of last episode. Deborah consults a shady claims lawyer in a desperate attempt to find loopholes in her contract to no avail. Ava visits Jimmy to offer a last-ditch solution: Perhaps she could blow Bob Lipka. This yields my personal favorite line read of the episode: “My blowjob’s not great, but how bad can it possibly be?”

Speaking of Einbinder’s delivery of that line, I’ve been trying to figure out why Hacks seems to get better and better every season — a difficult feat for a cable comedy with this insular of a premise — and part of it is definitely the fact that we’ve watched Hannah Einbinder grow as an actor for the past four seasons. She was strong from the start, but watching her in this final season and this finale especially drives home just how much she keeps improving. She has truly come into herself and her comedic voice, especially her physical comedy. If there’s something that defines the Aniello/Downs/Statsky success, it’s identifying and really nurturing young comedic talent. They did it as writers/producers/directors on Broad City, and they’ve done it here. Watching Hannah Einbinder on Hacks has felt like watching a star born in real time. I’m excited about Hacks being renewed for a fifth season, but I’m even more excited to see what she does next.

In the finale’s prologue, Deborah returns to Las Vegas without Ava and enters a depressive state. I’ve lived in Las Vegas before, and it is a distinctive part of Vegas life to find yourself drunkenly wandering a souvenir shop among the tourists. Deborah cast in those fluorescent lights and then pouring a nip of brown liquor into a plastic bottle of Diet Coke conjures a very specific feeling in my gut. One of the things I love about Hacks is its dynamics when it comes to joke pacing. Sometimes, it goes all-out, punchy, joke-a-minute with the humor. And then other times, it goes several beats without a proper joke setup, lets its characters live in their natural environments in a way that feels organic without being boring. There’s an ebb and flow to the show’s joke cadence and overall tone.

And that ebb and flow is exactly how it feels to work in a creative industry. You’re up and you’re down. No one is immune to this rollercoaster, even at the most elite levels. One second, you’re hosting the hottest late-night show on television. The next, you’re sipping whiskey diet from a plastic bottle in a parking lot.

If I sound superlative when I write about Hacks, it’s because I’m a writer, and I don’t think there’s ever been a television show that has so accurately depicted what it’s like to be a writer/creative/artist in today’s world. The penultimate episode of this season satisfied on a character level in the sense of providing a full (and deserved, in my opinion) 180 for Deborah. But more than that, it allowed the writers and makers of this show to comment on the state of the film/television industry and art-making in a meaningful and incisive way. The jokes this show and others make about the state of Hollywood — “Plubo” from last episode or some of Jimmy and Ava’s conversation in this one — are easy to land. But Deborah’s monologue last episode allowed Hacks to go a bit deeper. To be successful in the arts, one is subjected to the business of it all, and that complicates things. Deborah and Ava have been grappling with that all season.

And even after going through it all, Deborah doesn’t want a break. This, too, reflects the realities of every artist I know. We don’t want vacations. We want to work. Because our work is tied to our art, and our art is such a critical part of our identities. I’ve had to explain to my parents, especially my immigrant and business-minded father, that I will never retire. Not even just because of the economy or whatever. But because I don’t want to, not from writing. Not from the work that fulfills me. Deborah is depressed because she can’t do what she loves, not because she gave up her dream gig.

So, she finds a loophole. Marty offers her the penthouse at one of his hotels on Hawaiʻi, and Deborah and Ava head there on a private jet for some rest and relaxation. Or, at least, that’s what Ava assumes. Deborah redirects the jet to Singapore, where she has taken a gig doing stand-up, which will be translated into another language. The loophole.

At first, it’s fun and fantasy. Deborah easily kills every night. She and Ava gamble, drink, eat, party. But it becomes repetitive, rote. They’re not pushing themselves creatively. They’re coasting. And Deborah is drinking. A lot. When Ava tries to suggest they go home, Deborah turns on her, hurting her feelings. Mean Deborah is back.

But really, mean Deborah never went anywhere. As much as I love Deborah choosing Ava last episode, I think the season needs to end here. Deborah has grown, but she hasn’t transformed. She’s still selfish and cruel, and that doesn’t undermine her choices from last episode. I keep writing this season that Hacks is cyclical, and here we are, starting the cycle again. Deborah is doing what she does best: pushing away the people she loves. The whole finale feels like a reset in a way, refocusing on Deborah and Ava as writers and artists outside of the machine of late night television. I have greatly enjoyed what this season has had to say about the industry and the business of comedy and writing. But I’m always most interested in the characters and their relationship beyond all that.

After their nasty argument on the boat (I’m tempted to transcribe the entire scene, because the writing is so fucking good), Ava wakes up to a bunch of texts and alerts. The tabloids are reporting that Deborah is dead. Now, you don’t have to fall for this fake-out to still get swept up in it, because Ava believes it, and that makes you feel the weight of it even if you don’t. Deborah is of course alive and well, but she doesn’t like it one bit that the false obituary notes her retirement. Suddenly she agrees with Ava; it’s time to start writing again.

The ups and downs of creative life are brutal. It makes sense that Deborah is lulled into a false sense of satisfaction at the Singapore gig. Aided by booze and the easy, breezy comfort of a life lived mostly in casinos, she deludes herself into thinking this is working. But she isn’t working; she’s coasting. And when Ava points that out, Deborah lashes out at her. The creative life is volatile, and so is this central relationship. The finale is such a change of pace, place, and heart from last episode, but I do think this makes for the more interesting end to this chapter of Hacks, shifting away from focusing on the industry to focusing on the artists again. And the acting from both Jean Smart and Hannah Einbinder in that boat scene is some of their finest work all season.

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1035 articles for us.

3 Comments

  1. The looks that flit across Einbinder’s face in the boat scene, omg.

    I loved how intentionally different the pace and feel of this episode was from the rest of this season, and I can’t wait to see where they go from here.

  3. Okay I honestly thought the loophole was going to be Deborah and Aa writing together again but AVA being the one to perform. Think about it, it would have been hilarious! But I guess this is fine too.

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Lowkey Queer-Coded ‘Lulu is a Rhinoceros’ Is a Musical Romp For Kids About Self-Acceptance

Even though my kid is a tween and doesn’t watch television geared for the six and under crowd anymore, I still do, especially when it has positive queer-adjacent messaging. Apple TV+’s new hour-long film Lulu Is a Rhinoceros, based on the popular 2018 picture book of the same name by Allison and Jason Flom (who also executive produced the project) seemed to fit the bill. It’s 45-minute long story full of catchy songs that remind you there’s nothing more important than being who you know you are.

Lulu (voiced by Auli‘i Cravalho) is a rhinoceros; that’s what she sees when she looks in the mirror every day. She is also “brave,” “kind,” and loves who she is. So why is that when people look at her, they can’t see the same things? Lulu meets her icon Regina the Rhino at a local park event, and shares with us that she lives by Regina’s edict to do daily acts of kindness to uplift her community, which is part of what makes her a rhino. She sings about self-love and later, when she tells her friend Cory (a cow with fabulous footwear choices) that she’s feeling low after being told she’s not a rhino multiple times, Cory shares a little tip with her: you can change your perspective any time of day. Even if it’s right before bed, all you have to do is remind yourself that you have the power to change the narrative. It’s a message for everyone, not just kids.

I had the pleasure of speaking with Tony Award winner Alex Newell, who voices Cory, via Zoom. “It’s a story about acceptance and love. Not just about acceptance from other people — your own acceptance of what you want, who you are, and what you wanna be,” they told me.

The messaging in Lulu Is a Rhinoceros is one of the main things that drew Newell to the project, and why they keep coming back to projects geared towards young children. To them, early childhood is the “formative years of acceptance,” and stories like Lulu are good examples of how accepting yourself and others and being kind to everyone makes a huge difference. They told me they gravitated to the “understanding that just because people don’t see you as one thing does not stop you from being able to be your true self,” Lulu possesses.

Throughout the movie, Lulu encounters others who try to invalidate who she is. There are a pair of chickens who tell her that to be a rhino, she needs to be covered in mud and have pointy ears. A goose tells her that to be a rhino, she has to make honks and squeaks, while a cat tells her that a rhino has to know how to make good jelly sandwiches. In an attempt to get people to believe her, she tries to conform into what their views of a rhino are.

When watching the movie, you can’t help but draw the parallels between Lulu and the LGBTQ+ community. In a 2018 interview about the book, co-author, music executive Jason Flom said he “wanted to create a story that would speak to kids who are feeling down because they are being victimized.” Additionally, he hoped he “could have a chance to have an influence on kids, as their young minds are being formed, on whether or not they’re about to turn into a bully or an empathetic being. I want to help steer them down the right path.”

Newell, who was the first nonbinary actor to win a Tony Award for Featured Actor in a Musical, definitely had the queer community in their mind while they were performing Cory.

“I think that during all this time, we need more things like this to show the love that you can have for somebody else or something else, and still have nothing being taken away from you,” they shared.

They shared with me that they were “pretty steadfast” in their identity even as a child when I asked how seeing something like Lulu Is a Rhinoceros would have impacted them as a child. Despite having a strong sense of self, they believe that seeing a story like this “validates” what those steadfast kids may already know about themselves.

At a time when there is so much outside messaging that tells queer kids they shouldn’t exist, it’s easy to cling to a character like Lulu. Lulu is the steadfast kid that Newell was. It’s not that she doesn’t feel hurt by people thinking they know who she is better than she does. It’s that in the end, she doesn’t let them have the final say in how she feels about herself. She knows that one day they will see her the way she sees herself.

And it does help that she has other characters like Cory the cow, a beatboxing rabbit named Hip Hop, and a tickbird named Flom Flom to remind her that even if others don’t see it, they know she’s a rhino in her heart.

At the end of my conversation with Alex Newell, I asked what they hope people take away from watching the movie. “I think we have to start affording people more grace,” they said. “Grace is acceptance, time and space. We aren’t congruently the same all the time and that’s okay. We have to give grace to those who don’t see that, and we have to give grace to those who are still on their journey to accept that for themselves.”

On a repeat watch of the movie, my 11-year-old watched with me, even if he was trying to pretend he wasn’t that into it. “Why are they trying to tell her she isn’t who she says she is?” he asked me. “They don’t get to tell her who she is.” That’s the power of Lulu.

Lulu Is a Rhinoceros begins streaming on Apple TV+ on May 30.

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Sa'iyda Shabazz

Sa'iyda is a writer and mom who lives in LA with her partner, son and 3 adorable, albeit very extra animals. She has yet to meet a chocolate chip cookie she doesn't like, spends her free time (lol) reading as many queer romances as she can, and has spent the better part of her life obsessed with late 90s pop culture.

Sa'iyda has written 146 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. Oh, this sounds wonderful! I’m so happy that movies like this are made. Even reading this made my enby heart flutter with joy.

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‘And Just Like That,’ Miranda Is Too Cool for the Nun She Hooked Up With

The devil works in mysterious ways and this May he has cursed us with a splashy new season of Sex and the City spinoff And Just Like That…, a show about large hats and the women who dare to live (and love!) beneath their swaying canopies. I’m here to recap the show, probably, depending on how many people read them because I require a lot of validation to move forward in life. That said, I will be breezing gently through the heterosexual parts and focusing intently on the gay parts, because life is short and love is love. By “love is love” I mean that gay love is more important than straight love.

When we last left our well-heeled fifty-something friends navigating life and love in the big city, they’d all been gathered around Carrie Bradshaw’s Last Supper Table to bid adieu to her legendary West Village apartment. The table itself boasted an impressive Wine Glass to Human Being ratio of 10:1, which was very distracting to me. Somebody needs to do more pre-bussing! Anyhow, those few Human Beings were all encouraged by Carrie to declare what they wanted to “let go” of. For example: “guilt” (Miranda) or  “expectations” (Carrie). If you’re sitting here in awe of my outstanding memory for recalling how last season ended, let go of that awe, I did not remember a thing! I just rewatched the finale so I could write this paragraph because I was not paying very close attention last season.

But as we now reunite with our well-heeled fifty-something friends navigating life and love in the big city, they’re all struggling with disrupted expectations and trying to negotiate a wide range of unexpected realities: cans of Sprite, wicker dog purses, small house fires, collectible dolls, and holding space for lyrics from Wicked.

But I’m getting ahead of myself! Let’s begin at the beginning.

carrie holding out her finger to charlotte and miranda

And THIS is how straight people scissor

The dulcet tones of Chappell Roan lead us to a lesbian bar, where Miranda’s guzzling mocktails and lamenting to her her wildly out-of-place heterosexual wing-women, Charlotte and Carrie, that none of the young ladies and non-binary people at this establishment have approached her flirtatiously. This is an accurate depiction of lesbian bar behavior. It could be worse, though, she could be sending blank postcards to Aidan, like Carrie!

A vest-wearing twentysomething at the bar waving at Miranda turns out to be Brady’s old babysitter, Cassandra, rather than the potential love interest Miranda and her now-departed “friends” had assumed. Cassandra and Miranda catch up, briefly — Miranda’s sold the brownstone and is living in a West Village Air BnB while Brady and Steve enjoy #loftlife.

Miranda with her arms out

C’mon lemme just get my paws on those knockers

girl in vest with her arms out

Sure why not?!

“Elephant in the room, I’m a lesbian now,” Miranda says in the deep voice of an imaginary lesbian. The erotic potential of Miranda hooking up with Brady’s old babysitter is thwarted by the babysitter having a girlfriend, but the night charges gamely forward, as nights are wont to do, and around the bend of Miranda’s tenth mocktail, once all the youths have gone home to lie in bed with their girlfriends and watch TikTok, Rosie O’Donnell shows up.

rosie o'donnell in her shirt

Hello it’s me, Rosie O’Donnell, star of The Flintstones

Miranda leaning on the bar in a green top

Get out of town, I LOVED The Flintstones

Rosie O’Donnell’s character is named Mary. She’s a kind woman from a small town outside of Winnipeg, wearing sensible shoes, in town for a week for the World Conference for Compassion For the Unhoused. Mary and Miranda immediately feel connected because Miranda works for Human Rights Watch, which means they both care about human beings besides themselves.

“You’re so pretty,” Mary tells Miranda with unbridled awe, an unfortunately not unfamiliar sentiment for a lesbian Rosie O’Donnell character. At least Tina Kennard had the good sense to echo that praise in the Lesbian Rosie O’Donnell Character’s direction, but Miranda simply laps it up like a cat bathing in a vat of 2% milk.

Mary says “I have a hotel room” and Miranda is like, “okay,” and I’m like OKAY! This is what happens when you are both closer to death than you are to birth, you just get down to business.

The next morning everybody has a nice post-coital glow.

Mary: “You are amazing. I have never experienced anything like that.”
Miranda: “Oh! This is a nice way to wake up.”
Mary: “No you are really, really something.”
Miranda: “I am?
Mary: “Oh my god yes? It felt so — I don’t know — electric? And yet still so natural. I never dreamed my first time could be both those things.”

mary in bed

I mean, it’s a couples trend, right? So when you take that and also think about the necklace….

miranda in bed

We could be looking at a soft launch….

Miranda’s hope for a hookup with a nice woman at a bar who cares about human rights is becoming something else entirely, something incredibly important and pivotal for Mary — something perhaps she would’ve preferred for Mary to disclose ahead of time.

Miranda: “First time?… your first time with a woman?”
Mary: “This was my first time with anyone. I’m a virgin. Or, I was a virgin.”
Miranda: “You were a virgin?”
Mary: “Yes. I’m a nun!”
Miranda: “You’re a nun.”

Miranda, who obviously has not read Lesbian Nuns: Breaking the Silence or seen that L Word scene where the nuns bang on the bus, is for some reason not thrilled by the news that Mary is a nun.

I adore Sarita Choudhury and she deserves better than this episode but honestly, don’t we all. Seema’s storyline kicks off with her wearing a sexy outfit in bed, pissed that her boyfriend Ravi’s been too busy filming his cinema film for their FaceTime dates. She should send him a blank postcard! Instead she accidentally lights her hair on fire while smoking a cigarette.

Seema upset about her hair

Well after I soaked my hair in olive oil, I saran wrapped my head, lit a cigarette, and then went to the garage to get a drink from the garage fridge — and look at me now!

On an innocent walk through the park, Seema tells Carrie she demanded Ravi fly to New York to prove that he loves her. Carrie doesn’t need that kind of thing anymore because her and Aidan have grown and changed but more importantly, now she has this hat:

seema with her arm around carrie

I don’t know either, mister, I found her sitting on the bank of a lazy river, singing “Big Yellow Taxi” to herself

Unfortunately, when Seema’s femme boyfriend does finally arrive in New York City, his behavior isn’t what Seema had hoped for. Rather than going straight to a lunch reservation following a night of intimacy, he wants to scout three post-apocalyptic piers for his film. Seema doesn’t want to drink Sprite from a can and eat sandwiches from a cooler!!!!!

Sima on the phone on the pier

Sure, I’m in a perfect mood to discuss my car’s extended warranty

As for the one and only Lisa Todd Wexley, she wants her experience, wisdom and track record to immediately green-light her ten-part docu-series about unsung Black Sheros, but PBS wants her to somehow get Michelle Obama involved, despite Michelle Obama’s certified status as Sung. As a dedicated Topical List Purist, I’m horrified on LTW’s behalf that they want to include someone so off-category. Also if I may direct the class to the monitors in the background of this meeting — that’s queer African-Haitian-Ojibwe Native American sculptor Edmonia “Wildfire” Lewis!

character sitting in front of the monitor

see

Lisa’s Husband Herbert knows himself to be a very electable city comptroller, perhaps ’cause nobody knows what a city comptroller is, but his campaign aide Chauncey thinks he’s not quite “cool” enough yet to cinch the elusive city comptroller vote. But, hopefully pulling Lisa away from her work (finding Michelle Obama) to plan him a cocktail party at the Red Rooster (very cool) will change that!

lisa and herbert in the kitchen

Try it, it’s poison

Unfortunately LTW’s also drawn in to Charlotte’s subplot this episode, in which a mean woman at the park is convinced Charlotte’s dog was off-leash, maliciously attacking her dog Peanut. Something about how this scene was edited felt like I wasn’t supposed to be there.

Charlotte and Lisa at the park

Of course we went shopping for new outfits right after watching the Barbie movie why do you ask??

Charlotte insists her Sweet Baby Angel would never be off-leash or harm a dog. She goes ahead and accuses her dog-walker of letting him off-leash anyhow, which makes the dog walker quit. Then she can’t secure a kennel spot due to her dog getting cancelled by Park Lady.

Carrie, too, continues to suffer — she’s living in an empty mansion waiting for her couch upholstery to arrive in 2026, talking to her cat about her pants — and her house alarm keeps going off, claiming her kitchen door is open when it is, in fact, actually closed. While running around trying to fix this scenario, she slips and falls thus Carrie must call Miranda to say, “I’ve fallen and I can’t get up.”

carrie lying on the ground on the phone

Really? They’re back to calling it HBO Max again?

The weird thing is, she definitely can get up because in the very next scene she’s galavanting around her kitchen with merely a mildly maimed finger. But Miranda is there, of course, confessing that she closed out her evening at Lesbian Bar by having hotel sex with a nun. At last, Carrie finally knocks a joke out of the proverbial park: “You fucked the Virgin Mary!”

She’s not done, folks:

Miranda: Can you ghost a nun?
Carrie: It would be a holy ghost!

While there’s plenty to unpack and explore in the realm of Miranda being the target of a very clingy hookup after her own compromised emotional experiences with Che, instead we are shifting focus to Mary being uncool through her pursuit of joy in everyday life. She wants Miranda to meet her for dinner at the Tavern on the Green! I mean it’s simply a well-known modern tavern nestled in a bucolic Central Park setting and a historic landmark restaurant unlike any other!

Carrie’s alleged contentment with her Aidan situation is challenged further by Anthony, when she meets up with him, his young Italian boyfriend, Rock, and Lily for a 15-minute ballet performance in a 95% empty theater. Lily has a crush on the lead dancer, and Carrie can relate because she once dated Alexander Petrovsky, a large-scale installation artist played by the world’s most famous male ballet dancer, Mikhail Baryshnikov. She doesn’t say this, but I can sense it in the air.

at the ballet

God?

