Jordan Gonzalez Wants To Play Every Role

feature image photo by Jon Kopaloff / Stringer via Getty Images

The Long Walk is the latest in the long list of Stephen King film adaptations, following 2024’s The Life of Chuck and 2025’s The Monkey. Though the dystopian novel it’s based on — published under King’s pseudonym Richard Bachman — came out five years after he exploded onto the scene with Carrie, it was actually the first full novel King wrote. He started it during his freshman year at University of Maine around 1966, and the story is often seen as a critical metaphor for the Vietnam War. In its alternate version of the U.S., there’s an annual competition where 100 young men must walk at a consistent pace of four miles per hour or else be killed for receiving too many warnings. Only one can survive, and that winner gets whatever he wants for the rest of his life.

The movie version is set in a totalitarian post-apocalyptic future and maintains those painful scenes of boys having to walk endlessly and find comfort in each other in their quests to get rich. Nobody knows torturing young people in post-apocalyptic futures better than director Francis Lawrence, who has helmed every Hunger Games installment since Catching Fire.

Jordan Gonzalez, best known as Ash Romero from Pretty Little Liars: Original Sin, plays Harkness #49. Harkness is an observant teen and journalist who aspires to be a novelist. He maintains a journal to compose a novel based on his experiences.

We spoke with Gonzalez in a Zoom interview about how he got the part of Harkness, how he made the character uniquely his own, and his desire to examine various facets of the human experience shaped by his own. The conversation below has been edited for length and clarity.

Rendy: How’d you land the role of Harkness?

Jordan: I had heard about The Long Walk from one of my acting coaches, and she was like, “Hey, have you heard about this project? There’s a bunch of guys that you’re right for.” And I was like, “No, I haven’t.” I looked into it and I went, “Shit, I want to do this.”

Lucky enough, I got an audition the following week. Originally I had auditioned for Olson, sent in my tape for him, and got an immediate response, “Hey, Francis really loved your take. Would you be open to reading for Harkness?” I was like, “Of course. Absolutely.”

I auditioned for Harkness, then went into a director session. Honestly, I just knew that this was going to be a cool moment for me to flesh out who I thought he was and while also trying to stay as true to who the fans thought he is as well and honoring that. Plus, no one is a better Olson than Ben [Wang] and everyone landed exactly where they were meant to!

I had two days to turn it around, but in those two days, I walked, I learned my lines, and I fleshed him out walking. I wanted to get his cadence while walking, while he’s out of breath at night when he’s scared. It was a cool experience to build someone from the ground up while also stretching myself physically, mentally, emotionally in a lot of ways.

Rendy: Tell me about your walking process and how it influenced your development of Harkness and his journalist identity?

Jordan: He always, to me, was the audience. He doesn’t speak a lot, he observes a lot. And for me it was a way for the audience to see through his lens. So I would write my lines as I was walking in my own journal over and over and over again and how that would feel actually physically walking at that pace while continuously trying to write, which is so difficult.

And for me, his walk is fast, silly, goofy while also making sure he’s playing by the rules so that he lasts as long as he can, so that his book can make it out alive. But I would walk at night with little to no clothes on, trying to get the temperature and how that would feel like. And walking through strange neighborhoods to feel scared and threatened by something. I had a lot of coyotes in my neighborhood at that time, and so I would pass by packs of coyotes as if maybe that were the Major and his men and a lot of things like that, which really helped inform me on the day.

Rendy: What was it like going from your small screen experiences on Pretty Little Liars to, is this your first feature?

Jordan: It’s definitely the first, and it’s definitely the biggest. I did a short film anthology that lives as a feature, but my portion in it is a short, so technically, yeah, it’s a feature.

Honestly, I was a little intimidated. I had no idea if it was going to be different, and it was different in such a beautiful way from the day that I got there and walked into the prop warehouse. It was like just tables upon tables of old vintage items where we were allowed to, and honestly pushed, to walk through those rows and see what called to us and each of our characters about what they would have specifically in their bags. It was the same sort of thing walking into the wardrobe room; there was this big board of inspiration of 1950s Stand By Me-esque photos and just racks of clothes.

And it was not, “Hey, this is what we think you should wear.” It was, “Hey, what do you think he would wear? And what variations of that wardrobe do you think he would wear throughout the walk? What do you think he would wear when he dies? What do you think he would wear when he’s cold or hot, when it’s raining? What would he have in his bag to fidget with?” And of course, for me, the big thing is the journal, which I still have.

[Here, Jordan shows off his journal from the movie that features handwritten notes, a dead flower, and a 7 of spades card]

Rendy: Oh my Goodness.

Jordan: I was lucky enough to bring it with me, and it’s filled with things that I actually wrote. As if I was him. And for me, Jordan, this is a little nod to me. The number seven has always followed me in my life. And whenever I’m on the right path or the universe is telling me that things are going well, that number always pops up for me. And funny enough, I am number seven on the call sheet.

Rendy: Wow, that’s beautiful. That’s fate right there.

Jordan: It was fate and it lined up that way. I have this dead flower, which is from a conversation that Francis and I had while building him out. I thought Harkness to me is the pure light of innocence and a little naive of a young kid who just wants his work to live past him, whether that’s him dying on the walk or him living in the world he lives in that’s limiting him. His book is more important than his life, and his legacy is more important than him. And so I would see all of those little yellow flowers all throughout one of the plains.

Also, tying into the Vietnam War aspect of peace and journalism, journalists are always trying to tell the truth and be peacekeepers. And that image of people like hippies in the ‘70s handing out flowers to try to create peace really stuck with me. I saw that imagery, and I was like, that’s perfect. And so I was like, “Hey Francis, how do you feel if Harkness starts with a flower tied into his jacket pocket? And as he dies, the flowers die, and as he’s starting to unravel and starting to really realize what he signed up for, the imagery of the flower is there as well.” And of course, by the time he ‘gets his ticket,’ the flower’s no longer on his jacket pocket. It’s sort of like a loss of innocence and understanding has gone with that flower, and he gets to go back home.

TV is a beautiful medium. It is so fun to do, but it is formulaic. You get to dive so much deeper, and really build out all of these things, because there’s time that allows it in film. And that was just the coolest thing for me as an artist that I had not gotten to do yet. I do for all of my auditions, but I hadn’t got to do it yet where it lives somewhere forever.

And so for me, of course, my love for TV and PLL, I will always be so grateful for that show. They took a chance on me when I had just started. I had not done anything, nor did I know that I wanted to act. And they plucked me out of obscurity and gave me this opportunity to be on this fantastic show with all these incredible actors who had been doing it for years. Without them giving me the opportunity to really learn as I went, I don’t know that I would be here talking to you now about The Long Walk. That is so cool to be able to do that and to be able to stretch yourself in that way.

Rendy: Were there any activities that you guys did to lift your spirits given the bleakness of the film?

Jordan: It is extremely hard to walk 20 miles a day in the heat with that weight and shooting chronologically as well, where you either get to build these friendships with even background kids, stunt workers who walked with us every single day, and one day they don’t get to say goodbye. Seeing those familiar faces be gone without even being able to say bye to them was another added layer. When one of the characters went down, I started crying out of nowhere, and I didn’t think that it would have that much of an effect on me.

When you are so immersed in it and you see that and you feel someone’s performance, it only amplifies all of us realizing how important this all is, but also how hard it all is. And then, we all would talk afterwards about how that death made us feel. But the light side of it was that, yeah, we went on walks together, we went in Stargaze together when we were in those random places.

Rendy: What are some takeaways you felt that you learned from your experience with this movie and what would you hope  to bring along with you towards the next project you take on?

Jordan: I think I have the confidence to really throw ideas at the wall and try different things. And I think that’s something that I am learning as I grow as a human and also as an artist. I’ve only been doing it for five years. And again, I didn’t know I would ever be doing this. I never grew up thinking that I wanted to be an actor. I was an athlete my entire life. And when I started doing this, I completely fell in love with it. And for me, I love playing with the raw human experience. And I think that the throughline from Ash to Harkness is like each of them have a lot of heart and a lot of truth and a lot of honesty in who they are, but they exist.

Ash has a lot of worldly flaws against him, Harkness has a lot of worldly flaws against him that shaped them as young men. And I think for me, I want to continue to flesh out all of those different versions of the human experience and what that looks like and really dig deep into different versions of how the world affects different people.

Rendy: What are some different genres you’d like to explore in the future?

Jordan: I love-hate this question, because I’ve just started, so there’s so much I want to do.  I love Heath Ledger. And for me, he is and was such a beautiful person who was able to do so many different things. And I think for me, because of my lived experience, I don’t want to be pigeonholed, and I want to be able to play a villain, and I want to be able to play a rock star, and I want to be able to play a superhero, and I want to be able to play the bleeding heart, romantic lead and all of these things because I am a fully faceted person. And so for me, I really look up to him, because he was really able to do that in all of his work. Everything is so different and everything is without bounds. And so for me, just if I’m lucky, I hope that I get to do things without bounds.

The Long Walk is in theaters now.

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Rendy Jones

Rendy Jones (they/he) is a film and television journalist born and raised in Brooklyn, New York. They are the world's first gwen-z film journalist and owner of self-published independent outlet Rendy Reviews, a member of the Critics' Choice Association, GALECA, and a screenwriter. They have been seen in Vanity Fair, Them, RogerEbert.com, Rolling Stone, and Paste.

Rendy has written 31 articles for us.

I’m a Cis Butch Woman, and Boy Do I Want Top Surgery!

Is It Okay To Want Top Surgery This Much?

Q

I really want to get top surgery. I’m not a trans guy or non-binary. I just hate my DD boobs and always have. I have a lot of trans masc and nb friends and I feel overwhelming jealousy of their top surgery. I told my wife I wanted to do this, even if it cost money out of pocket, and she was kinda miffed about it, saying it seems like a silly thing to spend money on when we’re trying to save for a house down payment. She didn’t say NO but doesn’t seem to understand how much this means to me.  I’ve been depressed ever since that conversation.. I’m not excited about one day having a house because I will still have these boobs!! Can I feel dysphoric about my boobs even though I’m a butch woman and not trans?

A:

Summer: So it’s definitely possible to experience dysphoria about parts of the body without reconsidering their gender identity. That’s the foundation of any aesthetic modification that stems from a deep desire to ‘change’ one’s appearance. I want a nose job, but that doesn’t change my core identity. When someone has the desire to alter a secondary sexual characteristic, there’ll be inevitable questions about whether this is related to your gendered self. You’ll get those questions from medical professionals, loved ones, and yourself. It’s worth hearing out some perspectives on it, especially if they’re concerns in your own mind.

Otherwise, you sound adamant about getting top surgery. I believe what you’re looking for is a voluntary double mastectomy. Sometimes dubbed a prophylactic double mastectomy when used to reduce breast cancer risk. I can’t speak to the specifics of how to get one since that’ll depend on your place of residence, healthcare access, and even how you can advocate your position to medical professionals. But people do alter their secondary sexual characteristics because they feel disconnected from their body. Sure, most people add to, or alter their breasts rather than remove them, but that just makes you a minority, not nonexistent.

Nico: Yep. You’re not the only cis woman who’s wanted top surgery! Plenty of women, especially women on the butch/masc spectrum. Reasons include wanting to fit into the clothes that they feel good in, being tired of feeling like their breasts get in the way of exercise, and also pain from the weight of the breasts. It’s my understanding that having breasts on the larger side can be uncomfortable for some people, many of whom choose breast reduction. Finally, some women opt for just full removal instead of reduction so they can experience the freedom of not wearing a bra and even enjoy time out in the world shirtless.

Now, as for your conversation — that IS depressing. It’s also depressing that top surgery costs so much and so do house down payments. I can’t tell you two what to do financially, but the first place to start is with a conversation about your shared finances, shared goals, and how you’re getting there. And, yes, each of you are allowed to bring goals you have for yourselves and your personal fulfillment to these conversations.

Riese: I think there’s a vast spectrum of gender experiences and presentations that a person can have —you can not identify as trans and/or nonbinary but still feel that not having boobs is part of how your specific gender is best expressed. I feel like the jury’s still out on what exactly goes into any given experience of gender. But I know lots of people who’ve gotten top surgery despite not identifying as trans and/or nonbinary —some did, eventually, come out as trans and/or nonbinary, but many did not! Also I imagine DD boobs are pretty heavy, it’s within reason that you’d want to downsize those guys, and why not just downsize them all the way? You could probably finance part of the surgery if there are out-of-pocket expenses — but I think what Nico said is really important —you are allowed to bring goals you have for your own personal fulfillment to these financial conversations.

How Can I Learn To Love My Body?

Q

Hey! I need advice about crippling body image issues that have recently come up for me. I am a 30-something year old, who in the last 5 years has realised I am EXTREMELY queer, and loving my new-found acceptance of my sexual identity. More recently, I have also been having some _feelings_ about gender – I think I am non-binary, and leaning into the more masc side of my identity, and starting to embrace that too.

This is all background to say, I have all of these new swirling feelings about sexuality and gender, most of which are euphoric. BUT along with this, I have been so uncomfortable with my body I sometimes feel I want to rip my skin off. I have had (what I feel are) the usual body concerns growing up AFAB – diet culture and the like have made me aware of being too “big” or not feminine enough. I have done my best to combat this, and I have been a weightlifter for about 10 years. As a result of this, I have a really big, muscular frame – which sounds like it should be a brag – but along with hips and breasts and a new masc gender feeling, all of this has left me in a mess of body dysphoria. I think the advice I am asking is this: apart from therapy (which I am doing), what are some ways I can learn to love my body where it is at, as it is, without becoming obsessed with how people perceive me? I understand that maybe I am asking you to answer the equivalent to the meaning of life, but as a group of cool queer people, do you have any advice on radical body acceptance, gender acceptance, and love?

A

Summer: I’m sure you’ll get diverse opinions about this one. The angle I try to advise people on in this situation is informed by body neutrality. It’s an approach that tries to remove positive and negative value judgments from body image and first reduce bodies to their component functions. Before building up values again slowly.

So it would be like not seeing parts of your body as being ‘beautiful’ or ‘unattractive’, but looking toward their function. You are a weightlifter and you have robust arm, back, and core muscles. You have a sizable frame that supports these functions and provides necessary cushion when lifting. And so forth.

Another thing about body neutrality is that its orientation is not viciously positive. It leaves room to be dissatisfied with the functions and aesthetics of parts of your body, but encourages seeing the proverbial greener grass. Now, part of the dysphoria you’re experiencing is clearly gendered, and this won’t cut through that brand of dysphoria entirely. But it can give you a detached approach on some parts of yourself so that you’re not always drowning in value judgements from within and without.

Nico: I think that along with body neutrality, it might help to invest some time into styling. If you can feel comfortable in your clothes when out in the world, then you can be more comfortable with how people perceive you. Have you found pants that you feel look good on you and that also you feel bring out your masc-ness? Have you figured out where you feel most comfortable on the bra-less – bra – sports bra – binder spectrum? Dressing yourself well and in ways that make you feel confident before you leave your home can help you deal with worrying about how people perceive you.

I love that you’re going to therapy. I also recommend just exposing yourself to stories and media created by and featuring queer people as much as possible. The more you see all the awesome and hot ways masc queer people can be — and exist, and have bodies, the better I think you’ll be able to place yourself within that world. Autostraddle has a huge archive of everything — books, movie, TV, whatever your jam may be. And as for people perceiving you, I think it’s helpful to keep in mind that what is happening in your head — a preoccupation with your own world — is the norm. People may perceive you, and then they will perceive the next person, and the next, and the next. If in closer relationships — dating, friendships, etc. — you feel like people aren’t treating you in affirming ways, I hope that you feel like those relationships are ones where you can have those conversations. If not, then that merits evaluating those relationships.

 

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2 Comments

  1. just another cis woman chiming in here about wanting top surgery! I’m not even particularly butch, and I don’t feel non-binary, but I hate my (DDD) breasts. I feel like having such big boobs give such an air of ‘femininity’ or ‘womanliness’ to me that I really hate – I wear a binder every day and am always going back on forth on if it would be silly to get surgery to have them removed (or at least dramatically reduced). It’s such a weird feeling because I don’t think I have the kind of dysphoria trans people do, so something about the desire feels superfluous or merely artificial — I keep thinking, ‘it’s just internalized misogyny that you don’t like your boobs! just accept that even non-feminine women can look lots of ways!’ but I haven’t convinced myself yet, and my desire to get rid of them feels very connected to how I feel about my gender. my partner also doesn’t quite get it, I don’t think – they always say, ‘oh yeah, those must be uncomfortable!’ but it’s not really about the physical discomfort for me.

    I probably won’t ever do it – the money and the health risks just make it out of reach for me personally – and I wish I had some real advice or something? but I’m just here to say I’m also feeling confused and conflicted about this topic, and I appreciate that you wrote in with this question. I hope that you’re able to find a way to make top surgery happen for you, and that your partner comes around to supporting you the way you deserve.

  2. I too wish to get top surgery! If your boobs are big enough (which they are) have you considered a minor lie? If u talk to ur primary care provider abt a breast reduction to reduce back pain u can get it covered by insurance! The trick is to SOLEY frame it within the confines of
    -back pain
    – tissue breakdown (if you get any skin breakdown under ur boobs)

Comments are closed.

Lesbians Are an Essential Part of Basketball History

In the heart of Manhattan’s West Village, a haven for queer New York Liberty fans comes alive. Inside The Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender Community Center, lovingly known as The Center, a vibrant floor hums with the rhythm of basketball, history, and queer fandom.

A poster with a bold declaration — “EVERYONE WATCHES DYKE SPORTS” — hangs proudly against a cream brick wall on the fourth floor of the library and archive space. Nearby, there are snapshots of lesbian couples and fans beaming from the stands of New York Liberty games, draped in the team’s signature seafoam green, posed with players or holding handmade signs. Interspersed among them are childhood photos of fans alongside the early Liberty team, capturing the roots of a lifelong connection. These photos lend a personal touch to the wall that makes you feel as if you’ve stepped into a family reunion for women’s sports fans. Together, they tell a story of visibility, belonging, and celebration both on and off the court.

Court and Becky Hammon, Solicited via Liberty’s Fan Drive, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives
Maddie Escorting Jessica, Solicited via Liberty’s Fan Drive, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives
Ana and Irma with Ellie, Solicited via Liberty’s Fan Drive, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives
Jillian’s First Game, Solicited via Liberty’s Fan Drive, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives
Denise and Layshia Clarendon, Solicited via Liberty’s Fan Drive, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives
Dai and Courtney, Solicited via Liberty’s Fan Drive, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives

Playful, vibrant fan-made signs that read “LESBIAN FANS ARE LEGION” and “LIBERTY: LESBIAN FANS ARE FILLING YOUR STANDS!” call to the viewer, encouraging them to bask in its joy and resistance.

Everyone Watches Dyke Sports: Queer Histories of New York Liberty Basketball examines how deeply intertwined queer identity, fandom, and community are within the culture of women’s sports. What began as a collaboration with the New York Liberty — featured initially at the team’s annual Pride game — has since expanded into an exhibition now on display at The Center. Curated by a group of Liberty fans at the Lesbian Herstory Archives, the exhibition foregrounds the voices, memories, and artifacts that made Liberty games a hub for lesbian life in the city.

“Lesbian fans have filled the stands of Liberty games since the earliest years of the Women’s National Basketball Association (WNBA) in the late 1990s,” says The Center’s exhibition description. “As always, lesbian fans have helped propel the league’s surging popularity. This exhibit tells the story of lesbian fan cultures and their role in the leagues history.”

This thriving fan culture didn’t just develop by chance. It speaks to a larger history of queer community-building and visibility in spaces where LGBTQ+ presence has often been overlooked or excluded. For many lesbian fans, attending Liberty games wasn’t just about basketball, but claiming space, forming connections, and experiencing a sense of collective belonging that was a powerful alternative to the heteronormativity that defined much of mainstream sports culture in the late 20th and early 21st centuries.

The spirit of community and resistance is at the heart of this exhibit. From personal photographs and handmade signs to vintage Liberty merchandise, each piece offers a glimpse into the ways lesbian fans have claimed visibility and belonging within (and beyond) the stands. Together, these objects form a visual narrative of creativity, resilience, and joy that has long thrived in spaces where it wasn’t always recognized.

To understand the emotional weight and cultural significance of this fandom, you only need to look at the artifacts themselves.

An original 2002 Liberty ticket stub, from the team’s early days playing at Madison Square Garden, hangs on the wall. Its weathered edges and faded ink are a testament to a different era of women’s basketball. That season, the team was led by Teresa Weatherspoon, Becky Hammon, Vickie Johnson, and more — a powerhouse roster of trailblazing athletes whose talent, charisma, and resilience helped define the early WNBA and laid the groundwork for the visibility and popularity of women’s sports today.

Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives

Just beneath the ticket stub, handmade paper glasses and paper fans sit carefully preserved behind glass with a vintage Liberty t-shirt and headband. The glasses, decorated with doodles of stars, hearts, and basketballs, proclaim “Lesbian Fans Fill the Stands!” The handmade memorabilia echoes the same cheeky slogan, but nods to the spirit of Lesbians For Liberty, a group of Liberty fans who protested the team’s management in the early 2000s for their failure to recognize and celebrate its deeply lesbian fanbase.

Jess Dopkin, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives

At the time, despite the visible and vocal presence of queer fans in the stands, the Liberty’s marketing and outreach remained largely silent on LGBTQ+ representation. In response, fans organized under Lesbians For Liberty to make their presence impossible to ignore. They brought protest signs — many of which are featured in the exhibit — wrote open letters, and applied pressure to the organization to acknowledge and celebrate the community that had long supported the team. Among the materials preserved in the exhibit is a flyer with detailed instructions for a “Lesbian Time-Out Kiss-In for Liberty,” inviting “all lesbians, gay, bisexual, trans, and queer people” to stand and share a kiss during every time-out in a game as a peaceful act of protest and visibility.

Lesbians for Liberty, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives

Lesbians for Liberty not only challenged the league to recognize its queer fanbase; it helped open the door for greater visibility of queer players themselves. Over time, the Liberty began to more openly embrace LGBTQ+ inclusion both in its public messaging and in its celebration of out athletes. A pivotal moment came when former Liberty player Sue Wicks came out in 2002 to Time Out, making her one of the first gay athletes to come out in the WNBA. In the exhibition, an archived page from Time Out featuring the interview with Wicks is on display.

The exhibit uses archival materials to highlight how fan activism helped transform professional women’s basketball into a more inclusive space. This not only honors those who demanded visibility, but also invites reflection on building a sports culture that strives for all identities to be seen, valued, and celebrated.

Jess Dopkin, Courtesy of The Lesbian Herstory Archives

“It’s been fun to watch people’s eyes light up when they see it,” said Lou McCarthy, The Center’s Director of Archives. “The direct action legacy it depicts, rooted in the work of the Lesbian Avengers and ACT UP, is proof that we can change institutions and the world around us on so many levels.”

Everyone Watches Dyke Sports: Queer Histories of New York Liberty Basketball is on view at The Center until September 28.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Kayley Cassidy

Kayley is a writer and journalist based in New York. Her writing can be found in GO Magazine, TV Guide Magazine, TV Insider, and a Substack newsletter she created, highlighting queer-inclusive sports clubs and leagues in New York City, Queer Sports Collective. When she’s not writing, ranting about the WNBA, or watching sitcoms, you can find her sunbathing along the East River.

Kayley has written 2 articles for us.

A Gay Recap of the 2025 WNBA Season

feature image photo of the StudBudz via Twitch

Back in May when I dropped my WNBA season preview, I wrote, “this feels like one of the most unpredictable seasons in the WNBA’s 29 year history” and, as it turns out, I was kinda right about that. Pretty much everything else, though? I got it all so very wrong (note to self: don’t try predicting the unpredictable).

