Sochi Olympics 2014 Opening Ceremony OPEN THREAD

The Sochi 2014 Winter Olympics have already begun and the Opening Ceremony already happened but we don’t care because TAPE DELAY MUTHASUCKAS. If you didn’t hunt down a live stream and instead waited to relax in front of your television at a totally normal time, this is where you belong. Everyone is having a lot of “how dare they not show the t.A.T.u. performance” feelings so please share them with your kin on this here open thread. Please alert us whenever you see an athlete with an alternative lifestyle haircut, it’s important. While you’re here, check these out as well:

Playing for Our Team: The 7 Out Gay Olympians at Sochi

Surprise: Tatu Not Having A Great Time At The Sochi Olympics

Notes From A Queer Engineer: Yuna Kim And The Physics of Figure Skating

Your Obsessive 2014 Winter Olympics Ladies Figure Skating Preview Is Here

Spoiler alert

Spoiler alert

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Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 328 articles for us.


  1. t.A.T.u. was the only thing i wanted to watch… the one good thing about this year’s olympics RUINED.

    • It is important to support the athletes of the world. They work their entire lives for this chance. We need to stand with them, even as we stand against Russia.

      • This is bigger than the athletes though. They’ll get medals and recognition within their sport whether we watch it or not. Gay men (and gay women?) are being hunted and killed, and beaten like animals, openly.
        The government is doing NOTHING. They are even supporting these disgusting human beings (the attackers).

        That is something that we cannot stand for! You know what happens when people tune in and watch, or go to the actual games, to support the athletes? The government, the companies etc get money. They see it as support. They don’t care what your intentions are, they benefit, and that’s that.

        Sadly I know I’m not in the majority, but I will not be lending any support to these games, whatsoever. I wish people knew to vote with feet. :(

        (NOTE: This was not an attack on you – I know your intentions are good, just rant in general.

    • I posted this on Facebook earlier today in anticipation of comments like this, I’m just going to copy it here:

      Why I Am Not Boycotting the Sochi Olympics:

      I thought long and hard about how to celebrate these Olympics. I love the Winter Olympics, okay? I watch EVERY single sport. Speed skating, luge, curling, I love it all. So this was a difficult decision for me to make. Because I also identify as a member of the LGBT community, and I feel for the LGBT community in Russia. Do I think the IOC fucked up by choosing Sochi in the first place? Yes. Do I think the IOC fucked up by not considering options to move the Olympics once these laws were signed? Yes. Do I think the IOC fucked up by not renouncing the Russian laws and working harder to protect athletes, spectators, and the media from the anti-LGBT laws? Yes.

      But I chose NOT to boycott these Olympics on purpose.
      1) I’m also an athlete, and a sports lover, and I know the immense hard work these athletes have put in to get to this point, and they deserve to see that through. And they deserve our support.
      2) It’s too late now, the Olympics have started, and Russia is not going to back down from these laws in time to make any changes. Several months ago, maybe a worldwide boycott threat could have been used to push Russia to change their laws in advance of the Olympics, but it’s too late for that now.
      3) LGBT activists in Russia have expressly asked the world NOT to boycott the Sochi Olympics. They WANT the world to be watching. They want the eyes of world to see the torture and discrimination they endure in Russia, and will continue to endure long after the athletes have gone home.
      4) If the world watches, if the world pays attention, if the world media brings focus to the effects of Russia’s anti-gay laws (and animal cruelty, let’s not forget about that), then maybe the world will see, and the world won’t forget when the Olympics are over, and the world can try to make Russia change.

      I’d like to once again quote Anita Sarkeesian: “It is both good and even necessary to simultaneously enjoy media, while being critical of its more problematic or pernicious aspects.”

      So, Facebook friends, this is my promise to you. I’m going to watch these Olympics. I’m going to watch every event, and I’m going to be so fucking proud when Canada continuously kills it. I want to see Crosby and Wickenheiser with those gold medals again. But I will also be following along very closely to political goings-on in Russia as well. I’m going to pay attention to the activists outside of the Olympic compounds. And I’m going to continue to do so when the Olympics are over. I won’t forget.

      If you choose not to watch these Games for whatever reason, I support that, it’s your choice. But I will be watching.

      • Also, for the last month, almost every thing I have read or seen about the Sochi Olympics, the author has brought up the Russian anti-LGBT laws and human rights abuses. I think it’s pretty awesome that the focus in LGBT rights is on serious problems and not on marriage equality for once. Like, would we know so much about what’s going on in Russian with the gays unless they were hosting the Olympics?

