This week, I learned that Kanye had written a proverb when he instructed folks to “shut the fuck up ‘fore I embarrass you.”

An enthralling live feed of porn search terms, anal sex positions, facts about queer relationships for non-queers and more.

Get ready to settle in with Christina Ricci, Clea Duvall, Quinn Fabray’s dad, and Evan Rachel Wood Bisexual’s dad from Once and Again and watch some bloody crimes get committed!

The American Family Association is being such a stage mom to Jesus and was boycotting the Gap for not using the word “Christmas” — we’ll tell you why that boycott is now on hold. Also, it’s boom time for unpaid interns, is Glee anti-Christian?, Sarah Palin gets PUNK’D, JCrew is weird and Australian senator compares homosexuality to incest. Again. Sigh.

Stuffed from Thanksgiving dinner? Sit back, relax, pop open that top pants button, and indulge in some Autostraddle comments. It’s the internet equivalent of apple pie a la mode. Yum yum.

Romi Klinger’s getting divorced, Dot-Marie got married, trans* voices are getting published, and we’re celebrating the holidays in a special space where it’s just you, Ari Fitz, and the rest of the Internet.

“It eventually stopped. I don’t know how long it went on for. I’m not sure where I live, but I know it’s not in my body; everything felt like nothing and I didn’t know where that place was.”

“Blaze squinted in the mirror and pushed her hair left, then right, then left, then right, then left, then right, then righter, then really left, then up a little, then all the way down […]”

Your chances to fly to Australia to meet Rose Rollins, Marlee Matlin and Laurel Holloman and Rachel Shelley have been DASHED by slow ticket sales! Also, hot party tonight in NYC Dj’ed by Carlytron, Lady Gaga does Leno and talks bisexuality for Fuse, and Women-Hating Movies.

“There are a thousand ways to die from being trans. But they’re only included if they can be made as sensationalist as possible. Never mind that all these things kill you just the same.”

Chaz Bono enlightens America about gender reassignment surgery, says he feels better than ever, and gives us an opportunity to discuss the popular and problematic term “sex change”! Also; Caster keeps her title, hate crimes are on the rise in LA and six scary quotes from Sarah Palin’s book tour.

The Vatican is soliciting opinions on a number of groundbreaking issues, including same-sex marriage, birth control, polygamy and forms of feminism “hostile to the Church.”

Monique talks about being Mexican and queer in Arizona, her favorite artists, and her adorable dog Elliot (who is an extremely well-behaved road trip travel companion.)

Susan Miller is kind of awesome, and so is her new webseries Anyone But Me. Get the scoop with the Autostraddle interview.

Lindsay Lohan denies boyfriend rumors, Adam Lambert Releases a New Single and breaks up with boyfriend, Power Up to honor lesbians in Showbiz including Susan Miller tonight. Also; an Ally McBeal reuinion, Here/Regent media layoffs and Maine governor interview in the NYTimes Magazine.

In which there is a party, halibut, and a knock at the door.

Will you marry us?

Lesbians are more likely than hets to recognize that “going green” isn’t just a marketing ploy and to value keeping the earth healthy for future generations. But why, exactly, are we so damn awesome and aware? Also, should you call or text for a first date? Also, Scientologists are CRAZY!

Say hello to Chloe, our very first New Zealand Straddler, on this cheery Monday morning – though for her, it may already be tomorrow!

It’s a double feature of 1940s lesbianism, burlesque dancers, and Rosie in funny hats that are not allowed in munitions factories.