I was wrong about Chicago (Angel Reese was right, though). I was wrong about Indiana even before the injury bug cannibalized their roster. I really overestimated Seattle and, until their recent turnaround, thought I’d overestimated the Aces. I might’ve been right about Phoenix but woefully underestimated Alyssa Thomas’ ability to power them past their weaknesses. And, of course, I was wrong about Golden State…though, in fairness, everyone was wrong about Golden State.

But despite being wrong about a lot of things, I’m relishing the memories of the 2025 regular season. The future is filled with so many unknowns: We don’t know if the Connecticut Sun will move to Houston or Boston or stay in Connecticut. We don’t know if negotiations on the new Collective Bargaining Agreement are going anywhere — though reports are not promising — and/or if there will be a work stoppage (Pay the Players!). Without a CBA, there’s no framework for expansion drafts to build the league’s new teams in Portland and Toronto, so we don’t know how/when those teams will come to fruition. And even if all that manages to sort itself out, we still don’t know where anyone’s playing next year since damn near everyone is a free agent.

So with the playoffs on the horizon, I thought I’d take a moment to highlight the highs and lows of our gay WNBA faves from the 2025 regular season.

A Record Breaking Year for AT (Again)

In 2023, Alyssa Thomas took her place among the WNBA’s best. She finished the season as the league leader in assists, rebounds, and double-doubles. Over the course of the season’s 40 games, there were just six games where Thomas didn’t have a double-double or a triple-double. It seemed as though every night, Thomas was finding a new WNBA record to break. It was an MVP caliber performance and, though she was ultimately denied the award, Thomas actually finished with the most first place votes.

“I had a season you’ve never seen in this league, and probably won’t see again unless I do it,” Thomas said at the time.

Just as she foretold, Alyssa Thomas has done it again. Despite playing in a new city for the first time in her career and playing under a new coach, AT continues to do AT things. She leads the league in assists (again). She’s the first player in the W to have a 15 rebound/15 assist game. She’s exceeded her triple-double numbers from 2023 and become the first player in WNBA to put up a triple-double in three successive games. She continues to put up more triple-doubles in a season than other players have done in their entire careers. She got her last triple double faster than anyone else in the W has ever gotten one. She’s improved her shooting and efficiency over that 2023 campaign and is carrying yet another team into the playoffs.

Oh, and did I mention that she’s doing this at 33 years old with two torn labrums? Her shoulders don’t even work and she’s still out there putting up these type of numbers?! C’mon! It is astounding to watch Thomas continue to push the boundaries of what’s possible at her position — her being a prototype for what Angel Reese could become leaves me salivating — and equally frustrating to feel like, once again, she won’t be recognized for it.

Season (Career?) Ending Injuries for “The Face of the League” and CVS

Both Sydney Colson and Courtney Vandersloot joined new teams in the off-season and came into the year with something to prove. After winning two championships in Las Vegas and being a central cog in building the Aces’ culture, Colson took her talents to Indianapolis. The move opened up the possibility of more playing time for Colson and she could help establish a culture on a team with a young core. Likewise, Vandersloot left a championship team in New York to return to Chicago, in hopes of getting more playing time and building a winning culture around Angel Reese and Kamila Cardoso. Both franchises hoped that Colson and Vandersloot would be stabilizing forces to their respective teams after coaching changes.

We never really got a chance to see those plans come to fruition. Just seven games into the season, Vandersloot tore her ACL and was sidelined for the rest of the season. Two months later, Colson went down with the same injury. It is always difficult to see a player go down to injury but for when a players’ in the twilight of their career, injuries feel more consequential. You wonder these two seasoned vets — the last two active players from the 2011 draft class — have the wherewithal to battle their way back from a season-ending injury.

We haven’t heard definitively from Colson about whether or not she intends to come back. I hope she does: the Fever needs someone in their locker room that can cut through all the outside noise and be a strong voice. Plus, Colson’s been such an incredible ambassador for Athletes Unlimited that it’s hard for me to imagine it without her. That said, anyone who watched The Syd & TP Show or who have tuned into the duo’s new podcast, Unsupervised, knows that Colson’s talents extend far beyond the basketball court. During All-Star weekend, she performed her second stand-up set; is this a window for her to invest more in her creative pursuits?

Vandersloot has already announced that she intends to return. It’ll always be my preference that players — particularly those with careers as storied as CVS — get to leave the game on their own terms, so I hope we’ll get to see her on the court again. That said, I hope Vandersloot returns with a better understanding of what the Sky need to move forward than her (and her wife, Allie Quigley’s) recent comments suggest. Contrary to Sloot’s claims, it’s not about age. Tina Charles is older than Sloot and her announcement that she’d play another season was met with cheers. It helps that the Connecticut Sun can still count on her to get a double-double. Nneka Ogwumike is just a year younger than Sloot and her performance this season should have her in the All-WNBA conversation. This is about performance and, if we’re being honest, Vandersloot isn’t performing at the level she once did…and it’s hard to imagine an ACL tear not furthering the gap between her and other WNBA point guards. I’d love to see Vandersloot return with the focus less on her legacy — which is already secure — and more on building Chicago’s future.

The Future is Here: Paige Bueckers

Over the course of her college career at UCONN, Paige Bueckers lost just 17 games. Her Dallas Wings squad would eclipse that total just 70 days into her professional career. It’s part of the rough transition that welcomes #1 players to the league. Learning how to adapt to the losing is just as important as adjusting to the W’s pace and physicality and, if not managed correctly, it can a toll on rookies (see: Candace Parker’s rookie season).

If you want evidence of how good Paige Bueckers is, go back and watch the Wings’ August 20th game against the Sparks. It is a stand-out performance, one that slammed the door shut on the Rookie of the Year debate. Bueckers was outstanding — 44 points on 17-21 shooting, including 4-4 from behind the arc — and lived up to every bit of the hype that accompanied her arrival in the league.

But the thing that impressed me is what happened just after the buzzer: Bueckers allows herself a moment of disappointment, after the Wings lost by just one point, but then she spots her teammate, Aziaha James — who missed the game’s final shot — and rushes over to comfort her. I knew what kind of player Paige Buecker would be but I was less certain about if or how she’s step into a leadership role, given the veterans that surrounded her. But she continues to step-up, even after her 31st loss of the season.

“I remember Steph Curry, before the Warriors became the Warriors, he tweeted out, ‘just stick with us… We’re gonna figure it out,'” Bueckers told reporters following a 22 point loss to the Atlanta Dream. “That’s the message…the people we have here and the belief that I have in, like, the core and the pieces that we’re building and how we’re doing it, I just have this undying belief in it. I know that we continue to do things the right way, we continue to believe in each other, continue to invest our whole lives into this basketball thing, the results will come.”

It’s hard to see through all the losses and the lackluster coaching in Dallas, but Bueckers has turned me into a believer.

Candace Parker Jersey Retirement (x2)

When the history of the game of women’s basketball is written, there will be people who have scored more points, who have won more accolades, who finish with more championships than Candace Parker. There will be someone who breaks her records, who proves themselves to be the greatest two-way player the game has ever seen. Maybe there will even a rookie that matches what Parker did in her inaugural season: winning both Rookie of the Year and MVP simultaneously. If I squint, maybe…just maybe…I can imagine all that.

What I can’t imagine though is someone changing the game in the way that Parker did. Her versatility was unmatched: Parker ushered in a new era of position-less basketball that fundamentally changed the way the game is played. She was gifted with a guard’s skills in a post-players body and, increasingly, that’s become the expectation of today’s power forwards. The greats of today’s game — Breanna Stewart, Jonquel Jones, Napheesa Collier and A’ja Wilson — are great in part because they’ve been molded in Candace Parker’s image. So, if there was ever a player who deserved to see her jersey retired in two cities in the same year, it is Candace Parker. Her jersey deserves to hang in the rafters, alongside the championship banners she brought. May they serve as a persistent reminder of the game changer she was.

Sue Bird Immortalized in Bronze

The first points Sue Bird ever scored as a member of the Seattle Storm were on a layup: the first points in Seattle’s 2002 season opener against the New York Liberty. The last points Sue Bird ever scored, in Seattle, as a member of the Storm were on an layup: blowing past her Las Vegas Aces defender to get to the cup, just past the outstretched arms of A’ja Wilson. The career that spanned between those two shots — the one that brought four championships back to Seattle — is now enshrined in bronze in front of the Storm’s home at Climate Pledge Arena.

It’s hard to argue that Bird doesn’t deserve the honor. Aside from the aforementioned championships, Bird is a 13 time All-Star, a 8-time All-WNBA team selection, and the league’s all-time assist leader. Simply put, she’s the greatest point guard to ever play in the W. But beyond all the stats and accolades Bird collected on the court, there’s something else that stands out to me: six years after Sue Bird arrived in Seattle, her Storm team became the only professional basketball in town. The MNBA’s SuperSonics couldn’t get Seattle to agree to the public financing of a new stadium so they took their ball and headed to Oklahoma City. For the next 14 years, it was Bird who shaped what Seattle basketball was. She set the standard for Seattle sports and every other franchise is just trying to reach the bar she set. Sue Bird s synonymous, not just with this team, but with this city…and it’s beautiful to see that relationship immortalized.

Bird is the first WNBA to be honored in this way but, hopefully, she won’t be the last.

The Rise of the Studbudz

Back in 2022, ESPN’s Katie Barnes wrote an incredible profile on WNBA superstar, Jonquel Jones. It was, in part, a recounting of Jones’ rise — from a kid growing up in the Bahamas to a star at George Washington to an MVP in the W — but it was also a lament: a frustrating acknowledgement that no matter what heights Jones ascended to, her earning power would be limited. Both then and now, marketing opportunities for black players are limited. But for black masculine of center lesbians? Virtually nonexistent. Jones’ experience was corroborated by her then-teammate, Courtney Williams.

“It’s hard to get at that table, being yourself, being Black, being gay and being unapologetically yourself, especially if you’re not willing to conform and do certain things that they want you to do,” Williams told Barnes. “And it got to the point where I’m like ‘Man, I’m not doing it. It is what it is.’ I’m just going to have to figure something else out because I can’t change who I am just for a couple of dollars. I can’t do that.”

This year, Williams figured out what that “something else” was. Instead of waiting for a seat at the table, she and her teammate/twin, Natisha Hiedeman, built their own table. The duo launched the Studbudz channel on Twitch and slowly built a following by just being their authentic selves. Williams and Hiedeman are hilarious together and their chemistry — honed from years as teammates in Connecticut and Minnesota — radiates through the screen. The early streams were great — Williams and Hiedeman recounting moments from games and offering commentary on things happening around the league — but then they took it a step further: a 72-hour stream live from WNBA All-Star.

My Top Five Favorite Studbudz Moments:

  1. “Pink Pony Club” Sing Along with Napheesa Collier and Kayla McBride on the way home from All-Star
  2. “Shut up, you still like me” – T recalling an in-game confrontation with Seattle’s Skylar Diggins
  3. Court trying to get the DJ at the Sports Illustrated party to step his game up; not realizing the DJ was Diplo
  4. T walking around with a cow at the Minnesota State Fair
  5. Alanna Smith trying to figure out why the Internet thinks she’s gay; T compares her to Ms. Frizzle.

A time was had in Indianapolis and the Studbudz stream gave audiences a front row seat to all of it. So much of the media narrative about the WNBA season had been around the competitiveness, physicality, and the players’ presumed hatred of each other, but the Studbudz stream humanized the players in a way that the league has never been able to. And while the Studbudz stream gave everyone the chance to shine, it was Williams and Hiedeman who were the undeniable stars of the show; their charm and charisma carried the weekend. Their stars have only continued to rise since All-Star Weekend, and the sky is the limit for the Studbudz.

“We’re going to be at the Met Gala, at the Grammys,” Williams told SLAM magazine for their recent Studbudz cover story. “We were like, ‘Yo, we’re the first ones to do this in the space. We gotta turn up.’ We got to go up here. We were saying that from day one, like, ‘Man it’s about to be a movie ’cause nobody ever did it like how we about to do it.'”

At this point, we’d be crazy to doubt them.

Those are my most memorable (gay) moments of the 2025 season, what are yours? I think I’m going to stay away from making predictions about the rest of the season — it’s clear that I’m not very good at that — but you should feel free to weigh in on who you think will win the WNBA championship this season in the comments.

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Natalie

A black biracial, bisexual girl raised in the South, working hard to restore North Carolina's good name. Lover of sports, politics, good TV and Sonia Sotomayor. You can follow her latest rants on Twitter.

Natalie has written 428 articles for us.

1 Comment

  1. So many iconic gay moments to choose from this season, but my personal fave was the all-lesbian skills contest finale between Natasha Cloud and Erica Wheeler. Cloud promising to use the prize money to buy Isabelle Harrison a house was so cute, and just getting to be there at all seemed to mean a lot to Wheeler after a tough season last year in Indiana.

    Honourable mention to a moment at the All Star orange carpet where an interviewer was asking players what lives in their mind rent-free. Most of the players gave a silly answer except for Natasha Cloud, who very earnestly said “Isabelle”. <3

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Presenting the Winners of the 8th Annual Autostraddle TV Awards!

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Since 2018, we have been putting together these annual TV awards as a way to document and celebrate LGBTQ+ storytelling and characters on television. The Autostraddle TV Awards were created as a direct response to the Emmys continually overlooking queer programming. We used to call them the Gay Emmys, in fact, nodding to our efforts to queer the Emmys and fill in glaring gaps in the shows institutionally championed by mainstream awards. The Emmys will air on Sunday, but today you can celebrate the best of queer and trans television with us, an act that feels increasingly necessary in the face of far too many queer television shows being deplatformed, canceled, or killed before ever making it to air. It’s difficult to divorce the decline in numbers of queer television series from the current political climate in which the right has renewed their efforts to erase LGBTQ+ identities from the classroom, history, public records and information, and more.

If you revisit past years, the Autostraddle TV Awards also act as a fascinating archive reflecting the general state of LGBTQ+ television from year-to-year. Progress has not been linear. Some years, like 2020, saw a huge boom in programming to the point of Riese adding a bunch of new categories, which were culled again in 2021.

As far as patterns go, this year’s slate of winners has Yellowjackets really rising to the top as a standout series, which has been true for every year the show has been eligible for the awards. Newcomer Agatha All Along and the second season of The Last of Us — which hasn’t been eligible since 2023 when it picked up a ton of wins in the 6th annual Autostraddle TV Awards — swept the Sci-Fi/Fantasy categories pretty handily. Rather than a couple series sweeping, we see a lot more different series represented in the comedy categories, which to me suggests the genre is a bit more exciting and varied in terms of LGBTQ+ representation. Instead of just a couple outstanding series rising to the top, we have several.

So without further ado, let’s celebrate the nominees and winners of the 8th annual Autostraddle TV Awards! At the bottom, you’ll also find the winners of our fan favorites categories, where it’s very apparent that one fandom showed UP to voting (I’ll give you a hint: buzz buzz). Congrats to the winners and to all the nominees!

Outstanding Drama Series: Yellowjackets

Nominees: Fifteen-Love, Criminal Minds: Evolution, Heartstopper, The Handmaid’s Tale, Matlock

Lottie and the others screaming around a fire

To say season three of Yellowjackets took some big swings would be like calling ritualistic cannibalism a bit of lite human flesh tasting…as in, huge fucking understatement. In its third season, Yellowjackets blows up all expectations in its whirlwind of a seventh episode. But even leading up to and following that, the whole season feels built for combustion. And with the wrong scaffolding, that would bring a lesser show crumbling down, but Yellowjackets continues to back its twists and turns with compelling and evolving character work that holds it all together. It was a particular stellar season for Shauna in both timelines, the character barreling into full-on villain territory while also giving us some Shakespearean queer toxic romance. Liv Hewson and Lauren Ambrose also pushed their performances into new and thrilling territory, the lines between Van’s past and present merging. Big narrative swings were matched with bold acting choices, and it all coalesced into another delicious season of this beloved queer horror show. – Kayla

Outstanding Comedy Series: Abbott Elementary

Nominees: Hacks, No Good Deed, XO Kitty, Overcompensating, Poker Face, Somebody Somewhere

ABBOTT ELEMENTARY - ÒKaraokeÓ - The teachers hit a karaoke bar for a night of fun. During the evening, Jacob bumps into an old friend. WEDNESDAY, MARCH 12 (8:30-9:02 p.m. EDT) on ABC. (Disney/Gilles Mingasson) CHRIS PERFETTI, COURTNEY TAYLOR, QUINTA BRUNSON, BENJAMIN NORRIS, WILLIAM STANFORD DAVIS, SHERYL LEE RALPH, LISA ANN WALTER

The most hilarious episode of Abbott Elementary fourth season — written by Brittani Nichols, natch— took the school’s teachers and staff outside their classrooms and into a karaoke bar for a night of revelry. Everyone gets their turn on the stage: Jeanine’s friend, Erika, and her recently-reunited boyfriend, Simon (from the district) sing along to Keyshia Cole’s “Love.” Barbara recruits them later for background vocals on “Never Would’ve Made It,” insisting that they both needed Jesus. Apparently Jesus was too busy to be worried about them because Simon and Erika break up again before the episode’s end.

Mr. Johnson sings “It’s Hard out Here for a Pimp” and Gregory leaves his shift as a rideshare driver early to join Jeanine for a duet of (fittingly) “Always on Time.” Then, after spotting his ex-boyfriend, Black Zach at the bar with a new boyfriend, Jacob’s anger boils over. Seething, he scream-sings along to Papa Roach’s “Last Resort” and it’s so visceral and so unexpected, you can’t stop yourself from bursting out laughing. Hell, I’m chuckling now, just thinking about it.

Then, because this episode exists at the nexus of what people of a certain age — my age, I’m people — find funny: The entire group, including Ava and her new beau, O’Shon, sing along to City High’s “What Would You Do?” And, of course, Barbara spends the entire song quietly appalled to learn the song’s lyrics…as one does.

Abbott is very good at bringing together the serious and the silly — this season, it tackled book bans, labor strikes, and gentrification, for example — but sometimes it reminds you, it can just be flat out funny…and when it does, it’s a joy to watch. – Natalie

Outstanding Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror Series: Agatha All Along

Nominees: Orphan Black: Echoes, Severance, The Last of Us, Sunny, What We Do in the Shadows, Wheel of Time

Rio and Agatha face off in the woods in Agatha All Along, looking like they want to devour each other

While it was obvious to most people who watched Wandavision that Kathryn Hahn’s character, Agatha Harkness, had some sapphic vibes, but with the MCU’s history of keeping anything queer on the more subtle side, none of us could have predicted how very unsubtly queer Agatha All Along would be. From explicitly discussing being exes with Rio, to amazing quips like “if you want a straight answer, ask a straight lady,” there was no denying it. The show overall was stunning, telling the story of a ragtag group of women (and one Teen) who have to come together to find their way through many miles of tricks and trials, to find their own power, to find their coven. It’s a beautiful journey — and a musical one, at that — and it’s extra lovely that queerness is so neatly woven into its witchy fabric. – Valerie

Outstanding Animated Series: Arcane

Nominees: Harley Quinn, season 5, The Second Best Hospital in the Galaxy, The Legend of Vox Machina, #1 Happy Family USA, Big Mouth

Cait and Vi look serious as they almost kiss.

Arcane ended months ago, and yet, I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s one of those shows that sinks its hooks into you and doesn’t let go. It’s about rebellion, magic vs science, power and responsibility, family (birth and chosen), and trauma. It’s a feat of animation at every turn, absolutely stunning visually, while also telling a very human and heartbreaking tale. At the center of the story are two sisters, and one of them just so happens to be very in lesbians with someone who, on paper, should have been her mortal enemy. It’s heartbreaking and beautiful to watch them push each other away and come together over and over, and it’s just one part of the overall story. Which is the kind of story that sticks with you long after it’s gone, and I’m not just talking about that one (fantastic) scene in the jail cell. – Valerie

Outstanding Reality Show: RuPaul’s Drag Race

Nominees: I Kissed a Girl, Top Chef, Southern Hospitality, Real Housewives of New York, The Traitors

RuPaul’s Drag Race has held pretty steady in this category through the years, and season 17 once again delivered. Against the backdrop of Trump’s second term, Drag Race once again felt like a needed reprieve, and the renewed popularity of in-person watch parties as this season was airing reflected that. Full of horny queens, big personalities, and twists, the season ran the usual gamut of emotions that comes with Drag Race. And Onya Nurve was a much deserved winner. – Kayla

Outstanding Lead Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Drama Series: Jasmin Savoy Brown as Taissa Turner, Yellowjackets

Nominees: Tawny Cypress as Taissa Turner, Yellowjackets // Sophie Nélisse as Shauna, Yellowjackets // Melanie Lynskey as Shauna, Yellowjackets // Ella Lily Hyland as Justine Pierce, Fifteen-Love // Yasmin Finney as Elle Argent, Heartstopper

Tai in Yellowjackets season 3

The acting across the board in Yellowjackets season three was stellar, and in particular, it has been great to see some of the younger actors really grow into these roles and challenges themselves from season to season. Jasmin Savoy Brown brought the heat this season, and I’ve been haunted by the look on her face as she aims her gun at coach Ben ever since I first saw it. – Kayla

Outstanding Supporting or Guest Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Drama Series: Liv Hewson as Van Palmer, Yellowjackets

Nominees: Lauren Ambrose as Van, Yellowjackets // Midori Franis as Mika Yasuda, Grey’s Anatomy // Samira Wiley as Moira, The Handmaid’s Tale // Sarah Greene as Bibi Garvey, Bad Sisters // Laysla De Oliveira as Cruz Manuelos, Special Ops: Lioness

liv hewson as van in yellowjackets

Look no further with the end-of-season interview I did with Liv Hewson to understand just how much depth and attention to detail they bring to their portrayal of young Van. Hewson has been stealing scenes and making a name for themself ever since the show began, and season three saw them rising to the challenge of having to portray the character’s past as Van’s present became so tragic. I also love that we get to present this non-gendered award to Hewson, who has taken themself out of the running for certain gendered acting awards as an urgent statement on the ways awards categories exclude so many gender nonconforming performers. – Kayla

Outstanding Lead Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Comedy Series: Amrit Kaur as Bela Malhotra, Sex Lives of College Girls

Nominees: Hannah Einbinder as Ava, Hacks // Victoria Bazua as Kate, Land of Women // Linda Cardellini as Margo Starling, No Good Deed // Anna Catchcart as Kitty Song Covey, XO Kitty // Jerrie Johnson as Tye, Harlem

Amrit Kaur in Sex Lives of College Girls

When we first meet Bela Malhotra (Amrit Kaur) in the first season of The Sex Lives of College Girls, her mind is fixed on two things. First, she is determined to become a staff writer of The Catullan, the Essex University humor magazine that launched the comedy careers of numerous alums. Her second fixation is sex — lots of it, almost indiscriminately — with the men of Essex.

But by her sophomore year, all the hook-ups start to feel vacuous. Bela decides wants a connection with the person who’s sharing her bed and ultimately, she finds it: unexpectedly, in the arms of a woman. It feels less like a surprise — those blazers were always a hint — and more like just a natural part of Bela’s maturation into the woman she’s supposed to be.

Among the core group on TSLOCG, Kaur has always had the most difficult role. Bela is a handful — a character who leaps without fully considering the consequences of her actions — and a character like that can be hard to cheer for. Thankfully, though, Kaur imbues Bela with an earnestness that makes you cheer for Bela in spite of her impulsiveness. Fully invested in the role after three seasons, Kaur’s ease makes Bela’s on-screen evolution, from failure to freshman adviser, feel plausible and authentic. – Natalie

Outstanding Supporting or Guest Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Comedy Series: Ruby Cruz as Ash, Sex Lives of College Girls

Nominees: Robby Hoffman as Randi, Hacks // Regan Aliyah as Juliana, XO Kitty // Abbi Jacobson as Leslie Fisher, No Good Deed // Poppy Liu as Sarah Webber, No Good Deed // Kate Moennig as Gwen, No Good Deed

Ruby Cruz interview: Ruby Cruz in The Sex Lives of College Girls.

