The Comment Awards Are Coming To My Window

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LISTEN: Some days are fantastic, and other days you might need those tiny cans of carbonated wine from Trader Joe’s! And if that’s your thing, that’s just fine! Your life choices are valid. Whatever your preferred beverage, I believe in you.

This week, as always, Heather healed my heart.

Did you vote for the AS March Madness First Kisses final round yet? Omg.

Erin wrapped up 30 Days of Carol. 30 days online, forever in our hearts.

Molly took us to Dinah!

From Mey: You should be reading Moonstruck. And not just because I met Grace Ellis at A-camp once at 4 a.m. in the cafeteria and she was nice to me.

This was astounding and good and honest and you should read it.

Relationship goals from the team! This was very warm and fuzzy.

Were you around for Shennystraddle? There were so many great and terrible posts that day, but I think this was my favorite.

And then there were your comments!

On No Filter: Lesbian Jesus Hayley Kiyoko Screams at Giant Version of Herself:

The Bisous Award to Carmen Phillips:

Listen, all I am saying is that Janelle ended that tweet to Tessa not only granting her wish, but also giving her the gay dancing girls and two kiss emojis. TWO. KISS. EMOJIS.

And the Electric Lady Award to Snaelle:

Stef’s going to turn it up to 11. We all died and went gay to heaven…Missy Elliott’s now directing as Janelle’s representing, while Hayley screams, she’s bigger than Jeez. Us can’t take the glory that is Lena, but she gives it anyways, while Danielle just slays. She’s a star, she’s a star, she sparks like a Demi double double down Kehlani, and now… we’re hopping like Ramirez. Hopping like Ramirez.

On 30 Days of Carol: Day 29 – An Edible Arrangement for the Person Responsible for Cutting the Richard Scene:

The Never Days of Richard Award to Sally (and her icon):

I’m not going to actively suggest that your standards are all way too low here (I’m just gonna heavily imply it instead), but why settle for just one Richard scene deletion? Why not all? Demand more, people!

On Why Did Applebee’s Destroy the Lesbian Love Story in Their New Take-Out Commercial?!

The GBF Award to McFly, Caitlin and Elena:

Because I need a win today, I am going to assume Chad is just Sam’s gay best friend who comes over to watch all the Shondaland shows on Thursdays when Alex has to work late…

The Something In My Teeth Award to Monique:

Spinach artichoke dip is the modern woman’s creamed spinach.

And the AO3 and Me Award to Beth:

MAYBE one day, Alex shows up at Sam’s door, it is raining again (still?). Sam looks at Alex, confused. She had just returned home with her order, ready to dive into some reruns of Law & Order: SVU, probably from season 3 because there’s something about Olivia’s hairstyle in season 3 that Sam just can’t get off her mind. Sam: …what are you doing here? Alex: Hi, I know you were probably just sitting down to enjoy your Fiesta Lime Chicken, but we forgot to give you the Mexi-ranch dressing that you requested on the side… I brought it for you. Sam: You didn’t have to do that. Alex: *shrugs and looks at her shoes. They’re not her standard Converse because her workplace requires non-slip footwear, but she found a pair of high tops on the Shoes For Crews site that allows her to express her personality while adhering to company policy* Sam: do you have to go back to work, or would you like to come in? I was going to make myself a margarita to go with my Fiesta Lime Chicken. *Sam doesn’t mention that she calls this tradition of marathoning SVU and indulging in a cocktail, “having a Mariska Harg-arita”* It dawns on Alex that Sam only purchased ONE order of Fiesta Lime Chicken today… Alex: what about Chad? Sam: Chad never brought me Mexi-ranch dressing in the rain… Sam steps aside, encouraging Alex to enter her home AND HER HEART. THE END. …maybe also a joke about “Eatin’ Good in the Neighborhood

And on 30 Days of Carol: Day 30 – Dearest:

The Never Alone Award to Rous Rose:

Erin, thank you for not only keeping this film alive, but also somehow making it even better with every word you write. Except for the Carl thing. Please, for the (g)love of god, bury the Carl thing. Seriously, though. When Carol was first released, I had just moved to a country where I hardly knew anyone and certainly didn’t know any fellow Carol-headed queers. I went to see the film by myself and left the cinema buzzing with such mind-boggling joy, I couldn’t keep from smiling like a maniac all the way home. Like many people, when I really like something, I get the overwhelming urge to share it; to seek out folks who will scream and cry and hyperventilate with me. It’s one of the ways I feel really connected to others. There wasn’t anyone, though, and so I wrote pages and pages of ecstatic fangirling in my diary instead. It made for a poor substitute. Watching Carol for the first time was amazing, but it also heightened my sense of loneliness. Since then, I have met many wonderful people, all of whom will listen to me and sometimes even scream and cry and hyperventilate with me. It’s incredible. And then there are your articles. To me, they are a do-over. I get to experience the happiness and excitement (and totally neutral feels about Cate Blanchett’s face/back/hands/everything) I felt then and actually share it this time. And see it being mirrored by other Carolheads. All of it reminds me I’m not alone anymore, and it feels so, so good. Thank you.

