“I went on a date with Laneia once.”
“Two sets of breasts in the first 50 seconds told me not to bother.”
“I somewhat resemble the old man from ‘Up’ in both appearance and temperament.”
“Lost in the Dole pineapple maze in Hawaii.” “On my back in a Corolla on a bridge in a Little Bo Peep costume.” “The aardvark exhibit at the zoo.”
“I say a lot of things about myself during sex that I would not say about myself at any other time, primarily phrases like “I’m your bitch.”
” The back of a Jeep next to a beaver pond. That’s right. Beaver. Pond. A pond with an entire family of beavers in it.”
Featuring excerpts from your answers to “if not your present job, what job do you aspire towards?” from The Autostraddle Grown-Ups Reader Survey!
“I hate to break it to those people, but lesbians tend to dress like men, act like men — and look like men.”
Sure, some things need to be said when they need to be said, but apparently “that’s the guy from Lost!” is not one of those things?
20. WASH YOUR HANDS IF YOU ATE BUFFALO WINGS BEFORE GETTING LAID, OMG.
“She was regarded as mentally wrong by young men.”
“The Republicans are funding terrible gay movies to make the entire population straight!”
“The place is so dingy, grimy, and gross that I seriously believe monsters are going to come flying out of the bathroom at any moment and swoop down on all the dudes and chop our heads off.”
“The patrons there were lucky I didn’t use my ninja skills on their @$$!!!”
“The the crazy lesbian herself said she was recruited and is acting to recruit. Stupid is a stupid does.”
“The fact that both male and female homosexuals congregate on one island no doubt gives them a sense of what might be called herd-security, much like sheep gathering together under a tree during a storm.”
“I have a goddess quad of Beyoncé, Misty Copeland, Laverne Cox and Michelle Rodriguez and I devote to thrice daily in the hopes that the patriarchy will finally crumble and fall at their wrath.”
“I am so alone please send cats”
“I know more about dyke cultures by being net-connected. It expands my world. We are definitely trail-blazing and cutting edge.”
“At a meeting of Xena: Warrior Princess in Brazil”