It’s the season finale of Orange is the New Black, and so much shit is about to go down. Ride with me.
Lots of super serious things happen in this episode where the metaphor of and literal Hurricane Wanda really picks up speed but all I can do is make fun of Portland and be miserable.
The winds start blowing both literally and metaphorically as we lead up the the season finale.
Wherein in Alex Vause returns and we all collectively wet our pants.
This is the OITNB spin-off I’m going to wait for for the rest of my life.
Yeah right, like she WASN’T going to drink for those 48 hours of freedom.
It’s true, we promise, you just have to trust us.
Sofia Vergara was literally put on a pedestal, and Modern Family beat Orange Is The New Black.
Is it just me or does it seem like this episode has a lot of people smelling other things. Why is everyone smelling everything?
Every time an inmate turns a corner in Litchfield, there’s Vee, grinning evilly from her hiding place in the wall.
Uzo Aduba nabs an Emmy and just generally is awesome and looks great in her gown and wins at everything.
“Journalist dude’s mouth says ‘no problem, let me know if you change your mind’ but his face says ‘I AM VRY DISAPPOINTED IN U PIPER U ARE ACTING LIKE SEASON 1 PIPER RN’.” Caputo makes a cameo with a tiny plant.
It’s Valentine’s Day at Litchfield and Poussey Day in Flashbackland!
While it’s certainly true that one would face numerous logistical difficulties in carrying out murder via poison inside a prison, the rest of the advice in this Orange is the New Black segment is, um, hit or miss.
Shit is going down in the bathroom, y’all.
I talked with the flat-out amazing Laverne Cox about everything from Emmy reactions to deconstructing transgender tropes in a John Legend video to dealing with intersections of racism and transmisogyny. It was awesome.
So many LGBT Emmy nominees, most importantly Laverne Cox!
I think Poussey could say she’s invented the toilet brush and y’all would buy yourselves at least six toilet brushes, you would have a room in your house just for toilet brushes.
“Real human change requires space to be honest with yourself, honest with others; a space that doesn’t exist when you’re trapped by necessity behind a fortress of self-protection. As the inmate Poussey in Orange replies when a correctional officer pressures her to speak openly during a group therapy session: “Does it ever occur to you that actually feeling our feelings might make it impossible to survive in here?”
The Prodigal Daughter of White Trojan Horsery has returned to Litchfield, minus her bespectacled toxic popsicle and plus a newer harder attitude. What adventures await our little vanilla wafer? Time can only tell, inmating ritualists.