Ash doesn’t get nearly enough screen time in The Sex Lives of College Girls. She crosses paths with Taylor outside a queer speed dating event and almost immediately she’s ghosted. When we see her again, she encounters Taylor — fresh off being rebuffed by her straight crush — and Ash defends her from an attack by some homophobic frat boys. It’s a quick meeting that immediately endears Ash to Taylor and a romance blooms from there. Unfortunately, we don’t get to see nearly enough of their relationship on-screen, but to the extent that the relationship is plausible at all, it’s because it’s Ruby Cruz playing Ash.

Cruz is, in effect, a cheat code. Her reputation precedes her; Cruz’s past work — as Hazel in Bottoms and as Kit Tanthalos in Willow — allows writers to shortcut the characterization that we see on-screen. Of course, we’re invested in Ash as the supportive and sympathetic partner because we’ve seen her play that character before. That Ash would be so chivalrous, even in a drunken stupor, makes sense because Cruz has showcased that in past roles. And the idea that Taylor would abruptly leave her on-campus suite to move in with the girl she just met…yeah, that makes sense too, because it’s Ruby Cruz. Frankly, this is the kind of typecasting I can absolutely get behind. – Natalie

Outstanding Lead Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Series: Bella Ramsey as Ellie, The Last of Us

The Last of Us: Bella ramsey as Ellie after a fight

Nominees: Kathryn Hahn as Agatha, Agatha All Along // Rashida Jones as Suzie, Sunny // Krysten Ritter as Lucy / Young Dr. Eleanor Miller, Orphan Black: Echoes // Natasia Demetriou as Nadja, What We Do In the Shadows

You will never convince me that there is anyone else on this planet who was meant to be Ellie in live-action The Last of Us more than Bella Ramsey. They have embodied the spirit of this character, bringing her to life in such a familiar way to those of us who played the video game while also bringing their own unique touch to it. Outside of the confines of pixels and code, Bella Ramsey’s Ellie is a little softer, a little cheekier, and a lot gayer. Their facial expressions and one-liners always hit perfectly, and Bella has a way of making you feel deeply with Ellie as she experiences everything from fear and pain and rage to hope and softness and love. Hell, even Ellie’s adorable gay panic whenever Dina is around earlier in the season is clear to see and relatable as hell. In the second half of this season, Ellie’s tenderness for Dina is always front and center in a way that’s really beautiful and touching to watch. – Valerie

Outstanding Supporting or Guest Actor Playing an LGBTQ+ Character in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Series: Isabela Merced as Dina, The Last of Us

Nominees: Aubrey Plaza as Rio/Death, Agatha All Along // Annie the Clumsy as Mixxy, Sunny // Babirye Bukilwa as Sammie, Domino Day // Sophie Okonedo as Siuan Sanche, Wheel of Time // Jen Tullock as Devon Scout-Hale, Severance

The Last of Us 205: Ellie has her hand on Dina's face, she closes her eyes into the gentle touch

In the same way Bella Ramsey IS Ellie, Isabela Merced fully captures Game!Dina’s spirit while also infusing her own contagious energy and bringing new life to the character. Every time Isabela is on screen you can’t help but be fully dialed into her performance. One of my favorite experiences is going from giggling and kicking my feet one minute to wiping away tears the next. Whether she was delivering A+ puns and miming stabbing clickers or holding back tears while watching Bella’s portrayal of the “Take on Me” scene, Isabela made me feel exactly what Dina was feeling in those moments. Isabela has spoken about the guitar scene in particular and wanting to ensure that she properly conveyed the varied emotions Dina was feeling in that scene. You see it in every microexpression that crosses Isabela’s face. There’s so much lightheartedness to Dina which, in a world like The Last of Us, feels like a luxury. But she’s also experienced pain and tragedy and love, and is aware of how tenuous that line between optimism and realism is.

Isabela’s real-life queerness also helped to bring a level of authenticity to Dina that felt real and familiar, and deepened many of the scenes between her and Bella. Outside of her portrayal of Dina, Isabela is out here taking the DC world by storm as Hawkgirl and proving just how in tune with queer culture she is by making “hey mamas lesbians” jokes with Brittany Broski (a thing I did not know I needed). Isabela Merced is such a special talent, and I can’t wait to see what she does next. – Nic

Outstanding Performance by an Out LGBTQ+ Actor in a Drama: Ayo Edebiri in The Bear

Nominees: Jasmin Savoy Brown in Yellowjackets // Liv Hewson in Yellowjackets // Supriya Ganesh in The Pitt // Cherry Jones in The Handmaid’s Tale // Adelaide Kane in Grey’s Anatomy // Midori Francis in Grey’s Anatomy // Krys Marshall in Paradise

Ayo in "The Bear"

Since the day that he left New York, Carmy Berzatto’s been imagining what he’d say to the abusive boss he’d left behind. But, towards the end of season three, when he finally gets a chance, the words don’t come as easily as he imagined. Chef David is every bit the asshole he remembers: even as Carmy admits to suffering from ulcers, panic attacks, and nightmares, the Chef applauds himself for molding Carmy into an excellent chef. The ends — Carmy’s confidence, leadership, and ability — justify the means, David insists.

But as much as Carmy thinks about Chef David, at no point does he realize that he’s becoming the thing he’s always hated. Under the guise of turning Sydney from an okay chef to an excellent one, Carmy is being abusive: minimizing her skills, dismissing Sydney’s menu suggestions, gaslighting her with the promise of a partnership, while excluding her important decisions, and constantly asking forgiveness instead of permission. He’s slowly eating away at her confidence, leadership, and ability. To wit, the season ends with Sydney having her own panic attack.

It’s a slow build to that panic attack, but Ayo Edebiri carries us on that ride: bending but never breaking until the very end. The men on this show are so loud and it would be easy for another actor to get lost among them; but Edebiri stands out. She is, at once, bold and expressive — perhaps the worst poker face of all time — but Edebiri’s gift is taking advantage of the quiet. – Natalie

Outstanding Performance by an Out LGBTQ+ Actor in a Comedy: Cynthia Erivo in Poker Face

Nominees: Hannah Einbinder in Hacks // Mary Beth Barone in Overcompensating // Amrit Kaur in Sex Lives of College Girls // Renée Rapp in Sex Lives of College Girls // Megan Stalter in Hacks

Cynthia Erivo in Poker Face

In the season premiere of Poker Face this year, we get not just one Cynthia Erivo performance but five Cynthia Erivo performances. She delights as the dysfunctional band of quintuplets at the heart of the season’s first murder mystery and especially excels at playing the more unhinged among them. Tracking her performances not only as each sister but also as some of the sisters pretending to be other sisters might out-thrill even the howdunnit of it all. – Kayla

Outstanding LGBTQ+ Actor in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy Show: Aubrey Plaza in Agatha All Along

Nominees: Sasheer Zamata in Agatha All Along // Bella Ramsey in The Last of Us // Isabella Merced in The Last of Us // Jen Tullock in Severance // Amandla Stenberg in The Acolyte

Agatha All Along: Aubrey Plaza as Death beckons with one finger

Aubrey Plaza is an absolute force no matter what she’s in, so it’s no surprise that she’s our winner in this category. There’s a certain “what is she about to do?” quality that Aubrey brings to her roles that fits in perfectly with Agatha All Along‘s vibes. Rio Vidal is a little bit chaos, a little bit excitement, a little bit danger, and a whole lot of Feeling; all of which Aubrey masterfully conveys. She’s the perfect foil to Kathryn Hahn’s Agatha and their chemistry oozes off the screen. Jac Schaeffer knew exactly the power that Aubrey would bring to the role of Rio Vidal, aka Death, and knew she’d have to be careful “deploying” her; I, for one, am so grateful that she did. – Nic

Outstanding LGBTQ+ Director / Writer / Showrunner: Brittani Nichols

Nominees: Leslye Headland, Star Wars: The Acolyte // Emily St. James, Yellowjackets // Desiree Akhavan, Overcompensating // Clea Duvall, Poker Face // Nahnatchka Khan, Laid

Brittani Nichols at the Indiewire and Disney and ABC Present: Pass the Remote 2025, "Abbott Elementary" screening and panel held at Vidiots on May 20, 2025 in Los Angeles, California. (Photo by Rich Polk/IndieWire via Getty Images)

Photo by Rich Polk/IndieWire via Getty Images

Our winner for Outstanding Comedy this year — Abbott Elementary — of course would not be the cultural comedic sensation that it is without the brilliant queer minds that contribute to its depth and warmth, chief among them Brittani Nichols, who not only has written on the series since its inception but who made her directorial debut this season with the hilarious “Music Class.” Hopefully it was the first of several episodes directed by Brittani as the show goes on. And as Natalie pointed out, Brittani also wrote one of the best episodes of the season, “Karaoke.” – Kayla

Santana Lopez Legacy Award For Outstanding Queer Teen Character: Taissa, Yellowjackets

Nominees: Kate, Land of Women // Kitty Song Covey, XO Kitty // Van, Yellowjackets // Shauna, Yellowjackets // Elle Argent, Heartstopper

Taissa Turner as a teen in Yellowjackets season 4

Teen Taissa’s arc throughout Yellowjackets so far is proof that young queer characters can have so much depth and excitement and so many more storylines than just one coming out story. Taissa’s queerness is intrinsic to her character and her story, especially as it relates to Van, without needing only one Very Special Episode. It’s everywhere all the time; it’s part of her you can’t ignore. And we love her for it. In fact, there’s lots to love about Taissa, from her sharp wit to her take-charge attitude, and her ability to stay relatively rational among very irrational circumstances and people. She’s calculating and smart and she’s going to do what it takes to survive, while also being imperfect and messy and real. (You know, besides the whole potentially-evil-alter-ego-who-eats-dirt thing.) It makes absolute sense to me that this is the second time she’s winning this award, because she’s excellent queer teen representation and deserves to be celebrated as such. – Valerie

Most Groundbreaking Representation: Agatha All Along

Nominees: Somebody Somewhere, Land of Women, XO Kitty, Orphan Black: Echoes, The Sex Lives of College Girls

Rio and Agatha kiss in the Agatha All Along finale

It’s no secret that the MCU hasn’t always been the most diverse media franchise, but in recent years (and much to the chagrin of very loud online dissenters) it’s gotten both browner and gayer, with the queerness often relegated to subtext. That wasn’t enough for Agatha All Along‘s showrunner, Jac Shaeffer, who gave us the gift of the gayest thing the MCU has ever done! Queer people were always going to latch onto Agatha All Along; witches are inherently queer plus Kathryn Hahn and Aubrey Plaza were involved. I was ready to hunt for barely there glances and throwaway lines that could be references to characters’ ambiguous sexuality. And to be clear, I did all of those things! But in a time when queerness is under attack from seemingly every direction, I was shocked and delighted when Agatha made Agatha and Rio’s previous romantic relationship maintext. The chemistry between Kathryn and Aubrey was undeniable, and every queer person I yelled about this show with was like, “okay but THEY’RE EXES RIGHT?!” So to have it confirmed in front of our very eyes felt like a gift.

And not only did we get confirmation, we got it multiple times! In episode four when Rio joins the coven on the Witches’ Road, she refers to a former love as her scar (GAY!) and when she and Agatha have a moment alone, Agatha goes in for the kiss before Rio pulls away slightly to remind her that Teen isn’t hers. This would have been enough for me, to be honest, but later in the season Agatha said the quiet part out loud. “Hey, you want straight answers, ask a straight lady!” she quipped, and I swear my heart stopped. Did she just? SHE DID.

The Agathario relationship wasn’t the only queerness in the show either. Teen/Billy Maximoff (Joe Locke) has a whole “boyf”, and the way every member of that coven reacted to Rio bursting out of the ground?! I’m convinced every last one of them is “family.” In a perfect world, we would have gotten a bit more of Agatha and Rio’s love story, but I’m still holding out hope for a season 2 of this gay ass show. – Nic

Outstanding Performance by a Straight Actress in a Straight Role: Jean Smart, Hacks

Nominees: Bridget Everett as Sam, Somebody Somewhere // Catherine O’Hara as Patty Leigh, The Studio // Natasha Rothwell as Melissa, How to Die Alone // Sheryl Lee Ralph as Barbara Howard, Abbott Elementary // Jessica Williams as Gaby, Shrinking

ava and deborah in hacks

It’s no secret Hacks wouldn’t work at all without the chemistry and comedic balance between its two leads. It has been incredible to watch Hannah Einbinder grow in her performance over the course of the series (and she received many well deserved nominations this year, even if she didn’t secure the wins), but it has also been incredible to watch a literal legend week to week on the show. Jean Smart has been making television audiences laugh for nearly four decades. Her character on Hacks has a rabid gay fanbase, and if my dyke group chats are any indication, the one and only Jean Smart does, too. Her chemistry with Einbinder continues even into the press tours, and I for one cannot get enough of their banter!!!! – Kayla

Outstanding Cis Male Character: Joel Miller (Pedro Pascal), The Last of Us

Nominees: Benito Skinner as Benny, Overcompensating // Noah Wyle as Dr. Rob, The Pitt // Sterling K Brown as Xavier Collins, Paradise // Lionel Boyce as Marcus Brooks in The Bear // Ebon Moss-Bachrach as Richie in The Bear

The Last of Us 206-2 joel comforts ellie Photograph by Liane Hentscher HBO

To know me is to know I do not care about cis men. I have what I call “male pattern blindness” because sometimes I’m paying so little attention to men on TV or in movies, I don’t recognize them when they come on screen even though they were literally there a few scenes ago. So you know if I’m here, not only talking about a man, but celebrating him with an award, that’s a good man. And Joel is a good man. He’s not a perfect man, not by a long shot. There are plenty of things he’s said or done that I’d like to have a Conversation with him about, but he is, at his core, good. He has so much love in his heart; for his daughter, for his brother, for Ellie, even for Dina. He is smart and kind and fiercely protective of his people. Also, perhaps most importantly, he’s willing to listen and learn and grow. With Ellie’s help, over the course of the two seasons, he truly opens up and is on the way to becoming the best version of himself. Or, at least, he was… – Valerie

Outstanding Hairstyling for an LGBTQ+ Character: Tawny Cypress, Yellowjackets

Nominees: Marley, Survival of the Thickest (Monique Gaffney) // Amrit Kaur, Sex Lives of College Girls // Agatha, Agatha All Along (Cindy Welles) // Mixxy, Sunny // Dina, The Last of Us

Taissa in season 3 of Yellowjackets

One thing about Adult Taissa, no matter what shenanigans she and her fellow Yellowjackets are getting into, her hair is on point. If I ever meet Tawny Cypress, after I wax poetic about her acting prowess, you better believe I’m asking her about her personal and on-set hair routines. As a Black girl who’s falling back in love with her curls, I love seeing the different styles Taissa wears. Part of the reason her hairstyling in particular stands out to me is because of the contrast between Teen and Adult Tai’s circumstances. When you’re in the wilderness focused on surviving, there really isn’t time for a deep conditioning treatment. My headcanon is that once Taissa got back home, one of the first comforts she indulged in was the longest, most luxurious wash day, a routine she then carried into adulthood. – Nic

Outstanding Costume Design for a Show with LGBTQ+ Characters: Keia Bounds, Survival of the Thickest

Nominees: Daniel Selon, Agatha All Along // Kathleen Felix-Hager, Hacks // Leah Katznelson, Poker Face // Sharon Gilham, The Wheel of Time // Marie Schley, Yellowjackets

Michelle Buteau in Survival of the Thickest

Within the world that Survival of the Thickest inhabits, season one gave Keia Bounds enough to do. The show centers around Mavis Beaumont (Michelle Buteau), 38-year-old fashion assistant-turned-stylist, who leans on her friends — Kahlil (Tone Bell) and Marley (Tasha Smith) — after she discovers her boyfriend cheating on her with a skinnier version of herself. Mavis’ clients range from queens from her local drag bar and a former supermodel.

“Costume designer Keia Bounds stomped both her feet into Mavis’ looks,” Carmen wrote upon the show’s debut. “Bounds wins because she steps out of the shadow of what’s expected. Every inch of Michelle Buteau’s frame is draped with keen love and a sharp eye, and it shows.”

Outfitting that world was enough of a challenge but in its second Survival of the Thickest expands its world even more. Now Mavis isn’t just styling clients, she’s creating her own fashion line. She’s competing with and pushing back on another fashion line that claims to be making clothing for “oddie bodies” but isn’t. Khalil and Marley deal with their own issues and, at each step, their fits are a reflection of their circumstances. The season opens at Afropunk — a haven for black fashion decadence — and stops by Peppermint’s big fat queer wedding. There’s so much for Bounds to do in season two and at every turn, Bounds delivers. – Natalie

Fan Favorite Couple: Tai and Van, Yellowjackets

Tai and Van

Fan Favorite Character: Van, Yellowjackets

Van in Yellowjackets Van in Yellowjackets

Fan Favorite Out LGBTQ+ Actor: Liv Hewson

Van in Yellowjackets

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The AV Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1085 articles for us.

The TV Team

The Autostraddle TV Team is made up of Riese Bernard, Carmen Phillips, Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya, Valerie Anne, Natalie, Drew Burnett Gregory, and Nic. Follow them on Twitter!

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5 Comments

  1. Is there a reason why Rosamund Pike wasn’t nominated as lead actress in an LGBTQ+ role in Sci-Fi/Fantasy/Horror? Both she and Sophie were nothing short of incredible for three seasons, especially where their characters’ relationship was concerned.

  2. Love to see wins for Abbott Elementary! Such a delightful show and tbqh Lisa Ann Walter has tremendous mommi energy.

  3. Just gotta say it is some bullshit that Somebody Somewhere wasn’t recognized for anything.

Comments are closed.

I Have Never Felt More Cherokee Than While Reading ‘To the Moon and Back’

I met Eliana on a humid July day in the Portland airport, circa 2022. We had texted a few times back and forth, planning to rideshare to Reed College on our way to the Tin House Summer Workshop, and I was both soothed and surprised by her use of exclamation points, the way her warmth exuded from a few simple words. Standing by baggage claim, sweaty and unmoored, about fifteen thousand words of what I hoped to be a novel to my name and little else, it felt like a beginning, even if I didn’t feel particularly auspicious.

Autumn, hello! Eliana said, when she reached my little corner, and I smiled under my mask, the papery fabric slipping up my cheekbones and nearly covering my eyes.

Hello, I said. It’s so good to see you. I have no idea where we’re even going.

Eliana laughed, said: I saw your name and immediately clocked you as Cherokee. Obviously, I thought I need to be that person’s friend.

I laughed, too, and yet felt delighted by her use of obviously. Obviously, I thought.

There are only so many of us, I said, and it was true. How often had I met another Indigenous writer in a space filled with writers? Oh so rarely. How often had I met one from the same tribe? Once, maybe. Twice. Never my age, either.

Well, how often had I met one who identified me as something that they, too, were?

Never. Not until then.

***
To put my friendship with the author at the forefront of this review of To the Moon and Back is not my intention, as I believe this book is so good that to center it and it alone is really all one needs, but I do believe context is important. To review a book is, of course, not a science, but an art. There are feelings at play, and to pretend otherwise does nothing for no one. So, take this as context, dear reader, but not explanation for my regard for this book.

***
Another thing that is context, but not explanation.

On the back of a newish edition of The Rings of Saturn, which some mistakenly consider a book of nonfiction, the description lists “a few of the things that cross the path and mind of its narrator (who both is and is not Sebald).” It is this distinction regarding the narrator, or lack thereof, that remains something I cannot let go of. To be something, or rather, someone, and to not be someone, equally, a frozen state. If I were younger, if I were not what I have become, perhaps I might write something to the effect of how it felt, as a child, to stare at my rounded white stomach and tanned arms side-by-side in the bath, the long, black hairs that cover most of my body, sometimes pelt-like, slicked down over my forearms. I felt that I could delineate, then, which parts of me were Native, and which parts of me were not. Though no one said Native, back then. They said Indian. When people ask me what I prefer, even now, my first thought is always — why the hell are you asking me?

***
To the Moon and Back is a novel about, to put it very simply, “One young woman’s relentless quest to become the first Cherokee astronaut,” something that “will alter the fates of the people she loves most.”

In practice, however, this book is that and so much more. At once a love story and a family epic, To the Moon and Back spans three decades and several continents, and follows not only our main character, Steph Harper, but her sister, Kayla, her mother, Hannah, and her (college) girlfriend, Della. To tell the story of deeply ambitious Steph, who both delights you and, sometimes, makes you want to shake her, would be feat enough, but to wind together a tenderhearted novel of such precision and wonder is another thing entirely.

Ramage, it should be noted, spent 12 years at work on this book. In a world of fast-paced output and instant gratification, to behold something that has been tapestried over so many years is something palpable.

***
The novel opens with a breathless sequence: Steph, Kayla, and Hannah’s flight from Texas to rural Oklahoma, to a part of the country I know more intimately than the back of my hand. It is there, Oklahoma, that this little family, damaged as they might be by their pasts, will grow and live together, and where Steph, like myself, will long for an escape.

It is there, too, where Hannah will impart on her girls the stories of their tribal history (or, as the reader discovers later, a version of this history), at once inside of them and outside of them, complicated and yet still being written by virtue of their survival. This is an especially important thing to note when thinking of how to write about this novel. There is a specific tribal history at play, one with records and touchstones. It surrounds the place they find themselves in, and yet, Steph often resists this and the sense of collectivism involved. She wants to be something, and that thing is not just Cherokee. Who among us, in our youth, hasn’t felt the same?

***
I had no teacher. No one to tell me anything about myself, or what was not myself, but something else, a lineage that had dates and numbers and quantums. In reading this book, I felt more Cherokee than I ever have before, because I was not just feeling good about being a “part” of something, but I was also learning about the place I had sprung from, geographically and otherwise. I was engaging with the history, not just tribal, but of the United States as a whole, and I was doing so in a narrative that felt warm, terrifying, funny, sad, wondrous, alienating, welcoming, and fully realized.

Writing about To the Moon and Back, not just reading it, has also made me particularly aware of my own deficits of describing things without spoiling them. For there is truly a wealth to discover in this book, not just about the realization of Steph’s journey, but about the people who orbit her as well. Usually, I wouldn’t be so concerned about this, but part of the magic of this novel is the way it unfolds, and the recurrence of the details you held on to in earlier sections, suddenly, beautifully, making their appearance.

That said, perhaps the most important part of the way Ramage deals with the multiple threads in this novel is that, though the writing is tender and heartfelt, she does not shy away from bad feelings, heartbreak, politics, or personal decisions that seem neither smart or advisable. In this way, the novel remains rooted in its realism, while also allowing the reader to come to their own sympathies and judgment.

***
The structure of To the Moon and Back is particularly compelling. It is composed of Parts, and those Parts are assigned a span of years or a singular year. For example, Part One traces 1995 to 2000, and Part Two the years of 2000 to 2004. In particular, reading about Steph and Della’s college years, and the sections from 2016 struck me most.

This structure not only serves as a smart way of organizing the book but a way to fully immerse the reader in the timeframe they are reading about. To have a novel so rich in detail, and with so many characters, could soon become overwhelming, but Ramage utilizes short chapters, and with them, the name of the character narrating said chapter, and, if switching or skipping time, an orienting date.

This function, instead of demeaning the reader’s intelligence (which is sometimes the case in books that use structural hints) serves to pull the reader’s attention close, in an intimate fashion. Ramage, too, knows when to employ an epistolary section, whether that be through text message or email or dating app (or, in minor spoiler fashion: a news clipping).

Together, we go to Europe, to Hawaiʻi, to… maybe even the moon?

