Holigay Gift Guide: Last-Minute Anal Gifts

Holigays 2019 Autostraddle

​Well, we biffed it! The holidays are right around the corner and you forgot to add the most important present into your lover’s gift box: a butt toy. Anal toys are the PURRFECT holigay gift. I can say this with a false self of certainty that literally everyone’s New Year’s Resolution will be “MORE ANAL” or “BIGGER ANAL” or “FINALLY I WILL TRY ANAL.”

Don’t let sledding and hot cocoa and miserable obligated family time steal the show this season. Let’s worship our partner’s butts like we worship the rest of their hot perfect body. Also, I totally give permission for you to buy a present for your partner to use on you. No one’s butt should be neglected this holiday. These really are gifts for everyone involved.

Whether you and your partner(s) are butt beginners, butt aficionados, pro-prostate, or non-penatrive butt luvers, I’ve got you covered for some last-minute anal gifts.


​Butt We’re So Far Apart!

If you and your partner(s) are long-distance, NO WORRIES! You can still play from afar! We-Vibe excels at app-controlled toys, this means one person can play with the toy while the other controls it from anywhere in the world. The app has chat and video capacity and since you control it on your phone, you can totally wear their toys out during your xxx-mas clubbing or to an otherwise boring dinner. YDY! The Vector Vibrating Anal Plug is my favorite new We-Vibe toy. It has an awesome shape for prostate pleasure, a slim but firm curve making it friendly for anyone interested in anal, and multiple points of strong vibration. One aspect of being long-distance is that you’re probably sexting–a lot. Having an anal toy with a gem (or something cute!) on the outside is ideal for face-time fucking your partner! It catches the light! It looks great in snapchats! Show that butt off!


Butt Stuff Newbies!

Autostraddle has you covered in terms of how to start your anal journey. Here are some of my favorite beginner toys. The Rocks Off Petite Sensations Teazer is super slim (seriously: it’s smaller than a finger) plug that allows whoever is wearing it to enjoy some anal vibration without much (any) girth. Newbies rejoice! The Aneros MGX Syn Trident is one of the most popular prostate toys and for good reason! The shape is perfect for folks looking to explore prostate play for the first time: this toy has internal and external stimulation and it’s unique smart design allows for solo play or partner play. Lastly, B-Vibe is the company leading the way in anal play and their Anal Education Set has everything you could desire in one easy-to-use kit! It’s worth it: I promise.


Strap-On Favorites!

1. Simon Peg Dildo ($49.99)
2. Oben Golden Night Dildo ($65.01)
3. Real Nude Ergo ($46.00)

Penetrating a partner (or being penetrated) anally with strap-on is FUN! There! I said what everyone is thinking! BS Atelier makes some of my favorite dildos and their Oben line is perfect for anal–three different sizes, smooth design, and the tip is made with soft dual-density silicone. Plus THAT GOLD. Beautiful! Festive! The Simon Peg is a slim and soft (but not too-soft) dildo that’s great for beginners. The Real Nude Ergo Suction Cup Base dildo is great for those that want a little bit of girth, it’s super soft and squishy and the suction cup works great and it’s affordable to boot(y).


​I Love Anal: Now Give Me The BEST!

Sometimes we just want the best of the best! Njoy doesn’t fuck around when it comes to making amazing anal toys. B-Vibe Vibrating Snug Plugs are great when you want it all: weight, vibration, a toy you can wear during other forms of sex! Vixen Creations Gemstones are by far my ultimate favorite anal bead. It doesn’t “snap back” like many silicone beads do and there’s multiple size and color options so you can really goldilocks your anal experience.


​Non-Penetrating Anal Favs!

Sometimes we don’t want anything in a butt! And that is FINE! It doesn’t mean anal play is off the table though! There’s so many fun items to add into non-penatrive anal play. Gloves are great for easy clean-up, dental dams are awesome for rim jobs. The Flutter Tip is an extra-amazing attachment for the Hitachi Magic Wand that feels awesome on a clit, vulva, penis or (you guessed it) a butt! The KinkKit Spank is a great last-minute kit that explores the joy and pain of spanking that can be sent right to your lover’s door!

I'm a cartoonist living in Minneapolis. Co-Author and artist of A Quick And Easy Guide To They/Them Pronouns. Author of Grease Bats, coming out Fall 2019 with Boom! Studios! If I'm not working I'm socializing. If I'm not out with friends I'm drawing. If I'm not doing any of those things I'm probably depressed. Support me using Patreon.

Archie has written 115 articles for us.

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