I Still Don’t Get The Cat Thing: Some Internet Haikus

curious to know
how many other people
fav’d their gyno’s tweet

i’m not like those girls
*spins football up with both hands*
here is my think piece

never read reddit
but the vibe i get is this:
digital soul patch

cher thrives in all caps
cher transcends the medium
but is cher okay

what is cher doing
i hope she updates twitter
so i can know more

win the internet?
that’s what dj khaled does
all he does is win

all the double posts
they are the exact same thing
regret the follow

so often i think,
“is this post necessary?”
for instance this one

remember chris klein
when we found that audition
and ruined his life

who’s anti-selfie?
more pictures of your face please
smile, no smile, who cares

the fuller house thing
is the internet’s fault/feat
based on who you ask

after all these years
i still don’t get the cat thing
but i love you all

damn, guy on facebook
who used to sharpie his teeth
back at it again

you should @ ellen
have a little fun today
maybe you’ll win cash

you’d think that by now
youtube would look differently
it really doesn’t

i think i get it
*extremely wild oprah voice*
i love to eat bread

the internet gives
gives things like christian side hug
for which i’m grateful

i honestly think
that people who can vine well
are gods among us

i didn’t see it
but i heard pitbull killed it
after leo’s win

a fun thing to search
when you’re feeling sort of low
is beagles on skis

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Los Angeles based writer. Let's keep it clean out there!

Erin has written 208 articles for us.


  1. I like this a lot
    where’s my big blue thumb though
    the cat ate it – I guess

  2. I can’t express enough how much I appreciated the use of @ and *extremely wild oprah voice* in these.

    Also, I have loved every single thing you’ve written here so far! I get excited when I see you listed as the author from the homepage.

    • Agreed! This quality content reminds me of things like “These Cashews” which I will always hold close to my heart and which helped me fall in love with this place/these weirdos.

  3. I like your haikus, Erin. =)

    Don’t read the comments
    Unless it’s Autostraddle
    Friendlier folks there

    I bottle fruit juice
    And now doctors hate me
    They’ve never met me!

    Go to TV Tropes
    Finally done browsing your stuff
    Six hours later

  4. Outstanding.

    Job-search stress today.
    Will skiing beagles calm me?
    *Googles.* Yes, they will.

  5. I eagerly searched for ‘beagles on skis’ but could not find any actual pictures of beagles on skis? Sadness.

  6. Perfecting the art
    of sniggering silently;
    officemate works hard.

    Perfecting is not
    the best word for the job though;
    Not going that well.

Comments are closed.