***
While the heart of this novel is Steph’s ambition — her true desire to yoke herself to her mission — the animating force is that of family, and of love. I would be remiss not to mention, specifically, her romantic love for Della, and the youthful wounds they inflict upon each other. Della, you see, is Cherokee, too, but not in the same way as Steph. Adopted by a white couple through a challenge to the Indian Child Welfare Act (and based on the real life case of baby Veronica), Della is especially sympathetic, a young person in a world that does not care for young people and who is seeking, in a profound way, who she really is.

This novel is queer in the best ways, outwardly, and not shying away from the issues that might spring from this. It is a book for the general reader, the literary fiction lover, and the curiously minded. It opens one up to the experience of being loved, of wanting something so badly it changes the course of your life, and, of course, to experiences that are not your own. From astronaut to social media influence and Indian activist, from Cherokee mother to geodesic dome dweller to layperson, To the Moon and Back truly has something for everyone.

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Autumn Fourkiller

Autumn Fourkiller is a writer and mystic from the “Early Death Capital of the World.” She is currently at work on a novel about Indigeneity, the Olympics, and climate change. A 2022 Ann Friedman Weekly Fellow, her work can be found in Atlas Obscura, Majuscule, Longreads, and elsewhere. You can follow her newsletter, Dream Interpretation for Dummies, on Substack.

Autumn has written 24 articles for us.

6 Comments

  3. This book is bound to be my favorite of the year. I can’t stop thinking about it or talking about it. It made me cry many times, not because of big tragic moments but because the writing was so gorgeous that it hit me right in the chest. I’m an Eliana Ramage fan for life!

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No Filter: We’re Loving Cameron Esposito’s Queer Pregnancy Content

feature image photo of Cameron Esposito via Cameron’s Instagram

Hello and welcome back to No Filter! This is the place where I tell you what our favorite queer celebrities are up to this week, via IG! Let’s go!

What I love about this is not only it is a great bit, but the commitment to the look! I think the mules are really the finishing touch here!

This is very sweet and is making me realize I have zero idea what this movie is about?

Oh look, its me here! Loving love!

The couples that dance together will inherit the Earth!

I must admit that I am in fact unclear what “glowing happy flowers” could mean, but I support it either way!

Nothing like a hottie drippin in jewels! This rocks!

Favorite kind of celebrity post is easily the kind where they just post hot pics of themselves as motivation. I feel motivated!

Cheesy scallion Pancakes? Say WAYYYY less!

I am SURE you didn’t think the Betts anniversary content would stop coming, just because their anniversary is over??

We don’t even know where they are!!!

Making more hits for me, that’s what I like to see!

I am seventeen and I am afraid of King Princess!

GIMME A HOOPS DREAM WITH TRACE!

Everything old is new! I could have SWORN this was Britney!

This is real love, to me! Fake flavors and everything!

Hannah keeps being the realest!

GET MEG EVERY SPON CON DEAL AVAILABLE, NOW!

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Christina Tucker

Christina Tucker is writer and podcaster living in Philadelphia. Find her on Twitter or Instagram!

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43 Films Featuring Transmasc Characters

Catching up on trans movies used to be easier when they were few and far between. It’s a good problem to have that so many narrative features have cropped up with an array of transmasculine characters. Though there are way fewer of them in narrative films than there are transfeminine characters, I did compile 48 transmasculine characters in 43 films that are worth taking a look at, even if their roles are small.

As we go down the list chronologically, the shift from transmasculine roles being played by presumably cis women only to the occasional cis man to actual trans actors is very noticeable. Hooray!

But there is also a huge, monstrous gap in specifically Black trans male representation that I found maddening. There are almost none in film outside the documentary space (The Aggressives, for example). Most working Black trans male actors like Logan Rozos, Marquise Vilson, and Brian Michael Smith see massive success on television or in short films. And in the example of 2015’s Tell Me Sweet Something, a rom-com out of South Africa, Thishiwe Ziqubu won awards for playing the lead’s best friend, but he was not out as a trans man at the time, nor was the character transmasculine.

As another aside: There are transmasc actors who have roles that are basically unnamed, such as Becca Blackwell in both Bros and A Marriage Story, or who are not in the credits at all so their identities were hard to track down. (If this is you and I skipped you, comment below!) Jordan Gonzalez is also about to appear in The Long Walk this month, but that will be released on September 12.

So on to the list!

Sylvia Scarlett (1935)

Katharine Hepburn as Sylvia

Sylvia Scarlett (1935) Katharine Hepburn as Sylvia

Sylvia (Katharine Hepburn) is a con artist who crossdresses as a man named “Sylvester,” only to end up sexually confusing both Cary Grant and Brian Aherne. Unfortunately Sylvia Scarlett is one of the most famous flops of the 1930s due in part to its exploration of gender. The world wasn’t ready for Hepburn in pants, let alone in full drag. Sylvia isn’t textually trans, but she keeps dressing as a man even after it’s not necessary to the plot for her to do so.

Vera (1986)

Ana Beatriz Nogueira as Bauer

Vera (1986) Ana Beatriz Nogueira as Bauer

Vera is a Brazilian film following a trans man (played by Ana Beatriz Nogueira) in a correctional facility for troubled youth who navigates institutional oppression and love during transition in the 80s. I confess I haven’t seen this one, but its early release date makes it worth mentioning for trans film history, even if it does not have a happy ending.

Boys Don’t Cry (1999)

Hilary Swank as Brandon

Boys Don’t Cry (1999) Hilary Swank as Brandon

Boys Don’t Cry traumatized many of us, so I understand why it might be a skip for some. (After seeing it once in college, I’m good for life.) Brandon Teena, a young trans man in Nebraska, looks for love and acceptance and finds violence and transphobia. This “true” story raised visibility, but at the cost of a lot of trans men’s comfort, mental health, and ability to find support for their transition that didn’t include fears of inevitable tragedy.

By Hook Or By Crook (2001)

Harry Dodge as Valentine and Silas Howard as Shy

By Hook Or By Crook (2001) Harry Dodge as Valentine and Silas Howard as Shy

Co-directed and co-starring trans icons Harry Dodge and Silas Howard, this DIY buddy film centers the guys’ friendship as they get up to hijinks and commit petty crimes to survive. This is one of my absolute favorite trans man films with two of my favorite trans man characters.

Itty Bitty Titty Committee (2007)

Lauren Mollica as Aggie

Itty Bitty Titty Committee (2007) Lauren Mollica as Aggie

Directed by But I’m A Cheerleader’s Jamie Babbit, this third wave feminist satire about an activist collective includes a trans masculine character named Aggie (skater Lauren Mollica). He gets a pass on being part of the group for girls for “being born with a clit.” When he initially faces a misunderstanding about being a cis man, he clarifies he’s not offended. He’s used to people being confused. Over the course of the film, he falls for our lead Anna after a one-night-stand, but she doesn’t return his feelings.

Romeos (2011)

Rick Okon as Lukas

Romeos (2011) Rick Okon as Lukas

Romeos is a German film about Lukas, a young trans man who falls for a cis gay man he meets in the Cologne gay scene. The guy, Fabio, doesn’t know he’s trans and Lukas worries about revealing it. At the same time, Fabio has his own secrets — namely that he’s not out to his family. Lukas is played, in this rare instance, by a cis actor named Rick Okon. I haven’t seen this one, but online reviews make mention of some suspension of disbelief around the immediacy of the effects of taking testosterone, and you know, the trope of coming out to a cis gay man and facing some rejection.

Albert Nobbs (2011)

Glenn Close as Albert and Janet McTeer as Hubert

Albert Nobbs (2011) Glenn Close as Albert and Janet McTeer as Hubert

This was one of the first “trans man” stories I ever remember seeing, particularly because Glenn Close was nominated for an Oscar that year. Close plays an AFAB person who has spent three decades living as a man in 19th-century Dublin to work as a butler in a wealthy household. When his new roommate (another AFAB person living as a man) Hubert discovers Albert is also a “woman,” he asks “What’s your name?” Albert tells him it’s Albert. “Your real name,” he presses. “Albert,” he replies.

Facing Mirrors (2011)

Shayesteh Irani as Eddie

Facing Mirrors (2011) Shayesteh Irani as Eddie

Facing Mirrors is an Iranian film about the fraught friendship between a conservative woman Rana (Gazal Shakeri) who drives a cab and the trans man she picks up one day. Rana needs money to pay her imprisoned husband’s bail. Eddi (Shayesteh Irani) is desperately waiting for his passport so he can leave the country. An unlikely team-up ensues.

Heart Breaks Open (2011)

Samonte Cruz as Johnny

Johnny is the transmasc boyfriend of main character Jesus. Jesus contracts HIV after cheating on him. He is part of a group of friends who sit Jesus down for an accountability meeting, as seen in the film’s trailer. I hadn’t heard of this movie until some commenters pointed it out, so thank you to you all! Samonte Cruz has gone on to become a goldsmith, artist, community organizer, and educator.

Predestination (2014)

Sarah Snook as “The Unmarried Mother”

Predestination (2014) Sarah Snook as “The Unmarried Mother”

This one is wild! Based on a Robert Heinlein short story, Predestination is a sci-fi thriller with a big time-loop and an intersex character whose life spans multiple decades. (I’m trying hard not to spoil anything.) If nothing else, it stars Sarah Snook pre-Succession in a role that revealed her incredible talent. Go into this one ready to feel insane.

Two 4 One (2014)

Gavin Crawford as Adam

Two 4 One (2014) Gavin Crawford as Adam

This Canadian rom-com is about Adam, a trans man who agrees to help impregnate his ex-girlfriend with donor sperm but then accidentally somehow also becomes pregnant from the same vial. I haven’t seen it, but online reviews say that premise could be played entirely for laughs but the movie goes for a lot of tenderness, too. This is another example of a trans man being played by a cis male actor. We’re close to getting it right, but progress is unfortunately nonlinear.

3 Generations (2015)

Elle Fanning as Ray

3 Generations (2015) Elle Fanning as Ray

There was a lot of controversy around this one, because the conversation around trans people playing trans roles had started around the same time. The director also had to walk back comments about the character essentially being a girl badly mimicking a boy. (She later said she was talking about the actress, not the character. Hm.) Elle Fanning plays Ray, a trans boy navigating medical transition and family disapproval while living with his mother (Naomi Watts) and his lesbian grandmother (Susan Sarandon). It’s pretty paint-by-numbers and enforces boring stereotypes, but at least we get lesbian Susan Sarandon.

Apricot Groves (2016)

Narbe Vartan as Aram

Apricot Groves (2016) Narbe Vartan as Aram

Apricot Groves is an Armenian-Iranian film about a trans man coming to Armenia from the US to marry his girlfriend. I haven’t seen it, but I read about the controversy surrounding it. Initially, the film had the support of the Armenian government but, upon completion, director Pouria Heidary Oureh said the movie was cancelled from local film festivals and theatrical runs due to bigotry.

Adam (2019)

Leo Sheng as Ethan

Adam (2019) Leo Sheng as Ethan

When a cis teen boy is mistaken for a trans man by a lesbian he has a crush on, he just goes with it. Based on an extremely controversial novel by Ariel Schrag, the movie version was directed by trans director Rhys Ernst with an eye to how the trans storyline was derided by readers of the book. The film stars Bobbi Salvör Menuez, a non-binary actor who played the lead before coming out as trans, and features trans actor Leo Sheng as one of Adam’s friends.

Cowboys (2020)

Sasha Knight as Joe

Cowboys (2020) Sasha Knight as Joe

Cowboys centers on Joe (Sasha Knight), a trans boy in rural Montana, and his father Troy (Steve Zahn). After Joe relays his desire to get away from his disapproving and transphobic mother, the two go on a road trip to Canada. In his debut film, Sasha Knight absolutely crushes this very emotional role as an out trans actor! At 10 years old! The future is bright.

Rūrangi (2020)

Elz Carrad as Caz

Rūrangi (2020) Elz Carrad as Caz

Rūrangi is a film out of New Zealand about a trans man who returns home only to be met with anger from his father about his transition and missing his mother’s funeral among other issues. Lead actor Elz Carrad told the press that prior to working on this movie, he’d never met another transmasculine person.

A Good Man (2020)

Noemie Merlant as Benjamin

A Good Man (2020) Noemie Merlant as Benjamin

A Good Man is a French drama about trans man Benjamin who, when his partner discovers she can’t carry their child, decides to go through with a pregnancy for them both. He’s treated terribly by almost everyone in the movie, including his partner, his friend, and medical staff (who make him cry in his stirrups). Ben is played by actress Noemie Merlant in a beard, which is…a choice.

When Men Were Men (2021)

Izzi Rojas as Kieran

When Men Were Men (2021) Izzi Rojas as Kieran

This Irish indie about a trans boy named Kieran (non-binary actor Izzi Rojas) retreads the storyline of a trans boy falling for a cis gay named Egan, who does not know he’s trans. Kieran gets to be himself around Egan (played by non-binary actor Aidan Dick) and while he acts with his theater troupe, but he suffers transphobic abuse from his religious parents at home. It hits all the beats, but this time Irish.

West Side Story (2021)

iris menas as Anybodys 

West Side Story (2021) iris menas as Anybodys 

In this remake of the 1961 classic, non-binary actor iris menas (stylized lower case) plays Anybodys, the tomboy character who wants to join the Jets. Anybodys has long read as queer for dressing like a guy and wanting to be around the boys, but this is the first time he’s played by a trans actor as an explicitly trans character. As far as I read, this version of Anybodys was the first trans character in a Disney-related film.

The Matrix: Resurrections (2021)

Leo Sheng as Bobbi

The Matrix: Resurrections (2021) Leo Sheng as Bobbi

In this fourth installment of The Matrix franchise, Leo Sheng plays Bobbi, the secretary of Neo’s “character” at the video game company. It’s a tiny role but a fun inclusion from the Wachowskis. The directing duo have both come out as trans since the original movies were released, and they have hinted at the trans themes of the concept. Apparently, the character of Switch in the earlier movies was meant to be trans, but according to star Keanu Reeves, this aspect was axed by the studio. Sheng’s Bobbi is a sly nod to a well-known trans actor from a trans directing duo.

The People’s Joker (2022)

Kane Distler as Jason “Mr. J” Todd

The People’s Joker (2022) Kane Distler as Jason “Mr. J” Todd

The People’s Joker, one of my favorite movies, features a T4T couple based on Todd Phillip’s Joker called Joker the Harlequin (Vera Drew) and James Gunn’s Joker called Jason Todd (Kane Distler) respectively. A queer and trans reimagining of Joker/Batman mythology, the movie follows a trans woman comedian navigating comedic censorship and a relationship with her narcissistic mother. Her romance with Jared Leto’s Joker helps Joker the Harlequin come out as a trans woman, even though in the end the pairing is toxic as fuck.

L’immensità (2022)

Luana Giuliani as Andrea

L'immensità (2022) Luana Giuliani as Andrea

This Italian drama by trans writer/director Emanuele Crialesein is about the relationship between Clara (Penelope Cruz) and her child Andrea (Luana Giuliani) after Andrea comes out as trans. Set in the 1970s, Crialesein based the story on his own childhood as a trans kid and his relationship with his mother after coming out.

A Man Called Otto (2022)

Mack Bayda as Malcolm

A Man Called Otto (2022) Mack Bayda as Malcolm

This Tom Hanks dramedy is about a man who can not complete suicide no matter how hard he tries (among other plotlines). It includes a small but notable role for trans actor Mack Bayda as Malcolm, a former student of Otto’s deceased wife. Malcolm tells Otto that his wife was the first teacher to call him by his name at school. Otto softens. Eventually, Otto gives Malcolm a place to stay and tells him that his father not accepting him for being trans makes him “an idiot.”

Women Talking (2022)

August Winter as Melvin

Women Talking (2022) August Winter as Melvin

The intense Mennonite drama from Sarah Polley features Melvin, a trans man in the community who sits in to take notes as the female members discuss what to do about the men who have been raping them. Melvin is the caretaker for the children of the colony, and after his own unimaginable trauma, chooses only to speak to them. The whole film is a trigger warning, and Melvin’s story is also very tragic.

They/Them (2022)

Theo Germaine as Jordan

They/Them (2022) Theo Germaine as Jordan

Theo Germaine goes up against evil Kevin Bacon in this conversion therapy camp horror movie. Germaine’s Jordan is the film’s non-binary hero but does one of my least favorite horror tropes – they get the gun but don’t take the shot. The film got mixed reviews for other reasons, but Germaine’s performance was praised.

Crush (2022)

James Tom as Aya

James Tom in Crush

In this Hulu teen romantic comedy, James Tom plays Aya, a non-binary hunk at school. (James was acting under a different name at the time.) Aya is a social media star and playboy, turning the sad queer teenager narrative on its head. Comedian Tom’s off-Broadway show “Less Lonely” was produced by fellow trans man actor Elliot Page.

T-Blockers (2023)

Iris Mcerlean as Danny

T-Blockers (2023) Iris Mcerlean as Danny

Trans Australian director Alice Maio MacKay fills out the casts of her campy horror films with trans actors from across the spectrum. Iris Mcerlean appears in T-Blockers, this really fun take on Buffy The Vampire Slayer meets Gregg Araki.

Off Ramp (2023)

Scott Turner Schofield as Silas

off ramp

In Nathan Tapes’ Off Ramp, two Juggalos take a topsy-turvy road trip to the legendary Gathering of The Juggalos. Scott Turner Schofield plays Silas, one of those said ICP fans, who picks his buddy Trey up from prison and gets the whole journey started. In reviews, Schofield’s performance was praised for being both tender and funny, emphasizing the Gathering of the Juggalos as a place for found family.

Wendell & Wild (2022)

Sam Zelaya as Raúl Cocolotl

Wendell & Wild (2022) Sam Zelaya as Raúl Cocolotl

Wendell & Wild is a stop-motion animated gothic comedy horror film from Henry Selick of Nightmare Before Christmas and Coraline fame. It was written and stars the one and only Jordan Peele. (Talk about horror clout!) Sam Zelaya voices Raúl, a friend to main character Kat who gets involved in all her demon shenanigans. Raúl is the first trans character to appear in a stop-motion animated film, and Zelaya said in interviews he was proud of this breakthrough, but a little scared of all the visibility, especially living in the UK.

Evil Dead Rise (2023)

Morgan Davies as Danny

Evil Dead Rise (2023) Morgan Davies as Danny

This fifth installment of the horror classic Evil Dead series features Morgan Davies as Danny, a quirky big brother whose sister and mother are consumed by demons. Danny is never explicitly labeled as trans, but Davies has been out since he was 13 years old. I have not seen the Evil Dead series (Sorry!) but I included this one because there’s no indication Danny isn’t trans. (And because my horror fan friends wanted me to.)

Mutt (2023)

Lío Mehiel as Feña

Mutt (2023) Lio Mehiel as Fena

This atmospheric New York indie follows Feña, a young trans man, across one intense day navigating his relationship with his younger half-sister who has cut class, his messy unfinished business with his ex-boyfriend, and his stressful opportunity to finally impress his disapproving father by picking him up from the airport in a car. It’s a star-making turn for the immensely talented Mehiel.

Talk To Me (2023)

Zoe Terakes as Hayley

Talk To Me (2023) Zoe Terakes as Hayley

In 2023, out trans actor Zoe Terakes appeared as Hayley in Talk To Me, a super successful horror movie out of Australia. In the film, I clocked that Hayley is addressed with they/them pronouns, though they are never explicitly labeled trans. In my opinion, the pronouns are enough. Kuwait banned the film for Terakes’ inclusion citing transness, seemingly the first time a country has banned a movie specifically because of a trans actor. “I’m a trans actor who happened to get the role,” they said, expressing disappointment over the ban.

Fanfic (2023)

Alin Szewczyk as Tosiek

Fanfic (2023) Alin Szewczyk as Tosiek

Fanfic (aka Fanfik in Polish) is a coming of age film about Tosiek, a trans teen who comes out while also falling in love with a classmate named Leon. I have not seen this one, but it’s cool that Tosiek is played by non-binary actor Alin Szewczyk, who became the first out trans actor to play a trans role in Polish film history.

Close To You (2023)

Elliot Page as Sam

Close To You (2023) Elliot Page as Sam

Close To You stars Elliot Page as Sam, a trans man returning home for the first time since transition. The film, Page’s first since 2017, was shot with a handheld camera and natural light. Some hour-long scenes were improvised based on a dialogue-less script. It’s a unique spin on an old trans storyline, and Page said he felt like he disappeared into each scene.

Chestnut (2023)

Chella Man as Jason

Chestnut (2023) Chella Man as Jason

A recent college graduate named Annie (Natalia Dyer) remains in her hometown for the summer and becomes entangled in a love triangle with a couple she meets at a bar. Throughout Chestnut, Annie kind of falls for the woman in the couple, Tyler, wanting her to go to LA with her. Things get messy from there. Trans actor and filmmaker Chella Man plays her friend Jason, a classic in the romantic drama genre who is there mostly to be like, “Girl, what the hell are you thinking?”

Summer Solstice (2023)

Bobbi Salvor Menuez as Leo

Summer Solstice (2023) Bobbi Salvor Menuez as Leo

It’s the future! Bobbi Salvör Menuez from Adam is now out as trans. What a journey. In this buddy comedy film, a trans man actor named Leo (Menuez) embarks on a road trip with his cis straight female friend through upstate New York. Of course, because the two have a long history, tensions arise. I haven’t seen this one yet because it did the festival circuit, but anything with a trans road trip is on my list.

Carnage For Christmas (2024)

Iris Mcerlean as Barry

Carnage For Christmas (2024) Iris Mcerlean as Barry

Another Alice Maio MacKay joint, edited by The People’s Joker’s Vera Drew, which turns a Christmas story into a camp slasher. Iris plays Barry in this film, which is about a true crime podcaster up against a ghost re-enacting the murders of a historical serial killer. It’s super fun and cool that MacKay reuses trans actors in her films.

Castration Movie Anthology i. The Fear of Having No One to Hold at the End of the World (2024)

Magda Baker as Rocco

Magda

In Louise Weard’s epic series of films, which began with Castration Movie Anthology I, singer/songwriter Magda Baker plays Rocco. In one of my favorite scenes in the film, he takes out his pre-top surgery chest and talks about his experience of waiting so long to have surgery. Later in the film, we see Baker/Rocco taking off his bandages at the doctor’s office with real stitches and a genuine thrilled reaction. It’s iconic. (Sidenote: Both Alice MacKay and Vera Drew also appear in this film.)

Desire Lines (2024)

Aden Hakimi as Amad, Theo Germaine as Kieran and Em Modaff as Lev

Desire Lines (2024) Aden Hakimi as Amad, Theo Germaine as Kieran and Em Modaff as Lev

Desire Lines is a hybrid narrative film and documentary following an Iranian-American trans man researching trans male history at an LGBT archive. Amad (Aden Hakimi), framed by real interviews with trans men, is trying to figure out his own desires by digging into the past. 

We Forgot To Break Up (2024)

Lane Webber as Evan

We Forgot To Break Up (2024) Lane Webber as Evan

In this mockumentary about an indie band in the early 2000s Toronto music scene, Lane Webber plays the band’s frontman Evan. As the film tracks the band’s rise from high school to their big break, everything is threatened when Evan and two bandmates get into a love triangle. Evan’s good looks and transness get the attention of record labels, and it all starts to give him a heinous ego. Classic band drama.

I Saw The TV Glow (2024)

Jack Haven as Maddy

I Saw The TV Glow (2024) Jack Haven as Maddy

While Jack Haven shot this film under his deadname, the character he plays is pretty heavily implied to be some form of trans masculine. Queer teenager Maddy befriends another trans allegory-esque teen named Owen (played by Justice Smith). She disappears and reappears after a long while, born anew and claiming the TV show that they’re both obsessed with is real. She also tells Owen not to call her “Maddy” anymore. Directed by trans director Jane Schoenbrun, Maddy’s gender is left ambiguous which opens up theories as to whether Maddy could be non-binary, transmasculine, or genderqueer.