See a funny or amazing comment that needs to be here? E-mail me at queergirlblogs [at] gmail [dot] com!

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Darcy

Darcy, a.k.a. Queer Girl, is your number one fan. They're a fat feminist from California who doodles hearts in the corners of their Gay Agenda. They're living through a pandemic, they're on Twitter, and they think you should drink more water! They also wanna make you laugh.

Darcy has written 376 articles for us.

40 Comments

  2. Imagine how deliciously queer it would be to remake the Applebees commercial our way? Can someone get on this?

    • I’m GERMAN. I’ve never even been inside an Applebee’s before.
      And I still had so.many.feelings re that commercial.
      That comment section is a winwin situation, though.
      Recommend nine out of ten.

  5. “queer has written 64 articles for us”
    This kinda cracked me up. But I’m pretty sure there’s been more articles by queers here…

  7. Yes ! Fridays and the Comment Awards, what a chocolate-peanut butter combo

    It can be hard to keep up with the fantastic whorling vortex through gay time and space that is Autostraddle ! The only prescription for me is the Comment Awards.

    Thank you Queer Girl for your keen eye and your sidesplitting sense of humour.

    Have a super Shenny day !

      • … to my great horror I just found out that there’s another “Shenny”, so-called !

        But ours is the One True Shenny.

      • Noooooooo! They were so cute together during AutoShenny day… weren’t they ?

        I’m devastated. I take it back !

  8. APPLEBEE’S FANFICTION!!!!!!!!!

    Heteronormativity is evil and foul, but whenever the straights are at it again, queer people from all corners of the world migrate to AS’ comment sections to bless us with a glimpse of paradise.

  11. @freakazoid1980 this one’s for you…

    Sam likes to tease Alex for being a terrible cook.

    “I can’t believe you’ve worked in restaurants since high school and you can barely fry an egg!” Alex rolls her eyes as she scrapes what was supposed to be their breakfast into the trash.

    “I’m a server, Sam. No culinary skills required.”

    Sam smirks, “I mean, as an adult human then. You think that just existing on this planet for long enough would grant you SOME ability to feed yourself.”

    “Yeah, yeah, I’ll learn someday,” Alex says.

    Sam bumps Alex’s hip with her own, gently pushing her away from the stovetop. “Go drink your coffee, grouch. I’ll make us waffles.”

    -FLASH FORWARD TO SIX MONTHS LATER-

    Sam smiles as she takes out the key that Alex had given her two weeks ago. Sometimes she can’t believe that she’s here now. At this place in her life. Less than a year ago, she was dating Chad of all people and ordering sad takeout from Applebee’s and now… Well she can’t be too mad about the sad takeout. It brought her Alex.

    As she opens the door to Alex’s apartment, she hears the ‘Making Dinner’ playlist that Alex had created for her.

    –
    “We both have our responsibilities when cooking together,” Alex had said. “You do the ACTUAL cooking and I serve as DJ and hype-girl.”

    “That’s fair. And probably safer for everyone involved,” Sam said, kissing Alex on the cheek before Alex could register the playful jab.
    –

    Sam takes off her coat and notices that Alex’s table is set, a familiar dish presented on each plate. Alex walks out of the kitchen with a bottle of wine in hand, looking incredible in a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled just so.

    “What’s all this?”

    Alex smiles, “you don’t recognize it?”

    Sam glances back at the table. Chicken breasts, tortilla strips, pico de gallo…

    “Oh my god, is that…”

    “Fiesta Lime Chicken. The first meal we shared together.”

    “But this looks… Is this homemade?”
    Alex shrugs and rolls back on her heels like she does when she’s nervous, “yeah, it is. I have been taking cooking classes on Tuesday nights. I wanted to be able to cook for you without the fire department having to intervene.”

    Sam steps forward, gently placing a hand on Alex’s cheek as she kisses her, unable to hold back the smile any longer.

    It’s Alex who finally pulls back. “As much as I want to keep doing this, we should probably eat.”

    The couple sits down to share their dinner, laughing at stories of Alex’s first cooking classes and her journey to “most improved cook” by the end of the course. The meal continues with more wine, loving glances, and Mexi-ranch dressing on the side.

    -THE END-

  12. i would like to give every single commenter on sarah’s shenny livejournal icons post a comment award, especially rous rose

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