“Back at wrestling practice, Perky Emma of the Ankle Picks offers Jesus a cookie — an organic cookie with no dyes. Maybe she has lesbian moms too.”
“Mariana sits at a table alone and takes her fancy plastic lunch container out of dumb paper bag. Why doesn’t she have a reusable lunch bag? What kind of family are these lesbians running?”
Relationships are no picnic… but wait! Maybe they are!
“They ask Stef and Lena about their vows and Stef says they’re not doing vows and I start to think that Stef doesn’t understand what a wedding is.”
“Brandon asks Mike why Stef wasn’t wearing a vest. Geez Brandon! Not all lesbians wear vests! But then I realize he means “bulletproof vest” and let this slide.”
“I think Hot Cops from Arrested Development but all ladies but Lena ruins that vision.”
“When they pry themselves apart, Lexi tells Jesus that her parents took her computer and phone and locked her away in Cookie Monster’s tower where she has to spin gold.”
In which there is a party, halibut, and a knock at the door.
Digression 6: My first lesbian date ended on the roof of a small town Pizza Hut, but she knew what we were doing because she helped me push the dumpster up against the wall.
“He slurs, “It’s a party, Stef. Have some fun.” Geez Mike. Way to get personal. Everyone knows lesbians are no fun.”
“Steph is making cheese sandwiches with no condiments of any kind. Lesbian moms are cruel.”
“My sister has Lhasa Apsos and one of them bit my son in the face and now I don’t like Lhasa Apsos and this is unintentional foreshadowing because it turns out I don’t like Marianna much in this episode either.”
“Steph is wearing a worn out t-shirt and a pair of plaid pajama pants which is very similar to what I wore to drop off my kids at school this morning. #lesbianmomuniform.”