It’s incredible the strides we’ve made and how much the world has changed since the inception of Celebrate Bisexuality Day in 1999; 20 years on, we have national bisexual+ organizations and out bi and pan politicians; Kat Sandoval wearing butch bisexual suits on TV; Tessa Thompson and Janelle Monáe doing literally everything that they do; and a new generation of youth who are ready to save the world from climate change and have no interest in maintaining the status quo of the past around sexuality or gender. What kind of world are they ushering us into! We can’t wait to find out. Here’s some of your local bi+ Autostraddle writers and pals weighing in on what we hope to see in a bisexual future. Where do you see us headed? Let us know in the comments!
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i love you, bisexuals
Oh I love all of this so much!!! I really relate to what Rachel said about her bisexuality being reactive when she was first figuring it out…I identified publicly as a lesbian for years even though I knew I was bi because I felt like I was a “diet gay” and being bisexual wasn’t enough to fit into the queer community. Caused a lot of internal conflict when I fell for and eventually married a dude (who is bisexual as well!!), but that’s what lying to yourself for years will do lol. YAY
Casey I just bought a house with and had a baby with my cis husband and I struggle every day with being invisible. Part of it is me being less out than I used to be because I now live in small town Ohio (instead of small city Ohio) and its much more conservative here, I’m definitely worried about my family’s safety, but a lot of it is people just assuming that I’m straight and me being too exhausted to correct them. I’m so tired and DONE arguing with other people about my identity that I can’t really do it anymore…is bisexual fatigue a thing?
The main reason why I haven’t just sauntered back into the closet is my daughter—I don’t want her to think that being bisexual/queer is something that is shameful and needs to be hidden. Granted she’s only 2 months old now so ive got time but I spend a lot of time thinking about how to come out to her when she’s old enough to understand. I can’t really find any parenting resources about coming out to your kids, only forum posts where the advice is “your kid doesn’t need to know what you do in BED, yOu DiSgUsTiNg BiSeXuAl!!1!” which completely misses the point. Anyone have any advice about coming out to your kids?
Anyways Casey if you ever decide to start an online bisexual parenting group count me in!! My bisexual community at this point is my husband, which is great, I love being married to another bisexual!! But it’s also pretty damn small.
This entire article made me so happy and definitely made me feel like I was part of the bi+ community again ❤️❤️❤️
…also HI MARA WILSON!! I love that you’re writing about bisexuality for autostraddle it’s making my gay heart grow 3 sizes bigger!!
The way my bff came out to her 4yo daughter was v simple and to the point, but it definitely helped that my “niece” was already aware of the existence of gay and lesbian peeps and that she was friends with a girl with two moms (that had already made her ask my friend “how come she doesn’t have a daddy?” and it was a great starting point). A couple of months later my friend was like “so, you know how x has two moms, and there are all kinds of families? well, mommy has the ability to fall in love with boys and girls, so maybe one day mommy might have a girlfriend, or a boyfriend.”
My niece was like “that’s ok, mommy, love is what matters, and that you treat people good”. I melted. I think it also helps that we’ve always read feminist books to this little baby (who’s now 6 and definitely wants to go to this year’s Pride since she had to miss it last year) and we’ve always been very forthcoming with information.
When we took her to the “stop killing trans people” march on stonewalls anniversary this year, I was trying to explain transness to her in v simple and binary terms since she’s, you know, in first grade, and she chided me for not using the right terms. “Oh, Auntie, I know what you mean. Some boys have vulvas and some girls have penises. You should say vulva, not “chuchi””. So kudos to her first grade teacher for being a great ally and making use of our comprehensive sexual education program.
Thank you so much for sharing this!! I feel less alone in my situation, and it’s really helpful hearing how other families talk about their bisexuality with their kids. Plus it makes me feel like I’m on the right track, definitely already reading feminist/lgbt+ books to her. Your niece sounds absolutely amazing, I hope I can teach my daughter as well your bff taught hers❤️
Bisexual fatigue is definitely a thing. Thank you for naming this!! Please stay tuned for bisexual parenting group, still have to get pregnant, have a baby first 😉
Minor details!
Yeah first advice, ignore those stupid forum posts. :)
I don’t remember exactly when I came out to my daughter, but I made sure it was early and low-key. Might have been after we read Tango to her for the first time, maybe? Anyway just “some people only fall in love with boys, some people only fall in love with girls, some people can fall in love with either – that’s me.” As she’s gotten older we’ve had other conversations slowly adding detail about prejudice, gender, etc. etc., and we try to use language about love and partnerships that doesn’t assume a cis-het model.
Contrary to the expectations of any forum pearl-clutchers, none of this has been traumatic or gross for my kid, who is fine and excited to go to Pride with me today. (Our community celebrates in September, I think because the college kids are all gone in June.)
i LOVE mara’s dedication to boring bisexual representation
Hard same.
I feel that TV and Movie bisexuals have had enough murder, arson and subterfuge going on for a lifetime of TV.
They deserve to fly into the sunset with the superhero of their dreams.
Ahem.
I agree with all of you! I want bisexuality to be seen as an identity, not a behavior. As a state. I want us to be more visible, particularly bi men (and I’m not one to advocate for men representation lol, but we know this is different). I want us to be taken seriously, to be considered valid.
I love being bisexual and I’m glad for the place I’m in right now, but it hasn’t always been easy and I long for younger bi peeps to have a smoother journey.
Less erasure, more representation, more access to our history. Less having to prove to other people that we exist.
This great and pleasant surprise to see noted bisexual Mara Wilson here. I agree with Abeni Jones as it would be nice to see who is exclusionary and who isn’t. Thank you all!
YES to everything Rachel said. I love that there is slowly developing a bisexual identity and community outside of who we are having sex with. What makes us like this? What do we have in common? I want to join your bisexual parenting group or book club immediately if it ever moves to LA
I may not be a fictional character, but I am definitely out here increasing boring bisexual visibility.
You want infinite pet pictures? Way too many facts about bugs? Buddy, I can help you out.
it’s so fascinating to hear about the reactive bisexuality rachel describes! i’m a young bi person and from the moment i came out to myself, it was as bi. have i gotten to a gayer version of that in the past nine years? (jesus i came out to myself nine years ago??) absolutely! i’ve also learned so much more about the queer community and unlearned a bunch of heterocentric misogynist bullshit, so i’m a lot more comfortable with the ‘hnnngh girls pretty’ side of myself
also mara wilson, noted bisexual, is correct. a lot of us are boring cat people and by god i want that on television
One of the things I want to see is a boring cat person bisexual just living that boring 9-5 office life until some staffing changes leave the said bisexual in a helpless puddle of panic because “oh no all the new people are just so very hot” or something
There’s tons of awkward straight boy comedic stuff like like that, we need and deserve some.
I roll in the depraved bisexual villain/anti-hero trope(s) like a labrador in fresh puddle or a cat in catnip leaves, I forged a queer as in fuck you kind of strength from them but I know plenty of my bi sibs have gaping wounds from them and most people are “boring” which is very human and universal.
Vampires, demons, super villains, spies, and assassins not so much.
Plenty of comedy and drama can be had with boring normal people that can make us laugh until we’re wheezing or wince in sympathy.