Sometimes we have ideas that just don’t work out. For example, when our editors were brainstorming Birthday Issue roundtable ideas we started out talking about parties and cakes and gifts, and then moved to aging, and before the thread was done we’d definitely moved all the way to death. Specifically, which celebrity death’s was the first to affect the way we thought about life? And why? Laneia rightly decided after we’d already solicited answers that the whole death thing was probably going to bring down the Monday morning birthday vibe, so we put a pin in this roundtable. But on Friday, as the internet remembered the death of Kurt Cobain, this roundtable became relevant again and so here we are. As always, we’d treasure your answers in the comments.
Monday Roundtable: The Celebrity Deaths That Hit Us Hardest
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I’m going to go with Robin Williams. He was so vibrant, and real, and part of so much of my life, from a childhood watching Mork and Mindy, through Aladdin and Good Morning Vietnam and Mrs. Doubtfire, some serious works like The Fisher King, and even his recent sitcom with Sarah Michelle Gellar, The Crazy Ones, was a pleasant reminder of his weird genius. We had no idea of the pain he was in, and he prompted a real attempt, often botched but still an attempt, for our culture to have a talk about mental health. From all accounts he seemed like a good man who did one of a kind work, and we’re all poorer for not being able to support him like he needed.
Beautifully said ❤️ I remember so clearly how I found out about his death— walking through a conference center, glimpsing it on the tv in the bar, not being able to stop bc I was on the clock for work, and having to just keep going and pushing all my feelings down, and then finally getting off work hours later and the sadness being so much.
I was kinda surprised that no one mentioned Amy Winehouse or Steve Irwin, and then I realized that I think I’m younger than most of you and it makes sense that celebrity deaths would impact us the most when we are young. When David Bowie died I definitely was very sad, and then it was immediately complicated by me trying to reckon with his legacy and decide whether he was a pedophile or not and having to take a break from the whole Internet because I was distraught about various things. But I definitely listened to Lazarus like, way too many times in a three-day period because I was depressed about him dying (he just seemed like one of those people who would never die!) and also because I was depressed in general and passively contemplating suicide. WOW ANYWAY THIS GOT DARK but death is real and coming for us all and also I am so glad to be alive!
I am still so devastated by Amy Winehouse’s death. My parents played her CDs in the car every time we were driving my Stepdad to work at a Retail Park just off the M1 which is one of the biggest motorways (highways) in England. I grew up knowing every lyric. She always seemed so invincible to me. Some of my relatives had died by then so I knew that people died, but they were all so old. Amy was so vibrant and full of life, until she simply wasn’t anymore.
Amy Winehouse. I can’t believe I’m older now than she’ll ever be. I hate the way mental health/addiction issues were handled by the media with regard to her.
Like Erin, also Aaliyah and Whitney. Only in retrospect did I understand what Aaliyah meant to me as a queer person. Whitney because she was the same age as my mom and I realized I could lose her any time.
Here’s one more – George Michael. He was the first gay person to teach me to question the idea of needing to be a Good Gay.
Dusty Springfield! I don’t remember where I first heard ”son of a preacher man” but I remember VIVIDLY the impact it/she had.. Then she came out, and then I learnt about the anti-apartheid statements she’d made, at a time when it was not cool for pop stars to be political, and how she openly stuck to her political beliefs despite the very public crap she got for it.. and then laughed when I read that Aretha ( who I adore) refused to do Preacher Man till she heard Dusty’s version and then rushed out and cut it.. and her love of cake and fits of temper just made her more human and accessible and not less…
Also, Dermot Morgan’s death hit me bizarrely hard, way more than I was expecting.. if the Derry Girls fans on here haven’t seen ”Father Ted” I very much recommend it, it was twisted and subversive, sharply-written and hysterically funny, one of those programmes that seems like a precursor to so many others in ways that you can’t quite put your finger on.
Drink! Girls! Feck!