One Of Them Days (2025)

Rizi Timane as Uche

One Of Them Days (2025) Rizi Timane as Uche

Nigerian-American actor Rizi Timane plays Uche, the landlord whose demand for the rent sets off the entire kooky plot of this Keke Palmer and SZA buddy comedy. Uche is unmoved by Dreux’s (Palmer) claim that her roommate Alyssa (SZA) paid it, and also by the fact that Alyssa let her unreliable boyfriend handle the payment. (Spoiler he did not give the money to Uche.) Timane’s shiny bald head also leads to Palmer’s incredible line delivery of the semi-compliment, “You’re looking alopecious today.”

Sauna (2025)

Nina Rask as William

Nina Rask in Sauna

In this Danish film, a cis man named Johan who works at a gay sauna in Copenhagen, revels in casual sex until he falls in love with a trans man named William. William does not have access to hormones and surgery and struggles to love himself. This causes issues with Johan, who just wants to love him as he is. William is Denmark’s first trans lead character.

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Gabe Dunn

Gabe (he/him) is a queer, trans writer and director whose most recent film GRINDR BABY was selected for Frameline Festival’s 2023 Voices. He is a best-selling author thrice-over, host of the podcasts The Knew Guys, Just Between Us and Bad With Money. As a TV writer, he has sold over a dozen TV shows to networks like FX, Freeform, and Netflix. His young adult sci-fi drama Apocalypse Untreated was released by Audible Originals in 2020. His latest TV project The Daring Life and Dangerous Times of Eve Adams is in development at Universal with Gabe set to write and produce.

Gabe has written 29 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. Adding Heart Breaks Open (2011) about the aftermath of a cis gay HIV counselor cheating on his trans bf and contracting HIV in the process. trans bf is played by a trans guy & other trans ppl are in the film as well. a truly gorgeous, hard & tender film featuring an intracommunal, messy accountability process and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence as guardian angels. Billie Rain (the writer & director) is nonbinary and has been deeply involved in QTBIPOC & disability justice circles since the 90s :)

    trailer: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BsQGB0a4v2c

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TIFF 2025: Jodie Foster Speaks French, Impregnates a Woman in ‘A Private Life’

Drew Burnett Gregory is back at TIFF, reporting with queer movie reviews from one of the world’s most prestigious film festivals. Follow along for her coverage of the best in LGBTQ+ cinema and beyond.

If Jodie Foster was your therapist, would you maintain doctor/patient boundaries? Or would you try your best to flirt? Would your partner seethe with jealousy whenever you spoke of her? Would you dream of a connection that transcended the couch, transcended time itself? Rebecca Zlotowski’s A Private Life presents a sort of twisted wish fulfillment for lesbians everywhere: Jodie Foster is your therapist and she’s taken on your death as her personal cause.

Foster plays Dr. Lilian Steiner, an American psychiatrist whose life and practice have long been in Paris. When her patient of nine years (Virginie Efira) suddenly dies by suicide, she begins to suspect the true cause might be murder. Her time playing detective leads her to reconnect with her ex-husband, confront a fractured relationship with her son, aaaand to a hypnotist who suggests Lilian and her patient were lovers in a past life, Lilian impregnated her, and then the patient died tragically in Nazi-occupied France.

The last few years have brought a renaissance of sorts for Foster who secured an Oscar nomination for NYAD and an Emmy win for True Detective: Night Country. Her work here is even better. As a rational woman spiraling into the irrational, Foster is remarkable. She plays the film’s shifting tones perfectly adding humor and pathos often to the same moments. Even when the plot loses focus, Foster grounds the film reminding the viewer that the genre stylings and past life hijinks are cover for a simple human story.

The last time director and co-writer Rebecca Zlotowski teamed up with an English speaking movie star, she gave Natalie Portman one of her few masterpieces with the underrated Planetarium. There’s a freedom and an intimacy to Zlotowski’s work that these stars would be hard-pressed to find in Hollywood. It opens something up in them bringing out their very best.

In general, Zlotowski’s work is often taken for granted. Other than her bombastic scores and soundtracks — Talking Heads’ “Psychokiller” is used particularly well here — Zlotowski approaches cinema with a gentle touch. There’s a lightness to her work, even when dealing with suicide and murder, its depth and devastation hidden in only a couple lines of dialogue or a single frame.

Her previous film, Other People’s Children, explored the connection between a woman and her boyfriend’s daughter. Here, she takes on another intimate relationship that’s hard to define: the one between a therapist and their patients. There’s a fascination with the way someone can know another person so well and yet not at all. Zlotowski seems to suggest this speaks to something beyond psychiatry: Can anyone really know the entirety of another?

Lillian’s mystery-solving ultimately does more to restore her former heteronormative bliss than to open up reincarnated queerness. But the lack of on-screen queerness is less important than one of our great living queer performers receiving a role with this much depth and opportunity. And how straight can a movie really be if it’s about the blurred boundaries of therapy with a gender-swapping time traveling romance?

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. Her writing can also be found at Letterboxd Journal, Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Into, Refinery29, and them. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Instagram.

Drew has written 749 articles for us.

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‘How Do I Heal From This Prolonged Breakup and Is Repair Possible?’

Q:

In 2021, I moved to London for university. After a lonely first year, I made friends and eventually formed a deep friendship with someone in my course. We clicked right away and quickly became inseparable (with boundaries). For nearly two years, we were close, and I genuinely thought I’d found a part of my emotional home in them.

In 2024, things shifted. I started sleeping over more often, and I caught real, grounded feelings-feelings that made me realise how much I’d faked or forced attraction in the past. But they’re aspec, and while part of me hoped, I didn’t expect reciprocation. I eventually told them I had a crush and needed more physical and emotional boundaries. They said they weren’t interested romantically but didn’t want to lose me. I tried to return to “just friends,” even though the lines were increasingly blurry.

Eventually, after graduation, they told me they did have romantic feelings and how this felt new to them. We had a brief, intense relationship-but it came with an expiration date. They said they couldn’t do long distance but wanted to talk when they visited me in South Africa later that year with the potential of a “future.” I agreed.

Things got messier. They fell into depression, I spiralled into what I imagine a manic episode feels like, and our communication became strained and painful, though there were still fun and enjoyable moments. They said the relationship felt like a dream they couldn’t return to and that the idea of calling someone a partner terrified them. I wrote many emotional letters, full of longing, and while I meant well, I now recognise I wasn’t respecting their boundaries.

When they visited South Africa, they met my friends and family. I cried more than I ever had, but somehow the visit still went well. We had fewer misunderstandings, fewer long confusing texts. They seemed happy and expressed that as well. I thought maybe we were on good terms.

When they returned home, their messages became less frequent and less emotional. I told myself not to overthink or catastrophise and tried to be okay with their distance. I remembered that they had once said they liked hearing updates, even if they didn’t reply. So I kept sending light-hearted ones.

Then one day, I acknowledged the hurt I had caused them and how much I now understood it. They said they felt disconnected. We agreed to stop texting and just talk on the phone. That evening, they called and said they needed four months of no contact. I felt like I left my body. I begged and tried to negotiate, but they were clear: it had to be four months, on their terms.

Those four months were hard. I made new friends and focused on growth, but deep down I still framed it as becoming someone they could feel safe being close to again. When the time was up, I hoped we’d start slowly rebuilding.

Instead, they called to say they didn’t think we could be friends anymore-although they hoped maybe one day we would be. They said they missed me but couldn’t risk that kind of emotional pain again. I was devastated. Since then, they’ve blocked me-and even some of my friends. It’s been three months since that finality.

I know I crossed boundaries at times-overtexting, over-explaining, panicking when I felt distant from them. I tried to repair, but maybe too late. I’m still holding grief, confusion, and some hope.

Logically, I get it. I know I was reactive and emotionally dependent at times. But I also know there was real love and joy, even in the mess.

My questions are:

Does a prolonged breakup like this mean we’ll never be friends again?

Is repair even if not now possible? (and I know focusing on myself is the priority right now but these thoughts won’t leave my mind)Is it unhealthy to keep hoping for that, or is it okay to still care?

How do I hold space for caring about someone who’s made it clear they need distance, without losing myself?

How do I let go but allow uncertainty in a way that doesn’t make it overly pessimistic or over idealistic?

I’ve had people tell me I need to move on completely-and they’re probably right. But part of me still believes there was real love here, and that maybe, someday, that means something.

Any clarity or honesty you can offer would mean the world. Thanks for any advice.

A:

Heartbreak and longing in South Africa? Are you me?

Firstly, I have to thank you for the detailed account of what you’re going through. It’s always easier for me to write to someone when I have feelings and memories to anchor myself to. You’ve given me plenty, and the one thing that comes out most strongly is that you still deeply love this person.

So let me tell you that you can show them love by letting them go. One day at a time. That’s my central thesis. It’s helpful that you gave me concrete questions. I’ll argue my point out as I respond to each.

Can you ever be friends again?

You understandably want to know if you two can ever be friends again after a breakup. I’ve always believed that barring abusive or unethical behavior, there’s always room for friendship after the fallout. The real question is can you two maintain a friendship after your breakup?

There’s no average person on Earth. Enough people put together make an average, but no single person is the average. The relationships I’ve seen turn into lasting friendships tend to have qualities in common after they separate. Shared hobbies. A mutual interest in continued contact. Resolution of misdeeds. Certainty in the future. Emotional disentanglement. These are the sorts of things that link exes together without tying them to each other.

It also helps if the relationship didn’t end on firm no-contact or blocked communications. I get that your ex (that’s what they are.) left a possible door open for friendship at one point, but they’ve shut it. Blocking you and mutual friends on their comms? Telling you directly that they don’t see a friendship? I don’t see clearer signs that a friendship is not on the cards for a long time. And if a friendship is ever feasible, it will have to be on their terms. They built the boundary. If you try to tear it down, it’s another boundary violation. There’s no friendship here unless they act on it. And all evidence points to them not wanting friendship for the foreseeable future.

Is repairing this possible?

I can give you a firm maybe when it comes to eventually rebuilding a friendship. See my previous point about how your ex has to initiate the process.

Closer to the point, I’m seeing in you what I see in myself when I’m on the receiving end of a hard breakup. I replay good memories on loop while being miserable. I sit with my feelings, and they eat me up on the inside. I hope that things will turn in my favor despite all the evidence pointing the other way.

And I don’t know about you, but the worst part for me is I’m so wrapped up in my isolation and feelings that I forget what the other person was like. All I’m left with is my idea of them. The idealized version I constructed. The hopes for a brighter future. The unassailable perfection. That’s the worst part of it for me, because I’m not even pining for a person anymore. I’m just miserable over an idea of a person who has exited. Those kinds of thoughts will eat a person alive.

Is it wrong to keep caring? Absolutely not. But it’s a disservice to you if your ‘caring’ happens at the expense of your well-being. They’ve extracted themselves from your life and, to use a South African analogy, put up high walls and electric fencing to keep you out. The care you still have for them is being spent on yourself. You have to decide if it’s worth doing when it’s clearly coming out of your health. I’m not telling you to stop caring or harden yourself. I’m asking you to let go of the embers one at a time so that things can wind down.

Paradoxically, the way to look out for someone who explicitly needs distance is to care about yourself. There’s nothing to be done for them. No reaching out. No sliding an apology in their direction. No passing messages down the chain of friends. Nothing.

If you’re respecting the distance they’ve formed, you’re doing exactly what you need to do. It’s far more important to work through your own feelings, memories and yes, your idealization of this person so that you can slowly separate your psyche from the shared experience. It’s doable, but it’s only doable if you take the first step of turning your attention inward rather than filing another silent scream into the void.

Facing uncertainty in the face of hope

Call me a hardliner, but I’m of the opinion that ‘will we/won’t we’ uncertainty and ‘letting go’ stand in opposition to each other. Slowly letting go while still having a bit of hope isn’t something all of us can do. In fact, I think that’s advice for people who feel things less intensely.

I’m the kind of person who experiences love and heartbreak very sharply. I’ve learned through repeated heartbreaks and pain that I can’t start letting go until I sever myself from the other person. I can’t be kind to myself until I expunge all the hope bound up in someone else who doesn’t want me.

My previous ex and I maintained a friendship after she broke up with me. I wanted the friendship and was probably more enthusiastic about it. At first, I only wanted that friendship as a potential entry point to restart the relationship. This carried on until she moved away. To tell you the truth, I didn’t start healing from that breakup until I learned that there was no hope for a relationship. Too much distance. It didn’t work out. She isn’t interested and my interest is a waste of time. I could only heal after I stripped the romantic affection I had for her out of my life.

It’s a harsh approach, but the way I experience heartbreak is harsh. Unrelenting feelings need to be matched against equally firm personal boundaries. I think that’s a realization your ex had when they went no-contact.

Where love goes after this

Notch another name onto the list of people who think it’s time for you to move on. Reading your submission came close to home. Not just geographically, but seeing the emotions I normally show after a heartbreak in someone else. I have to give you the advice I think is best for you in the long-run, and that is to begin again. With yourself.

I don’t think there’s room for rebuilding a friendship when they’re firmly no-contact. I don’t see long-term potential with someone with this much shared pain, but is also asexual. I can’t tell you to hang onto feelings that at best, leads to more hurt and isolation for you. At worst, it’ll be a violation of their boundaries.

You’ve been severed from someone you care deeply about before you were ready. It wasn’t on your terms. Seeing how strong your feelings are, there may not have been a version of this that could have been on your terms. What you have left are your friends, support structures, and self-reliance. It’s what you need to rebuild. Not to rebuild what you had with your ex, but to rebuild your wounded psyche after a very painful breakup.

You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Summer Tao

Summer Tao is a South Africa based writer. She has a fondness for queer relationships, sexuality and news. Her love for plush cats, and video games is only exceeded by the joy of being her bright, transgender self

Summer has written 89 articles for us.

2 Comments

  1. “ I’m not telling you to stop caring or harden yourself. I’m asking you to let go of the embers one at a time so that things can wind down.”

    SUCH good advice for “letting go” of things generally. thank you

  2. Rooting for you, letter-writer. This sounds so hard. Take care of yourself one day at a time. <3

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TIFF 2025: ‘Hedda’ Brings the Dyke Drama to Ibsen

Drew Burnett Gregory is back at TIFF, reporting with queer movie reviews from one of the world’s most prestigious film festivals. Follow along for her coverage of the best in LGBTQ+ cinema and beyond.

In Lucas Hnath’s Tony Award-winning 2017 play A Doll’s House, Part 2, the playwright suggests we’ve moved beyond the feminism of Ibsen’s heroine. The ways in which A Doll’s House questioned society have been settled, and now we can instead question the casualties of a woman choosing herself. It was a bold statement — especially, if I may, from a man — that seemed to resonate with audiences who longed to chastise the solipsism of female empowerment in a decade when feminism had gone mainstream. Well, it’s a new decade, and filmmaker Nia DaCosta is here with an even bolder statement using another of Ibsen’s heroines. If Hnath suggested we’d moved beyond the feminism of the 19th century playwright, DaCosta underlines its relevance. Where A Doll’s House, Part 2 negated, DaCosta’s Hedda deepens.

This new vision of Hedda Gabler is moved to 1950s England, queered, and compressed to one raucous night. Tessa Thompson plays Hedda Tesman née Gabler, a woman recently married to a man she doesn’t love. They’ve returned from their honeymoon and are set to host a party at their glamorous new estate. Hedda and her husband, George (Tom Bateman), have the appearance of wealth with no actual money, something that could change if George can secure an available professorship. Alas, the role seems to be going to George’s academic rival Eileen (Nina Hoss), Eilert in the original text, a bold thinker and Hedda’s former lover. Eileen has recently taken up with with Hedda’s schoolmate Thea (Imogen Poots) who has reformed Eileen away from booze and helped her focus on a new book they’ve co-written that aims to reveal the hidden truths of human sexuality. Throw in George’s friend, Judge Brack (Nicholas Pinnock), who is also taken with Hedda, party guests with their own dramas, and Hedda’s penchant for guns, and the night becomes an inevitable disaster.

The film has all the discordance of a theatrical revival that stretches the edges of its famous text. DaCosta wisely leans into these imperfections, allowing her story to exist in a space between the setting of the original text, the setting of the film, and the present. The gorgeous costumes and production design may be true to the 1950s, but the dialogue and the way people of various identities are treated remain more fluid. At first jarring, it eventually underlines the ways sexism, racism, and homophobia persist into the 2020s. Even the dreamy cinematography from Sean Bobbitt pulls the film from the past, letting the lens flare in a way that strips any period piece distance.

While most contemporary work that diversifies the past softens history, DaCosta uses the same techniques to harden the present. The decision to gender-swap Eilert isn’t just an excuse to cast Nina Hoss and add a veneer of queerness. It completely changes the relationship between Hedda and her former lover in a way that feels grounded in lesbian betrayal. For all her talk of freedom, Hedda has chosen a conventional life. She has married a man — a white man — in an attempt to get closer to privilege, a closeness that has merely left her isolated and depressed. DaCosta’s Hedda is not a bisexual woman who fell in love with a man; she is a bisexual woman who has chosen heteronormativity at the expense of her true feelings. All of the chaos she wreaks is the real Hedda trying to escape. The more her husband tries to control her and the more she lets herself be controlled by expectation, the more she wants to destroy.

The whole cast is wonderful, but Thompson and Hoss are the film’s core. In the original text, Hedda’s former lover feels like a pawn. Here, she feels like a tragedy. Each scene between Thompson and Hoss is heavy with grief and longing. In a world without hierarchies, without stifled emotions, the two women might have thrived. The decision to have Eileen’s research focus on kink and perversion is a brilliant touch. Her manuscript becomes a totem of her alternate life with Hedda, a plea for a future unencumbered by bigotries and conventions.

Rather than condemn or excuse Hedda through a modern gaze, the film celebrates her while introducing a foil for her flaws. Hedda and Eileen are both imperfect and yet their admirable qualities combined create a note of optimism absent from a work that is usually tragic. Instead of tearing down an Ibsen heroine, DaCosta creates another. It’s a generous and complicated act that feels like a confession. Reinterpreting a text can be as revealing as writing something new and this interpretation feels loaded with its writer/director’s place in Hollywood. The first Black woman to have a number one film at the box office, the first Black woman to direct a Marvel movie, DaCosta has made a film about the compromises women — Black women, queer women, all women — are asked to make to work within systems of power. All of the delicious chaos by Hedda and Eileen is really a cry of anger, a cry of sadness, a cry for recognition and freedom.

Hedda is a stellar adaptation of a great play, a riotous queer romance, and, most importantly, a plea from an artist for a different future. Much has changed from 1891 to the 1950s to today, but not enough. No, certainly not enough.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. Her writing can also be found at Letterboxd Journal, Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Into, Refinery29, and them. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Instagram.

Drew has written 749 articles for us.

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“Surviving Isn’t Enough”: Tess Sharpe, Nicola Griffith, and Katrina Carrasco on Writing Expansive Queer Fiction

Authors Tess Sharpe, Nicola Griffith, and Katrina Carrasco all write lesbian fiction that challenges and expands upon the genres they each work in. Sharpe’s crime fiction and thrillers are full of action, heart, and grit, her latest — No Body No Crime — about a rural PI trying to locate the missing woman who she once buried a body with. Griffith’s prolific and much accoladed body of work spans historical fiction, science-fiction, fantasy, crime fiction, centering Black, brown, queer, and disabled perspectives throughout these tales. Her work challenges the status quo of these genres. Her popular crime fiction trilogy — the Aud Torvingen novels — recently received a re-release. And finally, Carrasco is the author of queer Western smuggling action-adventure novels The Best Bad Things and Rough Trade. Spread across continents, we were lucky enough to wrangle up these icons of sapphic literature for a conversation about their work, bending genre, writing bodies, why queer people deserve more than just survival and much much more. Together, the trifecta’s bodies of work — all distinct, but touching in interesting ways, as the conversation below reveals — show just how expansive lesbian literature can be. Enjoy this very queer conversation between three brilliant minds!

Within the various genres you all write in — thriller, Western, noir, fantasy, historical fiction, crime fiction, to name a few! — do you see your work as queering the genre beyond just the level of injecting queer characters into it?

Nicola: I don’t really see my work as queering a particular genre so much as simply writing what I want, and, more to the point, what I believe to be a reflection of reality. If I’m deliberately trying to queer anything, it’s the world, one reader at a time. Queering real-world attitudes and understanding. Queering time and space. All my fiction, past and future and here and now, is stuffed with queer, disabled, Black and brown, poor, and gender non-conforming characters — but (with one exception) they’re never about being queer/Black/disabled. They tell stories about people in different times and places living dangerous, comfortable, exciting, boring, challenging and joyful lives. Doing well and doing badly (also, y’know, saving the world, being heroes, falling in — and out — of love, and all the good stuff of real life that, in fiction, you can turn up to 11) not because of or despite who they are — their particular identity — but because of or despite what they do or don’t do — the choices they make. It’s that — the sheer ordinary humanity of my characters facing relatable (but, y’know, exciting) challenges — that changes readers’ attitudes. It’s doing that that helps the reader be brave enough to imagine how it might be to live as someone not like them. When they do that, it changes what they think and how they feel. Just for a little while. And sometimes a little while is all it takes.

My historical fiction (Hild, Menewood) and historically accurate (apart from magic and demi-gods) fantasy (Spear) are set in the so-called Dark Ages (seventh-century north of England, and sixth-century Wales) where history has told us women were chattel, queer folk were shunned, everyone was white, and disabled people were abandoned at birth. Which is (to use a scholarly term) a steaming pile of horseshit. The history of that time was all written by straight white Christian monks with agendas. Archaeological evidence shows, very clearly, that, oops, those chroniclers just left out all the people that inconveniently contravened that agenda. This has led to a very distorted view of the past. Of course queers and crips were there—we’ve always been here, at every level of society and every time and place. We’re just like everyone else. We are everyone else.

My crime fiction (three Aud Torvingen novels, starting with The Blue Place) is about a woman in the here and now — Atlanta, Norway, Arkansas, New York, North Carolina, Seattle, Atlanta again — who is a force of nature, who — while she makes many mistakes along the way — always wins in the end. Aud is a hero, but she’s not a hero because she’s rescuing her sister, or because she’s traumatised, or angry or broken; she’s not after revenge. She’s a hero Just Because. Physically, she has many gifts and she wants to use them to do good in the world, just because she can. Aud uses violence as a tool — one of many at her disposal.

My science fiction is set in the far future on another planet (Ammonite) and in day-after-tomorrow Britain (Slow River). Again, women and queer folk, disabled people and people of colour are just…people. We are here now; we were there then; we’ll be there in the future.

Tess: Much like Nicola, I’ve always just felt like I never quite set out with the purpose to queer up a genre, but to reflect a reality that I’ve lived. I grew up in what my cousin Ryan (the other queer writer in the family, highly recommend his show on Netflix Special, which he wrote and starred in) calls “a very gay family” and so I found myself writing queer stories that were always quite ahead of the market for many years, first in YA where the origins of queer kidlit was focused on the coming out story, and then in adult, which fell behind YA in terms of genre stories featuring queer characters while YA blossomed with them. Because of this “ahead of the game-ness” I’ve watched my work with queer characters be labeled as “they just happen to be queer” by the industry and the critics and watched as that “just happen to be queer” moniker went from being a detriment to selling a book to now it being a positive in the last decade as we’ve evolved in all age categories for queer novels. I’ve never really seen my own work this way — I think the queerness is quite integral to some of the plots, especially queer secrecy and some of the character dynamics just don’t work in my mind without the bisexuality of the characters, but it’s a label I’ve never been able to shake.

It’s also created a situation of the books being “firsts” for a lot of readers. First YA book someone reads that has a sapphic love scene that doesn’t cut to black, first queer YA mystery, first book where a character identifies as bisexual on the page (I know this sounds silly, but back in 2014 when it was published, it was a Very Big Thing for many readers). I’ve found that books that are someone’s queer firsts in literature can be a very visceral and healing experience — and very formative.

