“I dreamt I misplaced my pocketbook. When I turned around to retrieve it, I noticed a gay girl had run off with it.”
From “Oy Vey, You’re Gay” to “The Deadlier Sex” to “Holy Lesbo Batman!” and beyond!
“Everything is brand new! For all of us!”
“Just wonder what Charlie thinks about it…that would be an interesting 2 1/2 men episode…”
“Which of our astrological sun signs is more of a bitch.”
“I was sobbing continuously and finally blurted “I’m gay!” and then Skype, wonderful technology that it is, DROPPED THE CALL.”
“I locked myself in the bathroom because she kept telling me I wasn’t cleaning the toilet the right way”
“Whether or not selfie culture upholds or demolishes the patriarchy”
“Stonewall couldn’t be more whitewashed than if it was doused in Clorox Bleach and thrown into the laundry three times over.”
“I went on a date with Laneia once.”
“Two sets of breasts in the first 50 seconds told me not to bother.”
“I somewhat resemble the old man from ‘Up’ in both appearance and temperament.”
“Lost in the Dole pineapple maze in Hawaii.” “On my back in a Corolla on a bridge in a Little Bo Peep costume.” “The aardvark exhibit at the zoo.”
“I say a lot of things about myself during sex that I would not say about myself at any other time, primarily phrases like “I’m your bitch.”
” The back of a Jeep next to a beaver pond. That’s right. Beaver. Pond. A pond with an entire family of beavers in it.”
Featuring excerpts from your answers to “if not your present job, what job do you aspire towards?” from The Autostraddle Grown-Ups Reader Survey!
“I hate to break it to those people, but lesbians tend to dress like men, act like men — and look like men.”
Sure, some things need to be said when they need to be said, but apparently “that’s the guy from Lost!” is not one of those things?
20. WASH YOUR HANDS IF YOU ATE BUFFALO WINGS BEFORE GETTING LAID, OMG.
“She was regarded as mentally wrong by young men.”