(Love Father Ted and second your feelings about it.)
someone mentioned scott hutchison from frightened rabbit in the songs to cry to in CVS post and i haven’t stopped being shaken by his death all over again since. my partner and i were lucky enough to see FR in concert for the first time about a year before his death and i was struck the whole time by what a good and gentle vibe that man gave off in person. i’d been planning on getting a tattoo from “blood under the bridge” for a long time now… i’m not a hugely emotional person but i sobbed when i first heard that song and listened to it on repeat all day. most FR fans go for the obvious “heads roll off” bittersweet revisiting, but for me, it’s how i’ll never be able to get “realize it’s not the end, it’s an uncomfortable pause” out of my head in a whole new way.
Reneice! Your Prince story is so vivid 💜 I don’t remember where I was when I actually learned the news of his death, but I remember moments from the rest of that week really clearly for some reason.. Driving to the airport w/ my wife, and the radio station playing an extended dance remix of a bunch of his songs, rolling the windows down and just basking in it.
I almost never get upset about celebrity deaths, I just don’t feel that much sadness about people I don’t personally know. Which is odd in some ways because I cry all the time at stuff I watch or read when people die or show love for others.
Chester Bennington is the the only celebrity whose death truly upset me. Linkin Park got me through my teens and the idea that the man who sang Numb with the power he did wasn’t here anymore was completely impossible in my head. Maybe a part of that was being in a bad place myself at the time but it took me a while and a lot of listening to his songs to accept that.
I cried All. Damn. Day. when Anthony Bourdain died. It hit me like I knew him personally. I have a bad habit of thinking that if I can change my physical surroundings, my life will change and my problems will go away. His death was a reminder to me that depression follows wherever you go, no matter how privileged or well-traveled or adored you may be. Plus I just love his work. I miss him.
Both Aaliyah and Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes death hit me hard. Lisa Lopes because it was a year after Aaliyah died and it was another senseless accident. I loved the 90’s hip-hop coming out of Atlanta, especially the women. Both were around my age and it made me realize life is fleeting.
I’m surprised no one mentioned Carrie Fisher. Actually basically most of the celebrity deaths in 2016 made me want to curl up in a ball.
still upset about left eye.
Carrie Fisher was a shock. I’d only seen her on TV on 8 out of 10 Cats a day or two before she became ill and I couldn’t wrap my head around how someone so vibrantly alive could be dead so soon after.
As an adult? Alan Rickman. Listen: I LOVED (AND STILL LOVE) HIM. SO. MUCH. The best impulse splurge I ever made was actually a few months into my marriage with my ex-husband, to go see Rickman on Broadway in a new show, Seminar. I think I gripped my ex’s arm the entire time, I was just so excited to be in the same room as Rickman, to hear his voice and just take in his presence. It was my first time in New York, my first time at a Broadway show. I’d loved him since I was a kid (a weird celebrity crush that my ex-husband found extremely amusing). He did period movies and weird movies and played my favorite character in Harry Potter and he did things like read Shakespearean sonnets and I just thought he was incredible.
Anyway. Cut to Norway, January 2016. I was on vacation with my now ex-partner, and we were sitting in a very fancy library in Tromso, just taking a break from the cold, and she reached over and took my hand and told me that he had passed, and I just burst out sobbing, uncontrollably. I did not know you could react that way to a celebrity death.
SAME! As a teen I became obsessed by Alan Rickman: I carried this admiration to my late 20s to the degree of 20 (!) people calling or writing me the day the news said he had died. My mom and my sister called to hear if I already knew and if I was ok, friends from college I had lost touch sent e-mails etc. I still haven’t seen “Eye in the sky” because I know it is his last movie…
David Bowie. I cried all day. It’s sometimes hard to grasp that he’s really gone. I grew up listening to his music.
But I have to say the one that shocked me was definitely Dolores O’Riordan, the lead singer of The Cranberries. Mostly because it was so unexpected. I hadn’t kept up with the band as I kinda lost interest sometime in the late 90’s but going back and listening to all their records, they held up so well. She had such a beautiful voice.