Anthony’s outraged that Carrie’s unclear on Aidan’s return date, insisting she shouldn’t sit all alone in her big house and wait for Aidan like Rapunzel. Luckily Aidan calls Carrie at 3 AM from a truck in a field after having three beers to tell her that he aches for her and they try to have phone sex but Carrie eventually just pretends to have phone sex and at the end says “my goodness!”

Miranda calls Carrie to leave a voicemail negging on “Sister Mary Tourist” for inviting her to Central Park to ride the carousel. Does Mary need to pump the brakes? Yes. But honestly Miranda, maybe you should go ride the carousel!!!

Miranda at her desk with her phoen

A-ha I knew Che Diaz had a finsta

Charlotte’s Dog Saga finally reaches its wretched conclusion: thanks in part perhaps to Lisa’s gentle prodding, Charlotte tells Park Lady she’ll pay Peanut’s MRI bill despite her deep certainty that her Sweet Baby Angel would never harm a soul. She’s willing to compromise her understanding of her dog’s temperament to finally know peace, but luckily for Charlotte, no such compromise is necessary — it turns out that Park Lady just had bad eyesight and confused Sweet Baby Angel with another dog. She screams, “Whoever owns this dog better stay away from me and my Peanut!” Ok.

Lady holding up a dog purse

There’s poop in this purse I can smell it!

Seema’s saga wraps up, too — over the course of one rambling day, Ravi has shown utter disregard for Seema’s needs and desires, carting her along on a cross-borough journey in a van, missing all their carefully planned meals, which also likely annoyed the restaurant employees who had to keep changing their reservation only to see it eventually cancelled. I think this is the fiftysomething bachelorette’s equivalent of when I wanted to have lunch with my boyfriend and instead ended up driving all over G-d’s green earth looking for a specific color of plastic bucket he needed for a Fraternity rush event. Unlike Seema, it took me nine months to break up with that boyfriend, but Seema is hotter and smarter than me. She is a fancy woman who only does fancy things, like flirt with death and call her driver.

ravi looking out at the pier

This would be the perfect location for a new Red Lobster

Ravi says he will always love her. “Great last line, roll credits!” she says, which would’ve been a perfect moment for the show to cut and roll the credits, because also then we wouldn’t have to watch the rest.

Our final destination this evening is LTW’s Red Rooster party for (hopefully!!!) New York City’s next City Comptroller. The venue is bustling with positive energy that I cannot really connect to the election in any meaningful way, but most importantly the venue is filled with cool people, and also three white women talking about Aidan.

charlotte excited at the table

DO ANAL WITH AIDAN DO ANAL WITH AIDAN

Carrie says she and Aidan have a very honest sex life so she feels bad for faking phone sex. Doesn’t everyone fake phone sex with their boyfriends? Then Miranda says, “I used to fake real sex,” and I think oh, maybe not everybody did fake phone sex with their boyfriends.

Big news: Herbert and his college A capella group are gonna do a little performance, which is fantastic because Herbert was in Hamilton and what’s cooler than A capella?

men performing a capella

🎵 I saw the sign and it opened up my eyes 🎵

During this performance, Harry inexplicably stands up and screams YEAH BABY WHOOO and swings his dinner napkin violently in the air and first of all, when did he arrive, and second of all, what?

harry screaming at a party

WORK!

Anthony apologizes to Carrie for sharing his opinions about Aidan. Carrie accepts his apology and they hug and she admits that actually everybody thinks it’s weird that she and Aidan just send each other blank postcards and she’s not sure when he’s returning to New York City and that her house alarm thinks the kitchen door is open when it is, in fact, closed.

But good news for LTW, Chauncey maybe knows MIchelle Obama! The message here is that even if you’re forced to engage in performative actions to achieve your authentic goals, it’s all worth it in the end because of Michelle Obama.

Meanwhile, Miranda continues to slander Mary the nun with abandon. Even more remarkable is that Mary has continued to reach out to Miranda despite the cold chill of silence she’s receiving in return. Mary the nun just got out of Wicked and wants to meet up with Miranda in … wait for it…. TIMES SQUARE. Can you believe?!?!? In fact, Mary’s at the M&M store. Literally name one thing in the entire world that sounds more fun than meeting up with a nun at the M-&-M store?!!!!

miranda looking at her phone

Hmmm…. she says she’s at TGI Fridays?

carrie eating from a cup

Strange of her to choose Fridays when Olive Garden is right there

miranda with her little dish

My thoughts exactly

Miranda feels sorry enough for Mary the Nun that she hauls ass to Times Square to have a conversation with Mary in the middle of a busy intersection beneath the outstretched arms of a giant gorilla. Mary tells Miranda that she’s had the best week of her life ’cause she got to rumble under the covers with Miranda and see Wicked. Miranda sets some immediate boundaries:

Miranda: I gather that you’re at the beginning of a new journey and I know how that is because I just got off a crazy chapter myself — but don’t do anything solely based on what you’re feeling right now.
Mary: Like — what? What do you mean?
Miranda: I mean like… don’t leave God for me.
Mary: Miranda, I would never leave God. We’re married. Look, I always knew this person was somewhere inside of me, and now I’ve met her. Thanks to you.

Mary holding Miranda's hands

I’ve seen this week people are really taking the lyrics of “Defying Gravity” and holding space for that and feeling power in that.

miranda talking to mary

I didn’t know that was happening.

Then she takes Miranda’s hands in hers and literally sings, “Because I knew you, I have been changed for good.”

In that moment, Miranda is forced to do what all of us have had to do at some point in Trump’s America— literally hold space for the lyrics of a song from Wicked. I’d like to imagine she considers holding space for Mary’s innocent enthusiasm for unsophisticated experiences, but probably not.

Her search for a hot, fleeting hookup has instead placed her squarely at the center of someone else’s romantic narrative — the kind Carrie Bradshaw, once upon a time, sold to us all. As Ms. Bradshaw herself once penned: “Some love stories aren’t epic novels. Some are short stories. But that doesn’t make them any less filled with love.”

Carrie calls Aidan to confess that she faked the phone sex but she’s here now, totally in the mood, and ready to rock! Unfortunately Aidan is in bed with his son and therefore unable to pull his pork. Carrie feels frustrated, then adjusts — she’s only waiting for Aidan if she’s not doing anything for herself in the meantime besides talking to her cat and turning vintage vacuum cleaner bags into hats.

This will be her dilemma, it seems: now that she’s older, more confident, more mature, more cynical, even — will that make her need less from Aidan? Or does she still need more from him because she loves him, and wants to be with him, which means she wants to be with him, literally, and build an actual life with him, which requires his participation. I don’t know why she wants this from Aidan when she could very simply be with literally anyone else (except Mr Big RIP), but this is Carrie’s life not mine.

Carrie sits down in front of her laptop, types one sentence, and then stares meaningfully into the middle distance!

carrie looking at her laptop

God damn I’m good

In conclusion, I feel like Charlotte and Harry and Anthony are still in the original show, the campy Sex and the City. And everybody else is in a different show that’s a lot more grounded and down-to-earth. In my opinion!

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3321 articles for us.

10 Comments

  1. I took one hit from my vape, watched this episode, and texted some friends that AJLT is the best thing to come from reboot culture. (I was promptly mocked.)

    BUT I DONT CARE I HAD A GREAT TIME

  2. I can’t believe you didn’t dedicate more time to roasting the most uncomfortable and unsexy phone sex I’ve been forced to watch on TV. I cannot imagine Carrie masturbating which is damning for a sex columnist.

    • claire if i was going to do that i would have had to watch that scene again and I HAD TO PROTECT MY PEACE

  3. The captions. I am dead.

    If you recap this wacka-doodle show, I’ll be here faithfully and mirthfully.

  5. i wish rosie had a whole arc! i just love everything she does. seeing her and cynthia nixon in bed together meant a lot to me as someone who loved them both through the whole 90s.

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What If I’m Totally Fine with the Space Between Us?

In which someone else’s loss and someone else’s needs are at odds with your actual boundaries!

Q

I love my mom and think she’s great – we get along for the most part and nothing terrible has ever happened between us. We talk on the phone every couple of weeks and I reply to her texts when she reaches out, even if sometimes it’s just an emoji. I think our relationship is totally fine, but she wants us to be so much closer. She finds ways to bring up the fact that her friends consider their daughters their best friends and how wonderful those relationships are, and I always resist the urge to tell her that I don’t want to be her best friend! But it’s very clear she wishes we were. I feel guilty about this on one level, but then again I think it’s totally normal to keep some distance between us.

My actual best friend recently lost her own mother to cancer and she was devastated. She’s talked a lot about the regrets she has over not being closer to her when she had the chance, and I don’t want to feel the same way one day, but I still don’t feel like I want to be any more reliant on or open with my mom right now.  I don’t want to be her best friend, I want her to have best friends that are her peers. I don’t want it to feel like I’m still a child, or that I’m her peer because I don’t feel like I am.

Am I being selfish or shortsighted, or am I being healthy? Should I try to foster a closer relationship with her to avoid the regrets my friend has to contend with? How could I do that while still maintaining some boundaries that made me feel more independent and self-sufficient, or is that not possible?

A

Summer: I don’t think it’s shortsighted or selfish to set boundaries with parents. But I came from an abusive childhood and my perspective might be tilted. I definitely think that it speaks to the degree of care your mother shows to you that she wants this with you. I hope you know that you’re lucky to have such care in your life. But that does not equate to an obligation to do something you’re not willing to do.

Is your mother feeling lonesome? Does she have friends and socialization in her life? I believe she’s reaching for you because she feels a gap in her life. On the surface, that gap might seem like a missing best friend-daughter, but it might be a different thing she’s missing and you’re a convenient way to localize her feelings. We all have reasons.

When it comes to the possibility of regrets once she dies, I don’t think there’s a right answer. Grief is emotionally devastating. Regret is just one of grief’s shapes. If you make one decision here, you might regret not spending enough time with her. But if you make the other, you might regret overstepping your comfort zones for her and suffering in the process anyway. You can’t form perfect plans for things as inevitable and intense as grief. You can only plan for now. What matters now is that your mother is reaching out with a need in her life but you’re not emotionally positioned to meet that need. How can you compromise while being empathetic to your own needs?

Sa’iyda: Oh, this is too real. I have a very similar situation. My mom fully believes we are best friends, and I fully believe that she needs her own friends and I’m her daughter. Our relationship is pretty complicated as a result, but I can understand your need to keep a healthy amount of distance between the two of you. Sometimes when you don’t have those boundaries, it’s easy for your mom to put you in positions that you may not feel comfortable with, especially with other family members.

Do you live near your mom? If you don’t, and her friends who claim to be best friends with their daughters do, she could be missing having you close by and is looking for connection that way. But also, what does she mean by wanting that kind of relationship with you? Does she just want to talk more often, or does she want you to be more open with her about your life? I mean, there are things about my life I don’t even tell my best friends! Boundaries are normal, and they’re different with every single person in your life. Only you know what feels right for you.

As for your fears of regret once she dies, you don’t know what you’re going to feel when that actually happens. Like Summer said, you might regret not sticking to your boundaries more than you regret not spending more time with her. Right now, the only thing you can do is really take stock in how making tweaks to your relationship could serve you both. There are ways to be closer without being reliant on your mom in any way. Maybe you set aside a nice long time to talk on the phone once a month. Or if you do live close by, maybe you can have lunch once a month and take turns paying the bill. Ultimately, only you can make the choice for yourself.

Nico: I think there is a balance you can achieve between being close enough that the relationship feels good to you and being “best friends” — and it sounds like you’ve achieved this, more or less, and are happy with your relationship. The issue here is that your mom is not, and you’re feeling some guilt about this. It’s also so hard to navigate this from a place of your mom having this idealized vision of what she wishes your relationship was like — one she’s gotten from unreliable sources because she’s talking with other moms her age, and not, say, those moms AND their daughters. It’s hard to live up to an ideal that your mom’s worked herself up to wanting.

That said, if you want to foster more closeness, again, there is a huge range between where you are now and “best friends” that you can play with. You don’t immediately have to give up all autonomy and independence and privacy. For example, I am sure there are boundaries you have now about what you will or won’t discuss with your mother, and you can maintain those pretty easily I think by simply not bringing things up or disclosing things that you don’t want to talk about. Easy ways to both feel like you’re putting more into the relationship and maybe to make her feel better are to increase the frequency with which you’re talking on the phone, for example. If you talk every few weeks, you could potentially establish a weekly time where you two, except for extenuating circumstances, talk on the phone. This could make her feel more secure in knowing when she’ll get to talk with you, and it’s a situation with clear parameters that allow you to set and keep boundaries around how much time you want to spend talking with her. As for relying on her, similarly, you don’t have to accept or ask for help that you don’t feel comfortable with or need. And if your mom makes suggestions around things that don’t necessarily feel right, you can always counter suggestions and asks with something that is more of a compromise. Maybe she asks to come visit you for 10 days, and that’s way too much for you right now, so you counter and say that you’d actually like to come visit her for a long weekend coming up.

As others have said, there’s no way to know how you’ll feel when she dies, but if you want to test the waters and see how it feels to work on being a little bit more close, there are ways to gradually do that and keep your boundaries.

Ok so the real plot twist here is shame disguised as literary standards, babe.

Q

I am a very voracious reader, and I have noticed that lately, most of the books I’ve read are queer to some extent, with quite a few being romcoms. I also keep a list of all the books I’ve read in a year, and I feel a lot of satisfaction from reading past a certain number. However, recently, as I see my list being filled with books centered, or prominently featuring queer romances, I feel as if I’m cheating, and that these books shouldn’t really count on my book list. My twisted logic is that because I seek out those books and only read them because there is some sort of queerness to them, it undermines the legitimacy of the book in some way. I also feel ashamed that I should feel this shame because I know on some level that there is nothing wrong at all with what I am doing, but every time I see my book list and see it grow with queer books, it just feels wrong to me. Also I feel even worse when it’s a romcom because it feels too fluffy to consider as an actual book to include, like it’s just an easy way for me to boost the number on my list. I know this is a trivial matter about a book list, but I also feel like it’s a reflection of how I feel about how I engage with my queerness? How do I make this feeling go away?

A

Nico: I’m called first to how you feel satisfied about reading past a certain number of books in a year. Do you often have standards for yourself, set by yourself, which you feel you must try to meet, or else you’re disappointed in yourself? I think this is about more than just feeling guilty about focusing on queer books, it’s also about tying your reading to a goal that ultimately doesn’t mean that much because — as you point out — some books are a quicker read than others. The “ease” with which you read a book does not necessarily correlate with its value. For you, it seems like the value in these books is the emotional and validating experience you gain from reading queer romances — and you are an emotional being and not just a cold, intellectual one, so that is valuable and important!

You are allowed to want to steep yourself in queerness and for that to be something you seek out and that feels good to you. Also, maybe books that center a more cishet perspective feel like more work to engage with because they’re requiring you to stretch out of your lived queer experience and to engage with a cishet perspective. So, all that is to say, yes? This does say something about how you’re valuing and engaging with your queerness. Engaging with your queerness by reading queer romances is valid. Now, you mention feeling shame when you see your list fill with queer books in general, so if I have tangible advice for you regarding making this “feeling go away,” it’s to actually lean more into that and to continue to widely and deeply engage with books by queer authors and on queer subject matter — fiction, nonfiction, more. Queer people are really fucking good at shit! At writing! At researching! At journalism and reporting! At brewing up romances that make you feel all gooey inside! Plus, when you get books by queer authors out of the library or purchase them, you’re supporting queer authors and showing that there’s demand for queer books, so that’s a net good, too. If you want to participate even more deeply, you can leave reviews on websites for the books you read and enjoy by queer authors. I wonder if intentionally leaning in, instead of skirting around it, will help you to truly accept in your body that nothing is less valuable by nature of being queer, and that it’s okay for books that center queerness to be preferable to you because they reflect who you are and have more points of commonality for you.

Sa’iyda: As a reader of predominantly queer romance, let me first just say that these are legitimate books! Who is telling you that they’re not? A book is a book, whether it’s an e-book, a graphic novel, or an audiobook. If you are reading them, they count! Just because they’re easy to read doesn’t make them less valid, and doesn’t make you less of a reader. Is the real issue with them being “fluffy” and therefore seemingly less legit in some circles, or is it that you feel some type of way about your own queerness because you read queer romance?

There is no one way to be queer either. Just because you don’t perform or engage with queerness the way other people do, doesn’t make you any less queer. I think social media has made us feel like there’s only one way to do things, when in fact, everything is a spectrum.

Why don’t you see if there’s a queer book club in your area? They often read a spectrum of books, and you may meet people with similar interests. It’s a good way to engage both with your book lover side and your queerness.

Riese: I am also insane about tracking what I read and sometimes if my number of books read per year isn’t where I want it to be I will read a graphic novel to get back on track because the number of books read per year is literally something that only matters to me, it’s my own silly obsessive problem so I can cheat at the game I created if I want to! But I cannot imagine considering a queer romance to be cheating on this (again, self-created) challenge! And neither should you.

Summer: One starting point is to tell yourself that everyone seeks out the media that interests them. The media we consume or enjoy shouldn’t solely be for a productive purpose. Seeking productivity or properness in engaging with entertainment is often detrimental to our enjoyment, not supportive of it.

On the topic of wanting to read fluffy romance and similar, this is a long-running feeling that exists alongside the infantilization of women’s interests. Women’s interests like romance fiction, makeup, and home crafts are characterized as frivolous by a deeply misogynistic world. Just as women’s labor like homemaking and parenting are also characterized as less valuable. This is the indelible mark left by past societies that (more ruthlessly) repressed women’s participation in enjoyable activities. Romantic fiction has a long history of being an outlet for women in a men’s world. In a time when education and even literacy were barred from women, romance in theater or ‘low-grade’ literature might be the only literature they could access. Literature offered a fantastical outlet for women weighed down by their lack of freedoms in the real world, whether that outlet involved fictional tales of freedom or simply romantic partners who weren’t terrible.
There’s nothing wrong with wanting to indulge in the media of your choice. There’s no reason to consider it frivolous or unimportant when all media and storytelling has a rich history. Enjoyment alone should be an adequate reason to take in art, but if it’s not, just remember that fluffy queer media is appropriate in a world that represses both queerness and joy alike.

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3 Comments

  1. L1 I think everyone gave really good advice but I just want to give a perspective that might help that is different from your friend’s, because just because she wishes she’d have been closer to her dead mom really does NOT mean you will wish the same. That is just one perspective in a sea of perspectives on parent-child relationships. I am an orphan with a deep deep love and appreciation for my parents and I miss them a lot and you know what? When they were still alive I spent YEARS trying to get away from my family, moved two hours away the moment I was 18 and hardly visited, then as soon as I could I moved to a different country 10 hours away. I don’t regret any of it, this was just the relationship that I was able to have with them in the circumstances we were in. So please don’t worry about your friend’s opinion, worry about your own gut feeling. (And even the same person can have different perspectives!! When my mom died I was like “PLEASE HUG YOUR MOMS FOR ME EVERYONE BC I CAN’T ANYMORE😭😭😭…”, when my dad died I was like “Fuck everyone whose dads are alive, they should have died instead of mine” and now that it’s been a few years I am mostly just happy and grateful that I had such lovely parents and everyone else’s parents are their own business y’know?)

  2. The book question reminds me of when I was on a date with a guy at a bookstore and he said something a long the lines of “I feel like I should read the greats like Faulkner don’t you?” and I truly don’t feel that way at all! I have absolutely no shoulds for me reading outside of whatever I feel like at the moment (which definitely includes queer romance) and I hope the question asker can feel the same way some day.

  3. Lt2 i love reading a wide range of things, including queer books and queer romances – which are such good books! You say you “only” seek them out because they’re queer, but what you don’t say is whether you think the books are good, as books! I’m maybe coming from a different angle like maybe you’re just getting tired of a similar palate (freshly five year English published things, say – though i could be wrong!) , because they “feel easy”, so maybe you could range in time and form deliberately for ones that are still queer but will vary things? Djuna Barnes is one i’d mention for time, Eva Balthazar or Suzuki Izumi for non-English language off the top of my head…variety AND queer could help you shake this off?

    I could be completely wrong, but when I’ve been reading all one “type” of book for a while, I can get in the doldrums like this, “oh, another queer horror, the gay horror fan reading gay horror, how PREDICTABLE”, so that’s my tuppence!

