Autostraddle’s expansive Vapid Fluff content is subject to a neverending news cycle. Every morning, before I so much as get out of bed, I scour multiple tabloid websites in search of potential queer-friendly gossip situations. Sometimes I strike gold — Kristen Stewart may be walking through an airport in casual outerwear, holding hands with a lady — and other times I skip through page after page of meaningless garbage, cursing the circumstances of my life which led me to this bizarre fate.
Being a celebrity means that every time you eat a sandwich next to someone, you’re getting married imminently, and every fashion choice you make is usually interpreted as a secret message to the person you dated anywhere from three to ten years ago. I have unwittingly learned the names of all of the Kardashians, and I’m a lot more up-to-date on Gwen Stefani’s relationship status than I’d like. Here are some of the most amazing headlines I’ve skimmed over as I searched for news of Samira Wiley, for the good of the people.
Fair warning, there’s a lot of ass in these headlines and an awful lot of it comes from the Kardashian family.
Well Charlotte McKinney, you’re just going to have to wait.
I wish they wouldn’t call the Kardashian family a Klan.
Because she’s pregnant, get it?!?!? Stay classy, TMZ.
That’s what she said.
I didn’t know this was even possible, but they’ve done it.
Paul McCartney, I like your style.
The only way to cope.
What a world we live in.
OK, I loved this one.
…Although that’s not an entirely terrible idea.
I would be embarrassed too.
When the universe hands you a headline like this, who are you to deny it?
That’s just like, your opinion, man.
I don’t even remember what this one was about, I just relish every opportunity to tell Taylor Swift she sucks at something.
“Get in line, Nick Loeb.” – Rachel