Yes on Dolores O’Riordan
Terry Pratchett. Not his death so much since it wasn’t unexpected, but earlier when I found out that he had early-onset dementia. I don’t usually feel personally attached to celebrities, but that one felt especially cruel.
Gord Downie🍁
Carrie Fisher. The day she died, I was driving cross-country from family holidays to college and I had to pull over in Nowhere, Tennessee and just sit and reflect on mortality. Then, because I was in a particularly stubborn phase in which I refused to use a GPS because I Can Read A Compass, I ended up two hours off my route in the Smoky Mountains by mistake!
I remember being a Junior in high school and sobbing uncontrollably as several classmates lowered the flag in honor of John Lennon. Like others have noted, it was the first time I realized that anyone could die at any age.
But the most recent one that hit me hard has got to be Robin Williams. He had been made an honorary member of my union in recognition of all the work he had brought to us and the city. His death came during the same week that a fellow stagehand had taken his own life, and I just couldn’t cope. I heard about my co-worker’s death while working a panel on mental health issues in the tech industry–no doubt prompted by Williams’ suicide. The audio guy and I proceeded to have a long conversation about the stigma of seeking therapy in African American and evangelical communities. We both had been taught that you don’t talk about your troubles with a therapist; you take that sh!t to the Lord. He and I embraced and managed to get through the work day, but more than a few tears fell on the lighting and sound boards for sure.
so many of these people and stories resonate, but the death that immediately came to my mind was carrie fisher. i was (and continue to be) a fan of star wars and when harry met sally, but i also deeply loved her complete irreverence, brilliance, and wit. i cried all day when i heard the news.
All of the above, but for me, I think, John Kennedy jr. It still makes me tear up, just thinking about it.
Princess Diana’s death is the one I remember most from my youth. I was 21 so not even that young, but I just remember it being so shocking and plastered all over the news.
In more recent times, the one that I had the strongest emotional reaction to was Nelson Mandela. It’s hard to lose prominent figures who are such beacons of peace and hope, in a world that seems to be devolving everyday into more divisiveness and greed.
December 18th 2017, Kim Jonghyun from the Kpop group SHINee died by a very well planned and timed suicide. And it left me broken for a while.
When I found out through Twitter I got chills and hot spikes at the same time and cried for a while. I allowed myself to be incredibly sad and grieve intensely for one day and slowly started picking myself back up.
I spent the day online, on Twitter, trying to work through it with my friends and being there for them.
He was so kind, so bright, so talented. His kind words and lyrics helped me and many others feel heard and understood.
I still find it hard to hear his voice sometimes.
It’s his birthday today.
I broke down in tears multiple times after hearing about Carrie Fisher’s death and even two years later I still get really emotional about it! Luckily I was visiting my parents for Christmas whenever that happened, so I could process it with my family – we used to watch the Star Wars movies together when me and my brother were younger and it was a big part of my childhood, but I guess I didn’t realize how big until Carrie Fisher died and I was completely devastated.
I grew up pretty removed from celebrity culture, so a lot of the deaths that affected other people my age didn’t hit me in the same way. The only exceptions so far have been David Bowie and Ursula LeGuin.
Losing Bowie was so strange because he had always seemed larger-than-life; surely he wasn’t really human, couldn’t actually die. Then of course there was reckoning with his past and with what that meant, and with how that fit in with how important he was to me since childhood. I still listen to his duet with Bing Crosby every Christmastime.
Ursula LeGuin, on the other hand, was already old when I started reading her. I spent my late teens and early 20s in a kind of slow dread of her death; every new book was something to be thankful for, something that might not have happened. Perhaps it’s morbid, but I had looked up to her for so long and wanted desperately to meet her, but knew it was increasingly unlikely. When she died, I cried for days.
Thatcher’s death – hit me like a truckload of MDMA. It’s a good feeling when you realise the true meaning of Danse Macabre as the medieval symbolism of justice. GG next, in my queue of awesome events to look forward to – and i am seriously considering storing a couple of champagne bottles in anticipation.