Nicola: Tess, yes! Being first is qualitatively different to being ‘one of the first’, and even being one of the first is a different experience to being one of many. This applies whether talking about being the first to actually do something or being the first queer (or woman or all-women or disabled queer woman) story a reader encounters. It took more than 25 years to get the Aud books published in the UK (even as they were winning awards in the US). Oh, one editor said, we’ve already published one of those. By which she meant, We published a crime novel with a lesbian in it two years ago and, well, how many lesbian readers are there, anyway? Another editor wouldn’t take them because, she said, The author is clearly having too much fun. By which she meant, Queer women aren’t believable unless they’re anguished and twisted up.

Katrina: I wonder if messing with genre is a form of queering genre? Making it do something unexpected, breaking the “rules,” etc. I approach genre in my writing as something to be played with, and I do bristle a little bit when my work is placed into a single genre box because I want it to be more expansive than that. The many tropes and conventions that can come with genre fiction often feel like guardrails I want to smash through. So I don’t know if I’m queering genre or trying to break it!

Nicola: Katrina, yes! The number of times I’ve been told, But you can’t *do* that in x or y genre! And I say, Watch me. Genre is just a marketing label, and genres have become a set of reader expectations. You can mess with those expectations, but it comes at a cost — I’ve been upbraided by more than one angry man (it’s always men) who accuse me of soiling their pristine genre with my filthy women/queers/crips. SFF readers, particularly, used to shy away from anything relating to the body: hard, shiny, and intellectual = Good while soft, organic, and emotional was Bad…

What draws you to the respective genres you work in?

Nicola: For me, story and character drives the genre — genre is just the vehicle I choose to cross a particular story terrain. But I’m going to let someone else run with this one first.

Tess: Growing up in a very lawless rural area definitely defined me, both for my setting as a writer and the crime genre I write primarily in. I started out as a sci-fi and fantasy writer back in my yesteryear (literally, I was a teenager) and I’m lucky to get to entertain those genre whims with my IP and Licensed work with Marvel, DC, etc. But I find writing sci-fi and fantasy on my own really difficult and unfortunately not terribly financially lucrative because I get lost in the world-building and it takes me too long.

But when I write a Romance novel, it’s all about honing craft (and enjoying the banter. I love Romance banter). I go back to Romance between crime novels and the other genres every time to challenge myself because the biggest challenge, I’ve always found, is writing a book where the reader knows the end result (that happily-ever-after) but is there for the ride and journey. This restriction causes you to reinvent the wheel, time and time again, in a way I’ve found no other genre does (at least for me).

Katrina: I always want to create a character study that has a compelling plot. I’ll wrap that core in any pieces of genre that help me keep the reader invested and put my characters into difficult situations that reveal more of their depth. Mystery/crime can offer tight tension engines that keep the plot humming along; historical offers the constraint of having to fit world-building alongside story; noir provides some starting tropes that can be turned on their heads.

Nicola: Like Katrina, for me the genre is all about how best to explore the character and (sometimes) theme. My first novel, Ammonite, was SFF because it had to be. I wanted to challenge the implicit understanding that women aren’t fully human, we’re just alt-humans, girl-humans. SFF writers of the past had explored women-run worlds and concluded that without men, women form cold and loveless societies, or follow insectoid behaviour, or behave even more viciously than men when it comes to persecuting other genders. The best way to challenge all that rubbish was to create an entire world of women, and only women, and really see what happens — which of course is that women fill all the personality and behavioural niches available to humankind: We’re generous and mean, vicious and gentle, smart and dull, bold and fearful… All the things. The two Hild novels are all about exploring why and how it could be — absolutely was — possible to live and thrive as a queer woman 1400 years ago. I wanted to see where and how history got it all so wrong.

You all write (queer) female physicality so well, so I was wondering if you could write about your approach to writing queer bodies.

Nicola: The main thing? It’s about the *body*. The second thing? I make sure that queer body is a site of delight rather than pain or trauma. As to why and how I do that, well, I wrote my entire PhD thesis on this (“Norming the Other: Narrative Empathy Via Focalised Heterotopia”) so I’m happy for someone else to kick us off on this one and chime in later.

Tess: I’ve spent many years — decades, really — very cut off from my own body to cope with chronic pain. I think as a whole, I’m more focused on writing disabled bodies. It was really eye opening to write Iris’s POV in The Girl in Question, my first character with endometriosis like me. Her endo is a plot point in book one (The Girls I’ve Been) but we’re only in her girlfriend’s POV in that book, so diving into her POV in the sequel and the pain and the impediments it causes when she’s running for her life and her fear of not being fast enough while she’s trapped in the woods was not just a physical challenge but a really emotional one. Digging back into my own experiences at 17, which is when my own endo really started setting in and robbing me of the life I had before as an athlete was incredibly intense. There were times where I was like “I do not want to do this.” I think it’s partly why I gave Iris a better end result than 17 year old me: She’s headed towards endometriosis excision surgery by the end of the book, something I didn’t get to experience until I was 36. She has the most ideal endo experience if there exists such a thing: diagnosed very young, excision surgery young, and (in my mind) as pain free as one can get after that surgery. I think it was healing in a way, to give her that. The thing myself (and many other people with endo) do not get without many years of suffering and medical gaslighting.

I’m a do-er when it comes to action and research. If I can do it so I can describe it better, I’m gonna do it. Whether it’s running through the woods barefoot (not the wisest decision on my part) or having my mom lock me in a car trunk or training with specific weaponry, I can be very method-actor with physicality in order to get it right. I think it’s the years of Stanislavski and Meisner acting training.

Katrina: I relate to both Nicola and Tess’s answers here — like Tess, I’ve physically acted out scenes to see how they’d feel, and I took boxing lessons to better write boxing matches and fistfights. It’s also important to me, as is it to Nicola, that I focus on embodied queer pleasure rather than trauma. I make a point of including explicit queer sex scenes in my books because there’s still so much shame attached to queer pleasure in the US and globally. For the same reason, I make a point that these sex scenes include female characters. Women are bombarded by cultural messages that we should be ashamed of sex, that our bodies are gross and need endless “fixing,” that we exist to please men. Also, women are so strong, and we constantly get the message that we’re not! I love writing female characters that refuse to be constrained by all that patriarchal garbage.

Nicola: I’ve always been a creature of the body; it’s how I learn, it’s how I think, it’s how I interact. And like me, all my protagonists operate viscerally. They tend to live large, they revel in physical joy. Unlike Tess and Katrina, though, I tend to research through my imagination rather than my body. For one thing, I’m a wheelchair user; for another, it’s hard to know how it might feel to climb Hadrian’s wall in the early seventh century when a) it’s 4,000 miles away, b) the wall then was very different to the wall now, and c) everything — I mean everything: roads, contrails in the sky, the stink of car exhaust — would have been different then.

Another connective tissue between all of your work is the concept of queer survival. What does queer survival mean to you?

Tess: Survival of all kinds is at the root of all my stories. Women surviving, girls surviving, men not surviving (if they are bad). I think that exploring what it is to survive and what we do to survive is a thread I will always come back to, because there’s so many possibilities and stories behind it.

Queer survival, especially, is the story of us. How in the end, we always have existed and will continue to, despite what is done to us, despite epidemics that have killed so many, despite societal ebbs and flows, despite bigotry and religion that condemns us. And in queer survival, there is queer thriving. Because in the end, it is not enough just to survive. We deserve to thrive.

Katrina: I agree with Tess that a large part of queer survival is our stories surviving. We are literally being written out of existence by the current American government — and of course, beyond these language-based attacks, our queer and trans communities face escalating violence, discrimination, and harassment. Queer survival to me means telling our stories and our histories — whether in books, films/TV, song, dance, or other arts — and then building and nurturing queer communities where we can share these stories and take care of each other. It also means making queer art and sending it out into the world as a lifeline for someone who needs to see themself reflected in a positive way to survive. Our art sustains us.

Nicola: I agree with Tess: Surviving isn’t enough; in my fiction we thrive. In my latest book in particular (Spear, an Arthurian retelling) I was responding to the implicit — and occasionally explicit — opinion that queer folk did not exist and certainly did and do not belong in the past, never mind the heroic and/or legendary past. I thought, Hold my beer. And instead of just putting in Black, disabled, and queer people in that past, I made us the heroes.

Your characters are often going through intense, high-stakes, violent situations. Beyond just thrills and plotting, what draws you to this kind of bold and twisty storytelling?

Tess: I grew up really steeped in this kind of work. I spent so much time with my grandmother as a child watching pre-code film, which is a place where women were allowed to be flawed and multi-dimensional instead of the basic Noir femme fatale (though I do love a good femme fatale). Pre-code film also tends to be very short film-wise, so you pack in a lot in the 70-80 minutes the films typically were. The older I get, the more I realize how influential being really immersed in that era formed me as a writer.

I love a book that’s more like a puzzle for the reader. That throws you in and doesn’t let go, that makes you work for it, that’s structured in a way that allows for the juxtaposition between past and present. I am not someone who eases you in as a reader. We’re gonna hit the ground running and (hopefully) forget to breathe a few times. And that mimics what the characters are going through most of the time and I’m fond of that parallel.

Katrina: I like having a propulsive plot as the container for my character studies. A friend of mine once described my writing as “medicine coated in peanut butter” — peanut butter being the fun stuff that helps the message go down. (Anyone who’s had to give pills to a pet should understand my friend’s turn of phrase!) I think it would be very difficult for me to write a “quiet” novel, though I am challenging myself with my current project to sort of turn down the volume on external events and make more room for internal workings. We’ll see how it goes.

Nicola: I don’t think of my storytelling as twisty. The Aud books, for example, are more like a high-speed maglev train hurtling through the dark that you can’t get off until the journey is over. The three Early Medieval novels are full of battles — literal and figurative — because there’s no higher stakes than fighting for your life. When I read, I gravitate towards high-intensity: Things have to happen. By that, I don’t mean things have to be happening all the time — I love quiet moments of contemplation, or simple comfort — but that I dislike (loathe, actually) stories in which characters dither and agonise. I end up yelling at the book, Oh  just decide already! And throwing it at the wall. I’m very much a Do or don’t do, there is no try sort of person, in my life as well as my work.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The AV Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1085 articles for us.

8 Comments

  1. I don’t have time to read until this afternoon but I am reading The Blue Place right now after already reading So Lucky, Menewood, and Hild!!! Hild is one of my no holds barred favourite books of all time Nicola Griffith I love you!!!

    • 😊 All I can say is: I hope you have STAY to hand to read immediately after THE BLUE PLACE because, well, just because… Also, if HILD really hit the spot for you (I’m so glad!), then SPEAR might, too. Think of it as HILD but with actual nature magic.

      • Omg this is so exciting! Having just finished the last page of The Blue Place – !!!!!!! Luckily Stay is indeed at home.

        I’ve been meaning to read Spear, so I’ll take this as the ultimate sign to pick it up once Aud has stopped devastating me….

  2. Wow, amazing to see these authors having a roundtable on AS!

    Nicola Griffith is such an important author for me. It’s 30 years since I first read Slow River at the tender age of 13. It was the first book I read with queer women protagonists and I have been having many many thoughts and feelings about this whole situation recently!! I had an anniversary re-read a few weeks back and it’s every bit as good as it was the first time around and – like with all good sci-fi – alarmingly prescient. Then Aud is just such a perfect archetype of what an action dyke protagonist should be for me. I really loved the conversation here about the approach to genre, because I can’t think of another author that can hop genres so readily while keeping all the essential bits of their writing in there.

    Loved every bit of this!

  3. Very happy to see Katrina Carrasco interviewed here. I’m about halfway through “Rough Trade” after reading “the Best Bad Things” over the summer and have been grinning and gritting my teeth through the whole ride. Absolutely adore the main character and all of the messy fights and messier relationships she gets into. I would read like 80 novels in a row about Alma if I could.

  4. Now I’ve read it, what an absolutely fantastic conversation! This is exactly why I adore Autostraddle (and y’all are actually where I heard about The Best Bad Things!). I especially love the discussion of genre – “genre is just a vehicle I choose to cross a particular story terrain” is such a great turn of phrase – and how all yall say that it’s about what expectations that provides and what that does with the story and characters….so interesting. Thank you so much for letting us have this conversation!

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The 2025 VMAs Were for the Gays

feature image photo by Mike Coppola / Staff via Getty Images

As I’m sure you know if you’ve been on literally any website today, the VMAs were this weekend. What you might not know if you didn’t catch it live is that it was a pretty gay affair. And I’m going to highlight some of the gay goings-on for you, in case you don’t feel like watching the whole dang thing.

First up, some queer people who took home a coveted Moonman:

Lady Gaga won Artist of the Year, Best Direction, and Best Art Direction (all before heading directly to Madison Square Garden to perform to a sold-out audience…just a casual Sunday). She also won Best Collaboration for her joint venture with Bruno Mars, Die with a Smile.

KATSEYE won Push Performance of the Year, Doechii’s won Best Hip-Hop, Best Choreography for “Anxiety”, Lisa ft. Doja Cat & Raye took home Best K-Pop, and Charli xcx’s Guess Featuring Billie Eilish won Video for Good because of the over-10,000 pairs of underwear donated to I Support the Girls, a charity that provides underwear and period products to women in need.

A stand-out moment of the show was when Sabrina Carpenter took to the stage to perform her new song, “Tears”, and included in her retinue of backup dancers were RuPaul Drag Race queens, including Denali, Willam, Symone, Laganja Estranja, and Lexi Love. The backup dancers all held signs that had pro-trans (and pro-LGBTQ+ in general) messaging on them, including but not limited to, “Support local drag,” “DOLLS DOLLS DOLLS”, “Good bi”, “In trans we trust”, and “Protect trans rights”. In her acceptance speech when she won Best Album, Sabrina Carpenter addressed the queens and expressed her gratitude to be part of something so positive amidst all the negativity and discrimination going on in our world.

Watch the full performance here:

Also worth mentioning: Ariana Grande thanked us in her acceptance speech! Okay maybe not you and me specifically but also not NOT you and me specifically! When she went up to accept one of her three awards won last night, she said, “Thank you to my therapists and gay people, I love you.” And while this is very cute and sweet — especially now that she’s now a “gay icon” to gay men AND a queer icon to the sapphics who love Wicked — it’s also more than that, especially in 2025 when there are literal “don’t say gay” bills being passed.

I’ll leave you with this handy dandy list that Them pulled together of what some of the LGBTQ+ celebs wore on the red carpet. And this bonus video of Rebecca Black being AT the VMAs but still having to watch Tate McRae’s performance on her phone because she went to get food and they wouldn’t let her back in until the commercial break. Stars, they’re just like us!

And The Award for Links I Thought You Might Like Goes To…

+ Ayo Edebiri gracefully responded to an absurd journalist question that implied the #MeToo and Black Lives Matter movements were over and also that they were a net negative

+ Young Sheldon star Raegan Revord comes out as non-binary and publishes a queer novel at 17 — the kids are alright

+ If you heard a high-pitched squeal earlier today it was just me finding out that one of my favorite gay video games, Life is Strange, is going to be turned into a live-action television series by queer, nonbinary creator Charlie Covell

+ The movie Christy about a queer boxer starring Sydney Sweeney and Katy O’Brien premiered at TIFF

+ The good news is, we’re apparently getting a third Camp Rock movie over 15 years after Camp Rock 2 came out…the bad news is, it seems unlikely Demi Lovato will return (but maybe Alyson Stoner will??)

+ Amita Suman (Shadow & Bone) and Lara Rossi (Horizon Zero Dawn) play girlfriends in the latest NCIS spinoff: Tony & Ziva

+ Roxane Gay will be receiving the wordily named but much deserved 2025 Literarian Award for Outstanding Service to the American Literary Community

+ Ruby Cruz is proud to be able to play so many queer characters, including her character in her upcoming movie Threesome

+ Chrishell and G-Flip are apparently planning on having a wedding every year; this year was medieval themed, the next one might be Wednesday themed

+ The video game Marvel Rivals has introduced a lesbian Asgardian princess (Thor’s half-sister, in fact) whose wife is a trans Angel

+ And last but not least, Reneé Rapp would love it if people would stop bringing her “big fucking lesbian name” into drama that has nothing to do with her

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Valerie Anne

Valerie Anne (she/they) a TV-loving, video-game-playing nerd who loves reading, watching, and writing about stories in all forms. While having a penchant for sci-fi, Valerie will watch anything that promises a good story, and especially if that good story is queer.

Valerie has written 666 articles for us.

The Ultimatum: Queer Love’s Bridget Matloff on What the Cameras Didn’t Show You

On a show filled with explosive personalities and dramatic relationship twists, it can be something of a compliment to come out of The Ultimatum: Queer Love with questions mostly about your hair care routine. Despite not making waves on the show, season 2’s Bridget Matloff has become a beloved Internet personality for their refreshing online presence, nuanced takes on queerness, and killer fit pics. I had the exciting opportunity to sit down with Bridget for a conversation not just on the juicy insider tidbits of what goes into filming a reality dating show, but on the deeper, more challenging duties of presenting (and questioning) queer representation, identity, and conformity. Thank you to Bridget for takes on the reality of “reality” TV, how filming the show has affected her and her relationship, and just what products do they use for that envious curly mullet?

Autostraddle: How did your thoughts about marriage change while you were on the show?

Bridget: I know it looks like I changed my mind and decided I wanted to get married. But the reality of it is that we met in the middle somewhere. For me, I had this idea of marriage that was very set and traditional, and I didn’t really understand why I would want something like that. Then I came to an understanding of like, no, it’s actually just this thing that we can define ourselves. And it sounds so simple like that, but I think for me, it was the word marriage, and having to make it government-official and whatever. I just was rubbing up against it the wrong way and reframing it as just, it gets to be what we decided is. That was really the hurdle. Then I got over it.

Did you feel like being on the show is what helped you develop that personal relationship to the word and to moving outside the confines of the word, or did that feel outside the show?

Talking to other queer people specifically about marriage. That’s not something I would typically talk about with my group of friends. I mean, I could, but most of them would feel the same way that I feel. So I think it was helpful to hear other people who come from different walks of life, and from different areas and have different reasons for why they do or don’t want to get married and different definitions for it. That was eye-opening in a way. I haven’t dealt with the same struggles that other people have dealt with. I can understand the meaning of marriage in that way and the privilege of marriage in that way, not to say that it’s for everybody, though, at the same time. But it was getting to talk to people from different backgrounds.

What aspects of your relationship do you wish viewers had seen on the show?

Yeah, I think just like any of our relationship! They don’t show a lot of the “original couples,” as they like to call them. They don’t show much of their relationships. You just see the little last night together or whatever, but you don’t really see what the dynamics are, what the relationship is like before going into dating week. So it would have been nice to establish that, and get to see that, and understand where people are coming from, and let the audience decide their opinions on the relationship and where they see challenges or areas for improvement. All of that is left up to just how we self-describe. And a lot of people aren’t as self-aware as they think they are — it’s like an unreliable narrator. You can’t judge for yourself because you haven’t seen it. And then you only see once they’ve gone through this traumatic, and for some people heartbreaking, experience. So obviously a lot of people are acting like the worst version of themselves, which I don’t think is a fair representation of them or of their relationship, just from what I know of a lot of these people.

Are you saying you wished that there had been a week before anything happened, such as cameras following y’all and seeing how your life was?

I really think they should dedicate the first episode to showing what these people are like instead of just their talking interviews. That’s not as interesting. Just seeing the couple, what their dynamic is. I would say I wish they showed us talking about gender and gender roles because that is something that’s specific to queer relationships and a queer marriage — it’s important, I think, in the discussion of marriage to also be talking about that stuff. And we did all talk about it, and we did all discuss and ask each other’s pronouns, and none of that made the cut. It very much felt edited by a straight person.

How do you conceive of your gender? How do you feel the show failed to show that full spectrum of gender experience and representation?

I’m not militant about pronouns for myself. If people just use she/her, that’s totally fine. If they just use they/them, that’s also totally fine. I’m not as pressed about that personally. I’ve had the privilege of carving out this very accepting community where I live, in both places that I’ve lived as an adult, and I don’t think about my gender all that much until I am in environment like I was in on the Ultimatum, because all of a sudden you are immersing yourself amongst people that aren’t part of the community you’re in all the time. You remember, especially with the way that we had to talk about certain things, that the world hasn’t quite caught up. And so then gender is more on your mind because you’re being forced to be in an environment you wouldn’t normally be in, or I wouldn’t normally be in. I’m really lucky that I get to live in a super liberal area in East LA. I hang out with a lot of other queer people who feel similarly about their genders. We’re not needing to proclaim anything or explain ourselves to the people that we meet and that’s really lucky.

But obviously, sometimes, you have to go see your family or you have to go to a wedding for an old friend, and you’re going to be in these other environments where it’s so different. Being on the show is another one of those environments. Even though you’re on a show with queer people, most of the production, so most of the people you’re around, were straight. And they’re the ones conducting the story. I haven’t thought about my gender in that way in a really long time.

I know there’s been a lot of discourse about whether the host should be a straight woman, and how between her and y’all there’s that lack of understanding. I mean, I have no idea what she was like, I’m sure she seems fine and lovely. 

But she has to bridge the gap between queer people and Reba fans.

Exactly. How it creates a dissonance, like she may not even know what questions to ask queer people about the situation they’re in. So, yeah, I can imagine that could be kind of uncomfortable.

It was sort of strange. There’s no more valid way to be queer. There’s just a million ways to be queer and to express yourself. As a whole, a lot of the cast — I know Marie and Ashley in particular were talking about how they didn’t always get to wear exactly what they would normally wear outside of the show, like Ashley loves to wear snapbacks, and shops mostly in the men’s section and then Marie usually wears Doc Martens, but production wanted her wearing heels. You can tell what the production’s preference is. I’m not going to say they force you to do anything, because I can’t say that. And technically they don’t. I ended up wearing what I wanted by the end, but there’s definitely a hand in. You can tell there’s a suggestion and there’s approved outfits and non-approved outfits.

And probably trying to portray very particular ideas of lesbianism or queerness that are consumable to a straight audience. Why did you choose to be on the show? As an individual, as a couple?

So Kyle was annoyed with me because her lease was up and we weren’t moving in together because I wanted to hold off. In the past, in my last relationship, I had moved in fairly quickly, and I felt like there’s more to be gained by waiting until you’re desperate to move in together. I just think, you have the rest of time to live together and you want to do it when you’re really, really ready. And so she was standing on the curb waiting for someone to come pick up something she had sold, and she got served the ad on Instagram or something to apply to the next season of The Ultimatum: Queer Love. So she filled it out, and I think it was kind of a joke. I don’t think we thought we were going to go on at any point, and I especially was like, “We should not do that show. That’s crazy.”

And then we just kept moving up in the interviews, but at no point did I really take it that seriously. And then it got to a point where I realized this is a crazy experience and a chance to see a totally different reality. And I was very curious about that, and I also just thought it would be a crazy experience to have together. The worst thing that could happen is that it speeds up us realizing that we’re not aligned enough to be together. The worst case scenario is speeding up the inevitable. I didn’t think it would cause something to make us break up that wouldn’t have ever happened in the real world. The risk was obviously there of losing your partner, but I didn’t think there was a risk of causing something that wouldn’t already happen. You still are who the two of you are. This just might bring out something that speeds things up in either direction.

We were both feeling frustrated with our situation. It’s a struggle in LA. Everyone’s hustling, and we were feeling between things. And it was a good time to take a departure from thinking about our careers and thinking about next steps and this and that and the hustle. For me personally, it was a good distraction from something really hard that I was going through personally, unrelated to our relationship. So I think I was just a little lost and thought, okay, here’s this thing I can do to completely take my mind off of this tragic, horrible thing that I am thinking about 24/7, you know? I would say my thinking at the time was “this will take my mind off this thing.”