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The Drag Queens, Burlesque Lesbians, and Gay Cowboys Who Made a Queer Honky-Tonk From Scratch

Outside a large industrial building in the Ivanhoe Village neighborhood of Orlando, a group of people donned in glitter cowboy boots, rodeo-ready hats, flannels, bolo ties, and Western belt buckles giggle and converse in the sticky Florida night air. The muffled twang of big stadium country music emanates through the building’s walls.

As both a Midwesterner and a Floridian, I’m used to being somewhat vigilant and on edge in settings exactly like this. The kinds of people in this country scene don’t always warmly welcome folks like me: queer, brown, generally liberal in all aspects. On this night in Orlando, it almost looks like I could be waiting in line for a Blake Shelton or Toby Keith concert.

There are some key differences though, and they become even more pronounced as I enter the space. Above the oval stage-turned-bar, rainbow lights flash. A rhinestoned horse greets us. And as I look around, everyone dancing, drinking, and laughing is so obviously and freely queer.

“Welcome to the country’s only gay country bar!” the MC proclaims. This is BOOTS, a 360 live show and queer Western extravaganza that has taken Orlando by storm.

Jazlyn Caing, photographed by Ashlyn Mckibben

The space’s usual two-tiered black box theater has been transformed into a distressed wood saloon that looks like its doors have swung open to queer wranglers for years rather than just a matter of weeks. A large heptagonal bar with sticky countertops is wide enough to dance on. On stage, the cast dances professionally choreographed numbers to the hoot and hollering crowd. A small staircase leads performers to a raised platform, the center stage, where the country magic happens. Under a flashing giant sign reading BOOTS, there’s another small stage that houses the live band and a pole reaching from the balcony seats down to the general admission floor. Cast and crew from Orlando’s Renaissance Theater, the nonprofit theater organization that runs BOOTS and other local programming, hand-crafted the stage, experience, setlist, and whirlwind concept plank-by-plank under the executive direction of Donald Rupe.

A Cowboy Reclamation

One of the biggest inspirations for this space was “Beyonce’s reclaiming of country music, and the Ren had kind of been intertwined with her and her music since we opened in 2021,” Rupe explains. The show is an all-around collaborative effort, but sitting at the heart of BOOTS is a reclamation of how Rupe grew up with country. Having grown up on a cattle farm, country music was the soundtrack to his childhood. In a similar vein to my apprehension in certain country spaces, Rupe was “bullied by the people who traditionally ‘own’ country music.” At the same time, it reminds him of his late father. Driven by Beyonce’s new era of country, he set out to reframe country to “create an alternate universe where country music actually celebrates queer people and diversity.”

Bianca Heard, photographed by Jake Pearce

Shout-singing The Chicks’ “Wide Open Spaces” and “Cowboy Take Me Away” at BOOTS took me back to the time I came out in my small Midwestern town. The only way I knew how to cope was to drive to the nearest field and run around until golden hour gave way to a “blanket made of stars,” as Natalie Maines sings. Only this time I was actually free. I had found my Wide Open Space. I was completely and entirely myself. BOOTS isn’t just a country night out or a queer variety show. For a Midwestern, country-loving queer like myself, it’s like going to church. As Rupe puts it, the country music of BOOTS I”makes people feel like they’re at home with family; in our case, it’s a queer family.”

The drag queens of BOOTS are a cornerstone of the BOOTS family. Coco Cavalli —AKA “The Sex Siren of Orlando” —offers an eye-catching hyper-femme take on Lady Gaga’s “John Wayne.” “I find heavy inspiration in femme fatales of pop culture and music,” she shares.

Performer Beatrixx Oddity channels her inner badass bandit with a performance of Elle King’s “America’s Sweetheart.” Lyrics like “You try and change me, you can go to hell / ‘Cause I don’t want to be nobody else” take on new meaning in this all-queer space. “Queerness exists in all forms of music,” Beatrixx shares. “With society today, they try to claim which music belongs to which people, and I feel like BOOTS broke that stigma.”

Fuchsia Flames and Sedona Wilde, photographed by Jake Pearce

Skeptical of the country premise, Latinx drag performer Orusha San Miguel wasn’t too thrilled about the concept of BOOTS at first, until the organizers asked her to do a Selena number, something she felt really reflected her identity. Her second number pays tribute to Beyoncé, with La Mami Bowl, a spin on Cowboy Carter performances. “In my mind, country music was for white people,” she shares, “until Beyonce’s album.” The kickoff of The Cowboy Carter era was certainly the inspiration for the entire production of BOOTS, but “what we’re doing in Orlando you won’t see anywhere else […] we’re doing something big,” Orusha adds.

“Country music raised a lot of queer individuals in the South,” Coco Cavalli reiterates. She takes pride in watching the “genre grow into something that can be for a larger community.”

Bring In the Sapphics

During the planning process, Rupe realized they hadn’t done enough to specifically cater to a wider swatch of the LGBTQ+ community — namely, the sapphics —so they expanded their vision to feature nights for ladies who love ladies.

Enter: Sapphic Saddles.

Ivy Les Vixens, photographed by Ashlyn Mckibben

Sapphic Saddles is a special WLW-focused edition of BOOTS featuring Les Vixens, Orlando’s LGTBQ+ femme burlesque troupe. Every single Saturday, Les Vixens hold court at the most popular and longest continuously running lesbian nightlife event in Orlando: Girl the Party, located at LGBTQ+ bar and dance club Southern Nights. They’re a staple in sapphic nightlife in Central Florida, so bringing them onto the BOOTS train was a natural way to incorporate existing lesbian community and performance into the scene.

Ivy Les Vixens, the troupe’s producer and director, is the queer heiress of Sapphic Saddles. She describes Sapphic Saddles as a space highlighting sapphic performers where they get to bring their “own flavor of performance art, burlesque teasing & pleasing, and queer joy to the stage.” She shares in Rupe’s vision of “taking something stereotypically thought of to be the music and community of bigots, and instead showing that queerness and queer joy go perfectly with the storytelling and sounds of country music.”

Her high femme, uber-glam burlesque performance offers a moment to slow down and get a bit more intimate amid the 360 spectacle of BOOTS; “I like to make it feel like it’s just you and me, baby,” she says.

Ivy is a beloved figure in Orlando’s sapphic community, so it only made sense to include her in a “queer jamboree that’s non-stop singing, dancing, and queer joy!” “Raised by a wild pack of drag queens,” she grew up in gay bars with male go-go dancers, but nothing ever seemed to be for women, by women. She started Les Vixens “as a way to give queer women entertainment, empowerment, and representation for and by other queer women.”

Les Vixens, as Ivy puts it, are committed to being “fierce advocates, fierce performers, fierce femmes on a mission to keep creating safe, sapphic spaces where queer women are not just considered, but the priority.” BOOTS gave them the platform to continue to “make sure at every show the girls are in the front rows, seeing themselves represented in powerful ways.”

Sedona Wilde, photographed by Jake Pearce

As I speak with other sapphics in the BOOTS crowd, it’s clear Ivy’s mission had already been a success. Beth and Slater have both been three times and can’t wait to attend again. “I’m perpetually blown away! I love being in such a fun queer country space,” Slater shares. Beth adds, “I always have fun and feel super safe.”

Y’all Means All

In addition to calling the show “gorgeous and beautiful and entertaining as F,” Ivy tells me it was exactly what she needed. I, too, was thrilled to see cowgirls kissing other cowgirls, and in the process of gathering interviews during Sapphic Saddles, I even helped wingman a stranger hoping to get her girl.

It’s no wonder why they recently announced they’re extending shows from May until July. We needed this space, we showed up, and we continue to show up. It’s a safe haven for Midwestern, Southern, and rural country queers who might have complicated relationships with home and with the genre.

Sedona Wilde, photographed by Jake Pearce

“Florida is the queerest state in the US,” Ivy says, bucking the dominant narrative that Florida is defined by its bigotry. “That’s why it’s under such a microscope and attack. And that’s why I’m keeping my sparkly boots planted right here and keeping fighting to create spaces, because the queers are here, m’dear!” The entire premise of BOOTS, indeed, challenges ideas of who country is for, who Florida is for.

If you’re in or near Orlando or have been thinking about coming here, I’m telling you: This show is worth it. After spamming my best friends with video after video of BOOTS footage, they’re now trying to come down from Chicago —not just to see for themselves but to really be in it, to experience it. Because it’s so much more than a show. It’s a completely immersive and dynamic space. For many, it feels like a homecoming.

Whether you’re a gay country fan or skeptic, you will find yourself healed by the liberation of breaking norms —in assumptions, expectations, and even gay culture. In the words of Coco Cavalli: “How many shows have you been to where drag queens and dancers are doing full productions on bar-tops and 7-foot, 360-degree stages, all to live country music?”

Ivy Les Vixens

What The Renaissance Theater is doing is revitalizing, innovative, and authentic. How they do it —paying all of their artists, creating a collaborative atmosphere, giving artists creative freedom —is expensive. I would obviously encourage you to come see BOOTS running now through July, but for the majority of us who can’t, I would ask you to consider showing up for Florida queers in a different way. A donor recently gave them a matching gift of $50,000, meaning a donation received by the Ren will be matched dollar-for-dollar up to $50,000. If you can’t make it out to Orlando to come see BOOTS (or even if you can), you can support what they’re doing in Florida: creating safety, empowering our community, and honoring art. You can make a donation at rentheatre.com/donate.

Visit their website to learn more about the cast, crew and to buy tickets.

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Em Win

Em (she/they) is a writer, therapist, and connoisseur of odd jobs. Born a Midwest Princess and once an LA Gay, she has somehow put down roots in Orlando, FL. Most of her time and energy is spent on FL-based queer advocacy in therapy world.

Em has written 87 articles for us.

‘Big Mouth’ Finally Grew Up

The gross, horny kids from Big Mouth are done going through changes, and now it’s time to say goodbye. When Big Mouth began in 2017, there was no doubt that it was one of the most provocative adult-animated shows for adults in a long time. While regular people seem to like it, and many animation fans detest it, I have always found it charming. One thing is for sure: Big Mouth‘s direct and daring depictions of horny teens have challenged viewers. Underneath the raunchiness and gross-out jokes, the series has been a trailblazer in its efforts to challenge societal norms and welcome LGBTQ representation. The series has been both a collection of crazy teenage coming-of-age stories and the closest thing America will get to thoughtful sex education at a time when sexual activity and its depiction is villainized. Within its eighth and final season, Big Mouth takes complete advantage of its high school setting for more mature episodic tales, a final bout of puberty-related lessons, and a worthwhile bittersweet finale that legit made me tear up.

The eighth season follows the students as they move up from Bridgeton Middle to Bridgeton High School. With the ensemble reaching 15, new experiences for the crew await. Jessi (Jessi Klein) has integrated herself with her pothead crowd and lands a boyfriend named Camden (Whitmer Thomas). Missy (Ayo Edebiri) joins a robotics club and eventually falls for one of her peers, Nate (Nathan Fillion), a pint-sized clone of Nathan Fillion. Bisexual wolf Jay (Jason Mantzoukas) finds his place in the vocational basement school and falls into sexual mishaps with his exes Lola (Nick Kroll) and Matthew (Andrew Rannells). Matthew tries to delve deeper into his gay identity, questioning whether he is a top or bottom, as he has more sexual experiences. Andrew Glouberman (John Mulaney) is still a selfish sex pest whose antics frustrate me — despite loving Mulaney’s voice — and yet he experiences a nice amount of character growth in areas that genuinely had me feeling for the character. But the most important change happens to the main character, Nick Birch (Kroll), when he finally hits puberty and has a huge growth spurt.

These new endeavors for these characters allow for the exploration of a new genre of adolescent-oriented stories that revolve around significant topics such as accountability, consent, and compassion. Don’t worry, the sex and meta humor that has been the staple of the series is still omnipresent in every other scene and still embarrassingly funny. But the careful attention to detail in striking a balance between adult themes and vulgar humor, especially given the ensemble’s 15-year-old ages, hits a new high. Among the season’s best storylines involves Nick hooking up with Devin (June Diane Raphael) and dirty talk influenced by porn that backfires. He lies to protect his own skin, demonizing her in the process, before being taught a lesson in accountability for actions by a new human emotion manifestation figure, the compassion pachyderm (a wonderful Holly Hunter). The writing staff pulls it off with strong weight and thoughtfulness, something that is fitting for these characters’ older ages, and I hope it inspires individuals within this age bracket who are experiencing these things without a guide.

While Big Mouth is known for its shocking sex jokes, it’s also tried to put its best foot forward when representing everyone. One of the series’ high points was in season seven when it pushed toward better representation of gender and sexuality on a diverse spectrum. I loved watching Missy’s relationship with her asexual boyfriend, Elijah (Brian Tyree Henry), as I’ve never seen a Black asexual character before. In addition, hormone monsters Murray (Kroll) and Connie, the reason behind Maya Rudolph’s most recent run of Emmy victories, had a nonbinary child named Montel (Cole Escola), who contributed to an increased focus on examining gender stereotypes. Unfortunately, those characters are absent from this season due to Elijah’s transfer to another school, and I can only assume Escola is too busy with Oh Mary to reprise their role.

Some fan-favorite characters make an appearance in small spurts, including Missy’s cousin Lena (Lena Waithe) in a segment describing her first sexual experience. Then, of course, in the Big Mouth tradition, it succeeds in stunt casting the most prominent actors in minor roles, such as Cynthia Erivo as Missy’s vagina, which is in alignment with her British hormone monster counterpart, Mona (Thandiwe Newton). Missy even jokes that every shoulder-angel agent she has in her orbit is British.

If after eight seasons you still don’t like Big Mouth, then I’m not sure why you’re still watching. But fans of the show will be pleased that this final season stays true to its essence while striking a new mix between charming and raunchy. I started to get teary-eyed at the end as its powerful conclusion honored the animated medium and the characters we’ve grown to know over the past eight years. This is one massive growth spurt that won’t make you cringe.

Big Mouth season eight is now streaming on Netflix.

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Rendy Jones

Rendy Jones (they/he) is a film and television journalist born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. They are the world's first gwen-z film journalist and owner of self-published independent outlet Rendy Reviews, a member of the Critics' Choice Association, GALECA, and a screenwriter. They have been seen in Vanity Fair, Them, RogerEbert.com, Rolling Stone, and Paste.

Rendy has written 25 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. cancelling all my weeekend plans to do this, aka watch the new season.
    or at least i’ll be watching while folding the laundry and other weekend chores.
    i was delighted to realize the new season is out AND there are some older episodes i dont remember watching!
    mahalo for this write up, i’m sure im gonna leak a lil during the finale, too. (tear up lol)

  2. watching season 7 episodes and as usual heavily identifying with jay with a wing of caleb, and it has me wondering “which Big Mouth character are you?” AUTOSTRADDLE QUIZ?!?!!! let’s make it happen, team!?

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Nava Mau Is Playing Her Own Game — And Changing the World Along the Way

This interview was originally published in April 2024. It is being re-published to celebrate the release of Nava Mau’s new film all the words but the one.

The first time I saw Nava Mau on-screen, she was introducing herself. The lines she said were her own, the gaze was her own. This short film Waking Hour — written, directed, produced, and starring Nava — presented a multi-talented artist with a clear perspective.

Every time, I’ve seen Nava on-screen since, it’s reaffirmed that perspective. Even when not performing her own words under her own direction, each project feels part of the same consistent mission. Whether playing a supportive aunt on the tragically short-lived teen dramedy Genera+ion or deepening what could’ve been a one-note trans love interest on the complex Netflix hit Baby Reindeer that garnered her an Emmy nomination, Nava approaches her work with a purity of purpose.

Last year I spoke with Nava about that purpose and the community work that inspired how she navigates the industry. At the end of our conversation, she mentioned working on a new short film titled all the words but the one. You can now watch that film below, read additional thoughts from Nava on the film, and then read our interview.

If I were to make this film today, I would make an entirely different one. But that’s only because this film is everything it needed to be. It is a film about the healing process–how we cannot control it and we cannot rush it. The process is what it needs to be.

For years, I felt like there were layers of cement around my body, and I just assumed that’s what happens with time, as you get older. I didn’t realize what I was feeling was actually trauma, and that maybe there was still a version of me in there, waiting to break through. The process of making this film got me through to the other side. I wanted to make a film that asks more questions than it answers. I had to ask tough questions about violence, accountability, and forgiveness. I think I needed to consider the possibility that maybe people who’ve hurt me in the past could have changed. I want to believe that is possible. I had to ask the question, would they still be a villain in my story if I met them again?

I never could have imagined how much I needed to tackle these questions in collaboration with other people–how personal and transformative it could be to work with a cinematographer, an editor, a production designer, or my castmates. I can’t even put into words how much it meant to rewrite the ending to this story with everyone who needed it just as much as I did. All of our jobs require technical skill, but this story required us all to work on an emotional level, and I’m so grateful for everything we learned from each other. I think one of the key reasons we had the space for that is that the production was cultivated as a learning environment, with a Trans Production Fellowship integrated into the production model. Six trans and non-binary people came onto set for training, mentorship, and hands-on experience in six different departments. There was a moment when I was naked on the dining table, we’re resetting the scene, and it was Liza, the fellow in production design, who was running around setting decorations. It felt like it was just me and Liza in that moment: two trans Latinas on set. I’m naked and she’s putting plates of food tastefully around my body, and I felt safe. There are times during filming when I am the only trans person in the room, the only Latina in the room, and sometimes even the only woman in the room. So it absolutely meant the world to me that I didn’t have to be the only one on my own set.

I learned from working as a fellow on the set of Disclosure that programs like the fellowship are very feasible, and very beneficial to everyone working on a production. It’s just not that hard. The model of a fellowship program is easily replicable and should be adopted by more productions throughout the industry. — Nava Mau

Drew: I feel like a lot of trans actors and artists are thrust into activist and advocacy work. But that’s where you started. Where’d you grow up and what led you to that political and community work?

Nava: I grew up in Mexico City and then when I was eight, I moved to San Antonio, Texas — both very family-oriented, community-oriented places. I credit my foundation for how I value community and how I value a mindset of interconnectedness as opposed to individualism. I think I’ve always met people on a heart level. So when my life took me to other places, I carried that with me. Since middle school, I’ve felt a need to belong to community and to be an active participant and contributor in community.

I did a program with Mujeres Unidas Contra El Sida which is a community organization in San Antonio that provides sex education and works in the HIV awareness space. They had this political theatre component, where we would go and put on skits about consent for high school students. In the 2000s! In Texas! We talked about consent and sexual health and even though I was a participant and an actor, I learned so much from that. So I’ve always felt this deep connection between artistry and community.

I think I ran away from pursuing artistry with my full chest because it just didn’t seem feasible. I mean, I didn’t know anybody who could claim that they had a career as an artist. It never even occurred to me to try and pursue any kind of creative work in a professional sense. So I did other things. I studied linguistics. I started working at the Queer Resource Center, at the Draper Center for Community Partnerships. I did ESL tutoring. I found fulfillment in that kind of work.

There’s nothing like working one-on-one with somebody. Feeling like you’re creating a change together, you know? Because there’s so much in our world that’s worth changing. And it’s worth working on together. So I have always felt that power and it’s later I realized artistry can do that too. I could build a bridge between those worlds.

Drew: Was acting in the sex education skits your first introduction to acting or had you acted before?

Nava: I had done a play in Mexico. I did a kids production of Cats. (laughs) And I had a solo—

Drew: Oh my God! Who were you?

Nava: I don’t remember!

Drew: (laughs)

Nava: Maybe like a rockstar cat? I don’t know. So I had done that. And I would always make these little home videos with my sisters. We played this thing called The Game (laughs) where we created adult versions of ourselves and acted out soap opera lives. We would play that for hours and hours and hours. This adult life we were acting out went on for like five years.

Drew: Wow.

Nava: I genuinely credit The Game as my foundation for acting.

Drew: I have so many questions about this. What was your future? How different is your actual adult life vs. the adult life you imagined as part of The Game?

Nava: Oh my God. So the tea is that, of course, like, I was male assigned at birth and had not come into my trans identity so originally the adult character I was playing was a man. Who was already divorced.

Drew: (laughs)

Nava: But then the storyline was that I remarried to Christina Escalante, an aspiring fashion designer. Then I had to play Christina too. New character! And it was not long before playing The Game meant I was playing Christina Escalante.

Drew: Incredible.

