I wasn’t going to turn down the chance to explore a massive swinger lodge that’s been in operation since the 1970’s.

Feeling made invisible by your own partner’s choices to not come out as both queer and polyamorous is tough. This edition of #PolyamoryProblems dives into how to deal with a partner who is living in a double closet.

Our trans subject editor Xoai Pham speaks to Jayda Shuavarnnasri, Thai-American sexuality educator and resident #SexPositiveAsianAuntie, about sexual violence, myths about polyamory, and what it means to take up space as Asian women.

Here’s how a 23-year-old mixed race Asian genderqueer polyamorous bisexual femme who just moved to Brooklyn does poly.

Do you have a girlfriend? That’s fine. I also have a girlfriend. But I think you’re cute, and you think I’m cute, and let’s not waste all this cuteness and attraction just because we both have girlfriends. I’m sorry, did that come off a little harsh? It wasn’t supposed to. It’s just what a conversation might sound like in a world where monogamy wasn’t the norm. Contrary to popular belief, monogamy and fidelity are not one in the same. Take it from two lesbians – real lesbians – who have both been in serious relationships, both open and exclusive, and are still trying to figure out what exactly that means.