      • “LGBT activists in Russia have expressly asked the world NOT to boycott the Sochi Olympics. They WANT the world to be watching. They want the eyes of world to see the torture and discrimination they endure in Russia, and will continue to endure long after the athletes have gone home.”

        ^ to me, this factors most heavily into any considerations I’ve made re: this Olympics.

  2. As I saw a replay of the non opening snowflake all I could think was maybe amyl nitrate would help…

  3. Considering that I turned gay while watching the last Olympics, I probably won’t tune in this year. I don’t need any more surprises!

  4. I went to some kind of protest slash alternative opening ceremony thingie instead of watching the opening ceremony, and a friend’s friend was mean about the drag queens in attendance and said some entirely transphobic things which was awful and reminded me of all the reasons why i don’t usually actively try to make friends in this city’s gay community. And then I watched the last two episodes of orange is the new black, so basically my heart is shattered and i can’t even. Also it is two AM, which, yes, bad life choices.

  5. I can’t even look off a roof without freaking out. And that little girl was just chilling stories off the ground. While singing. Totally a failure in comparison.

  6. Our team look like tourists. Everyone else looks cool. Except Bermuda, they look cold, really really cold, in their shorts and blazers.

  7. “1000 years of history in just under 3 minutes” I’m impressed they made it as long as they did without any women!

    • Yes! And the dance scene with the brides, grooms, then the baby carriages. It’s like, any questions I had about Putin shoving heteronormativity down our throats was cleared up!

  8. I don’t have a tv and can’t find this live streaming anywhere! I did get to watch the mens police chorus sing “get lucky” which was a pretty good spectacle in it’s self.

    • I thought I was watching an outtake from Christopher Guest’s “Waiting for Guffman”. They just needed to sing the “Stool Boom!” song.

  9. Also putin was asleep for like 90‰ of the delegation walk ins every time the camera panned to him his eyes were closed

  10. With all of the problematic aspects of these games, I was watching the ceremony with more of a “huh, wonder what *this* will be like” attitude, pretty detached. But, man, the athletes walking in – I can’t not get a lil teary-eyed. Especially when it comes to the countries with just a few athletes. Can we talk about the Nepali cross-country skier who said he knows he’ll come in last but that’s not important, and took 4 months off from his job as a brick-layer to train, in order to spread the Olympic spirit to young people in Nepal?! I may be sappy, but this stuff gets to me every time.

    I switched off after the Russian delegation marched in triumphantly to Tatu, not so into the rest of the pageantry. But, I think I’m going to have to rewatch the athletes entering because I somehow missed the Dutch delegation, and I was excited to see them based on the AS article.

      • I ended up watching some with my mom later — impressive staging. Still not into the drawn-out storytelling, but did enjoy the jelly-fish-like dance/costuming. :)

  11. I’m a fan of the extensive use of Tchaikovsky’s music and also the shout out they gave him in the alphabet in the beginning of the opening ceremony. Because they seem to have forgotten that Tchaikovsky was a Total Homo. A Giant Gay. So that makes me smile.

  12. Best of luck to ally and queer athletes. I will probably see about 20 – 30 seconds total of the Olympics, if that. No interest in supporting this event hosted by a hostile government.

  13. What is this rave music and why am I enjoying it? *watching the parade of nations now and by watching I mean browsing Autostraddle*

  14. what are the ladies in white escorting each country wearing? they look like they wandered off the set of “Springtime for Hitler.”

  15. As soon as Catherine the Great was mentioned I got distracted and starting researching family history, turns out the family lore was fairly accurate and they were Black Sea Germans that moved to near Odessa.

  16. Just want to also say in case you don’t know, the BBC have sent Claire Balding, an openly gay lady to be one of the main anchors of UK Olympic coverage, in the promo pics she’s centre. She’s a national treasure. She referenced equality, with regards to principle six of the Olympic charter, a lot in and around the opening ceremony. She is a total legend.

    • That ad was way sexier than the Chevy Traverse “all kinds of families” ad with the mom couple we got here in the US. I liked both, though.

  17. I haven’t seen this posted anywhere yet – hot ALH Alert: Katie Uhlaender! Don’t know much about her except that she’s a skeleton racer, and it seems like several different states claim her, but her hair is perfect.

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