Nava: And then Christina had her own reality show and was trying to hire an assistant. (laughs) There was a whole life that I lived as Christina Escalante. (laughs)

Drew: I’m obsessed. That’s amazing.

Nava: That is egg behavior right there.

Drew: (laughs)

Okay so then what led to Waking Hour? How did you go from The Game to community work to deciding to write, direct, and star in your own film?

Nava: So I realized I wanted to be a showrunner. I wanted to do TV writing. I took some classes in college and that was the vision, so I started getting my scripts together. And then I saw my friend Nana Duffuor do a GoFundMe for a short film project and she had me play a small role in it and I was like— Well, first of all I didn’t know what a short film was at the time. (laughs) When I say that I ran from artistry, I really mean it. I really did not allow myself to dream in that way. So I didn’t know about film festivals or any of that. I didn’t even really know what a director was. I just saw her do it. It was a story about sexual assault and I saw the power in that. It really inspired me to tell my story and that’s where the short film Waking Hour came from.

And then it really came down to a budget consideration. Because who was going to direct it? I didn’t have money to hire somebody. So I just decided to do it. And then who was going to be the actor? How could we find an actor and pay an actor? So I was like okay I’ll do that too.

Drew: Did you do a GoFundMe? Is that how you raised the money to make it?

Nava: I did. We raised $6,000.

Drew: That’s great.

Nava: Yeah.

Drew: Your IMDb page right now is like all… great. (laughs) I think Genera+ion is such a great show, I think Baby Reindeer is so good. Your film is great. April Maxey’s film Work is great. I was on the Outfest shorts jury the year it won so obviously I’m a fan.

And that’s not super common! Especially with trans actors, but even cis actors, you look at their IMDb pages and it’s a real mix. I’m wondering how you approach the industry. How does the other work you’ve done and do impact your approach to what you’re willing to do, what you want to do, and what you maybe say no to?

Nava: Well, first of all shoutout to April Maxey, my bestie, my wifey. She is fantastic and has taught me so much as a filmmaker and as a storyteller. I was so, so blessed to be able to work with her. And it’s something she and I talk about a lot and that I talk about a lot with other people. How do you approach the industry? It does feel like this nebulous, daunting scary thing to figure out. How can we be artists while placing ourselves within an industry?

I always have to return to the art, I have to return to the heart, and I’m lucky that I have a mission. I didn’t come to the industry just to be in front of a camera. I didn’t come to the industry to be famous or even for money. (laughs) There’s times where I’m like, oh Nava you really should think about money a little bit more.

Drew: (laughs)

Nava: But I just didn’t come for any of that. I came into the industry from a short film that I wrote, directed, produced, and starred in off of a GoFundMe budget. And I’ve never felt more alive than on that set. I always want to try to return to that purity.

There are so many layers that get packed onto us in the industry, so I try to use that initial feeling as my guiding light. I don’t want to do work that doesn’t feel good for me, let alone for other people. So I say no. I say no to things that come my way that don’t speak to me. It’s about being honest with yourself. Is this actually meant for me? Do I have something to offer to this part and this story? Be honest with yourself, and have a standard for how you want to be treated. I think there are times when I can tell in the writing. If the character doesn’t feel respected, then I’m not going to be respected as an actor.

Drew: Were you able to find reps who are cool with that approach?

Nava: Yeah, you know, I was very upfront with them. I was like I’m going to say no to things, so y’all are gonna have to deal with that. There is not a world where I am ever going to say yes simply for the sake of opportunity. There has to be meaning involved.

Drew: I admire that so much. I think we’d have a better industry if more people took that approach, while at the same time understanding why people don’t. I mean, money is real. Our capitalist world is real. But I also think people are often encouraged to make certain choices in the industry with the promise that if we do something that doesn’t align with our values it can lead to better things. And I think, especially with trans actors, there are a lot of false promises. Even if they’re hard to resist.

Are you able to take your approach because you come from these other careers? Do you have the attitude that you can always do other things alongside or instead of creative work?

Nava: I’ve been very fortunate to be able to focus only on creative work over the past four years. But for the first time with the strikes, I had to take stock of the reality that I maybe needed to return to other kinds of employment and figure out the vision for my life because of where the industry is at. And so yeah I’ve been working a few things this year. (laughs) And honestly I’ve felt so blessed to have that new perspective and to be reconnecting with community-based work. There’s no departure for me. It’s all just a continuation.

I will say there is something to the idea of one for them, one for me. I’m not going to sit here and say I’m never going to say yes to a check. (laughs) But I think it’s about evaluating in that moment where your integrity lies and if it makes sense to maybe do a commercial or just a movie that’s really fun. Because it’s okay to just have fun!

Drew: Oh, of course!

Nava: I do want to be clear about that. I’ve been telling anyone who will listen that I’m trying to do a comedy.

Drew: I want that for you.

Nava: I did two very heavy, very intense emotional projects back to back — Baby Reindeer and my next short, all the words but the one — and I’m good. I have gone through that creative process and gotten what I needed from it. And now I’m feeling that what I need is lightness and sharing joy. And, hey, maybe that comes with a check!

Drew: (laughs)

Nava: There’s a way for it to make sense.

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 718 articles for us.

2 Comments

  2. Great piece – excited to see what Nava does next, hope she gets to do a comedy soon

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Meet All 40 Gay WNBA Players of the 2025 Season

Which WNBA players are gay and how many of them are gay? Well, when Autostraddle published our very first list of out gay WNBA players several years back, it held merely 15 names. Last season, that number had climbed to 38, although two of the players on last year’s list ended up getting waived from their teams shortly into the season, leaving us with 36. In the weeks leading up to rosters getting finalized this year, it looked like we might improve on that number in a significant way — but even after cuts, we’ve still come out on top with 40 players. There are also four players I’ve seen mentioned elsewhere as gay but can’t find additional sources to confirm, and some rookies who could come out as the season progresses, perhaps! I will update this post as events warrant.

If you want to prepare yourself fully for the 2025 Season, you will find everything you need to do so in Natalie’s previews for the Eastern Conference and the Western.

Atlanta Dream Gay Players

Brittney Griner

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COLLEGE PARK, GEORGIA - MAY 10: Brittney Griner #42 of the Atlanta Dream reacts after hitting a three-point basket against the Indiana Fever during the first quarter of a preseason game at Gateway Center Arena on May 10, 2025 in College Park, Georgia. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images)
Photo by Kevin C. Cox/Getty Images

The legendary Brittney Griner and her wife, Cherelle, welcomed a baby boy just before the Olympics last year. Griner became the first out gay college player drafted to the WNBA when she went first to the Phoenix Mercury in 2013, and was traded to the Dream ahead of the 2025 season.

Jordin Canada

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NEW YORK, NEW YORK - SEPTEMBER 24: Jordin Canada #3 of the Atlanta Dream dribbles during the second half against the New York Liberty in Game Two of Round One of the WNBA Playoffs at Barclays Center on September 24, 2024 in the Brooklyn borough of New York City. The Liberty won 91-82. Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)
(Photo by Sarah Stier/Getty Images)

In addition to an already prolific seven-year career in the WNBA, Canada is a musician.

Chicago Sky Gay Players

Courtney Vandersloot

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CHICAGO, IL - MAY 06: Courtney Vandersloot #22 of the Chicago Sky brings the ball up court during the first half against the Minnesota Lynx on May 6, 2025 at Wintrust Arena in Chicago, Illinois. (Photo by Melissa Tamez/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)
(Photo by Melissa Tamez/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

In December 2018, Vandersloot married her then-teammate Allie Quigley, who left the Sky in 2022. They welcomed a baby girl to their family this April.

Dallas Wings Gay Players

Arike Ogunbowale

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(Photo by Sam Hodde/Getty Images)

Ogunbowale got engaged to her fiance, influencer Lala Ronay, last May.

Dijonai Carrington

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ARLINGTON, TEXAS - MAY 10: DiJonai Carrington #21 of the Dallas Wings controls the ball during the second half of a preseason game against the Toyota Antelopes at College Park Center on May 10, 2025 in Arlington, Texas.
(Photo by Sam Hodde/Getty Images)

Dijonai Carrington, traded to the Wings from the Sun prior to this season, is dating her now-teammate, Nalyssa Smith. Their relationship has been a non-stop delight for the women’s basketball community.

Nalyssa Smith

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ARLINGTON, TEXAS - MAY 10: NaLyssa Smith #1 of the Dallas Wings looks on during the first half of a preseason game against the Toyota Antelopes at College Park Center on May 10, 2025 in Arlington, Texas.
(Photo by Sam Hodde/Getty Images)

Smith previously played for the Fever and now is playing alongside her girlfriend, Dijonai Carrington. They’ve had an on-and-off relationship since attending college together at Baylor.

Tyasha Harris

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(Photo by Austin McAfee/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Harris’s girlfriend, Autumn Jones, is already sporting memorable courtside looks and facial expressions. Harris was drafted by the Wings in 2020, but played a season at the Sun and one in China before returning to the Wings this year.

Golden State Valkyries Gay Players

Kate Martin

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SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - MAY 6: Kate Martin #20 of the Golden State Valkyries dribbles against Azura Stevens #23 of the Los Angeles Sparks during a game at Chase Center on May 6, 2025 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Supriya Limaye/ISI Photos/Getty Images)
(Photo by Supriya Limaye/ISI Photos/Getty Images)

Kate, who was drafted to the Aces out of college and traded to the Valkyries this year, came out by going public with her relationship to Claire Gransee, with whom Martin attended college.

Cecelia Zandalasini

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ANKARA, TURKEY - DECEMBER 07, 2024: Cecilia Zandalasini, #24 of Galatasaray Cagdas Faktoring Istanbul in action during the ING Bank Women's Basketball Super League (KBSL)
(Altan Gocher / GocherImagery/Future Publishing via Getty Images)

The Italian player spent a season with the Minnesota Lynx in 2018 and again in 2024, but was picked up by the Lynx in the expansion draft. She has a hot Italian girlfriend, Sara Barbieri.

Tiffany Hayes

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SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA – MAY 6: Tiffany Hayes #15 of the Golden State Valkyries warms up before a game against the Los Angeles Sparks at Chase Center on May 6, 2025 in San Francisco, California. (Photo by Supriya Limaye/ISI Photos/Getty Images)

Tip started in the WNBA in 2012 with Atlanta and most recently was playing for the Aces. She became an Azerbaijani citizen in 2015 and has competed as a member of their national basketball team and in the Olympics.

Indiana Fever Gay Players

DeWanna Bonner

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INDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - MAY 3: DeWanna Bonner #25 of the Indiana Fever gets hyped during the second half against the Washington Mystics at Gainbridge Fieldhouse on May 3, 2025 in Indianapolis, Indiana.
. (Photo by Geoff Stellfox/Getty Images)

Bonner is in one of the W’s most high-profile couples — she is engaged to Alyssa Thomas, with whom she played on The Connecticut Sun until they were both traded this year. (Thomas landed at the Phoenix Mercury.)

Natasha Howard

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IOWA CITY, IOWA- MAY 4: Forward Natasha Howard #6 of the Indiana Fever brings the ball down the court during the first half against the Brazil National Team, at Carver-Hawkeye Arena on March 4, 2025 in Iowa City, Iowa.
(Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images)

Howard was drafted to the Fever in 2014, but didn’t stay there — after playing with the Wings for her last two seasons, she came to the Fever as a free agent ahead of the 2025 season. Her wedding to hair salon entrepreneur Jac’Eil Duckworth Howard was featured on the eleventh season of Basketball Wives.

Sydney Colson

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This image has an empty alt attribute; its file name is sydney-colson-GettyImages-2214030537.jpg IOWA CITY, IOWA- MAY 4: Guard Sydney Colson #51 of the Indiana Fever brings the ball down the court during the first half against the Brazil National Team, at Carver-Hawkeye Arena on March 4, 2025 in Iowa City, Iowa.
(Photo by Matthew Holst/Getty Images)

Sydney Colson is the face of the WNBA, the star of the Syd & TP Show, a fashion icon and truly the most entertaining human being in the league. She comes to the Fever this year from the Aces.

Las Vegas Aces Gay Players

Crystal Bradford

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SOUTH BEND, INDIANA - MAY 02: Crystal Bradford #8 of the Las Vegas Aces reacts with Jackie Young #0 of the Las Vegas Aces against the Dallas Wings during the preseason game at Purcell Pavilion on May 02, 2025 in South Bend, Indiana.
(Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images)

Crystal wrote an essay for The Player’s Tribune in 2023 that included a story of coming out to her mother in high school. After one season with the Sparks in 2015, she didn’t play in the W again until a 2021 run with the Atlanta Dream. After sitting out one game for a suspension over a 2021 fight in Atlanta, she’ll be on the court with the Aces this season.

Chelsea Gray

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(Photo by Justin Casterline/Getty Images)

Gray is a legend, sporting two Olympic gold medals, three WNBA Championships and one Unrivaled championship. Chelsea and her wife, Tipsea Gray, had a baby in February of 2024.

Jewell Loyd

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HENDERSON, NEVADA - APRIL 27: Jewell Loyd #24 of the Las Vegas Aces practices during the team's first day of training camp at Las Vegas Aces Headquarters on April 27, 2025 in Henderson, Nevada.
(Photo by Ethan Miller/Getty Images)

The Las Vegas Aces picked up one of the league’s top talents after she asked to be traded from the Seattle Storm, where she’d been playing since 2015. Her girlfriend, Téa Adams, is a point guard for the Estonia Women’s National Basketball Team. (They haven’t posted together recently but I think they’re still together??)

Kierstan Bell

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LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - SEPTEMBER 19: Kierstan Bell #1 of the Las Vegas Aces drives against the Dallas Wings in the second quarter at Michelob ULTRA Arena on September 19, 2024 in Las Vegas, Nevada
(Photo by Louis Grasse/Getty Images)

Bell has been with the Aces since the 2022, when she was drafted by them 11th overall.

Los Angeles Sparks Gay Players

Emma Cannon

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SAN FRANCISCO, CALIFORNIA - MAY 06: Emma Cannon #32 of the Los Angeles Sparks shoots over Laeticia Amihere #3 of the Golden State Valkyries in the second half of a WNBA basket ball game at Chase Center on May 06, 2025 in San Francisco, California. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement.
(Photo by Thearon W. Henderson/Getty Images)

Cannon debuted in the WNBA in 2017, and has played internationally and for four different WNBA teams before signing with the Sparks for 2025. She and her wife, Tia Cannon, had their first child in 2022, and welcomed twins, a boy and a girl, to their family in April.

Julie Allemand

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(Photo by Borja B. Hojas/Getty Images)

Belgian baller Julie Allemand was picked up by the Indiana Fever in the 2016 draft, but she spent the next three years playing in Europe before returning to the Fever in 2020, but sat out the subsequent year for her mental health. She joined the Sky for 2022, but opted out in 2023 to focus on the Belgian national team — she was the only out lesbian on their 2024 Olympics squad. In 2024, she was traded to the Los Angeles Sparks, but was injured shortly thereafter. This will be her first season actually playing for the Sparks, and her second in the WNBA.

Minnesota Lynx Gay Players

Courtney Williams

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CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - MAY 06: Courtney Williams #10 of the Minnesota Lynx dribbles the ball against the Chicago Sky during the second half of a preseason game at Wintrust Arena on May 06, 2025 in Chicago, Illinois. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Daniel Bartel/Getty Images)
(Photo by Daniel Bartel/Getty Images)

Top WNBA Hottie Courtney Williams, who began her WNBA career in 2016 and was a key player for the Lynx as they battled for a championship last year, got engaged to her girlfriend, real estate agent Shya, last November, and we were all pretty excited about it!

Kayla McBride

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MINNEAPOLIS, MINNESOTA - OCTOBER 08: Kayla McBride #21 of the Minnesota Lynx celebrates her basket against the Connecticut Sun in the first quarter of Game Five of the Semi-Finals during the WNBA Playoffs at Target Center on October 08, 2024 in Minneapolis, Minnesota.
(Photo by David Berding/Getty Images)

McBride, who’s been playing in the W since 2014 and with the Lynx since 2021, recently wrote a piece for The Player’s Tribune about her mental health journey.

Natisha Hiedeman

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CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - MAY 06: Natisha Hiedeman #2 of the Minnesota Lynx shoots the ball against the Chicago Sky during the second half of a preseason game at Wintrust Arena on May 06, 2025 in Chicago, Illinois
(Photo by Daniel Bartel/Getty Images)

Tisha and her former Connecticut Sun teammate, Jasmine Thomas, got engaged in 2021 and had a wedding website set up for 2023, but they haven’t posted pictures together in quite some time. This is Tisha’s second year with the Lynx after five in Connecticut.

New York Liberty Gay Players

Breanna Stewart

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EUGENE, OREGON - MAY 12: Breanna Stewart #30 of the New York Liberty reacts after the preseason win over the Toyota Antelopes at Matthew Knight Arena on May 12, 2025 in Eugene, Oregon.
(Photo by Ali Gradischer/Getty Images)

Stewart’s wife, Marta Xargay Casademont, is a former player for the Phoenix Mercury and the Spanish National Team. They have two children together.

Isabelle Harrison

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(Photo by Ali Gradischer/Getty Images)

Two WNBA couples traded their way into playing on the same team (literally and figuratively) this season, one of them is Harrison and girlfriend Tasha Cloud. Cloud has described herself as dating an “beautiful straight woman that fell in love with me,” which is interesting!

Jaylyn Sherrod

CHICAGO, ILLINOIS - MAY 22: Jaylyn Sherrod #0 of the New York Liberty looks on against the Chicago Sky during the second half at Wintrust Arena on May 22, 2025 in Chicago, Illinois.
(Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images)

After not getting drafted in 2024, Sherrod signed a training camp contract with the New York Liberty — her standout performance, then bounced around on tiny contracts with the Sky and the LIberty before signing an end-of-season contract with the Liberty in August of 2024. Now, she’s on the roster for 2025. follow her on instagram.

Jonquel Jones

EUGENE, OREGON - MAY 12: Jonquel Jones #35 of the New York Liberty reacts during the first half of the WNBA preseason game against the Toyota Antelopes at Matthew Knight Arena on May 12, 2025 in Eugene, Oregon.
(Photo by Ali Gradischer/Getty Images)

Our King, 2024 WNBA Championship MVP Jonquel Jones, has been engaged to her fiancee, nail tech Nesha Keeshone, since 2023. follow jonquel jones on instagram

Marine Johannes

(Photo by Michael Reaves/Getty Images)

This French basketball player, nicknamed “Wizard” for her skills with the ball, is rumored to be engaged to Gabby Williams. follow her on instagram.

Leonie Fiebich

(Photo by Elsa/Getty Images)

This German basketball player was initially drafted to the Sparks in 2020, but didn’t actually play in the W until singing a rookie scale contract with the New York Liberty in 2024, turning out a spectacular rookie season. follow her on instagram.

Natasha Cloud

EUGENE, OREGON - MAY 12: Natasha Cloud #9 of the New York Liberty looks to pass the ball during the first half of the WNBA preseason game against the Toyota Antelopes at Matthew Knight Arena on May 12, 2025 in Eugene, Oregon.
(Photo by Ali Gradischer/Getty Images)

Natasha Cloud is, as aforementioned, dating Izzy Harrison, who she says radically transformed her life at a time when she was in need of refocusing. Cloud began her WNBA career in 2015 and is a new addition to the Liberty’s roster. follow her on instagram

Phoenix Mercury Gay Players

Alyssa Thomas

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PHOENIX, ARIZONA - MAY 11: Alyssa Thomas #25 of the Phoenix Mercury dribbles the ball while Veronica Burton #22 of the Golden State Valkyries attempts to block her during the second quarter at PHX Arena on May 11, 2025 in Phoenix, Arizona
(Photo by Aryanna Frank/Getty Images)

Alyssa Thomas is one of the WNBA’s top players and is engaged to DeWanna Bonner, her former teammate at the Connecticut Sun.

Kahleah Copper

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LAS VEGAS, NEVADA - MAY 06: Kahleak Copper #2 of the Phoenix Mercury looks on in the third quarter of a preseason game against the Las Vegas Aces at Michelob ULTRA Arena on May 06, 2025 in Las Vegas, Nevada
(Photo by Louis Grasse/Getty Images)

Copper, the Mercury’s top scorer, got engaged to her girlfriend, Swedish National Team baller Binta Drammeh, in 2023, but haven’t posted much about the relationship since then! Unfortunately she underwent a left knee arthroscopy last week that has sidelined her for the first 4-6 weeks of the season.

