Cowboy Clairvoyant is a members-only newsletter and series by Autumn Fourkiller featuring dream interpretation, tarot answers, and more ventures into the Beyond. Today, Cowboy Clairvoyant interprets a reader’s dream, answers that reader’s tarot question, and provides a guide for us all about how to use the tarot to choose between two paths. To submit your own dream or question, use our mystical form (okay, it’s just a google form).
Dear Dreamers,
Since we last spoke, I’ve been trying my hardest to readjust back into my Real Life, as they say. I can admit without surprising any of you, I’m sure, that I am suffering from a bit of post-project depression. This, all because I’ve finished my novel and, having read through it, decided it is good enough (hopefully) to send out to agents. Finishing a manuscript and querying agents are only the first two steps in a long road to book publication, and I feel grateful to be undertaking them, but oh, am I weary. Plus, Novel 2 (more on this later) looms…
That all is compounded with my post-conference depression — outside of Cowboy Clairvoyant, writing, and playing cat butler, I work for a writing workshop called Tin House, and each summer I get to do one of the best things in the world and attend what amounts to summer camp for adult writers as staff (though I was a participant back in 2022).
The Summer Workshop is a treat for many reasons, but this year was especially special, because Stef, Kristen, and Kayla were all there, too. And when are Stef, Kristen, Kayla and I going to get to eat dinner together each night? When are we going to get to have long talks in-person over spaghetti and Toms Collinses (lol)?
The heat doesn’t help, and I forgot just how despondent a one-hundred degree Oklahoma day can make me, especially when I could be hanging out with my dear friends and laughing so hard my cheeks hurt. Still, I’ve been trying, even with the state of the world, and the state of my own odd heart.
This morning, though I’ve been back from Portland for two weeks now, I finally sucked it up and went into the grocery store Super Cao Nguyen instead of just saying I was going to go. I picked up tofu, green onions, bottled jasmine tea. I deliberated over leek and pork dumplings. I deliberated over the extensive sake and soju selection, trailing my fingers over the bottles. I got one of those funny little peach ice creams. I made my mouth into a smile instead of a grimace. On my way home, I picked up a grilled pork bahn mi and avocado smoothie, and, through the window, saw a beautiful woman. Tonight, The Hunting Wives. Tonight, Flashlight by Susan Choi. Tonight, hell, maybe I’ll redownload the apps.
Sending you your own small and mundane wonders,
Cowboy
Queer Dream Interpretation
I’m on a writing retreat (I’m an author in my waking life) in a beautiful historic building in some green, flowery mountains. The building also happens to be a retirement home, and there are a lot of nice but nosy elderly folks who keep interrupting me and asking about my work. It doesn’t bother me too much. I’m writing at one of the many giant windows in the building when a massive storm begins. The windows start breaking and glass flies everywhere. I rush around, trying to help the seniors find shelter and clean up glass while getting little cuts all over myself in the process, then I wake up.
– Susie
Dear Susie,
Thank you for the gift of your dream. Oh, to be at a writing retreat in a beautiful historic building in some green, flowery mountains! It sounds quite lovely, especially in this weather, but I have to say I’ve never quite heard of one sharing a building with a retirement home. Maybe someone should get on that?
It makes sense that you, even in your dream life, are occupied with the work of your heart. Perhaps you do not see it as such, but I think you just might. Still, you aren’t that bothered when you keep getting interrupted, especially as it’s initially harmless and nice. That is, of course, until the storm. Something, and I’m speaking outside of the dream here, is keeping you from your work in a destructive manner — is it the force of your doubt? A person? Only you can say. This force, terrible and strong, is represented by the storm, but there is still other debris to consider.
In general, when one dreams of a storm, we must first consider their own emotional volatility. I don’t mean to say that you, dear Susie, are emotionally volatile, simply that in this case, you must put your oxygen mask on first before helping others, even in your writing.
Who knows when those cuts, small as they might be, might grow into something more?
See you on the other side,
CC
Queer Tarot Reading
Susie’s Question for the Tarot: Am I working on the right writing project?
Dear Susie,
Hi again. Thank you for the gift of your question. I’ve decided to tackle this both with a card and my own intuition today.
The card I pulled for you is THE SUN, that bright and gleaming monument, telling me that yes, you are working on the right writing project, and it will begin to feel that way the further you move into it. Plus, speaking from my intuition here, I think this project may begin to take a different shape than it once did, becoming easier, or more tenable to hold. I don’t think you’ll have to rework everything, but soon something will come along and shift your perspective, and for the better.
See you on the other side,
CC
Ask the Tarot: A Guide Deciding Between Two Paths
Many of us are often deciding between two paths, two projects, two lives. Sometimes these paths can be almost impossible to decide between as well, each looking just as sunny as the other.
Though I cannot in good conscience recommend Tarot for everything, I do think if you are feeling undecided, drawing cards can help plumb the depths of your subconscious, rattle your intuition, and even downright disappoint you, helping point you to the right path, your true north.
STEP ONE: CLEANSE YOUR SPACE
I like to call this getting ready to read, and I am of the personal opinion that one should do so before endeavoring to read in most cases (especially for someone else). You can do this by: cleaning off your desk, lighting a candle, burning a bit of lavender or rosemary, or even tying back and covering your hair. If I’m going to undertake a big reading for a client, I’ll often have a cold shower, set out offerings and the like, but it doesn’t have to be so involved. While you’re doing whatever cleansing means to you, think about the decision ahead of you.
STEP TWO: SHUFFLE YOUR DECK AND VISUALIZE
Alright, so you’re ready to read, you’ve sat down at your desk or leaned back on a stack of pillows on your bed. Bring your cards out. Run them through your hands. Shuffle them. Press them into your palms. While you’re doing this, visualize the choices as paths stretching before you into the woods, clearly marked. What do they look like? Is one safer than the other? Pull this vision forward and let it run from your head all the way down. Pretend there are tendrils of these choices wrapping around the cards. Take a deep breath.
STEP THREE: SPEAK ALOUD YOUR CHOICES AND INTERPRET YOUR CARDS
Once your cards are shuffled and you feel ready to begin, separate by feeling into as many stacks as needed. This guide is for choosing between two separate paths, but you can also divide the stacks into three, four, etc.
For each choice, and each path, designate a separate stack. Before you pull the deciding card, make sure to ask your questions aloud. For example, say I had two stacks. One stack is for a writing job and the other is for a tech job. I’d tap my fingers on the first stack (a little hello from me to the cards) and say: Should I take this writing job? Is it my best and highest? And then draw the card. Once the card is drawn, I would take note of it, interpret it, and then, if needed, draw a clarifying card, or ask a different question. Then, I’d move on to the next stack, leaving that choice, for the moment, behind.
Remember to note your reactions to each card pull. Are you relieved? Disappointed? Do you feel the need to keep clarifying? Therein, without much more searching, could be your answer.
