How to Curate the Perfect Sex Toy Collection

We’re still in the midst of a pandemic. Colder weather is on the way. Now more than ever, we need to make our time at home at little more titillating. If you could open a drawer to find an enticing array of well-chosen, neatly arranged sex toys, life might be a little more appetizing.

If your only sex toy is an electric tooth brush or if your collection looks more like an old grocery bag filled with tangled charging cords, I see you. Fortunately, online sex toy shopping can help you level up your game from the safety of your home. Whether you’re a newbie or a sex toy savant, these tips will help you curate the collection of your dirty dreams. Wondering where to start with specific items after reading this list? Check out our recommendations for the 50 best queer sex toys!

Before You Shop

Know Your Materials

Silicone, borosilicate glass, ABS plastic and stainless steel are all non-porous and won’t harbor bacteria. That means they’re easy to clean and safe to share with partners. Wash these toys with soap and water or toy cleaner. You can boil non-vibrating toys for three to five minutes to fully sterilize them. Some can even go in the dishwasher (check the manufacturer’s website to make sure it’s safe)! Most other materials are porous, so those toys should be covered with a condom before sharing them with partners. Some porous toys tend to deteriorate over time, so consider your non-porous options first to ensure that your toys will last.

Remember: Size Matters

When you’re ordering sex toys online, you can’t hold them in your hands and imagine them in your holes. Fortunately, most online sex toy retailers list dimensions for internal toys. Pay attention to those dimensions (specifically: length and girth) so you don’t end up with a toy that doesn’t fit inside your body. If you’re ordering a sex toy for the very first time and don’t know what size to look for, use your fingers (or a partner’s fingers) as a guide.

Now you’re ready to explore.

Build on the sensations you already like

Maybe you’ve never used sex toys, but you know that you love your partner’s finger in your ass. Select a small, silicone butt plug like Fun Factory’s Bootie ($34.95) and some water-based lube. If you adore your vibrating bullet but wish it offered a little more stimulation, pair it with an internal vibrator or dildo or upgrade to a wand. Does your sex life incorporate spanking, nipple squeezing and other forms of sensation play? Invest in some kinky tools to intensify your BDSM experiences.

Chase Your Curiosity

Sometimes you can’t be sure you’ll like a toy until you try it. Fortunately, most sex toys range in price, so you can start with a less expensive item before investing in something that’s higher quality.

If you’ve never tried a vibrator, start with something like the approachable, battery-operated Bliss Bullet ($16 — keep in mind that this toy is made out of porous plastic, so if you’re sharing it with partners, put a condom over it). If you enjoy the sensation but crave more intensity, invest in the the almighty Rechargeable Magic Wand ($124.99). Most major sex toy brands offer at least a one year warranty on their luxury toys, so if your fancy new sex toy breaks or stops working, you can contact the manufacturer and get it replaced for free.

Build a Strong Foundation

Maybe you have have no idea where to start. Use this formula to craft a well-rounded sex toy collection: two lube options, an external vibrator, an internal toy and something kinky.

First, ensure that your lube is compatible with your toys. Stick with water-based lube on silicone toys (silicone lube will degrade the material). With minimal ingredients, Sliquid Sassy ($12.99) is a versatile water-based options that’s a great option for people with sensitive skin. It’s also thicker than other water-based lubes, so you don’t need to reapply as often. Silicone lube is compatible with glass, hard plastic and stainless steel toys. Since it doesn’t absorb into the body like water-based lube, silicone lube is ideal for any activity involving body parts and vigorous thrusting. Uberlube ($17.99) is perfect for new silicone lube users — it’s long lasting and not too thick, and it doesn’t stain sheets like some other silicone options. Plus, it comes it a pretty glass bottle.

When you’re choosing an external vibrator, consider how you’ll be using it. If you plan to use it during masturbation, a smaller bullet might suit your needs. If you need a toy with a little extra reach, go with a wand. While the Magic Wand is, indeed the Holy Grail Of Wands, it’s on the heavier side. If you experience hand or wrist issues, the PalmPower Massager ($96.99) is a much lighter (and cheaper) option. If you crave a stroker-style vibrator with some extra flair, check out the Satisfyer “Men” Heat Vibration ($60 – ugh, ignore the unnecessarily gendered name) for its powerful motor and warmth.

For your internal toy, choose something versatile. If you want a toy that can be used vaginally or anally, try a silicone dildo like the Mistress ($52.99), which has a wide, harness-compatible base. If you want the luxurious feeling of vibration and motion, Lelo’s Mona Wave ($189.99) will be the fancy toy of your (sex) dreams. For the most intense G-spot pressure, the stainless steel Pure Wand ($134.99) is intense and worth the learning curve (plus, it’s great for massaging knots out of your shoulders).

The “something kinky” in your collection can be just about anything! If you want to dip your toe into bondage, choose some simple cuffs. If you’re curious about chastity play, consider a chastity device like the wildly popular CB-6000 ($159.99). If you know you want to experiment but you feel a little lost, watch some queer BDSM porn or browse the kink section of any sex toy website to see what intrigues you. Don’t forget to use books as a source of inspiration and safety information! The New Topping Book ($14.95) and The New Bottoming Book ($14.95) are classics.

Choose a Storage Option

Keep lube bottles in a plastic bag to avoid leaks and spills, and store your toys in individual cloth bags to protect the material. Where you keep those bags depends on your individual needs. If you prioritize efficiency, create a designated sex toy drawer in your bedroom bureau. If you have a collection of smaller toys, organize them in a makeup case. If you don’t want curious kids or pets to damage your toys, store them in a discreet, locking tool box. If you’re lucky enough to own a collection of large floggers, paddles and spreader bars, invest in an armoire.

Advanced Option: Choose a Theme

Maybe you want to get extra fancy with your sex toy collection. Search your favorite sex toy retailer’s website by color and build a theme around color or material. If you prefer to have a dark and sexy collection, opt for black leather cuffs, a black leather harness and a sleek, black dildo. If you want your toys to reflect your boisterous personality, collect an explosion of pinks and purples (or take a look at these maximalist toys). Keep them in a thrifted Caboodle. Whatever theme you choose, your collection should scream, “Hey! Put me to use!” We could all use a little extra pleasure.

Malic White is a Chicago-based writer, comedian and actor. Follow Malic on Twitter and find upcoming shows on Malic's website.

Malic has written 35 articles for us.

4 Comments

  1. Oh these collections. I have hundreds of times re-assembled my collections of sex toys. And by colors I collected – a collection of red vibrators, a collection of black vibrators, purple. It went so far that my sex toys began to accumulate throughout my apartment. And the plumber who came to fix the pipe even noticed it. I have an apartment on the top floor, a loft, and a balcony. When we were repairing the roof – I heard the workers on the roof laughing – they saw on my balcony a large cardboard box with colored vibrators are not included in my collection. Since then I threw everything away and now I have just a couple of rubber friends in my bedside table. What the hell with these collections!

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