Other than the positive list – i think Bowie’s death touched me most.
Heath Ledger… honestly sometimes I still forget that he’s died and then remember all over again.
Heath Ledger is definitely the big one for me. I was at work when I heard he’d died and immediately I thought, “I expected to grow old with him.” Not, like WITH him obviously, but like my mom with Robert Redford, he was going to be an actor I’d adored as a teen and kept on adoring as we both aged. And then suddenly he was gone. It was the first celebrity death that really surprised and shook me, and I’m still pretty sad when I think about it.
Chris Cornell for me. I remember as a kid being werided out by the black hole sun video video and not understanding why I want to see what else Soundgarden has to offer. Never met him, though I once drove past him in his car stuck in traffic near Hollywood, but did see Audioslave in concert twice for their frist album. The other day Temple of Dog Hunger strike was playing, which is Cornell with Eddie Vedder as a guest vocalist. I forgot Cornell was dead and thought about how great a duet album from those two would be. It occured to me an hour later he’s dead and it wouldn’t happen as Cornell is dead.
anthony bourdain. My dad died when I was young and Bourdain was the celebrity I could see my dad in. They had a lot in common they both worked in the food industry (my dad was a meat salesman), loved rock music, had addiction struggles and had very similar personalities and values overall. So when he died it felt like losing my dad again. I don’t think a celebrity death will ever effect me as much as his did.
My first one was Steve Irwin (I remember my brother and I burst into tears), but the one that hit me hardest was Chris Cornell. One of my fondest concert memories is the time I crowdsurfed while Soundgarden was playing “Spoonman” back when I was 16. I remember being dropped off at the front of the stage and just staring at him, in awe of how talented and cool and larger-than-life he was (and then a security guard told me to stop staring and move along). I was a big grunge kid (still am), but I didn’t really experience Kurt Cobain and Layne Staley’s deaths in real time. Chris was the first icon I “watched” die, and that was a lot for me.
My mom talks about John Lennon and Walt Disney dying as celebrity deaths that mad em her sad
Jonathan Gold the LA Times food critic was a tragic loss, in the prime of his career.
I was never a huge Michael Jackson fan, and I was too young to have seen him when he was really in his prime, but I have such a strong memory of the day he died, and I think it was the first one to really hit me. I was 14, and I was at sleepaway camp, and we were celebrating my friend’s 15th birthday on the porch of our cabin, and one of our counselors just came running up yelling “MICHAEL JACKSON DIED” and we all thought she was joking because he was SO famous that it just… didn’t make sense. For some reason I remember thinking about how they had done a Michael Jackson tribute on American Idol that season, just a few months earlier, so it’s not like he was some old guy that we kids had never heard of. I think it was probably the first BIG celebrity death of my lifetime. A few months prior to that, a girl I went to school with and had known since kindergarten had died unexpectedly (we were in 9th grade) and I was so shaken that someone my age could just die like that. I think hearing that Michael Jackson died was maybe another lesson that no one’s immune to death, regardless of if you’re a celebrity or if you’re just a kid.
One of mine is Victoria Wood. She was an absolutely wonderful British comedian, and her career spanned decades and lots of hit TV shows. My favourite show of hers is Dinnerladies which I watch with my Mum. Every year we watch the Christmas episode when I visit her for the holidays and we both cry every single time.
God yes! I still don’t ”feel” like she’s dead…
i’ve never been really affected by celebrity deaths but i was crushed when mary oliver died.
Lou Reed. I was in my first year of PhD and that morning I was walking to my supervisor’s apartment so we could get a cab to fly to Morocco for fieldwork.
I remember putting earphones in and listening to Pale Blue Eyes, Sunday Morning and Perfect Day and arriving at his door with tears in my eyes. Had never cried for a celebrity death before but his hit me really hard and I totally felt like I needed to mourn for a while.