The Sims For Twitter: More Internet Haikus

feature image via shutterstock


ever just log on
to chat with the carmax bot
coolcool me neither


sometimes i tear up
knowing my dog’s first google
would be the word ‘dog’


wish an unfriending
caused a notification
like a slide whistle


if i had siri
i’d ask her one thing daily:
where is flavortown

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try this one weird trick
at finding true inner peace
delete your account


this is how it starts
been calling snapchat “snapshot”
soon i’ll be your dad


someone who’s not me
hulu-streamed interstellar
was it.. future me


#UNameItChallenge
will go down in history
as life’s greatest feat


on a dating app
“who wants to give me money”
was my “about me”


speaking of money
i’m out here connecting dots
on venmo romance


wish there were more ways
for content on instagram
maybe audio?


shout out to a friend
on their foray into sexts
bless you on this path


hey melbourne people
a lot of you follow me
what’s the dealio


the sims for twitter
a million dollar idea
to ruin us all


a town hall meeting
where we’re just reading our tweets
instead of concerns


or we’re all clubbing
live-tweeting the golden globes
music is pumping


anyway i’d play
who wants to fund this platform
leave us a comment


that one mailing list
when you don’t have it in you
to click unsubscribe


proud gmail owner
of the bakedziti account
forgot password tho


guess what has no chill
chrome’s ‘link devices’ feature
let a girl know damn


wacky 404s
are like big sips of water
on a desert hike

Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 207 articles for us.

25 Comments

  1. OMG ERIN. I love you forever. I’m so glad yr gonna be in my radius soon. Favorites:

    someone who’s not me
    hulu-streamed interstellar
    was it.. future me

    that one mailing list
    when you don’t have it in you
    to click unsubscribe

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