Search polyamory and you’ll see the term partnered with words like “sexual revolution” and “on the rise” in several news pieces on the subject. Surely, there’s more to non-monogamy than sex, or the rebellion of joining a fad? What could it take to make being open/ polyamorous/ non-monogamous work? Eleven books and the internet’s idea of a “sexual revolution” bookshelf later, I present to you a list of some major titles relevant to queer women.

“Polyamory and queerness are pretty much inseparable for me in practice.”

“Family and friends tend to recognize her and her boyfriend and pretend that I don’t exist, mostly because they have been together longer and queer relationships are not respected or recognized.”

“I view polyamory as a structure that’s helpful in me decolonizing my love life and the way I view relationships. Having complete ownership of everything within the borders of my skin, and doing what I desire with it and with whom, is an incredible “fuck you” to the systems of oppression I seek to dismantle (and a fun one!).”

“I have a relationship to myself first. If that relationship isn’t solid and healthy I’m not good with anyone.”

Do you have a girlfriend? That’s fine. I also have a girlfriend. But I think you’re cute, and you think I’m cute, and let’s not waste all this cuteness and attraction just because we both have girlfriends. I’m sorry, did that come off a little harsh? It wasn’t supposed to. It’s just what a conversation might sound like in a world where monogamy wasn’t the norm. Contrary to popular belief, monogamy and fidelity are not one in the same. Take it from two lesbians – real lesbians – who have both been in serious relationships, both open and exclusive, and are still trying to figure out what exactly that means.