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Telling your queer friends you’re going to a sleepover camp on mountain full of queers for an entire week by yourself can create quite the reaction. I’m like, “Yeah, they have panels, workshops, readings,” and am cut short by one of them like, “A mountain full of them?” I think realistically they know queers per capita don’t suddenly change how the world works/what we’ve accepted as societal norms, but theoretically it has utopian possibilities. Also, none of us have ever been to A-Camp and of course anytime you try to imagine something you’ve never experienced it becomes much bigger than it actually (probably) is. Still, they’ve been having fun with it. Here are just a few of the presumed and frankly pretty explicit activities they’ve slated for A-Camp.
The Infamous Topless Chest Touching Panel
This is a panel where we (the people of the topless panel) press our bare chests onto each other. (*Constitution of the United States rhythm* “We the people, of the topless panel, press our bare chests…”) I’m unsure if we talk in this scenario, or if it’s a silent, matter-of-fact exchange of goods. You’ve touched my chest topless and I’ve yours, let’s move on to the next person. Also the word “panel” implies there’s an audience, so what are they doing? Taking notes? Watching like a play? Seems wildly inappropriate for everyone involved!
Topless Frisbee/Tackle Football
These were the only two sports mentioned with the word topless, which I think is interesting. I mean, the football one makes sense because you’d most likely end up grabbing or tackling someone head on for a topless touching of chests, which apparently in my friends’ minds is the only purpose of this camp, but frisbee – no contact. You stand far away from someone and then your throw rarely even makes it to its intended target. Maybe it’s about the scenery while you wait for the other person to chase wherever the frisbee went.
Personal Alarm Clock in the Form of Someone Whispering into Your Ear and Then Leading You to an Isolated Field to Stretch Out Your Body
This one is so specific that I think some of my friends would like someone to wake them up by whispering in their ear and then go stretch them in a field? Also, what do they have, sirens at camp? More seriously though, minus the whispering in the ear and isolated field part I think partner stretching is a great idea.
By now this one should have been obvious. Actually, now that I’m thinking about it, between this and the stretching thing, I’m pretty sure my friends are just pulling stories from my college soccer team. I mean, we did have group showers and we did stretch each other in a field, but it wasn’t like that, unless, you know, sometimes it was.
The Dark Closet Private Conversation Area
Ahaha, okay, well, here’s my favorite. This is where when you want to talk to someone one on one, you go into the designated dark closet conversation area instead of just remaining wherever you are and engaging in normal back and forth as you do when you’re meeting new people. “Oh, you know ____?” “Yeah I love ____!” “Let’s take this to the dark closet where we’ll be closer.” “Oh, right.” The seven minutes in heaven of conversation.
Painting Each Other’s Nails
By far the tamest presumed activity on this list, but there’s no way my friends meant for it to be and that is a revealing bit of information on how sensual some of my friends consider nail painting. Maybe this one’s a euphemism. Either way, this one’s the most likely to happen, right?