It didn’t work. Like, I was just alone and handling it. My best friend had passed away literally three weeks before filming. I honestly was not going to do the show — I was like, okay, I need to just go to New York and spend whatever time he has left with him. And then he passed, and luckily I was there and got to spend time with him. But I didn’t think it was going to happen that quickly. So I went to the memorial and, five days later, we flew to Miami. I was fully not going to do it because I wasn’t going to miss out on those last few months with him, and then he passed and I was like, “well, what do I do now? Like, what am I doing with my life?” And all of my mutual friends with him were all in New York. So I was already alone in LA, and I think I was just kind of like, yeah, why not? Let me just do it.

I’m so sorry to hear that that happened. I can imagine that makes the experience that much stranger.

It was just a lot of emotions. Yeah.

So glad you got to have a really emotionless vacation in Miami immediately after.

Yeah, not traumatic at all!

I don’t have to include that in the interview if you’re not comfortable with that.

You can. It’s fine. When I was on the show, I didn’t talk about it because it was so fresh, but now it’s been over, it’s been a year and a half. But thank you for asking.

Is there anybody that you keep in contact with, Ashley or anybody else? Do you feel like any of those relationships have stayed and been significant since filming or since the show came out?

We were all in a group chat together when it ended. I and others were really adamant that we don’t want to contribute to the harassment or bullying of anybody, and we want to protect each other. There are gonna be a lot of people out there who want to tear us down. So the least we can do for each other, regardless of how we feel about one another, is to not contribute, not add to that, not pile on. Not saying you must defend everyone, but don’t add to it. I think that was wishful thinking. But that being said, most people are still in that group chat. It’s not super active, but from time to time, people will chime in. We’ve seen each other at some events. I still talk to Ashley, Marie, Dayna, and Magan pretty regularly. And I talked to Mel sometimes too. I would say I’m on good terms with everybody, though.

I think that’s really, really admirable to have that impulse to be like, hey, even if we don’t like each other, let’s not contribute to what is very hard to do, open your relationship and yourself up to the world’s opinions.

Literally. Watching the first season and seeing how villainized Vanessa was, I was just like, this isn’t okay. This poor girl is getting bullied online every day. She got a shit situation already on the show having to go through that heartbreak very publicly, and then on top of that, nobody’s standing up for her. She was just getting so much online hate, and I don’t think anyone deserves that. She’s not evil. She’s not a bad person. So I think watching that, none of us wanted that to happen to anybody on our season. We were all in agreement about that.

Give us the play-by-play of your decision to reach out to Ashley the night before Choice Day to lock it down. Had there been any spark between you prior? 

So Ashley had been mainly dating Mel and Dayna, and I had been mainly dating Pilar and AJ. I knew Pilar and Kyle were going to choose each other from pretty early on. And then with AJ, I got to a point where I didn’t feel like we were really getting past this surface level, pickup line conversation. We would have small moments, but every time we met back up, it felt like we had to get through all of that again. And I was just feeling like, I don’t know if I can do that for three weeks in a trial marriage, and I don’t know if she’ll be like this in a trial marriage. Probably she wouldn’t have because at that point then, you’re locked in with somebody, but I didn’t know.

And Ashley was the next person after them that I was seeing. You only really have a handful of real dates. The first two days, it’s 10-minute dates with everybody, then 20-minute dates with four or five people. And then you have the hour-long dates. So she was the only other person I had a long date with, and we spoke at both mixers as well. So it’s not like we were dating very much during the dating week, but she was next up after the two that I was dating the most. And they showed our date, actually, in like a deleted scene. I don’t know what outlet that came out on, but it was somewhere that they released it like when they released the second batch of episodes. So that was kind of how I landed on Ashley just because she was the next on my list of people I got along with and was talking to. And I think the same for her. She was mostly seeing Mel and Dayna, but they were choosing each other. So then I was next on her list. So it just worked out.

The two of you as a couple, as well as you as an individual, flew under the radar more than others. Is that how it’s felt for you?

Listen, we didn’t hook up and we didn’t fight. So I think expecting anything more out of screentime would have been unrealistic. Which I was fine with because I was already not totally comfortable going on this show. I’m sad for Ashley because I think that she would have liked to share her story, and she deserved that. We very much saw a one-sided story with her relationship with Marita. Anyone with half a brain knows that not buying flowers isn’t really about the flowers. It’s obviously something deeper.

I think we had a lot of great conversations. We got so comfortable with each other and were really trying to do the most for each other and for ourselves. So we were really comfortable calling each other out and being brutally honest with one another in a very loving and caring way. And you saw her opening up to me. Of course, that’s the scene they decide to include because it’s dramatic. You saw her talking about her domestic violence history. And I think that shows the amount of trust we built with one another. So I wish they would have showed more of that honesty and trust between us. I think that was a lot of what we talked about you didn’t really get to see. Because production just wanted to dramatize it and sum it up in a petty way.

Okay, here’s a fun question: What hair care products do you use? Or what is your hair routine?

So I get asked this a lot. I needed to cut my hair before I went on the show, and I don’t know why I didn’t. But it was very humid there. And so that’s why it doesn’t look how I prefer it to look. But my routine, when it’s wet, I put in two products: Briogeo curl cream, and adwoa Blue Tansy. Those are the two things I just put on, and then ideally let my hair air dry for as long as it can, and then I’ll diffuse a bit when it’s 80% dry. My new thing that I do is sometimes I’ll take a hair straightener and put it on the lowest heat setting and run over everything a little bit, just to loosen it. But I don’t always do that. I did that today, but like, it depends on how I’m feeling. I have a tutorial on my social media if people forget. 

Rumor has it, you were Gabby Windey’s “gay friend” on The Bachelor. Is that true? 

Yes, I was her gay friend. I think she would have figured her sexuality out on her own, but probably having a queer friend opened the door for that a little bit because she’s around gay people a lot now. After Dancing with the Stars, after she and Eric had broken up, she was like, “I think I’m like ready now to explore my sexuality.” But even from the moment I met her, she was very open to it.

We’d had discussions, and there’s a reason we were friends. We became friends before she ever did any Bachelor thing. When she had decided she wanted to date, I was taking her to queer events, and so we went to this one queer event where Kyle recognized Robby, because Robby had been on a comedian’s podcast that Kyle likes. And so she was like, wait, I recognize that person. So she went up to them and asked something like, “have you ever watched Bachelor” or whatever, like, do you know who this is? And then, yeah, they hit it off, and the rest is history.

Do you have any regrets about things on the show? Or anything you’re proud of?

I’m glad that I was true to myself and didn’t really feel that pressured by production. I think it’s hard, though. I don’t have any regrets, but I know it’s difficult for some of my castmates. Anyone in any high pressure environment is going to maybe not act how they would act outside of that. And so I don’t think it’s a fair reflection necessarily. I think we all did the best we could in a really stressful, weird situation. I try to take everything with a grain of salt, including my own experience.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Gabrielle Grace Hogan

Gabrielle Grace Hogan (she/her) received her MFA from the University of Texas at Austin. Her poetry has been published by TriQuarterly, CutBank, Salt Hill, and others, and has been supported by the James A. Michener Fellowship and the Ragdale Foundation. In the past, she has served as Poetry Editor of Bat City Review, and as Co-Founder/Co-Editor of You Flower / You Feast, an anthology of work inspired by Harry Styles. She lives in Austin, Texas. You can find her on Instagram @gabriellegracehogan, her website www.gabriellegracehogan.com, or wandering a gay bar looking lost.

Gabrielle has written 30 articles for us.

6 Comments

  1. I did not watch The Ultimatum but I’m here for the AS coverage. Really interesting comment about the impact of having a straight production crew.

    • yeah, having recapped every episode, I feel like the straight production crew was something i could SENSE but not quite name, so this interview provided a lot of interesting context for me lol. also love that you don’t watch but do follow our coverage <3

  2. Bridget saying that signing on was partly because “this just might bring out something that speeds things up in either direction” helps answer a nagging question I’ve had about this show! I didn’t watch the first season but did tune into the second season so that I could understand the To L and Back episodes (lol) and I never really understood what the people participating were supposed to get out of it. I couldn’t tell if the whole point was for them to reunite with their original partner in the end if they’re meant to seriously consider starting a new relationship. If the latter, why did zero of the ultimatum givers end up with another ultimatum giver? The entire premise confused me at the time I watched, so getting to understand Bridget’s perspective is really interesting.

  3. This was a fun read. Manifesting Bridget as s3 host! I think a host who is not only queer but has been through the process of the show would bring a lot of interesting nuance to the conversations.

  4. I remember listening to the episode of Robby Hoffman’s podcast where she talks about meeting Gabby and mentions that a “lesbian” / “another butch-y type person” approached her to introduce Gabby and now I’m like… was that KYLE FROM THE ULTIMATUM??

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TIFF 2025: Christy Martin Is More Interesting Than ‘Christy’

Drew Burnett Gregory is back at TIFF, reporting with queer movie reviews from one of the world’s most prestigious film festivals. Follow along for her coverage of the best in LGBTQ+ cinema and beyond.

At the premiere of the Christy Martin biopic Christy, the TIFF audience cheered for its main character. They cheered when she overcame a moment of adversity and they cheered when a title card at the end tied her story in a hopeful bow. Christy Martin faced challenges, but we’re reassured that just like in the ring, she fought back, she got up, and she won.

It’s hard to begrudge a film for rousing an audience, for playing to simplicity and succeeding. There’s a place for sports biopics that hit the genre beats without risk, especially ones that focus on women. But Christy Martin’s life story spends the entirety of this film pushing against those narrative restrictions. There’s a complexity to her experience of queerness and a weight to her experience of domestic violence that feel ill-served by this bland approach. Some stories are more interesting than inspiration.

When we first meet Christy, she’s a short-haired dyke whose sexuality is causing her West Virginian family distress. After winning an amateur boxing competition, she’s scouted and referred to a coach named Jim Martin (Ben Foster). His initial disinterest in working with a female boxer turns into a controlling obsession. He tells her to grow her hair out, he buys her pink boxing shorts, and he restricts her from seeing her ex-girlfriend. Christy wants a way out of her hometown so she listens. It’s a cruel trap that to leave where she comes from she has to conform to its same conventions. But she does it. She buys into the fantasy Jim sells. She even agrees to marry him.

Christy plays a role and, in terms of external success, it serves her well. Yes, she’s a remarkable boxer who trains hard. But part of her appeal to the public at large, part of what allows her to become a star, is her insistence that she’s just a normal wife who happens to be great at boxing. She continues to wear pink. She dismisses her opponents as dykes to the press. The film frames this presentation as part of her personality and rise to fame rather than another element of Jim’s abuse. We aren’t given an opportunity to feel conflict in Christy’s success, because it doesn’t fit within the beats of the genre. When Christy is on top, the film doesn’t want us to question the cost.

Part of the problem is the film’s casting. While Sydney Sweeney gives a perfectly fine performance, this feels like a role that would’ve been well-served by casting someone known to present more masculine. We’ve spent the last couple decades talking about who can and can’t play certain roles, but often it’s not a matter of can’t and more a matter of wasted potential. When Sydney Sweeney makes herself femme, she feels more normal to us. The film would’ve benefited from the opposite effect. Not every audience brings the same knowledge to a film, but there’s a way to use celebrity. Of course, this would require there to be more masc-presenting celebrities who are famous enough to get a movie made. In lieu of that reality, the film at least casts Katy O’Brien as Christy’s opponent/future wife Lisa Holewyne and their scenes together are some of the film’s best parts.

The basic choice in lead actress is expected and will probably garner the film awards buzz. (The Oscars love a transformation!) The basic filmmaking is less forgivable. Throughout Christy, director David Michôd relies on slow dollies in and out of serious moments. Sometimes this creates a sinister lurking feeling that hints toward the impending violence. But too often it creates a level of remove, the sense we are observing Christy rather than experiencing life with her. The relentless melodramatic score that’s present even when the camera finally does lock in close is even worse. It tries to tell the audience how to feel in every moment and, for me, had the opposite effect. Once again, it makes this a story to witness rather than empathize with.

The boxing sequences are just as flat. With the exception of one match that utilizes a cliché slow-motion technique all of the boxing is captured with the same handheld simplicity. Tension doesn’t change depending on where Christy is at in her career or who she is fighting or what’s happening outside the ring. There are only the scenes where she’s dominating and the one scene where she’s struggling. Martin Scorsese said that he approached every fight sequence in Raging Bull like different dance numbers in a musical, each one with its own personality and techniques and goals. Not every boxing movie needs to be Raging Bull, but some personality would have served these moments well. Toward the end of the film, Christy talks about the quiet bliss she experiences in the boxing ring. A film that was interested in placing us with Christy might have imitated her experience through form.

Christy doesn’t experiment with form and it doesn’t take risks. It doesn’t want to explore the complexities within the life of Christy Martin, now Christy Salters. Instead it feels made to only elicit the following responses: what a harrowing story, what an inspiring ending, and what a transformation for Sydney Sweeney. I’m sure it will garner all three.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Related:

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. Her writing can also be found at Letterboxd Journal, Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Into, Refinery29, and them. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Instagram.

Drew has written 749 articles for us.

4 Comments

  2. Ah man before Sydney Sweeney laid out her politics I was looking forward to this. Now all that nastiness and the movies not good to boot…..what a series of missed opportunities

  3. I am so excited to see the movie. Christy Salters is the definition of Appalachian strength. ❤️

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Which Lesbian Harbinger of Fall Are You?

Fall is in the air — or so I hear. I live in Florida, where “fall” isn’t much of a concept weather-wise. I have to create fall through decor and vibes, which I’ve gotten quite good at! A fall candle hates to see me coming. And hey, it WAS 75 degrees when I started my tennis match the other morning, and if that isn’t Central Florida fall I don’t know what is!!!!! Well in my ongoing efforts to trick myself into experiencing fall, I have concocted this fall-themed quiz for you. Take it while sipping something warm or eating a sweet fall treat.

Which Lesbian Harbinger of Fall Are You?

Pick a fall activity:(Required)
Pick a fall treat:(Required)
Where would you like to take a day trip to?(Required)
What sounds like a fun social gathering for this afternoon?
What are you good at?(Required)
What are you bad at?(Required)
Pick a fall in-season produce:(Required)
What makes you feel cozy?(Required)
Pick a tea:(Required)
Pick a fall soundtrack:(Required)
How does fall make you feel?(Required)

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Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The AV Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1085 articles for us.

8 Comments

  1. I got Transitional Beanie!

    It is definitely time to “swap in a little lightweight beanie to keep your gay noggin warm.”

  2. Too Early Halloween Decorations! I take the spirit of this eg showing up on time to things – but I will never put these up before October! The creep of holidays ever forward (it’s even worse for Christmas) must come to an end!

  3. Hallowe’en is ALWAYS in season, so there is no such thing as “early” Hallowe’en decorations. We don’t put them up “early;” we don’t take them down! So I guess you could say my answer was spot on.

    In re: listing all possible answers from last week, you could aways make it part of the answer text, so people would have to take the quiz to see it. “This is your answer. Here’s some flavor text about it.

    “Here’s the list of all possible answers.”

    Then you could just cut and paste it to all answers. Of course, someone could wind up posting that in the comments.

  4. Corn Maze Where You Somehow Run Into an Ex

    Ah haha, I can def see this happening. With no way out!

    “Chaos follows you. Or do you follow chaos? Who’s to say. (Wait should I write this horror short story?)”

    I’m looking forward to your first draft!

  5. Highly Organized Apple Picking Trip in a Car Full Of Lesbians – spot on. I do in fact try to make this happen every year, with varying degrees of success. Memorably once it involved twelve people and two cars – suffice to say it did not go well

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50 Gay Questions To Ask on a First Date

If you feel burned out on coming up with questions for a first date, you’re not alone! The ritual of first dates can often feel repetitive and lackluster. There are only so many ways to ask a version of so what are your interests? And if you’ve already been chatting too much on the apps or during the lead up to a date (which, for the record, I somewhat advise against unless that’s truly your preference for getting to know someone!), it can be even harder to know what to say on a first date.

But asking questions is important. If you show up to a date and only answer the other person’s question or otherwise only talk about yourself, trust you’re probably about to get roasted in a group chat. No one likes being on a date with someone who takes zero genuine interest in them! There is no perfect roadmap for how to crush a first date, but the number one thing you can do to at least ensure a baseline decent experience is ask your date(s) about themselves! People love to be asked about themselves! But also, if you find yourself on a date who doesn’t reciprocate the curiosity, find a way to wrap it up.

The questions below are designed to inject some life and creativity back into your first date question asking if you’re feeling stuck or stalled in the dating process. You can ask them word for word or use them to riff and come up with your own against-the-grain questions. They’ve been divided into a few categories: chill, pop culture, strange, spicy, and misc. So take what you need and leave what you don’t! I would consider most of these to be just slightly deeper than surface-level but not too deep. But you’d be surprised what you can learn about a person’s priorities, values, and viewpoints by asking a range of different seemingly random questions.

Some include follow-up questions and some have been added since the last time this was published in 2024, so you’re getting even more than 50 prompts for first date conversation! For some of these, you might be wondering what makes them specifically gay. Well, I wrote them and I’m gay. Hope that helps!

Get ready to crush this first date! You’re gonna do great!

This piece was originally published in March 2024 and has been updated for September 2025.

Chill Questions

These are casual, get-to-know-you questions that are at least slightly more interesting than the general/obvious ones like “what do you do?” Start with these if you want to ease into deeper conversation or if you like to generally take a more chill approach on first dates.

1. How did you meet your best friend?
2. What’s your favorite book?
3. What are your favorite things to do on your days off?
4. What did you do today before this date?
5. What was the last thing that made you laugh?
6. What kind of cake do you like to have for your birthday? Or if not cake, what do you like to have?
7. Do you collect anything?
8. What are your favorite qualities in other people?
9. What’s your favorite photo of yourself?
10. Do you keep a journal?
11. Where have you never been to that you’d like to go?

Pop Culture Questions

Books, movies, television, music, etc. tend to be pretty fun and easy topics for first dates! Here are some pop culture-themed questions you can ask to get to know your date’s interests and tastes!

1. Who is your celebrity crush? Who was your first queer celebrity crush?
2. What album could you listen to on repeat for an entire day?
3. What’s the first gay kiss you can remember seeing in a movie or on television?
4. What’s your go-to karaoke song?
5. What’s a gay movie you know is “bad” but you love anyway?
6. What queer book that hasn’t been made into a series/movie yet do you think should be made into a series/movie?
7. What queer actor should play you in a biopic about your life?
8. What’s an unpopular opinion you have about a piece of queer pop culture?
9. If your life were a television show, what would be the theme song?
10. How many films from the Autostraddle Encyclopedia of Lesbian Cinema have you seen? (This question provides a built-in activity! You can scroll through the list together! And also make plans to watch some movies together!)
11. Who would you want to play you in a movie about your life? Who would you want to direct the movie about your life?

Strange Questions

Want to be memorable? Want your date to think you’re creative and surprising? Ask some of these hyperspecific, open-ended, or just downright weird (in a fun way) questions! Treat your date conversation like a creative writing prompt!

1. Have you ever seen a ghost or experienced a haunting?
2. Do you have any stories about cryptids?
3. What are your thoughts on time travel? If there were zero consequences to the current timeline, would you rather time travel to the past or the future?
4. Do you have any weird stories about birds?
5. If you were a piece of furniture, what would you be?
6. If you had a pet sloth, what would you name it?
7. What do you imagine the bottom of the deepest part of the ocean looks like? (Here’s another activity question: Have them draw it! Doesn’t matter if they’re bad at drawing, that almost makes it more fun.)
8. Do you own any cursed artifacts?
9. Who’s your nemesis?
10. In a fantasy town designed by you, what types of businesses and spaces would be on the main street? (ex. bowling alley, seafood restaurant, independent bookstore, etc.)
11. Fast zombies or slow zombies?

Spicy Questions

Listen, some of us like to jump right to the sexy chase on a first date. If that’s you and your date also gives off a vibe of talking about sex openly, add a little spice to the convo with these questions.

1. What was the last sex dream you had?
2. What’s the weirdest sex dream you’ve had?
3. What’s your favorite non-Hitachi sex toy?
4. What do you think is your sexiest quality?
5. What’s something sexual you’ve always wanted to try but haven’t?
6. Where’s the weirdest place you’ve had sex?
7. What’s a recurring fantasy you have?
8. What songs turn you on?
9. What’s your favorite sex scene from a movie?
10. Have you ever crushed on someone you shouldn’t have?
11. Do you have any favorite rom-com tropes?

Miscellaneous Questions

These first date questions don’t necessarily fit into any of the categories above! They might not be openers like the chill questions, but they could work once you’re a few questions in.

1. Can you remember any of your dreams from last night and if so what were they about? (Or, what’s the last dream you can remember?)
2. What’s the worst first date you’ve ever been on?
3. What’s the best first date you’ve ever been on (other than this one)?
4. How did you decide what to wear to this date?
5. Do you read tarot?
6. What are your thoughts on astrology?
7. What’s your favorite thing about yourself?
8. What’s the worst gift you’ve ever received?
9. What’s the biggest misconception about you?
10. How do you organize your bookshelves?
11. What’s something you’ve lost that you’re still upset about?

Have a good go-to first date question that often leads to a second date? Let’s hear it in the comments.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya

Kayla Kumari Upadhyaya is the managing editor of Autostraddle and a lesbian writer of essays, fiction, and pop culture criticism living in Orlando. She is the former managing editor of TriQuarterly, and her short stories appear in McSweeney's Quarterly Concern, Joyland, Catapult, The Offing, The Rumpus, Cake Zine, and more. Some of her pop culture writing can be found at The AV Club, Vulture, The Cut, and others. When she is not writing, editing, or reading, she is probably playing tennis. You can follow her on Twitter or Instagram and learn more about her work on her website.

Kayla has written 1085 articles for us.

6 Comments

  1. I’m dating “me” right now and there are some excellent questions here I can’t wait to ask !

  2. I love this collection of questions! It’s so helpful to have a script sometimes. I’ve already married someone, but I’m going to ask some of these on our next date night :)

    • i love that! so important to keep “dating” our partners even when we’re married!

  3. I absolutely loved this list of unique first date questions! They really take the pressure off and make it feel more like a fun conversation instead of an interview. I’m definitely going to use some of these on my next date! Thanks for sharing!

  4. I go to a queer knitting/crafting night that does off-beat icebreaker questions, and this article may have just become a new source!

Comments are closed.

TIFF 2025: Charli xcx Has Bi Vibes in the Frustratingly Conventional ‘Erupcja’

Drew Burnett Gregory is back at TIFF, reporting with queer movie reviews from one of the world’s most prestigious film festivals. Follow along for her coverage of the best in LGBTQ+ cinema and beyond.

Toward the end of Erupcja, Charli xcx recites poetry while looking into the camera. She’s sitting on the floor next to a stack of books, the shadow of a tear imprinted on her face. One of the books piled beside her is Miranda July’s All Fours, a spine recognizable to anyone who has, this past year, frequented the homes of queer women or vaguely queer women or straight women who enjoy fantasizing about the life they imagine exists within queerness.

Like the protagonist of July’s book, Charli xcx plays a character torn between convention and perceived freedom. Both women feel trapped in their heterosexual relationships with nice men, and both women use dishonesty as a tool of avoidance. Both women follow their impulses instead of sitting in the challenge of deliberate want.

When Bethany (Charli xcx) agrees to travel to Warsaw with live-in boyfriend Rob (Will Madden), the destruction is inevitable. She knows Rob plans to propose, and she knows Nel (Lena Góra), her friend/ex/person she’s most romanticized, lives in the city. Instead of telling Rob she doesn’t want to get married, she’s concocted a situation where she can run into her ex and blame whatever happens next on fate. Bethany and Nel are all about fate, interpreting the volcanos that erupt worldwide whenever they’re together as a metaphor for their passion.

