Listicle Without Commentary: Headlines Prepared for Losing Prop 8 Trial, or “The Art of Losing Inequality is Not Hard to Master”

Titles Prepared via Group G-Chat Between Rachel, Sarah, Laneia and Riese for Our Post on the Prop 8 Verdict, Which We Assumed We’d Lose

– August 4, 2010

1. Zen and the Art of Losing Your Marriage Rights
2. How to Lose Marriage Rights and Alienate Your Family
3. Problem Drinking, Therapy and Me: Living without Marriage Rights in 2010
4. A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Inequality
5. The Brief Wondrous Life of Prop 8
6. The Unbearable Inequity of California
7. If You Have to Cry About Losing Your Marriage Rights, Go Outside
8. Life of H8
9. And the Heart Says Whatever Inequality
10. Merriam Webster’s Dictionary of Rights You Don’t Have Cause You’re Gay
11. Are You There, Marriage? It’s Me, Disenfranchised Gay Person
12. The Art of Happiness, Sans Equality
13. Bastard Out of California
14. The Perks of Being a Homosexual
15. Oranges Pretty Much Are The Only Fruit, ‘Cause You’re Not Getting Wedding Cake
16. Twilight: Inequality
17. One Hundred Years of Inequality
18. Equality, Interrupted
19. How I Learned To Stop Worrying And Enjoy Being A Second-Class Citizen

Right after that one, we won.

[“listicle without commentary” title stolen from the awl]


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riese

Marie Lyn Bernard, aka Riese, is an award-winning writer, blogger, journalist, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in the midwest, lost her mind in New York City and is currently making it work in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better, The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image and The Hazards of Being Female," "Dirty Girls," and "The Best American Erotica of 2007," magazines including Nylon, Marie Claire, GO, Curve, Interlude, and CollegeBound, and all over the web including nerve.com, Jezebel, Queerty, Emily Books and OurChart (RIP). She was the recapper for The L Word Online and host of Showtime’s Lezberado and her personal blog has earned many dubious honors including Best Personal Blog 2008. Riese has spoken about blogging, community-building, feminism, cyberculture and sexuality at places like BlogHer, Yale, New York University, The University of Chicago and The Museum of Sex. A graduate of the University of Michigan, Interlochen Arts Academy and The Olive Garden's week-long training intensive; she enjoys eating foods, having big ideas, reading books & talking to her stuffed dog, Tinkerbell. Also, she's Jewish. Follow her smokin’ hot adventures on twitter. Contact: riese[at]autostraddle.com

Riese has written 2893 articles for us.

29 Comments

  1. I like this. Because I am the kind of person that is really pessimistic about things, in an attempt to lower my expectations. Because then if something good actually happens, it is like 100 times better. And … I LOVE the fact that the headline is a play off “One Art.” I love Elizabeth Bishop. Hard.

  2. Californian Hearts of Darkness

    Tripping the Velvet

    The Incredibly True Adventure of Two Girls In Love Who Could Not Get Married

    Weathering Hates

    Rubyfruit Bungle


    the ‘oranges’ one made me lol for real :)

  3. If you’re going to San Francisco, be sure to wear some flowers in your hair,
    But not as a bridesmaid at a gay wedding, because that is illegal.

    Something old, something new, something borrowed and anything else as long as it’s totally heterosexual.

    California Lesbians: Jilted at the Alternative Lifestyle Haircut

    The Marriage of Fagaros: from comedy to tragedy

  4. Can I share my own funny too? Slightly related?

    Yesterday when we all were waiting for the ruling, which was supposed to be released at noon but was released late, I described Judge Walker as “Queer Rights Cocktease Extraordinaire.”

    And us, “ah baby! I’m blueballing for equality!! JUST THE TIP PLZ”

  5. I Left My Rights In San Francisco

    Better Than Wedding Cake (Or So You Tell Yourself Because You Can’t Have It)

    The Runaway Brides (To Iowa)

    Annie On My Mind, But Not On My Health Insurance Plan

  6. I probably should have told you all in advance that legally speaking, the grounds for granting a stay would have been pretty shaky, huh? Then there would be less humor in the world (no listicles), but also less anxiety.

    Sorry. Next time.

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