Natasha Mack

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PHOENIX, ARIZONA - MAY 11: Natasha Mack#10 of the Phoenix Mercury looks to pass the ball during the first quarter against the Golden State Valkyries at PHX Arena on May 11, 2025 in Phoenix, Arizona.

(Photo by Aryanna Frank/Getty Images)

Mack was drafted to the Sky in 2021, played in Poland for two years, and then joined the Mercury in 2024. Her girlfriend, Leecy, is a middle school teacher!

Sami Whitcomb

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PHOENIX, ARIZONA - MAY 11: Sami Whitcomb #33 of the Phoenix Mercury looks up to the scoreboard during the second quarter against the Golden State Valkyries at PHX Arena on May 11, 2025 in Phoenix, Arizona.
(Photo by Aryanna Frank/Getty Images)

Whitcomb’s career has been long and international, including 8 years in the WNBA. This is her first season with the Mercury. She and her wife, Kate Malpass, have two small kiddos.

Sevgi Uzun

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PHOENIX, ARIZONA - MAY 11: Sevgi Uzun #10 of the Phoenix Mercury dribbles the ball during the second quarter against the Golden State Valkyries at PHX Arena on May 11, 2025 in Phoenix, Arizona.
(Photo by Aryanna Frank/Getty Images)

The Turkish basketball player played her first season with the WNBA last year in Dallas and, I believe, is married to athlete digital creator Selin Uzun.

Seattle Storm Gay Players

Erica Wheeler

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SEATTLE, WASHINGTON - MAY 04: Erica Wheeler #17 of Seattle Storm advances the ball d3q of a preseason WNBA game at Climate Pledge Arena on May 04, 2025 in Seattle, Washington. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this photograph, User is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement. (Photo by Rio Giancarlo/Getty Images)
(Photo by Rio Giancarlo/Getty Images)

Erica Wheeler is engaged to her girlfriend, Danielle Edwards. She went undrafted out of Rutgers in 2015 and is now a two-time WNBA All-Star. She signed with the Storm after playing for the Fever last year.

Gabby Williams

ARLINGTON, TEXAS - MAY 19: Gabby Williams #5 of the Seattle Storm shoots the ball against the Dallas Wings during the second half at College Park Center on May 19, 2025 in Arlington, Texas. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and/or using this photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement.
(Photo by Ron Jenkins/Getty Images)

Another UConn graduate, Williams has played throughout Europe, on the French National Team at the Olympics in 2020 and 2024.

Washington Mystics Gay Players

Brittney Sykes

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NDIANAPOLIS, INDIANA - MAY 3: Brittney Sykes #20 of the Washington Mystics dribbles past Kelsey Mitchell #0 of the Indiana Fever during the first half at Gainbridge Fieldhouse on May 3, 2025 in Indianapolis, Indiana. N
(Photo by Geoff Stellfox/Getty Images)

Sykes’ girlfriend, Morghan Medlock, is a chef with courtside style so good it was featured in Vogue magazine last year — she often coordinates her outfits to match Sykes’ chosen color palette of the day.

Emily Engstler

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WASHINGTON, DC - MAY 16: Emily Engstler #21 of the Washington Mystics runs onto the court during player introductions before the game against the Atlanta Dream at Carefirst Arena on May 16, 2025 in Washington, DC. The Mystics defeated the Drea 94-90. NOTE TO USER: User expressly acknowledges and agrees that, by downloading and or using this Photograph, user is consenting to the terms and conditions of the Getty Images License Agreement (Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)
(Photo by Hannah Foslien/Getty Images)

This is Emily’s second year at Washington.

Stefanie Dolson

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WASHINGTON, DC - SEPTEMBER 19: Stefanie Dolson #31 of the Washington Mystics celebrates during the game against the Indiana Fever at Capital One Arena on September 19, 2024 in Washington, DC
(Photo by Greg Fiume/Getty Images)

Stef Dolson, who won a gold medal at the 2020 Tokyo Olympics with her 3×3 team, recently celebrated her two year anniversary with her girlfriend Kristen Podlovits, who works as an Account Manager for Membership Services for the New York Liberty.

Sug Sutton

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(Photo by Erica Denhoff/Icon Sportswire via Getty Images)

Sug has been with the Mystics since 2024, after originally being drafted there in 2020, getting waived in 2021, playing overseas, and then playing with the Mercury in 2023.

Which WNBA Team Has the Most Gay Players?

The New York Liberty tops out at seven gay players in 2025, although those numbers were helped by Jonquel Jones single-handedly confirming a bunch of queer Liberty players on their team who reporters had previously been unable to nail down. I think she’s setting a strong example and everybody should step forward and confirm who is gay or not!

The Phoenix Mercury was the WNBA team with the most gay players in 2024 (six) and despite losing several of them —Brittney Griner to the Dream, Natasha Cloud to the Liberty and Diana Taurasi to retirement —Phoenix managed to recruit new homosexuals to fill their spots, and thus comes in at 2nd place this year with 6.

The Connecticut Sun managed to break the mold this year, after losing three lesbians including power couple Alyssa Thomas and Dewanna Bonner, they are attempting to compete in the league with zero (0) lesbians on their team.

What Percentage of the WNBA Is Gay?

26% of the WNBA is gay. As of right now, there are 40 out gay players in the WNBA for the 2025 season. Last year we had 36 gay players (because two were waived shortly into the season) — but we also had a smaller league last year, which gave us a solid 25% of WNBA players clocking in as gay or lesbians, with similar levels the year prior.

But now, with the addition of the Golden State Valkyries, we’ve got 153 players on rosters for the 2025 season, but with 40 out players, we are at 26%.

Seven of last year’s gay players aren’t on any rosters this year. The league’s all-time highest scorer, Diana Taurasi, retired, as did Layshia Clarendon, the league’s first out non-binary athlete. The Atlanta Dream’s Aerial Powers and the Seattle Storm’s Victoria Vivians are now free agents. #1 Shorty Crystal Dangerfield was waived by the Atlanta Dream 15 games into the 2024 season, and played a 7-day hardship contract with the Los Angeles Sparks but didn’t land on any 2025 rosters. Dyaisha Fair, drafted to the Aces for her rookie season, was waived the day after her league debut last May and then left the country. Jordan Horston suffered an ACL injury during the 2025 Athletes Unlimited Pro basketball season and it was confirmed in April that she’d miss the 2025 season.

Which New Gay Players Are in the WNBA This Year?

Sadly not Shyanne Sellers, who was drafted to the Valkyries, then waived, then picked up by the Dream, and then waived again. Czech lesbian Elissa Cunane also was signed to a training camp contract with the Valkyries but didn’t make the final roster. But we also added three new lesbians — Belgian player Julie Allemand came back from her injury to play for the Sparks and Italian baller Cecelia Zandalasini joined the Valkyries and Crystal Bradford signed with the Aces. Stay tuned for anybody else coming out because we deserve a little joy in this world and that joy exists on the court of a women’s basketball game. I promise.

Where Can I Get a Gay 4 WNBA Hat?

At the For Them Store!

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3321 articles for us.

11 Comments

  1. i have so been looking forward to the return of wnba writing on autostraddle! all the coverage has been great and i will be copping a gay 4 wnba hat asap

    also i have spent a considerable amount of time googling “is kayla mcbride gay” and “kayla mcbride girlfriend” and “kayla mcbride boyfriend?????” but i wasn’t able to find an answer so i really appreciate finally getting some clarity on this important topic!

  2. Excuse meeeee you forgot Chennedy Carter in the in memorium section! Hopefully she gets picked back up next season, just a delightful chaos monster

  3. CT Sun has no out players but we all have eyes lmao! I’d say a minimum of 3, shocked to find out from this article that none of them are out but again, dyke recognize dyke

    • Actually can we count Saniya as out for publicly hitting on Ellie the Elephant, famous woman?

  5. Thank you for the confirmation of Kmac’s queerness!! Next up to investigate please– Paige Bueckers?? I thought she was queer??

    • wellllll, paige is not out, so we are respectfully awaiting more information from the source on that front!

Comments are closed.

Dykes Discuss the Strangely Homoerotic Netflix Thriller ‘Sirens’

, and

Welcome to Dykes Discuss, where we discuss media and topics that aren’t necessarily lesbian-forward but that we still want to weigh in on! We have fun! Today, we are discussing Sirens, the Netflix limited series starring Julianne Moore, Kevin Bacon, Meghann Fahy, and Milly Alcock.

Kayla: hey hey

Drew: When you’re married to a billionaire you get to start your own catchphrase turns out

Christina: One of the many thrilling choices this show made imo

Drew: And with that we’re here to talk about Sirens, the latest limited series starring an iconic actress about rich people.

Do we think they asked Nicole Kidman and she was busy?

Kayla: If they didn’t ask her, I bet she’s so upset.

Christina: The amount of blondes that would be

possibly illegal

Kiki and Simone on Sirens

Kayla: My wife was really concerned with the lack of toner being used on miss Simone

We started calling her corn cob head toward the end

Christina: ME TOO, she had Emily from Revenge hair and I do not mean that in a good way

so YELLER

Kayla: Another iconic beach-set show about rich people featuring a yellow blonde

In fact, Christina and I previously discussed how this was filling a Revenge-shaped hole in our hearts

Christina: Which is ALWAYS open to be filled

But I gotta say, towards the end it did reach a level of….thought? that I am not sure that Revenge was ever capable of (with LOVE)

Drew: The show made me appreciate the way Big Little Lies balanced tones, because that’s ostensibly a show about domestic violence, but it didn’t feel weird to have the mashed together with rich beach vibes. But this… idk. It just wasn’t good enough for me to tackle everything it tackled re: suicide, child abuse, addiction, etc etc.

Kayla: I think I found the quality a lot higher than you!

Drew: Interesting! I could never quite figure out if I was watching fun trash or a failed attempt at prestige.

Christina: Ohhhh interesting! I thought it handled most of those topics pretty well, largely due to the actual chemistry between our sister duo

Kayla: I was surprised by some of the depth we got from this show, particularly in how MACABRE it was. I think a lot of these shows in this genre of sort of Thrillers About The Rich love to throw out morbid and serious topics but in a way that almost feels…tacky? And under-explored? This show was BLEAK!!!

Drew: It was so bleak!

Kayla: The stuff about child neglect and abuse, suicide, addiction, and also the pain of caring for a parent with dementia all felt super real and earned to me. And yeah, I think it’s because of our sisters and the acting in general

Drew: Yeah the acting definitely elevated it in a way I’m not sure the writing or style lived up to for me?

I kept thinking: I could’ve watched May December twice instead.

Christina: Oh to be clear the visuals are fucking garbage, just another Netflix assed brightly lit hellscape

Drew: What sucks is the directing talent is so strong on the show!!!

I don’t understand why it looks like that!!!

Christina: Again I say: Netflix

Drew: I’d love someone to do an investigation into WHY Netflix originals have to all look like this. Is it a budget thing?

Look I love sister shit and I think it’s really valuable if we’re going to keep getting shows set among the rich to frame through the lens of an assistant/the assistant’s sister/regular people

I can see a world where I was just like oh this is garbage fun, but I think for me it kept flirting with actually being good and that made me frustrated. But I definitely want to hear more about what worked for both of you.

Christina:  I really rolled with it, for the most part? Honestly to a degree I was kind of surprised by, given my recent disinterest in like, most shows lately? And I loved that it kept coming back to like “people are good and bad and life is complicated?”

Sure, every now and then I was like “wait is this scene actually happening?”

Kayla: And sometimes there isn’t a conspiracy! Life just sucks!

Drew: Yes I REALLY liked that

Kayla: Usually with these types of thrillers, we’d get some big reveal or twist, but that never really comes here. It’s just like yeah life is shitty sorry!

Drew: Especially because some random post I’d seen made me think the twist was going to be they were literal mermaids lmao.

Kayla: I did briefly think something supernatural was afoot, but I like when series feel like they’re going to go that way and then don’t.

Christina: Like the only person who is probably truly happy is…….Peter?

Kayla: There is no cult, just the cult of wealth.

Christina: His billions remain, he has a new beautiful wife, all is as it ever was

Kayla: I also love how much the staff hates Simone and how desperate she is to not see herself as staff when that’s really what she is! Even at the end — and I think the ending is fantastic — she isn’t really choosing this new life. Peter is choosing it. And if she thinks it gives her power, that power is still limited! One of my favorite parts is when Kiki realizes she can’t fire Jose.

Christina: Right, that power is limited and frankly, has an expiration date

Kayla: Also, love Jose

Christina: Get the staff a spin off NOW

Drew: Someone drink Patrice’s damn smoothies !!!!

Patrice's smoothies on Sirens

Drew: I also liked the dynamic that everyone is scared of Michaela but she’s always wearing this facade of niceness. And so the staff doesn’t like her, but not as much as they don’t like Simone.

Who I imagine might be an even more miserable Mrs. Kell to be working for at the end?

Kayla: The group chat will be POPPING

Christina: I feel like she has a dangerous amount of staff insider knowledge

buuuut as Jose can attest, he’s gonna be the last man standing!

Kayla: Absolutely, because he’s in PETER’S corner.

The whole series really is such a tragic arc for Devon, who basically just wants her sister to help her with their dying dad but then ends up realizing that everyone she loves will eventually disappoint her and also her sister would rather be Mrs. Kell than, well, be her sister.

Christina: I am still trying to work through what worked for me but I think it really does come down to the performances — and you know, I’ll give the writing a hat tip, as I was surprised and delighted by that ending!

Kayla: Meghann Fahy makes so much of it work imo. She really is the glue.

Christina: Can we TALK about Meghan Fahy acting (forever) but in particular that moment at the end was SO GOOD

Drew: I felt like we were supposed to see Devon’s ending as melancholy but hopeful. Like she’s not running off on a boat but she is going to get her own place. A happier ending than Simone’s.

Meghann Fahy really is so incredible

This is blasphemy since Julianne Moore is an all time fave but I thought Meghann and weirdly enough Kevin Bacon were the standouts??

Christina: Gimme a SLAB of that Bacon cause I was ready for breakfast

Drew: LMAO

Kayla: SCREAM

He was killing it

Kevin Bacon smoking a joint in Sirens

Drew: He was so good at being a victim who reveals himself to just be self-victimizing

Kayla: The first half of the series primes you to think Kiki is the primary villain, but it’s really him

Drew: I was like damn let this billionaire see his kids! To the point where I was annoyed with the show for making a victim out of a billionaire man with a solid prenup. And then yeah the end I was like ohhhh duh.

Christina: Like sure it’s a little simple that the primary villain are the men — who then blame the women in their lives for “forcing them” to act that way, but it…is still largely true so it worked for me

Kayla: Yeah a lot of what the show had to say about class, gender roles, etc, it was all obvious but also in the sense that it’s…true lol!

Drew: The final episode makes it even funnier that this weekend my mom told me she watched the show and didn’t like how the last episode treated the men.

Kayla: A very fascinating take for your mom to think the men of this show deserved better

It wasn’t even an overtly “man-hating” show!

Drew: No, they win! They’re just the villains

Christina: I mean EYE would have gone with sailor boy

personally

Drew: Okay yeah I get why she didn’t and what the show was saying buuuuut

Kayla: I did love the scene of Devon quite literally running away from all the men who needed something from her on the beach.

Drew: The more we talk the more I appreciate a lot of the choices it made. I think something about the mix of tones just didn’t land for me. I’m really curious if the play is more Meghann Fahy giving a devastating monologue tone or Catherine Cohen in jail tone. Not that those can’t be mixed! They just didn’t mix well pour moi.

Kayla: See, I feel like the dynamics in the tone were way better than, say, The Perfect Couple where I couldn’t even tell at moments if it was meant to be spoofing the genre it existed in.

Drew: Right but The Perfect Couple never registered as anything I should be watching sober lol

Christina: Honestly the weird comedy was some of my favorite parts, like Devon licking Jose after he was nice to her and then him calling her a neck licker?

Kayla: Sirens feels aware of the tropes of the genre while still doing surprising things. And again I think just the places it was willing to go wrt child abuse, addiction, suicide, dementia, all of it was so intense without feeling schlocky.

Christina: Shoutout to Bill Camp also, he simply slayed that

Drew: I do think there’s a conversation to be had about craft and what a show suggests about its quality based on how it looks. And I think sometimes it’s hard to win me back into oh wait actually this is worth thinking about even though it’s shot like that. But to argue with myself… peak era sitcoms had a standard sort of flat aesthetic but the best ones were brilliant underneath.

So maybe Netflix sheen is just the new multicam

Christina: I think that is how I think of it, actually! Never would have gotten there on my own but I think that’s how I think of these things

Kayla: I think I’d rather look at something that looks like trash but has a deep story than look at something beautifully shot where there’s nothing really there. And there was a lot THERE on this show — more than I expected!

I think about this a lot when watching short films at festivals lol. Sometimes the best ones that stick with me are the ones that look and sound BAD lol.

Drew: I do agree with that. But I just want both 😭 we were so spoiled by TV for awhile getting so much with both.

Christina: Hmmm agreeeee, I’d always rather find interest in garbage

Kayla: I think I almost found Sirens more narratively surprising and rich than this season of The White Lotus lol

Christina: KAYLA SAME

I was gonna say it but I was like “that’s too hot”

BUT YOU ARE SO RIGHT LET’S GOOOOO

Drew: I welcome the hot takes even if I disagree haha

Kayla: I’m thinking about this show more! The White Lotus didn’t really stay with me this season!

Christina: White Lotus went through me like Taco Bell this season, I am so sorry!

Kayla: Say. That.

Kiki and Simone in bed together in Sirens

Kayla: I mean, we must discuss, dykely, because it feels like it touches a lot of things we’ve brought up: Why IS this show so homoerotic? Because I think I assumed that would be the main point of interest for me. It’s certainly what got me in the door. And it’s certainly one of the aspects I like, but I was surprised that wasn’t my SOLE interest in the series.

Christina: I suppose the short answer is: mommy issues??

Kayla: Yeah I think I was super on board with how literal and uncomfortable (in a good way) it got with the mommy issues.

Even the casting — I mean, Kiki looks like she could be Simone and Devon’s mom. That’s obviously intentional.

Christina: And! Even though this show is in no way gay, Julianne Moore’s “I love her, but I can’t have her” hits that exact level of uncomfortable mommy issues that I simply live for

Drew: The gum

Kayla: THE GUM

Drew: Sorry that’s my contribution

Christina: I loudly said “I know that’s right!”

Kiki giving Simone her gum in Sirens

Kayla: But what actually got me way more was Simone writing Kiki’s sexts for her.

Christina: Soooo much was implied there, knowing what Kiki would say, what she likes…GOOD STUFF

Kayla: A psychosexual relationship between a boss and her assistant is definitely great fodder for a thriller. The explicit mommy issues gave it some more flavor. It’s about power AND it’s about mommy issues — in both directions. I think Kiki has reverse mommy issues of wanting to be this mother figure to Simone (and we know she can’t have kids of her own) BUT she also is attracted to Simone’s youth/beauty/etc., because it’s exactly the thing that secured her role as Mrs. Kell. I think she knows way before the kiss that Simone represents a “threat.” So she wants to hold onto her…close…by sharing a BED SOMETIMES????

Simone and Kiki in bed in Sirens

Christina: Yeah, that’s what made her conversation with Peter so good/infuriating? Like she is doing the wrong thing in firing Simone, and she knows that and she is MAD

Kayla: She thinks it’s the final play she has, and it completely backfires on her.

Drew: Yes, definitely love the detail of her not being able to have kids and therefore wanting Simone to be her kid

Not that it isn’t ALSO psychosexual but her sleeping in Simone’s bed does feel more maternal

Like we’ve lost our pet falcon lets cuddle

Normal mom stuff

Christina: RIP To Barnaby, a real one

Kiki holding Barnaby in Sirens

Christina: Also not to be an interviewer, but as you two have sisters and I do not….go off

Drew: I’m a bad sister because in the early episodes I was like babe just leave stop trying to get back to scary hey hey house

Christina: To me this felt like a veryyyyy real sister vibe, especially their last fight and resolution? Not a fight a lot of friends could come back from!

