Whether you’re looking for secrets lurking beneath a seemingly idyllic suburban landscape or hot jerks in toxic relationships, there’s an LGBTQ-inclusive thriller out there for you.

It has taken us many episodes and many teases and many suggestions and many dances around the topic and undesired trips to lesbian bars but in Season Five we at last got confirmation that Susie is gay.

Rachel Maddow is getting tired of waiting for this Don’t Ask Don’t Tell repeal, and she wants President Obama to know it. Also, Target’s still not back in gays’ good graces, the future of Prop 8 and musings on the reasons why the h8ers hated the trial so much, as well as an alert on the latest crazed commie pinko homosexual Obama appointee who will bring the end times upon us.

The beating of a gay man in Georgia gave us some feelings about Don’t Ask Don’t Tell and pervasive homophobia in the military. Plus, gay men still can’t give blood, the 16-year-old sailor has been found, culture wars are here to stay, and a lesbian cop is suing the NYPD for sexual harrassment.

Breaking News! Gay Marriage hurts small businesses — heaven forbid we demand health insurance or other crazy stuff like that.

It was a great year for gay marriage, especially if you were invited to one of these fabulous, totally sweet lesbian weddings.

Happy New Year! Happy Palindrome Day! They’re giving “The Babysitters Club” a makeover and not the Claudia kind! Are you still hung over? Would it make you feel better to see pictures of Lilo in a bikini? Also: New Hampshire midnight marriages, Megan Fox’s feelings about kissing girls, and LESBIAN TEACHER SEX BRAWLS.

In Winnipeg it proves difficult for restauranteurs and citizens to thrive when homophobia is the only thing being dished out. But hopefully Bill 18 can change that.

We talk to the queer vanguards of Harding University who made a ‘zine “to be a voice for the voiceless who are quietly dying inside the walls of our campus” and got banned by the administration.

Essence’s first lesbian wedding! Early returns from DADT Survey have good news! And Stephen Colbert faces his fears, which include the editor of OUT Magazine, Feministing interviews Rachel Maddow and Winston is a snail for Halloween. Also, moar, with a special appearance by Anderson Cooper and the Jersey Shore (not together).

“Transportation with intent to engage in criminal sexual activity, possession of child pornography, and five counts of sexual exploitation of children.” YIKES.

“I’ve compiled all the news and gossip from the night, courtesy of both credible news sources and the Morning After Lesbian Phone Tree.”

D.C. Buses plastered with anti-gay marriage ads, post-holiday shopping deals, Charlie Sheen gives us an even more serious reason to hate “Two and a Half Men,” ABC Nightline asks why there are so many single black women, Haviland Stillwell interview, best TV moments of 2009, drag queen on the X-mas tree, and some funny Christmas Carol videos!

“I wonder which acts of visibility and understanding they’re referring to exactly. Was it the time she played into the stereotype that girls kissing girls is an act done for attention?”

“It felt so divorced from having known me, from having known somebody who’s gay. I was just stunned.”

“Alternet’s B. E. Wilson researched 990 IRS tax forms and yearly reports from Invisible Children and 990s from its major donors and found deep financial ties to evangelicals and major funders of antigay organizations.”

Bill Johnson is a Republican politician from Alabama who campaigned on a platform against gay rights. He’s also been secretly donating sperm to lesbians. He has a “human need,” you see.

In which we announce the contest finalists so you can read their stories (maybe cry a little) and VOTE!

Like Target and Dominoes before it, Chik-Fil-A is the next corporate chain on the chopping block for supporting anti-gay groups.

This Sunday Funday we take time to sit back and reflect on how sometimes there are perks to being second-class citizens, like the time you got stood up for dinner but that way you got to watch the entire ANTM marathon! Also, more details on Gaga’s new album, Katie Miller’s plans for the future, top 15 Glee guest stars, Privilege Denying Dude returns, and good news on the HIV medication front!