Throughout the film, Bethany and Nel will be confronted with the limits of this perspective. An American artist named Claude (Jeremy O. Harris, providing the film some much needed humor) points out that volcanoes kill people. Rob will point out that volcanoes erupt weekly. Whatever unique connection Bethany and Nel imagine they share that allows them to blow up their lives and hurt their loved ones might not be as beautiful or special as they’ve pretended it to be.

There’s something interesting about this idea, about questioning the way chaos can be confused for romance. The problem with Erupcja is it’s trapped in a conventionality of its own. The bond between Bethany and Nel never actually feels that chaotic. Not only does their encounter remain unconsummated, but it feels totally devoid of eroticism. There’s no feeling of temptation. Bethany doesn’t seem to have sexual desire for Rob or Nel — her main attraction is to staying up late and not keeping dinner reservations. She wants the freedom represented by queerness more than queerness itself.

Nel is also in an on-again-off-again relationship with a girl named Ula (Agata Trzebuchowska). When Bethany gets to town, Nel ditches her as quickly as Bethany ditched Rob. The film makes it clear there’s a way for queerness to also be conventional. Lesbians can choose the nice, simple partner instead of the eruption as well. But what the film doesn’t make room for is a more controlled chaos. The options are not explosion or boredom. It’s possible to be honest with your partner about your desires and to find someone who shares your definition of consistency without being stifling. For all the talk of volcanoes and chaos, Bethany and Nel are kind of boring. The protagonist of All Fours is kind of boring. The problems they face are predictable and common, and there ends up being a tediousness to the whole affair.

Director Pete Ohs matches the characters with his style. Colorful monochrome scene breaks, a handheld camera, and a third-person narrator lend the film a feeling of experimentation. But six-plus decades since its French New Wave inspirations, these forms of “experimentation” are now as predictable as a girl wanting to leave her straight boyfriend for a woman.

Erupcja is short and inoffensive, and it might connect with people who share its characters’ conventions. But anyone who has seen Charli xcx on-stage knows her charisma could be used for so much more. She has a casual edge and unique eroticism that make this turn toward acting feel inevitable. There are glimpses here that suggest her presence will translate to the screen but they are fleeting. This is the kind of film that’s more concerned with giving a boring boyfriend his proper due than announcing the arrival of a movie star.

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

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Related:

Drew Burnett Gregory

Drew is a Brooklyn-based writer, filmmaker, and theatremaker. She was a 2022 Outfest Screenwriting Lab Notable Writer and a 2023 Lambda Literary Screenwriting Fellow. Her writing can also be found at Letterboxd Journal, Bright Wall/Dark Room, Cosmopolitan UK, Into, Refinery29, and them. She is currently working on a million film and TV projects mostly about queer trans women. Find her on Instagram.

Drew has written 749 articles for us.

4 Comments

  2. TIFF is back baby!!

    Also I want this opinion on All Fours, many straight friends keeps pushing me like ohh you should read it but the premise seems dull as you state?? do say more

    • I still really liked All Fours! I think Miranda July is a good enough writer that she makes the subject matter entertaining and thought-provoking. She also surrounds her main character with people who challenge her worldview/self-importance. So even if it the problems the character is facing aren’t as unique or impossible as she thinks the book is wise enough to know that too.

Comments are closed.

I Feel Like Leaving When My Sexual Partners Require Me To Come

How Can I Tell My Partners To Stop Waiting For My Orgasm?

Q

I’m very happily single currently, and having lots of fun sex with new people as I explore all kinds of new kinky things!!!!! Yay! One problem keeps coming up, though: for me, orgasms aren’t an expected part of a sexual encounter. I usually have to be super comfy with someone to cum with them. I enjoy sex whether or not cumming is involved. But I find disclosing this to people can kill the vibe. Or they push for a way to change it, saying “What if you touch yourself while I fuck you?” or something along those lines. Cool invitation! But I’m not asking them to help me get there, I’m asking them to accept that I might not, and not to focus on that during our encounter.  Usually I will disclose shortly into the beginning of the encounter, and I’ll say it as sexily as I can in the moment!  But how should I be disclosing this to people to maximize FUN and minimize UGH? I don’t want to kill the vibe by being straightforward as I have been, but I also worry that eventually me not cumming WILL kill the vibe without a heads-up. There is of course pretending to cum, but I left those patriarchal sexual expectations in my past for a reason!

A:

Summer: Hey OP. Are you me? Because this is me. And it’s something I navigate in every new sexual engagement. While I greatly appreciate the impetus to make sex pleasurable all the time, our broader dating pools have not come to terms with the fact that orgasm isn’t everyone’s primary or even attainable goal.

You’re doing the basics right already. You’re mentioning this to new partners at an appropriate time and trying to guide them away from the potential effect it can have on their self-esteem when you don’t orgasm. Like you, I’m not fond of the idea of faking orgasms. I’d much rather live a slightly disappointing reality than a satisfying lie, but that’s my morality talking. What I’d add to your repertoire of tools is to swing the topic from the absence of your orgasm to the presence of your pleasure elsewhere. Place your partners’ focus on the ways you can be pleased and you absolutely love to be touched. Guide their mouths and hands. Gently switch positions into something more favorable to you if they start aiming for your orgasm. Walk them through things that you enjoy and express it verbally – in sighs, moans, and words.

Basically… give them clear-cut cues of your enjoyment when they’re pursuing things you enjoy, and nudge them away from the orgasmic goal. If they can’t figure that out, then the problem is definitely on them and not for you. There do exist people whose self-esteem hinges on the ability to make others orgasm. There are partners who won’t listen to your bodily expertise. Absolve yourself of their foolishness. They’re just not a good fit for you.

Nico: I’m gonna come out on the other side here and say that if you’re in a casual situation where you don’t anticipate having sex with that person again, you can also just fake an orgasm to make it easier on yourself. You’re supposed to enjoy things, too, and if you find yourself having sex with someone who just doesn’t get it, I think it’s a gray area, but it’s fine.

Besides that, though, I think a fun move when hooking up for the first time (and later on, too, for reminders) is for each of you to share what you find hot before having sex. It sounds like you’re already having some conversation at the top of the encounter, but if the information about your orgasm is a bullet point amongst several others that can help you and your partner have a hotter time, it places less weight on that particular piece of information.

Riese: I’m going to be bold here and also agree with Nico — if it’s just a one-night stand with someone you’re not interested in for anything long term, I think you can just fake it. I’m in a similar situation as you, where the chances of it happening with a one-night stand are approximately zero, but I also found people often aren’t that inquisitive if you’re clearly having a fantastic time regardless. Often people will simply assume you came but won’t literally ask, especially if you’re providing lots of active feedback about how good whatever they are doing feels. It’s definitely easier to get away with when topping. But I know what you mean there is often the moment when they say “I wanna make you come” moment and what do you do with that (besides say “no I wanna make you come”), and I guess I don’t really know but personally, I find it SO annoying when someone won’t let go of that expectation, like it often feels like it’s about ego because like if you really wanna make someone feel good, listening to their explanation of their own desires and expectations and believing what they say is a great way to make someone feel good! As opposed to pushing them towards a process that they’re expressed disinterest in pursuing (e.g., the “What if you touch yourself while I fuck you?” approach).

How Do Y’all Develop Your Writing Practices?

Q

I love to write, and I’m a good writer when I can get words on the page. I like my work, my friends give me genuine positive feedback, and I’ve had work published in a couple literary magazines. I also like the act of writing while I’m doing it– it’s one of the most fun things I do.

Despite all this, I have never been able to build a consistent writing practice. I’ll write for hours every day for a week or two and then I won’t for two or three months. It doesn’t feel very sustainable, and I’m so jealous of (for example) my friend K who has 1000 words every single day without fail since we were 16. I have so many half-finished projects that I ran out of steam on and now can’t bear to look at. I’m considering getting an MFA in fiction so that I have to learn to write consistently, but that feels a little drastic!

How do you make writing every day a habit? Thanks for the advice.

PS: I have ADHD, so advice directly pertaining to that would be appreciated!

A

Summer: A writing instructor I was working with all the way in high school once pushed me out of writer’s block by telling me to intentionally write the worst story I possibly could. As in, break every norm and rule of ‘good’ writing. Write garbage on purpose. Because even putting your brain into that makes you think ‘like a writer’.

My general advice is that any writing no matter how inconsistent is worth something. All writing is valuable as long as you’re willing to go back, re-read and find areas of improvement. A half-written poem can give great insights into pacing and structuring that are transferable to fiction. The vocabulary you build in fiction is applicable to reporting.

On the ADHD side, all I can say is that it’s possible to wield some of the excitement and fixation that comes with ADHD as a tool. If you’re able to gently unshackle yourself from the idea of ‘completing’ projects or hitting a strict routine, writing in unstructured ways that appeal to you in a particular moment will also keep you writing. Yes, you may accumulate a mountain of unfinished works, but those skills are being honed and you can return to polish those works if you ever need to refine them into a submission.

Kayla: Here is a quote excerpted from a newsletter by my friend, the brilliant writer Laura van den Berg: “A routine is not a rigid list of requirements; it is a spectrum of activity that can be adapted as needed. Which is to say that routine is less about the specific actions taken and more about a steadiness of presence. Routine is a form of self-hypnosis, a way to imagine ourselves as capable of whatever feat we are attempting. Every time we abide our routine we put a stone in the path to the place we are trying to reach.” In fact, you should probably just read the full piece, titled Against Motivation.

I actually teach an entire course built around this idea, but your writing practice should not feel restrictive or impossible to accomplish. If setting the goal of writing every day doesn’t work for you, it doesn’t work for you! Instead of forcing yourself to do it, you should focus on finding a practice that DOES work for you. Just because “write every day” is common advice does not mean it is the only way to be a writer. You do not have to write every day to be a writer.

Recently, when I was at a writing residency, I did write every day, because that was what I was there to do. That said, I did not set specific word count goals for myself, because I am not a word count goal writer. I find the setting of word counts limiting. Some days, I can write 2k+ words; other days, I write maybe 200 but I really give that 200 my full energy. While at the residency, I would write my plan for the following day every evening. I would block off chunks of time to work on my novel, but rather than writing “write” or “write novel” in those chunks of time on my schedule, I wrote: “novel work.” This could include actual writing of the draft, brainstorming in my journal, writing about my process, READING, or even going on a long walk to THINK about the work. This allowed myself to be flexible about what exact type of work I was doing.

I find that a lot of the lessons I’ve learned in strength training and physical fitness goals can be easily applied to writing. My strength coach is constantly telling me to do my best when lifting. When sitting down to write, you shouldn’t pressure yourself to meet strict goals like 1k words a day; you should do your best. We’re all humans with limited capacities and busy lives. You can’t give 100% every day —it’s not possible. Maybe you can give 80% on Monday but only 20% on Tuesday. That’s fine! Don’t let the fact that you can “only” give 20% on Tuesday stop you from giving it! 20% is better than 0%!

Nico: Summer’s suggestion reminds me of working with this one boss who would either write something she called “crappy copy” for me or who would ask me to do so for her, before we went back and forth making improvements and edits. One thing that’s helped me when stuck in writing ruts is to embrace a complete lack of perfectionism, to cultivate a kind of contempt for a polished end product.

Also, if you have ADHD, consistency might not be your thing. If you work in spurts when you’re excited and have an idea, then you work in spurts. As for the half-finished projects – this is where something like a self-imposed writing residency would be useful for you. Once you’re out of your normal environment, with none of your usual distractions (don’t bring them!) and having already invested time and potentially money into it, now you’ll have a weight to the need to write that hopefully will make it harder to avoid. I don’t think you need to worry about writing every day, I think you need to concentrate on breaking those multi-month streaks of no writing down. Give yourself a maximum day limit you are allowed to go without writing — maybe three days is enough to deal with any life or work stuff that may unexpectedly come up, for example. Now, you have to at least write 1 day out of every 4. With strategies like this, nothing is tied to days of the week or times of day — it leaves flexibility for you to get into an irregular rhythm that works for you. If deep work is your thing, then what’s the difference ultimately between writing 4,000 words every 4 days and consistently writing 1,000 every day? Also, I agree with Kayla that word counts are rather unimportant and limiting. If using them as a goal motivates you, then great, but if it only intimidates or hinders you — leave word counts to die in the dirt and never look back. This is also just an example format — I just want to invite you to explore what could be alternative and less outwardly consistent, yet equally effective structures for yourself.

Finally, also as an ADHD-haver, one thing I’ve found to be wildly successful as a tactic is co-working at a coffee shop or other second location that is not anyone’s home. Would your friend who writes every day be willing to sit down with you and co-work? If you’re not in the same location, you can also do this over a video call. Usually, other folks, even if they don’t benefit as much from the body-doubling aspect of co-working, are quite happy to have some company.

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4 Comments

  2. thank you for the orgasm question, I am in the same boat and I am such a people pleaser that I’ve often faked it in the name of wanting my partners to feel like they’re doing a good job (they are! it’s just that orgasm is not always going to happen for me and I’m completely fine with that) and I appreciate knowing that other people feel the same and having ways to better communicate

  3. I think I might have accidentally submitted a blank question, instead of this comment, and if so, I’m sorry (my eyesight and laptop leave much to be desired). Anyway, I just wanted to add that as a fellow writer/ADHD-haver, I understand writer’s block and the ebb and flow of inspiration. Though I’ve found that the biggest road block for me is getting published these days (I used to get published, and also self-publish, mostly in zine format, but we’re talking late ’90s-early teens here). But anyway, I think that when society understands ADHD more fully, fewer writers with it will get criticized for their output. It’s fine if some writers want to write 1,000 words a day or whatnot, but it’s also fine if others go with their own flow. The more pressure you put on yourself, the more your writing will be blocked, at least in my experience.

Comments are closed.

Guinness World Records Welcomes American Drag Artists

Since 1955, Guinness World Records has named the best and brightest in categories both broad and obscure, from “Tallest Living Woman” to “Fastest time to make a pasta necklace.” Plus, who could miss those big multi-colored coffee table books released every year? As a child, my own relationship to the Guinness World Records books was that each year they were filled with the coolest, most interesting facts to know about the world, from the widest to the smallest, the oldest to the youngest, and everything in between. So this year, as American drag artists set records both new and old, it’s exciting to see a topic I’ve spent a great deal of my own life researching to be a part of the Guinness World Records in an even larger way.

Guinness World Records is no stranger to drag, and its categories go back at least two decades. In fact, it’s had many explicitly queer categories over the last few years, including “Largest LGBTQ March” (2019) and “First lesbian character in a multiplayer FPS,” (2016) among others. Queer participants have also won titles, like “Highest annual earnings for a television stylist,” (the cast of the original Queer Eye, 2004) and “Most steals in a WNBA Finals game,” (Breanna Stewart, 2024).

Incidentally, Guinness World Records was inspired to add more drag categories by the massive interest in RuPaul’s Drag Race. “Given the runaway popularity of the format, we felt that our audience would be intrigued to learn more about the history and the wider drag community, both on screen and off screen,” a spokesperson for Guinness World Records told Autostraddle. “As a result, we’re now delighted to have significantly increased the scope and variety of our drag-focused record categories, all of which can be discovered on the GWR website.”

Previous drag categories include “Youngest Drag Race Winner” (Krystal Versace on RuPaul’s Drag Race UK in 2021), “Longest line of dancing drag artists” (144 people, also in the UK, 2012), and “Most People Attending a Drag Brunch” (412 people in New York City, 2023). The new and updated records this year were assembled with the help of drag historian Joe E. Jeffreys.

In an interview with Autostraddle, Jeffreys shared his belief that in a country where drag is facing regular backlash, cementing artists’ stature in the Guinness World Records makes drag’s past and present accessible not just physically but culturally. Once the information is there, he says, it can create opportunities for connection and even new events that challenge existing records!

Let’s congratulate the newest drag Guinness World Record title holders representing the USA.

Oldest Drag Queen: Rose Levine 

Rose Levine has been performing consistently in drag since she first took to the stage on Fire Island in 1955. Beloved by Broadway legends like Ethel Merman and Jerry Herman, Rose became known on Fire Island for her cabaret performances of jazz standards. Indeed, as the story goes, Ethel Merman spotted Levine at a party in the 1970s and stated, “That’s Rose, she does me.”

Rose also has a long history of activism that runs from the Invasion of the Pines through the AIDS crisis to today. She turned 92 in 2025, which makes her the oldest still-performing drag queen in the world.

Oldest Drag King: El Daña 

WEST HOLLYWOOD, CALIFORNIA - JUNE 22: El Daña attends the "King of Drag" S1 Premiere hosted by LGBTQ+ Streaming Network Revry at Beaches Tropicana on June 22, 2025 in West Hollywood, California. The series debuts June 22 at 9pm ET/ 6pm PT on Revry. (Photo by Jesse Grant/Getty Images for Revry)

El Daña attends the “King of Drag” S1 Premiere. (Photo by Jesse Grant/Getty Images for Revry)

El Daña began his drag career in central California in 1965 at a gay bar in Fresno where he performed “La Bamba” by Ritchie Valens. Not long after, El Daña also became known for his renditions of Frank Sinatra, Julio Iglesias, and Tom Jones hits. It was his Jones impersonation in particular that drew the most attention — even from drag legend Charles Pierce, who is said to have told El Daña, “No one can do Tom Jones like you,” according to Drag King History.

El Daña became the world’s oldest still-performing drag king when, at the age of 80 in 2025, he performed onstage in Clovis, California.

Most Emmy Awards Won by a Drag Performer: RuPaul

Rupaul performs during the Gay Rights March April 25, 1993 in Washington, DC. (Photo by Porter Gifford/Liaison)

To any RuPaul’s Drag Race fan over the last 16 years, it will come as no surprise that the show’s namesake and host is currently the most Emmy-winning drag artist of all time. As of 2025, RuPaul has won 14 Emmys. Eight of these awards are for Outstanding Host for a Reality or Competition Program for RuPaul’s Drag Race; five are for Outstanding Reality Competition Program for RuPaul’s Drag Race, where he serves as Executive Producer; and one is for Outstanding Unstructured Reality Program for RuPaul’s Drag Race: Untucked! where he is also Executive Producer.

Highest-Grossing Drag-Themed Movie: Mrs. Doubtfire

Featuring the inimitable Robin Williams in the title role, Mrs. Doubtfire was an instant classic when it was released in 1993. Its successes have only continued over the last 30+ years: as of March 2025, it has grossed $441,286,003, making it the most successful drag-themed film of all time.

One of  my personal favorite scenes stars actor, playwright and drag legend Harvey Fierstein in a montage where he and Williams arrive at Mrs. Doubtfire’s final “look.” Fierstein was cast in the role after Williams saw him stage a failed “lesbian fashion show” for a benefit Lily Tomlin held in the early ‘90s.

It turns out the First Female Impersonation Actor on Screen, another Guinness World Record Title created this year, was also American: in 1901, vaudeville actor Gilbert Sarony played his famed “Old Maid” characters in two shorts directed by none other than Thomas Edison, The Old Maid Having Her Picture Taken and The Old Maid in the Horsecar. Sarony’s Guinness World Record Title counterpart, the First Male Impersonation Actress on Film, was French legendary actress Sarah Bernhardt, as Hamlet in 1900.

Highest Grossing Drag-Themed Movie Franchise: Madea Cinematic Universe

Comprised of 13 movies, the films in Tyler Perry’s Madea franchise released in theatres have made Perry himself more than a $291M profit since the first film was released in 2005 (two were released on Netflix). Madea is “strong, witty, loving…just like my mother used to be before she died,” Perry once said. “She would beat the hell out of you but make sure the ambulance got there in time to make sure they could set your arm back.” Madea initially appeared in a play Perry had written called I Can Do Bad All By Myself, first staged in Chicago in 1999. It later became a film of the same name in 2009, starring Taraji P. Henson. The Madea character, inspired by Perry’s mother and grandmother and their senses of humor, wasn’t initially a role meant for Perry in the play — the actress meant for her didn’t show up and Perry had to get into drag.

Needless to say, it worked out.

Longest-Running Drag Queen Competition: Miss Fire Island Pageant 

The Miss Fire Island Pageant began in Fire Island’s Cherry Grove in 1966. It will turn 59 this year, making it the world’s longest-running drag queen competition. In the Digital Transgender Archive, you can see what drag looked like at the pageant in 1969, (note that the way drag and gender were discussed at the time were quite different, so proceed accordingly — some of the language and images are fetishizing; “transvestite” and “drag” are used interchangeably; performers are often referred to universally as “he”). The prize at the time was $300, and it’s since gone up to $5000. This year’s event, held on August 30, featured the legendary New York drag queen Ariel Sinclair and Drag Race runner-up Sapphira Cristál as hosts.

Longest-Running Drag King Competition: The San Francisco Drag King Contest 

With its 29th edition in August 2025, The San Francisco Drag King Contest became the world’s longest-running drag king competition. The event was originally created by lauded drag king Fudgie Frottage in 1994 with the hopes of advocating for drag kings in a world that had become increasingly focused on drag queens. Since it began, several iconic drag artists have crossed its stage, whether as MCs (Elvis Herselvis, Sister Roma, Fudgie himself), judges (Mo B. Dick, Wang Newton), or contestants (Papi Churro, King Lotus Boy). At the event, hopefuls are judged on their “talent, creativity, studliness, sex appeal, originality, humor, make-up/facial hair, and fashion,” Drag King History shares. It’s become an essential event not just furthering the art of drag kinging in San Francisco, but ensuring future generations of drag kings in the area.

Longest-running drag-themed restaurant franchise: Hamburger Mary’s 

hamburger mary's in Orlando

Hamburger Mary’s on Church Street in downtown Orlando, Florida. (Orlando Sentinel file/Tribune News Service via Getty Images)

When a Hamburger Mary’s opened in my hometown of Fort Lauderdale, my family and I sped over immediately. I was still underage then, so seeing drag in a place I was actually allowed to was a magnificent thrill. Though Fort Lauderdale’s iterations have since closed, there remain eight more across the country. In fact, Mary’s is now the world’s longest-running drag-themed restaurant franchise and will celebrate its 53rd anniversary this coming December. The first Mary’s (since closed) opened in San Francisco in 1972, and “came out of a pot-filled session involving the hippies and gay men that started the restaurant,” according to SFGate. “A fellow called Trixie (real name Jerry Jones)…wanted to open an eatery that offered up sass and style with a burger and fries.”

In the future when there are even more categories — maybe even “longest drag performance by a single artist” or “longest running drag musical on Broadway” — it’s possible, as Joe E. Jeffreys says, that a culture can continue to develop around trying to beat those records and thereby perpetuate drag’s reach. What would it have looked like to see categories for drag when we were growing up? A generation of people won’t have to wonder.

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Elyssa Maxx Goodman

Elyssa Maxx Goodman is a New York-based writer and photographer. Her book, Glitter and Concrete: A Cultural History of Drag in New York City, was named a 2024 Stonewall Honor Book for the Israel Fishman Non-Fiction Book Award, a finalist for the Lambda Literary Award in LGBTQ+ Nonfiction, one of Vogue’s Best LGBTQ+ Books of 2023, and one of Booklist’s Best History Books of 2023. Her writing and photography have been published in Vogue, Vanity Fair, T: The New York Times Style Magazine, them., Elle, and New York, among others.

Elyssa has written 9 articles for us.

3 Comments

  1. This is really interesting, I had no idea the Guinness book focused on this sort of thing at all! Also, I learned a bunch of these facts for the first time as they intended!

  2. “Rupaul performs during the Gay Rights March April 25, 1993 in Washington, DC.”

    Children. I. Was. There!!! 👑

  3. What an incredible celebration of drag culture in the Guinness World Records! I love how they’re recognizing icons like Rose Levine and El Daña, alongside the massive impact of RuPaul and the Madea franchise. It’s amazing to see drag’s rich history and diversity being honored on such a global stage. Which new drag category are you most excited about, and do you think we’ll see more records broken at events like the Miss Fire Island Pageant? Let’s keep this convo going—I’m curious to hear your thoughts!

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