Drew: Take the 10k and gooooo

But yeah the sister vibe felt really real

Kayla: I like that there was no bad sister! They were both kind of bad to each other! But also good to each other! LOL. I get why Devon feels like Simone owes her given that Devon gave up her life to raise her, but Simone didn’t choose to have a mother who almost murder-sui’d her or a father who then neglected her. When Devon was so pushy about needing Simone’s help, once we knew more of the backstory, I was like girl stop barking up this damaged tree and let your sister go actually…….

Drew: Yeah for sure, I actually think Simone was right to leave! Maybe that makes me a bad daughter also

Christina: Simone was right to leave! And Devon is right to be frustrated and scared and want help!

Drew: And I liked in that final scene the faux reassurance that they’d see each other soon. Like maybe they will but Devon knows something irreparable has shifted

Kayla: Oh yeah they will MAYBE see each other in 8 months to a year and it’ll be the most stilted lunch ever, and Simone will have to leave early but pay for everything at least.

Christina: God, that scene where Devon admits that she wanted to hurt him? WHEWWWWWW

Kayla: Exaaaaactly what I mean about the show being willing to GO THERE

I mean, it sucks. These people were each other’s life rafts, and they can’t be that for each other anymore. Simone, for all her faults, comes to that realization quicker than Devon does.

Drew: I found Simone so off putting and I am realizing that’s due to relatability. I have definitely tolerated behavior from bosses I wouldn’t tolerate from my family anymore lol

Is it really escape if you just recreate the same dynamics with people you aren’t related to…….

Christina: Oh I know myself well enough to know that job would….also become my life in a similarly mommy issued way!

Kayla: I think the character I related most to was Patrice. I would at least react the same way if I made a smoothie for someone who never drank it.

Or maybe I’m Barnaby.

Christina: My problem is I would never have turned on her

Catch me leaping from the cliffs

Kayla: The cliffs were a really good red herring. I mean someone did fall off, but he survived! And wasn’t pushed!

Drew: I was so surprised he didn’t die! And that Raymond didn’t die either!

Kayla: I thought there’d be at LEAST one big cliff death/push. The show really did manage to thwart my expectations quite a few times, especially at the end.

Christina: In many ways I do think that final conversation with Devon and Kiki just reallllly nailed it for me?

Kayla: Yes, that ferry scene is so surprising and so different from the type of conclusion we usually get in this genre. Quiet, grounded, a little sad but with some hope, too. I’m glad she’s letting her cash the 10k!

Christina: I LOVED that she told her to take the money, so many shows are so weird about money. And like, letting characters keep it as opposed to having to struggle nobly

Drew: This always annoys me so much. Taking 10k from a billionaire is ethically good. And I love that she also says she took some necklaces lol

Christina: Perhaps I loved it because it is a perfect set up for a fanfic, and I always love seeing that

Kayla: Oh talk to me have you checked the Ao3 tags are the girls cooking?

Christina: LAST I checked it did not even have a category tag

Kayla: Wow, hopefully our words here summon the fic gods

Kiki with Barnaby in Sirens

Kayla: I did watch this back-to-back with the Shondaland murder mystery The Residence (it was mid imo!) and both shows were very focused on birds. Big Bird propaganda is up to something…..

Christina: I HATE to say this because it does make me want to die, but I do think birds are trendy rn

Kayla: Wow. Birds (on tv)…pickles (in recipes)…fish (on accessories)…the trends right now are strange

Christina: ……or I’m just 35 and everyone I know likes birds

…..much to consider

oh fuck im 36

Barnaby flyingggggg

Christina realizing she’s 36

Kayla: Oh you mean birds are trending IN THE COMMUNITY. Yeah, I think that is true for us 30+ queers

Drew: My partner has fully converted me. They fly! They sing! They eat without their hands! What’s not to like

Christina: ANWAY! Good show imo!

Kayla: Good show! Not gay but plenty for the gays to like!

Meghann Fahy in Sirens

Kayla: I do love that Meghann Fahy, much like Julianne Moore, has been embraced by the fag and dyke communities alike.

Christina: From the moment I saw her on The Bold Type, I turned into a 50s studio exec and was like “that kids got IT”

*several minutes go by without us hearing from Drew*
Kayla: Drew are you okay lol

Christina: She’s checking on Barnaby

Kayla: she IS in Big Bird’s pocket

Drew: I GOT TRAPPED UNDERGROUND

Kayla: Wow the next Netflix thriller will be about you getting trapped underground

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Related:

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1035 articles for us.

Christina Tucker

Christina Tucker is writer and podcaster living in Philadelphia. Find her on Twitter or Instagram!

Christina has written 353 articles for us.

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 718 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. I had not even heard of this show but Milly Alcock killed it in HotD and Julianne Moore is Julianne Moore – and DYNAMICS – so i will instantly be tuning in

  2. I love reading these cause we’ll be on the same page in the beginning. By the end I’m like but wait I really liked this series. Lol. I did expect for someone to be pushed off that cliff. I also loved when Kiki tried to fire Jose. Nicole Kidman was my thought for this series as well. My sister thought the whole thing was Simone’s dream as she was sitting in the back of that car as a child.

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Lorde Doesn’t Need To Know If She’s Trans To Make a Trans Anthem

Lorde released the song “Liability” during my final weeks as a boy. Before its album Melodrama had even come out, I wrote a work of autofiction where I woke up as a girl and sang this song at karaoke in my new body. A version of me singing to a version of my girlfriend at the time, the lyrics capturing all my confusion around the new identity I feared might describe me.

Two days after writing this bit of fantasy, I began the process of coming out in the real world. But unlike the transformation in this short story, transition doesn’t happen over night. That’s true in terms of medical transition, and it’s true when simply working out the new feelings that arise.

In a recent profile in Rolling Stone, Lorde shared that Chappell Roan asked if she was nonbinary now. Her response: I was like, ‘I’m a woman except for the days when I’m a man.’ I know that’s not a very satisfying answer, but there’s a part of me that is really resistant to boxing it up.

This resulted in a wave of responses with some people excited about Lorde’s exploration while others questioned how someone with such a large platform could describe a trans experience without owning the label. Personally, I just saw every trans and genderqueer person I’ve known who has come out after me.

In Portrait of a Lady on Fire, the titular lady embraces another woman and whispers, “Do all lovers feel they’re inventing something?” Well, all trans people feel they’re inventing something too. I’ve had so many friends and lovers say something similar to what Lorde is saying now. Some of those people have since changed their name, changed their pronouns, and medically transitioned. Others have settled within a more fluid genderqueerness or a solid butchness.

When I came out, I thought I could only identify as nonbinary, because trans women knew they were trans since birth. Once I learned this wasn’t the case, I thought being a trans woman who dated other women made me very unique. (I know, I know.) The only information I had was what I saw in a very straight, very cis mainstream. Just because Lorde is famous doesn’t mean she has to figure out her identity or realized the ubiquitousness of her experiences any quicker than anyone else.

Last night, she released a second single from her new album. The cover art for “Man of the Year” is an image of her torso with duct tape on her breasts, an image first teased at the Met Gala and made more explicit in the song’s music video. (Insert comment about proper binding.) What begins as a melancholy ballad like “Liability” or “Stoned at the Nail Salon” evolves into a harsher, more desperate sound by the song’s end. The first single from this album, “What Was That”, was an ear worm that I’ve listened to again and again, but this feels like a more ambitious sound for Lorde’s new chapter. Its lyrics also include a very early trans fear: “Who’s gon’ love me like this?”

Sometimes I mourn a world where transness is still seen as a liability, where it’s understandable people avoid the label as long as possible. Or even that there are still so many misconceptions around transness that someone might think their confused gender feelings are a totally separate thing from these labels. But maybe it’s less about how our society views transness and more about the beautiful enormity of transness itself. Maybe any major transformation, any new declaration of self, is so overwhelming that it will always exist in this space where it feels like you’re the first person to ever experience it.

I want celebrities to share this moment with the rest of the world. I want artists to explore this moment in their art. The world prioritizes transition stories anyway, so we might as well get raw work made while the feelings are still being processed. You shouldn’t have to have all the answers to be honest about where you’re at right now.

It’s been more than eight years since I imagined a world where I could sing “Liability” instead of getting a new label. In that time, I’ve learned that just about every experience I’ve had of gender — including my love of that song — is very common. I’ve also learned that being trans might have made me a little much for some people, but it did not make me a little much for e-a-na-na-na-everyone.

So to Lorde or to anyone newly trans or newly not-quite-trans, the answer to who’s gon’ love you like this is a lot of people. Let’s hear it for the men/whatever-gender-feels-right-to-you-right-now of the year.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Related:

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She is a Senior Editor at Autostraddle with a focus in film and television, sex and dating, and politics. Her writing can also be found at Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Refinery29, Into, them, and Knock LA. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Twitter and Instagram.

Drew Burnett has written 718 articles for us.

5 Comments

  1. I love this! Lorde’s comments really resonated with where I’m at also in gender exploration. it’s more of a fluid feeling than any solid identity I can label easily, and it’s new to me. It feels validating to read this and know that other people have felt the same way!

  2. I love this for gender-exploring people, but I have many complicated feelings about how the gender exploration here has come with Lorde being so thin and spending so much time reveling in that thinness? like to me both of her latest music videos are giving strong body checking vibes – and that this comes after she’s made so many comments about struggling with disordered eating. (and in an interview she talks about how she discovered these gender feelings while trying on very very expensive men’s jeans in a nyc boutique – like it’s really reinforcing the ‘rich white people get to explore gender’). but maybe I’m just a hater?? I don’t know, I’m probably just jealous tbh – as a person with complicated gender feelings and huge tits I hate that they take over my physical appearance, it feels kind of impossible to play with my gender presentation and be taken seriously.

    • this is a good perspective, I’m fat with a lot of curves and feel similarly about being taken seriously, I think a lot about who “gets” to access androgyny and be read that way, it’s very complicated and Lorde has a lot of privilege in a lot of ways

  4. Oh my word. I loved the write-up, then I went and watched the music video, hadn’t heard the song yet.

    And uhh 💜🏳️‍⚧️💜🏳️‍⚧️. Oh my gosh the raw gender feels. So relatable. It was only a couple years ago when I had some of these thoughts.

    Honestly? I’m a couple years into transition as a fairly binary gal, and I still have some of these thoughts.

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Butch Feels Like Home

‘Cause you ain’t got to tell me
It’s just in my nature
So take it like a taker
‘Cause, baby I’m a giver

Earlier this year, lesbian singer-songwriter Chappell Roan had the internet swooning over her splash into country music with the song “The Giver”. Quick to become a sensation among queer women and fans of Roan, this song, often interpreted to be about a ‘service top’, resonated one message at its centre: She gets the job done!

The fun, cheeky, sexual country song explores the joy of giving. There is definitely something fun about a camp queer woman singing country, a genre whose queer artists have been known to play with subversions.

While the beat is catchy and Roan is sensational, it is the lyrics that captured my attention. The song freely takes digs at the trope of heterosexual cis men not being able to please women: And other boys may need a map/ But I can close my eyes/And have you wrapped around my fingers like that.

It sparks a conversation on Giving and Receiving pleasure. Some people are puzzled by the idea of a person solely giving or solely receiving during a sexual encounter, but these dynamics are abundant, complex, and rich in the queer community. This complexity is found reflected in the experiences of stone butch lesbians, who are often met with curiosity, puzzlement or unwarranted questions about how they practise intimacy and why.

When I went looking, I found that most existing literature on stone butch experiences came from American voices and platforms. There is a pressing need to explore this identity within an Indian context and to branch beyond Western notions of stone butch and masc lesbian identities.

In an attempt to fill in some of these representational gaps and explore what it means to embody a masculinity that is both tender and giving within lesbian identity, I spoke with two lesbian-identifying individuals in India about their personal experiences and identities: Pallavi, a 24-year-old butch lesbian from Mumbai, and Ree, a 44-year-old lesbian from Kolkata.

“I did not want to be touched and I didn’t know why.”

“When I started reading about stone butch and pillow princess dynamics, a lot of posts started popping up on my algorithm,” says Pallavi, whose name has been changed. “There would often be mean comments under them. Pillow princesses don’t give head, fuck them! or accusatory comments like I gave head for so long and she wasn’t even touching me.”

Stone refers to “not wanting to receive any sexual touch and/or only desiring sexual touch in specific ways with specific partners; getting sexual and/or mental gratification from sexually pleasing a partner.” The stone butch refers to a butch woman who does not allow herself to be touched during lovemaking and whose pleasure is connected to the act of giving.

When Pallavi came across these negative comments, it took her by surprise. To her, the idea that giving and receiving must be a 50-50 split between two people felt anomalous. She did not buy into the notion that one partner’s sexual practices in bed must mirror the other’s.

When Pallavi had sex for the first time, she wasn’t aware that she was a ‘giver’ or that she would not want to be ‘touched’ during sex. “I did not want to be touched and I didn’t know why,” she says. Chalking it up to the nervousness of the first time, she tried ‘receiving’, “thinking to myself maybe once she starts touching me it will feel just as natural as giving.” She tried it for a bit and soon realized it was not for her. She recalls the feeling it gave her: “I’m not enjoying this, and I’m too eager to continue giving”.

A journey of sexual discovery began for her. While it was clear to her that she did not want to be on the receiving end of touch, what stood out most was her desire to center her sexual partner’s pleasure. “The arousal was physical, emotional, and visual, but the pleasure, I’d say, was cerebral.”

 “Like a mother to us.”

On a pleasant winter day in December, Porshi is gearing up for an evening of pop-up stalls, music and performances. Porshi, Bangla for ‘neighbour’, is a community space for queer people located in Jodhpur Park, Kolkata. It is run by Sappho for Equality, a registered non-profit working in Eastern India for the rights of LBT individuals.

In the hustle and bustle of the evening emerges 44-year old Ree, who manages the cafe at Porshi. In her warm and comforting demeanour, she greets me and offers me coffee before we settle into the gallery for our conversation.

During her early days of queer activism and community work, Ree had joined Manas Bangla, a state level network of sexual minorities operating in West Bengal. She started engaging with the network and worked with communities of queer men on HIV prevention.

During her field work days, Ree became friends with Aparna, whom she lovingly calls Apu. Aparna was keen to introduce Ree to another queer educator, and in her tender regard for Ree, she describes Ree to  the educator by saying “Ree is like a mother to us, it is Ree who keeps us.”

At the Chandannagar railway station during the festival Jagadhatri Puja, the educator met Ree for the very first time and was astounded. Laughing, Ree enacts his bewilderment for me: “Are you Ree? Are you sure that you are Ree!” They were expecting someone who would be adorned in a saree, have long hair, and wear a braid, traditional hallmarks of femininity. The image of a masculine person as maternal was difficult for him to comprehend. This shock is something masculine women and butches are all too familiar with.

While we are speaking, a soft euphoric feeling settles into me: the knowledge that this is the very first time in my life that I’m speaking to a lesbian in her 40s. It is tough to escape Ree’s easy, soothing presence, the comfort of a community elder.

“Butch is the secret of my energy!”

“If I need a breast examination for medical reasons, I verbally explain it to the doctor,” Ree shares. “I won’t be able to undress and show it to them.” Even with her most intimate friends and the people she has known forever, Ree does not feel comfortable undressing. These dysphoric feelings are not left behind in the bedroom. “You might say that in front of an erotic relation, I must be able to overcome [body dysphoria], but for sexual acts, how it is performed differs from person to person,” she explains.

“I am not a receiver,” Ree adds. During penetration, she assumes the role of the giver and does not see herself being on the receiving end of it. However, equally important are other mediums of expression during sex, whether that is oral sex or foreplay. In these other acts, she ends up finding herself on both ends of giving and receiving. “When someone kisses me, won’t that delight me?”

Ultimately, she feels that whatever two people do in a bedroom is something they negotiate for themselves. Sexual practices vary from person to person. “Whether I take the t-shirt off or keep it on,” she stresses that how one conducts themselves sexually can shift with different partners and under different circumstances.

Not one to succumb to easy labelling, she insists gender and sexuality are fluid. Whenever asked about her gender identity, she only laughs and says: “Butch is the secret of my energy!”

“Butch feels like home.”

After having had long hair throughout school and college life, in 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic, Pallavi convinced her mother to give her a haircut at home. She did so on the pretext that nobody was stepping out to go anywhere anyway, making it a good time to experiment. As her reluctant mother kept cutting off her long black hair, Pallavi started experiencing a sudden surge of euphoria. “Looking back, it was choppy and probably not such a great haircut,” she laughs, “but I felt like a different person.”

In India, long hair exemplifies an epitome of feminine natural beauty, a message which is incessantly reinforced through films, advertisements, and one’s own family members. Deepa Mehta’s critically acclaimed film Water depicts how only a few decades ago, Hindu women were subject to a ritualistic shaving of their heads upon being widowed. The rite serves to mark her new identity, to make her unappealing to men. It left little room for protest or agency. It is tough to rid hair of its implications. Short hair on women is rarely depicted, usually only deployed in media or films to portray “the feminist type” or “the intellectual kind”.

Short hair like Pallavi’s is often referred to as a ‘boy’s cut’. For her, the simple act of cutting her hair short demanded immense negotiation (with her mother) and ultimately became a pathway to thwart gender and reclaim how she presents to the world.

Pallavi grew up idealizing what she calls the “soft boys of Bollywood.” From Imran Khan in Jaane Tu…Ya Jaane Na, to Shahid Kapoor in Jab We Met, to Saathiya’s Vivek Oberoi, she “loved their casual, serene aura.” Finding herself thrown off by the more macho, aggressively masculine heroes typical of Bollywood films, she found her respite and her inspiration in these softer portrayals.

Her giving nature is not restricted to sexual practices or romantic relationships only. It extends to her deeply cherished friendships too. “A lot of my happiness is tied to my partner’s or friends’ joy,” she explains. “I like to see them thrive.” To Pallavi, the joy she derives from others is deeply linked to her masculinity.

In the average Indian household, the man is the provider. Despite changing social attitudes, the measure of masculinity still lies in a stoic ability to provide materially, practise emotional restraint and control rather than care, be vulnerable or present in domestic life. Conversely, femininity is idealized in self sacrifice: The woman is expected to bend over backwards, be the devoted daughter and wife. The norms for man and woman, masculinity and femininity, are rigidly prescribed.

Ree and Pallavi not only defy expectations of gender in their embrace of an unapologetically masculine expression — they subvert it. They reject the limiting mould of masculinity itself to reshape it.

For Ree, her understanding of care came from her observing her mother. Explaining the matriarchal nature of her childhood home, she says, “It was my mother who had the last word.” It was in the same mother that she witnessed how “how the self is stretched and extended” in service of others. Today, Ree lives as part of a queer kinship with her friend Aparna, who is a trans woman, other queer friends, and Aparna’s adopted child. Her masculine and maternal selves exist together. It requires no explanation.

“Butch feels like home,” Pallavi says.

We step out of the gallery back into the evening unfolding at Porshi. There are chairs pushed around the perimeter of the tiny hall. Someone is dancing in high heels to Asha Tai’s beautifully rendered Ekta Deshlai Kathi Jalao/Tatey Aagun Paabe. 

“Strike a match. It will light a fire in you,” the lyrics declare.

Like “The Giver,” it signals a declaration of taking agency in one’s pleasure. Both Pallavi and Ree — who are two decades apart in age and from the opposite ends of the country — challenge conventional ideas of masculinity, tenderness and care. They make one reckon with just how expansive the art of giving can be.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Stuti Gupta

Stuti is an independent writer and social impact professional based in Mumbai, India. She loves thinking and writing about love, desire, romance and friendship. You can follow her writing on Instagram.

Stuti has written 1 article for us.

9 Comments

  5. Amazing article. Reading this gave me a great sense of belonging with all the butches of the world. We exist everywhere. Thank you for this.

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‘The Pitt’ Breakout Star Supriya Ganesh Comes Out As Queer, Inspired by Lily Gladstone

27-year-old actor Supriya Ganesh played Dr. Samira Mohan on The Pitt — the addictive HBO Max medical drama which has one asexual and two seemingly-queer women characters in it (you know the ones). Although unfortunately neither of those two seemingly-queer women characters are Dr. Samira Mohan, you will be pleased to learn on this very day that Supriya Ganesh herself is queer, and uses she/they pronouns.

In an interview with Variety, Ganesh, who is currently starring in House of India at the Old Globe Theatre in San Diego, talked about her acting career and her gender, explaining that her choice of pronouns reflects her relationship to her own queerness as well her race. After being born in the U.S to Indian parents and moving back to India at the age of three, and then back to the U.S. for college, they were shocked by the restrictive ideas around gender in the U.S compared to India, where “you have the existence of a third gender,” explaining:

[in India] is a little more fluidity in how men present themselves, women present themselves. So I think coming here, I felt this instinctive need to want to react against it, which I think is interesting because I feel like a lot of the times I do present as pretty femme. But there are a couple of times where I’m existing outside of that, and I don’t always totally feel like I’m fitting into what I think is a very white-conceived perception of femininity. So that was a decision I think I made about a year and a half ago, actually influenced by Lily Gladstone in her decision to adopt she/they pronouns in acknowledgement of third-spirit people and some two-spirit people, I think that was a moment where I felt really seen, where I was like, “Oh, yeah, I don’t need to fit into this.” Even though I feel like I identify a lot more with femininity, that doesn’t mean I always fit into what is a very Western idea of it. So I think that was why I made that decision. It also feels like a little bit of a shout-out, being like, “Hey, I’m queer. See me.” I feel like sometimes I pass really well. I also want queer brown women to look at me and know that that’s someone they can turn to and relate to.

[On her instagram story today, Ganesh amended the interview, saying she meant to say “third gender and two-spirit people” rather than “third spirit people and two-spirit people.”]

They told Variety that they aim for authenticity in their work, with an overarching goal of making art and existing in art for other South Asian people, adding:

I just think especially in this generation of Gen Z, which I’m so happy to be a part of, I think that we see so much more queerness and fluidity even with all the restrictions that are happening — and there are so many that I am so frustrated by and angry about — I think people are able to express themselves a little bit more because at least there is this social acceptance, if not a legal acceptance. At least, it’s getting pushed a little bit more. And I just think that’s really beautiful, and I hope more people feel freer to accept themselves wherever on the spectrum that they may lie.

The Pitt isn’t their first role on a medical show — they also played a patient in a 2021 episode of New Amsterdam and a 2023 episode of Chicago Med. They also have an academic background in medicine, having gone to Columbia University pre-med and majored in nueroscience. Despite choosing a career-oriented academic journey, she always harbored a desire to act. She was still working as an MCAT tutor (she got a 99th percentile score on her own MCATs) when she was hired for The Pitt.

Unfortunately they did not have any particular scoop regarding Season Two of The Pitt, besides that it will be set on the weekend of July 4th on Langdon’s first day back. But she hopes to see more of Samira’s personal life, having established Samira’s loneliness and work-focused attitude. We are eager to witness more medical drama on our new favorite medical drama starring our new favorite pre-med student/actor Supriya Ganesh.

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Riese

Riese is the 43-year-old Co-Founder of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in nine books, magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. She's Jewish. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

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Towa Bird Wooed Reneé Rapp With a Pegging Joke

feature image photo by Christopher Polk / Contributor via Getty Images

Reneé Rapp was on Amy Poehler’s podcast Good Hang this week, and let me tell you, it was a delightful listen. For one thing, I love that Amy Poehler isn’t one of those straight people who sound like they’re afraid if they say the word “gay” too many times in a row they’ll catch it, she was very open with her questions for Reneé about things like her girlfriend and coming out, and took all of Reneé’s very gay jokes in stride.

To start off this Gay Hang, Amy talked to Reneé’s close personal friend Cara Delevingne (whose girlfriend was naked in the bed just off camera when she first jumped on the call with Amy), and one of the questions she suggested Amy ask was what Reneé’s drag king name would be. (Amy herself tried to use one of those street name + first pet combos for hers, which led to a hilarious interpretation of what her drag persona would be.)

When talking to Reneé in the interview proper, one of the things she asks is how she met her girlfriend Towa Bird. After joking about having a rolodex of everyone sexy, she says she asked to be introduced to Towa, and that Towa was actually “such a bitch” the first time they met. And one of the next times they met, they were talking about cars and Reneé said, “I wouldn’t peg you as someone who would drive that kind of car” and Towa didn’t miss beat before responding, “Oh, you don’t wanna peg me?” Reneé admits that in that moment she was out-flirted, and she was into it.

The conversation continues to be a Gay Hang when talking about results in some bottom jokes (“What are you going to do when the bottoms are gone? Nothing to top! That’s why my girlfriend NEEDS ME.”). Reneé also discussed how she considered whether or not to use the SNL sketch to officially, publicly change her label from bisexual to lesbian; she originally was going to have them just say “gay” in case in ten years she changed her sexuality or gender (or bitchiness levels: “I want to have the grace to be able to change from being a bitch to being a sweetheart,”) but ultimately decided on “lesbian” because that’s what feels right to her right now.

Other topics include people from her homophobic hometown suddenly trying to claim they’re close because she’s famous, being inspired by other people publicly coming out, Amy giving Reneé her own drag king name (it’s too funny to spoil), Reneé’s dream girl band (real answer and joke answer), and more. Overall it’s a really fun conversation, and it’s not a combination I ever knew I needed, but it was a hilarious episode, and I would have listened to them talk a whole second hour.

Reneé Rapp’s sophomore album, Bite Me, comes out August 1, and her first single from the album (Leave Me Alone) is available now.

Bite Into More News

+ The Wheel of Time was cancelled and I’m sad about it. I was a little late to the party but I watched all of it to review it recently and enjoyed it a lot

+ Lola Young said “I like p***y as well u kno” in the comments of a TikTok video, confirming what we all believed to be true

+ The trailer for the second season of The Ultimatum: Queer Love has dropped and it looks about as messy as you’d expect

+ Demi Lovato got married to Jordan Lutes (aka Jutes), and as long as Demi says they’re happy, I’m happy

+ The Handmaid’s Tale is officially over (the fictional version, at least)

+ Hacks was renewed for a fifth season, just a few days shy of its season four finale

+ Queer music continues to reign supreme: Billie Eilish swept the American Music Awards this year

+ The Morning Show will be back for its fourth season on September 17

+ Bella Ramsey said that when work took them to conservative US states and they were nervous about being so openly queer there, Pedro Pascal was a support system for them

+ Cynthia Nixon reflects on Che in And Just Like That and some of the problematic moments of the original Sex and the City series

+ A fan at Halsey’s concert told the bisexual artist she was her lesbian awakening and was at her concert with her girlfriend of two years, and I love that for everyone involved

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Valerie Anne

Valerie Anne (she/they) a TV-loving, video-game-playing nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories in all forms. While having a penchant for sci-fi, Valerie will watch anything that promises a good story, and especially if that good story is queer.

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  1. Ew that’s not funny lesbians can’t and don’t do that like a butch getting strapped by a femme nah that’s wrong I hate that word

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‘The Valley’ and Bravo’s Problem With Queer Women

I’ve been trying to make the term “Bravo Dyke” happen for half a decade now. We — the lesbians who watch Bravo — are often forgotten by the broader Bravo fandom. I get it; we’re a small crew. When my friend and I attended a Bitch Sesh live show, we were surrounded by the demographics considered Bravo’s main market: straight women and gay men. Our glaring minority status in that massive theater, though, surprised me. I’m so used to discussing Bravo exclusively with lesbians. I think we view the hyper-heteronormative, hyper-patriarchal contexts these reality stars exist in with both the unabashed intrigue and thirst for messy entertainment of any other Bravo enthusiast but also through an acutely critical lens. Almost like we’re anthropologists. What I’m saying is I think lesbians are the ideal Bravo viewers.

But it’s no secret Bravo has long had a lesbian problem. Or, more accurately, the straight people who make up the majority of its casts have long had a lesbian problem. Too often, Bravo series serve as a stark argument for why queer women shouldn’t be in friend groups that are predominantly straight. Lesbophobia is so deeply ingrained in the social groups these shows comprise, and that reflects reality, too.

I’ve been thinking about this for a while, but it’s top of mind lately thanks to a storyline currently airing in season two of The Valley, a spin-off of Vanderpump Rules, which itself is a spin-off of Real Housewives of Beverly Hills. It’s about a social group of parents living outside of Los Angeles stuck in some of the worst marriages I’ve ever seen. The most functional relationship on the show appears to be that between Jasmine and Melissa, two queer women from the same hometown in New Jersey who reconnected when Melissa moved to California and started dating.

There’s also a gay man on the show — Zack Wickham — but this is typically how most Bravo casts go in terms of there being one solitary queer woman or one solitary lesbian couple amid a sea of straights (there are a few exceptions, but we’ll get to that later). Jasmine and Melissa don’t get a whole lot of screen time or storylines on The Valley, perhaps because their relationship is relatively stable compared to the horrific other marriages, but I’m also just convinced Bravo producers and editors don’t understand that lesbians and our lives can make great reality television.

In any case, there’s finally a plotline this season that concerns Jasmine and Melissa, but it’s one that completely strips them of agency and makes Jasmine out to be an over-reactor. When one of the show’s husbands, Danny Booko, gets very drunk on a cast trip and sneaks tequila in a pantry, Jasmine is immediately triggered, bringing up a time Danny got so blackout drunk at a bar that he squeezed her thigh and asked her to “get daddy a drink” before grabbing Melissa’s ass. Prior to Jasmine bringing this up on camera, Danny had apparently apologized and gotten to a better place with Jasmine and Melissa, but his excessive drinking and attempts to hide it, along with his wife Nia Sanchez trying to downplay his inebriation by saying he was just tired, makes her rightfully realize Danny’s relationship to alcohol is still questionable. “Just knowing he’s taking shots in the cupboard, it’s like, ‘okay, is gonna do something he shouldn’t be doing?’” Jasmine says in the episode where this all comes to light. “You can’t just go around grabbing your friends’ asses and telling people to call you daddy.”

How do Danny, Nia, the rest of the cast react to any of this? Oh, you know, the way reality casts tend to react to things: Everyone finds a way to make it about themselves. But notably, no one seems to be taking Jasmine or Melissa’s safety and autonomy seriously at all. There is simply no way in hell any of this would have gone down the same way if Danny had grabbed the ass of Janet Caperna or Michelle Lally, two of the straight wives on the show. It’s not that people don’t believe Jasmine and Melissa (Danny, after all, has admitted it); it’s that they dismiss it as a simple drunken mistake and quickly move on, making Jasmine out to be the bad guy for bringing it up on camera when it was already supposedly resolved by Danny’s off-camera apology tour. Fuck that!

I think there are a few underpinnings to the cast’s casual dismissal of Danny’s behavior toward Jasmine and Melissa. Nia might not see her husband’s behavior as crossing a line because Jasmine and Melissa are queer. It’s easy for her to write off in her head that he was just confused and unaware of what he was doing, because surely he wasn’t hitting on coupled up queer women, right? These reactions hinge on the belief that relationships with women also aren’t that serious or meaningful. Danny would be terrified of any of the boyfriends or husbands had he done this to one of their girlfriends or wives; he doesn’t seem to believe there are the same consequences when it comes to doing this to two women in a relationship.

The rest of the group similarly doesn’t take Danny’s transgression as seriously as they might if it had happened to any other woman in the group. And I think it all comes down to a pervasive problem I have seen across Bravo shows, which is that queer women aren’t merely hypersexualized by straight men, but by straight women, too, who have adopted these patriarchal notions of lesbianism as something inherently sexual and fetishized by men while also seeing relationships between women as somehow flimsy or unreal.

This week, on The Valley season 2 episode 7, Jasmine brings all of this up explicitly during a conversation between her, Melissa, and Danny. Jasmine explains to Danny that she feels like when things happen to them as a couple, it gets “pushed away, like it’s not a big deal.” “On the daily, I have to like defend our relationship,” she says. “Anytime we go out and we go to a bar, guys are like ‘kiss her to make sure it’s real.’ And I’m like, okay, just because I don’t have a ring doesn’t mean our relationship is not valid or doesn’t matter, you know?”

Here, Jasmine and Melissa both express everything that has been on my mind since this storyline began. It’s this simultaneous hypersexualization (guys at bars urging them to kiss) and invalidation of the relationship (to make sure it’s real) that dictates so many of the interactions between the queer women on these Bravo shows and their straight castmates. Jasmine, who is bisexual, shares all this with Danny from the perspective of wanting to educate him as his friend. Melissa points out the same disparity I’ve been saying for weeks: that all of this would have gone very differently if either she or Jasmine were a man. He admits he never thought of it that way.

We see these dynamics at play on other Bravo shows, too. Just look at  Julia Lemigova’s treatment on the rebooted Real Housewives of Miami. The women all consider Julia inherently sensual, flirty, kinky. One jokes she has a “fetish” for Julia. Another makes a comment meant to be a joke about how Julia would make the “best prostitute” of the group, which triggers Julia because she dealt with assumptions about her and sex work when first immigrating to the US from Russia, but which also seems steeped in the group’s overall conception of Julia as hypersexual for merely being bisexual. This is a woman who lives on a farm with her wife. She arguably has the most quaint and low-drama marriage of anyone on the show. (She’s married to retired tennis player Martina Navratilova, who in recent years has doubled down on her anti-trans sports exclusion stance, so this is in no way an endorsement of either party or their relationship, merely an attempt to show how misaligned the group’s idea of Julia is from her reality.)

There’s a similar effect in the rebooted Real Housewives of New York, where Jenna Lyons is at first the sole lesbian in the cast. The rest of the cast, especially Brynn Whitfield, love to “flirt with” Jenna and make references to sex around her. Jenna, like Julia of RHOM who also has a friend constantly flirting with her on the show, is in a committed relationship, and I doubt these same lines would be crossed if that relationship were with a man. Brynn tries to make flirtation a cornerstone of her reality persona, but it’s still markedly different when it’s directed at Jenna, almost like it doesn’t count as “real” flirting. The other women of RHONY regard Jenna as if she’s erotic and exotic; even their questions about her coming out feel off, more aimed at making her queerness legible in their heterosexual worlds than at getting to know her.

This past season added two more queer women to RHONY: Racquel Chevremont, a main cast addition, and her fianceé Mel, a “friend of” addition. Racquel and Jenna have an existing friendship and similar coming out stories. Any scenes we got between them were genuinely delightful, deepening the queerness of RHONY in an authentic way. But the rest of the cast’s continued obsession with Jenna and now with Racquel and Mel continues to feel less like genuine interest in understanding queerness or even exploring their own latent sexual curiosity (I do think some of these women could be bi) and more like they’ve adopted the voyeuristic gazes of their straight male counterparts. It doesn’t help that they don’t even try to meaningfully engage with any of the queer culture Racquel attempts to introduce them to, like ballroom. Erin Lichy loves how obsessed her husband is with Mel. I don’t think she’d be as crazy about him loving the wife of a man the same way.

Whenever there is only one or a couple queer women present in the cast, their queerness is either dismissively ignored, gawked at, or flattered into a punchline — sometimes worse. On Real Housewives of Atlanta, Phaedra Parks infamously made up a rumor about Kandi Burruss drugging and sexually assaulting another cast member. Even if you don’t watch the show, you’ve probably heard or seen the meme of Porsha Williams saying “who said that?” And that’s about this whole mess! Phaedra invents an assault relying on the harmful stereotype of the aggressive lesbian. Porsha hops onboard and tries to “accuse” Kandi of being a lesbian, “accuse” not at all being my choice of language but the language often employed on these Bravo shows when someone tries to say someone else is gay. It’s always an accusation, as if being a lesbian is somehow a wrongdoing.

Kandi usually doesn’t label her sexuality explicitly, but she has openly shared that she’s had sexual experiences with women in the past, and it has been weaponized in strange and off-putting ways against her. Meanwhile, Kandi herself tried to turn the tables on Porsha, suggesting she was a lesbian by saying she turns into an “aggressive lesbian” when drunk, re-weaponizing the same rhetoric used against her. There are a lot of nuances to all of this and to ongoing conversations about who is and isn’t a lesbian on Real Housewives of Atlanta, but there’s definitely a throughline of implicit biases about queer women being overtly, even aggressively sexual.

Real Housewives of Beverly Hills has found itself mired in similar biases. Cast members exacerbated rumors of Kyle Richards dating a woman just as much as viewers did, and tabloid magazines have been covering Kyle and her friend Morgan Wade like it’s some sordid story, even though they’re both single women. Little has changed since the days of Jenna Lyons being quite literally outed by a tabloid. But reality television — like trashy tabloids — still indeed lives in this world where lesbianism is scandalous and salacious.

I have been disappointed by how the cast — and many viewers, especially on Reddit — have responded to Danny’s drunken treatment of Jasmine and Melissa, but I have not been surprised. It follows a pattern set by the rest of these Bravo shows about how queer women are sexualized to the point of stripping away their personhood. The straight male gaze’s fetishization of queer women is so often critically examined, but the straight women on these shows are often just as complicit. But there’s a frustratingly contradictory set of assumptions directed at lesbians: that we’re hypersexual but also that our sexuality is somehow invalid, neutered by the lack of a male presence. Both sides of that feel bad. I’ve had well meaning straight women I play tennis with tell me it must be nice to be with a woman because it’s like hanging out with a friend. I had to remind them that, actually, we fuck. We’re not platonic besties doing each other’s hair every night (my wife is very good at doing my hair though).

On Bravo, this brand of retrograde homophobia runs rampant, and it’s almost never addressed because the biases on display on the show are just as on display in the fandom. Andy Cohen only tends to interrogate instances of homophobia in the Housewives universe when it’s directed at men; the lesbophobia and biphobia pervasive across the franchises gets swept under the rug, again like it’s inconsequential or not a big deal when it comes to queer women.

You would think all this would mean I have no interest in watching these shows, but this is why I jokingly say watching them feels akin to an anthropological study, an intimate if also heavily produced (though let’s be real, all these biases and dismissals of queer women and their relationships are extremely authentic and not for the camera by any means) look at heterosexual social politics. This is reality! Lesbians are tokenized sexually, and lesbian relationships are casually dismissed as less valid than heterosexual relationships, even in supposedly open-minded social circles.

If nothing else, these shows make me very grateful to have so many queer friends. I hope the queer people on Bravo have more of them off camera.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1035 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. AND NOW WE’VE SAID IT! I think this is so true about Bravo and it’s somehow still limited view of women in general. I also want to add to your list of examples– Tom Sandoval outing his own girlfriend on TV to get a giggle out of his friends (potentially because he felt slighted by his girlfriend’s hookup with another girl in the backseat of a car he was driving). Ariana’s queerness was so rarely treated with any care.

    • omg YES I had started to write a whole thing about Vanderpump but the piece was already kinda long and I feel like I’d already gotten my point across. honestly, could write a book on the depiction of queer women on Bravo!!!!

      • VPR is SUCH an intricate mess of (often homophobic) bi women and their horrible straight boyfriends and friends. I’d love to read a whole piece covering the intricacies of the queerness and homophobia on that show.

      • Don’t get me started on how much I hated how the cast treated Billie Lee on VPR! (along with fans of the show in Reddit for that matter)

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I Suddenly Hate Aging and It Makes Me Feel Like a Bad Lesbian

This is The Parlour, a place for intimate conversation, a real-time archive, a shared diary passed between a rotating cast of queer characters every week in an attempt to capture a kaleidoscopic view of what it’s like to be a queer person right here, right now.

Last weekend, I competed in a tennis tournament. In the semi-finals, I encountered an opponent who looked young, very young. She wore a blue tank top emblazoned with the name of the Central Florida high school with one of the best tennis programs in the state. I figured she was a recent grad. I’ve encountered some alumni on the USTA league circuit, strong and confident girls of 19 and 20 who can’t legally drink but sometimes sneak sips of champagne during post-match celebrations. My baby-faced opponent eyed me as we made our way onto our assigned court. We plopped our bags on the benches and mentally prepared to play in the 90-degree heat. I physically prepared, too, doing the little stretches that help prevent cramping and post-match joint pain. She did not stretch. As I tried to do some mental math to figure out her age — surely she was at least 18, as the tournament had separate competition categories for juniors and adults — she broke the ice.

How old are you? she asked, with all the immodesty of a very young person.

32, I said. 33 in a couple weeks actually.

She didn’t hide the shock from her face, but she quickly gave a compliment, something about how she never would have guessed. Still, from the look on her face, I may as well have told her I have one foot in the grave.

I turned the question back on her. How old are you?

Fifteen, she said. Fif. Teen. Yes, she was competing in the juniors category for singles, too. But nothing had stopped her from entering adult women’s singles. (It helps that her dad organizes a lot of the tournaments at these particular facilities.)

My tennis bag, sitting on the bench between us while I stretched and she did not, is older than her.

***
I don’t know when I became a vain person, but I swear I used to be better. I used to go out without makeup and knotted hair. I won’t pretend I’ve ever had a perfect relationship to my body and my appearance. The amount of time and mental energy I’ve spent on body and facial hair removal has probably taken years off my life. I think about my mustache way more than anyone on the planet thinks about my mustache.

But my anxiety around aging is somewhat recent and has taken me completely off guard. In my early twenties — hell, in my teens even — I would have gladly pushed a button to make me turn 40. Undergirding this desire was a belief that surely by then I would have a stronger sense of what I desire, of who I am, of how to live the life I’m meant to live. I yearned for the self-knowledge that seemed only possible with age and experience. I had failed at heterosexuality, and I was flailing at queerness. I felt an ambivalence about being the “baby gay,” simultaneously loving the attention and affection I got from older queers and also wishing they’d take me seriously. I wanted to somehow be the baby and also be 40, with a stable and successful career and an even older hot wife.

In 2018, when I was 26, my hair started turning gray. Not all of it, but many silvery strands streaming out from the crown of my head, almost seemingly overnight. I’ve blamed the first Trump presidency and my ex. But it doesn’t take much digging to see it’s probably just genetics; my father has had salt and pepper (heavy on the salt these days, as we like to tease him) hair since he was a young dad. He can pull it off better though; he’s a man.

There I go, reinforcing gendered and patriarchal notions of who gets to age gracefully and who does not. Trust me: I beat myself up over it. When my gray hairs emerged, two close friends were shocked to learn I was so self-conscious about it. But you love older women, they reasoned. I do, it’s true. It’s not even just that I appreciate wrinkles and gray hair on women; I think it’s hot. I just don’t have the same attraction to aging when it comes to myself.

None of what I’m describing is particularly novel. It is easy to romanticize adulthood and age in youth and easy to envy youth as you age. Suddenly stressing about aging on the precipice of turning 33 is woefully cliche. Being a lesbian doesn’t inoculate me from the pressures of beauty standards and patriarchal conceptions of womanhood. But when I stress about gray hairs and aging skin, I do feel like a bad dyke. I feel like I’m setting my own traps to fall into.

***
Becoming a competitive athlete in my thirties has not helped. Or, I should say, it has helped in some ways and not in others. My relationship to my body is in many ways the best it has ever been. Strength training unexpectedly made me less likely to slip into disordered eating habits, not more. In many technical aspects, I’m a better tennis player now than I was when I was 15. My shots are cleaner. My serve is more consistent. My mental game is tight.

But, as I’ve joked to many teammates and opponents, I might be able to run to a dropshot like I could as a teen, but the recovery takes three times as long. The 15 year old at the tournament beat me, of course she did. She got to every dropshot I tried on her, dropped me right back, barely broke a sweat the whole time. She didn’t even stretch.

It’s hard not to think of the what ifs as a later-in-life amateur athlete. What if I still had the endurance and agility of a teenager now that my groundstrokes are so good? What if I’d actually committed to strength training and conditioning more when I was a teenage tennis player and hadn’t just coasted by on youthful energy and endurance? What if I could merge the best parts of then and now and become a superhero version of myself?

It’s all very silly, and no amount of wistful yearning for my youthful skin or joints does any good or changes the reality of my tennis game, which hey, is pretty fucking good. I may have lost to the girl younger than half my age, but I gave her a good match. I lost the first set 1-6 but came back to finish the second set 4-6. I’ll take those five games. And I’ll take her compliments on my playing style. She expected fluffy, high, no-pace balls. She expected, in other words, for me to play like I’m old.

Between sets, my opponent slathered thick sunblock on her face. Sorry this stuff makes me look like a ghost, she said. I just don’t want to look old.

Fifteen years old and already worried about aging. I stopped myself before I could reply, Olivia Rodrigo’s voice suddenly playing in my head: If someone tells me one more time “Enjoy your youth,” I’m gonna cry.

I hate that she has been made to feel this way. I know I’m part of the problem. I also hate when people react to my own vanity and anxieties around aging like I’m a helpless victim. I want two contradictory things to be true at once: to be comfortable with aging and to not be judged for my discomfort about aging.

In tennis, I’ve found a way to live inside the contradictions, at least a little bit. I want the endurance and recovery time of a young person, but I also know how to push myself without breaking my body. Stretching doesn’t make me feel old; it makes me feel strong. And hey, I’m queer. If there’s one discomfort I’m used to dealing with, it’s the strange strain of wanting something you cannot have.

In two days, I’ll turn 33. My tennis bag, a gift from my parents on my 15th birthday, will turn 18. The shoulder strap is broken, and it’s frayed and faded in spots. I’m endeared to it, the same way I’m endeared to age in others. It still does what it’s supposed to do. It’s cool because it’s old. The brand doesn’t even exist anymore. I wish I could show myself the same affection.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1035 articles for us.

18 Comments

  2. I got my first gray at 18 – I’m 30 now and growing to like it. I also think way too much about my mustache lol. Loved this!

  3. So much sympathy for the mix of being fine or happy with some aspects of aging and then feeling hit unexpectedly by others that bother you intensely!

    I’m almost 39 and do boxing, yoga, and indoor climbing (though not competitively) and in many ways am in much better shape than I was in my teens and 20s. Figuring out both asthma maintenance and mental health strategies make a world of difference.

    • (Not sure why it submitted before I meant to.) But as I get close to 40 there are some physical things that bother me. Grey hairs are more funny than anything, but neck wrinkles/sagging bug me (on myself, not on others). And I know my stomach fat and stretch marks were an expected part of being pregnant and giving birth, but they still feel harder to own than fat in other places. And feeling tight/stuff every morning just sucks (though at least regular yoga/stretching helps some). *sigh*

    • yes truly, there is something so different about doing sports/physical activity with a fully developed brain lol. very cool that you do boxing! do you subscribe to Laura van den Berg’s newsletter Fight Week? it’s so good

  5. Oof Kayla I am around the same age as you and feeling this so immensely. I’ve always been excited about aging (in the “I-never-thought-I’d-make-it-this-far” way) and I was intensely terrible at exercise and sports until my mid-twenties, so I’m not even longing for some sort of ultra-fit youth, but the impact of societal messages about what an “attractive” face and body consist of (i.e.: looking like a 23-year-old) is no fucking joke. I am finally learning to trust and train and use and care for my body, so this sudden worry about “looking old” is blindsiding me a little.

    It’s interesting how aging feelings intersect with dysphoria feelings too. I was able to ignore any more feminine parts of myself pretty effectively for about a decade, and now I am noticing that it’s aging-as-a-woman that is finally making me stop and reassess and pursuing the gender affirming care I’ve kind of wanted for ages. Is this normal?? Is this morally wrong and sexist??? Who can say!

    • totally agree with everything you’re saying!

      and sometimes when i express these feelings i’m met with people saying “love yourself!” and I’m like I do! hahahaha. I have a TON of love for myself. i think you can love yourself and still have some insecurities, even insecurities that are somewhat contradictory!

      fwiw I don’t think it’s morally wrong or sexist for you to be having these feelings re:gender/gender-affirming care/aging! i think it makes a lot of sense and like no one can control what makes them feel dysphoric, you know?

      it’s obviously so different than what you’re describing, but since starting to play tennis I’m around a lot of wealthy suburban straight moms, and they’ve had botox and things like that which I’m not considering for myself but which I’ve also had to sort of learn to not JUDGE them for. i don’t place a moral judgment on them for it or like press them to explain who/what made them feel like they had to do these things. it’s complicated!!!!

      so yeah anyway, I’M not morally judging you haha so you shouldn’t place that on yourself <3

  6. I’m 55 and my feelings about age and aging keep shifting. I continue to be surprised and dismayed during periods when I don’t love how getting older looks or feels in my body. Because you know, I don’t want to buy into all the bogus anti-aging cultural messages and because I think I will truly be a kick-old woman. So I feel like I should enjoy getting older. And I do. But I also don’t always love how getting older looks or feels in my body.

    It’s strange to me how it hits. I freaked out about turning 30 a few months before my actual birthday and ended up really LOVING my 30s. I had a big crisis over turning 38 but not 40. I just thought that I’d have things more together by the time I hit 38, and that I’d FEEL more together as well.

    I started feeling really confident in my body in my 40s, around the time that I seemed to become invisible to a certain type of cis het man, and I honestly loved that. But when I crossed some sort of invisible marker a few years ago and noticed that I (and all of my friends from school) suddenly look middle aged, I freaked out. I’m still more obsessed with how my chin and neck are changing that I would like to be.

    If I have any wisdom to share , that I learned the hard way, it’s that fighting your feelings about age or aging isn’t very effective or useful. And at the same time, it can be helpful to try to make friends with your current body and your current age, no matter what your age is.

    • yeah I really love this comment a lot because it demonstrates how it can ebb and flow in these ways and also hit when you least expect it. I was fine about turning 30 and now feeling weird about turning 33??? out of nowhere, too! and after hearing so much about how my wife’s mid and late thirties were some of the best years of her life (which I’ve actually heard from a LOT of friends).

      i really, really appreciate this comment a lot truly. sometimes when i share my complicated thoughts on aging with people older than me, they’re like “omg you’re YOUNG shut UP” and i’m like okay???? i’m always truly not talking about myself and not making judgments about anyone older than me; my feelings on aging don’t have to impact someone else’s feelings on aging. and i’m not even saying 33 is “OLD.” i know it isn’t haha. so idk your comment just strikes me as really vulnerable, poignant, and also empathetic! i also think you’re sooooo right about not fighting the feelings. it doesn’t do any good, only makes me harder on myself lol. thank you thank you!

      • Aww thank you Kayla. I really loved your vulnerability in your article too. And yes, I did have an initial “33 is NOT old” knee-jerk reaction reading it. But it also made me remember how weird I felt about feeling weird about turning 30. And how weird I feel about being upset about looking middle aged – even though I actually really love BEING middle aged.

        Also, NGL, I spend waaaay more time than I want to admit to worrying about my new (imperceptible to anyone but me) double chin.

        • hahaha no the initial reaction is totally FAIR but then yeah a lot of people don’t take the extra step to remember how they felt at another age lololol.

          no for real even when i shave my mustache i swear /I/ can see it but apparently no one else can lol

  8. Thank you for sharing Kayla! I think it’s so complicated because aging is both so public (In a Way there is so much scrutiny on women’s physical appearance at every age) but also so intensely personal. And how you feel inside and outside sometimes matches up but most often probably doesn’t? idk

    We are the same age and I’m loving the power of 32 and am actively trying to slow down and appreciate the things I have now that I’ve been grinding for for 10 years !! But also I am a former athlete and feel the most out of shape ever which makes me feel physically vulnerable in a way I’m not used to. So it’s all a journey! I’m working on it :)

    • thank you for sharing!!! “how you feel inside and outside sometimes matches up but most often probably doesn’t?” –> fully agree that most often it probably doesn’t!

      what’s your former sport out of curiosity?

Comments are closed.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love Season 2 Trailer Accurately Depicts Art of Lesbian Processing

The trailer for the second season of The Ultimatum: Queer Love — every lesbian’s favorite messy dating show — just dropped, and oooooooh boy are we going to get some good gay drama from a group of unwell people once again!

As we already reported, unfortunately, JoAnna Garcia Swisher is back as the show’s inexplicably heterosexual host. Does anyone know why there can’t be a queer host? Are they worried a contestant will fall in love with her? I say, let it happen! Imagine just how good of television THAT would be.

The trailer reiterates the series premise: Six queer couples arrive with one member of the couple being ready for marriage and the other not. They participate in a grand social experiment where they all essentially speed-date each other and then select someone to live with for three weeks as part of a trial marriage. Then they live with their originals partners for another trial marriage. Almost no one will mention polyamory. Then they reconvene and decide if they want to stay with and marry their original partner, be with this new person, or a secret third thing (walk into the abyss solo and single and perhaps ready to admit they should have gone to therapy instead of onto reality television).

And the rest of us lap it all up, because this is peak reality dating television, baby! Give The Ultimatum: Queer Love 29 seasons like The Bachelor!

The trailer also depicts the universal 8 Stages of Lesbian Dating and Processing™.

Ahem, let me break down the stages for you.

Stage One: Flirting

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Britney Thompson, AJ Blount in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Britney Thompson, AJ Blount in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

This might entail some whispering, soft gay touches, glances across a room, a touch of yearning.

Stage Two: Pottery Date

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Bridget Matloff, Ashley Johnson in episode 205 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Bridget Matloff, Ashley Johnson in episode 205 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

Are you really a queer couple if you’ve never been on a pottery date? Think about it.

Stage Three: Awkward Dinner Party

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Mel Vitale, Haley Drexler, Pilar Dizon, AJ Blount, Britney Thompson, JoAnna Garcia Swisher, Marita Prodger, Ashley Johnson, Bridget Matloff, Magan Mourad, Dayna Mathews in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Mel Vitale, Haley Drexler, Pilar Dizon, AJ Blount, Britney Thompson, JoAnna Garcia Swisher, Marita Prodger, Ashley Johnson, Bridget Matloff, Magan Mourad, Dayna Mathews in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

This is where you introduce all your friends to the new girl you’re seeing and tell them how in love you are, and they all quietly eat their tofu scramble while thinking “didn’t she tell us she was so in love with the last girl like six months ago?” There should be at least one straight person at the dinner party. Why? Nobody knows.

Stage Four: Booty Grab

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Magan Mourad, Dayna Mathews in episode 204 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Magan Mourad, Dayna Mathews in episode 204 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

You’re in love! You’re grabbing butts! What could possibly go wrong!

(I got really excited thinking this was possibly two people during The Experiment, but it’s one of the original couples. I want people to get friskier during The Experiment!)

Stage Five: Heated Conversation on Bed

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Dayna Mathews, Magan Mourad in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Dayna Mathews, Magan Mourad in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

Oh no, let the emotional processing begin!

Stage Six: Crying Conversation on Bed

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Britney Thompson, AJ Blount in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Britney Thompson, AJ Blount in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

There are soooo many ways to process lesbianly in bed.

Stage Seven: Holding Your Face Because You’ve Reached Processing Overload

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Haley Drexler, Pilar Dizon in episode 207 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Haley Drexler, Pilar Dizon in episode 207 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

A beachside balcony, as The Ultimatum: Queer Love Season 2 demonstrates, is an ideal setting for this stage.

Stage Eight: Kiss and Makeup

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Mel Vitale, Marie Robertson in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

The Ultimatum: Queer Love. (L to R) Mel Vitale, Marie Robertson in episode 201 of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. Cr. Courtesy of Netflix © 2025

And then go back to stage one to begin the cycle all over again!!!!!!!!!!

The Ultimatum: Queer Love will premiere on June 25 with the first few episodes, and additional episode drops will follow weekly. Happy Pride indeed! What do you say, should I bring my recaps back?

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The A.V. Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1035 articles for us.

11 Comments

  1. “Holding Your Face Because You’ve Reached Processing Overload”

    thank you for articulating this, we aren’t talking about this enough!!!!

    • literally we need to be talking about this more (and holding our face in our hands about it later)

  2. Kayla you are so QUICK cannot wait for your recaps bc I will not be able to bring myself to watch this.

  3. stop playin, you already know and we already know youre going to be watching AND RECAPPING this

  4. so here for the chaotic alternative timeline where someone falls in love with the queer host

    • IT WOULD BE SO GOOD!!!!!!!! i’d at least read a fanfic with this premise

  5. I am holding my face in my hands trying to process that you considered NOT recapping the new season.

  6. Oh my god this trailer is so unhinged from the first second… “My biggest fear was that I’d get to a point where I was ready and you’d fall in love with someone else… Now it’s happening!!” OF COURSE IT IS BABYGIRL!!!! WE ALL COULD HAVE TOLD YOU IT WOULD HAPPEN!!!!! AAAAAAAAA

  7. Kayla, pleeeease recap this, this beautiful mess will simply not be as entertaining without your commentary!

Comments are closed.

No Filter: Katy O’Brian Is a Very Important Part of Mission: Impossible if You Ask Me

feature image photo by Taylor Hill / Contributor via Getty Images

Hello and welcome back to No Filter! This is the place where I tell you what our favorite queer celebrities are up to, via Instagram! How fun! How thrilling! Let’s rock n roll!

CORRECT! Serena always gets first! She is the greatest of all time!

One thing about my people (millennials) is that we all attached so hard to M.I.A’s “Bad Girls”

It has to be said, and it IS said with love, but this is simply the most elderly post I have ever seen! The content, yes that’s easy. But look at this image: the zoomed in photo of a website on a laptop. The full dock? Nary a program removed? The tabs? Pinterest? A Ben Stiller tab? God this is perfect!

Katy O'Brien on Instagram

This is such a good and hot photo I forgive Katy for accidentally getting “Blurred Lines” stuck in my head. Man, remember when she was in Mission: Impossible????? That rocked.

I have never been more jealous of Lena Waithe in my life??? Like to the point where I was like “why are YOU talking about this show with Kristin and not ME” but I can accept that is a unkind impulse!

A rare…well…not quite a miss? This is a perfectly serviceable look, but I don’t know, I wanted something a little more fun? This is giving Golden Globes to me, not AMAs? But then again, what the hell are the AMAs?

Oh HELL yes, this is what I like to see! For my money, there is no one better than Keke at asking personal questions! I would tell her everything in .3 seconds.

Shadows are the most important part! Sorry, I have been watercoloring nonstop and currently I am on a light and shadow journey, so it’s top of mind.

Couple of things: 1. This duo was pulled directly out of my brain in 2010. 2. It seems Cat and Stacy have broken up, I scrolled them tagged pictures for a long time and nooooo Cat! Sad!

Yes please! It’s summer, I need some TUNES!

You HAVE to watch til the end when JB realizes Niecy is talking about a different wig…still the best couple of all time!

Meg THEEEE Artist! How can I love her more? I don’t know but I am sure I can!!

It’s hard to express how delightful it is to hang out with your friend’s kids for a weekend and then…going home to your quiet home. Bless!

The next time someone asks me what it means to be a femme, I am sending them this video.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Christina Tucker

Christina Tucker is writer and podcaster living in Philadelphia. Find her on Twitter or Instagram!

Christina has written 353 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. I think I just found the inner circle of my personal Venn diagram of queer desire, and it’s the love child of that Katy O’Brian photoshoot (!) and Omar Rudberg’s more androgynous or femme stylings.

  2. This Mission Impossible is even more an expression of the lesbian gaze than they normally are. Tom Cruise loves capable, flinty women and so do I. Atwell’s white buttondowns, Katy O’Brian obviously, Pom Klementieff’s extensive scarred midriff shots. Even Lucy Tulugarjuk is very cute and charming in a “that is the kind of person I would like to have been married to for thirty years” way.

  3. Exactly why does it have to be said, re: the “elderliness” of Holland Taylor’s post, though? Does it somehow negate her point? So insufferably condescending. Why don’t you just pat her on the head and talk real loud while you’re at it.

    • To me hearing older people talk about the “gold old days” feels really difficult because then you get that question— good old days for who? I think she was in middle and high school in the 60s, was that the good old days for disabled students? Black students? I’m a teacher and I do think the public schools system is fucked. A lot of it hinges on domination and students don’t tolerate being dominated. Which I love, but again the whole system rest on control and it’s falling apart as people want more freedom. Hopefully we can create an educational system that is about helping kids get more free and not forcing them to do boring shit all day.

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Mini Crossword Is Contemplating a New Haircut

and

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!
Related:

Kate Hawkins

Kate Hawkins is a city-loving Californian currently residing in New Hampshire with her wife and toddler, where she's currently enjoying sports that require unwieldy pieces of equipment (kayaking! biking! cross country skiing!) and grilling lots of corn. She's stoked to be writing puzzles for Autostraddle and hopes you enjoy solving these gay puzzles!

Kate has written 72 articles for us.

Rachel

Rachel is a queer crossword constructor, writer, and bioethicist.

Rachel has written 11 articles for us.

1 Comment

Comments are closed.