FRIDAY OPEN THREAD: I Just Started Using Spotify; Tell Me Your Fave Albums From the Days of Yore

What’s up pocket pushers! Welcome to this week’s FRIDAY OPEN THREAD! Have you missed me? I’ve certainly missed having time to daydream and talk to myself which is how I used to spend 25% of my day!

Have y’all heard of Tidal? I refuse to look up exactly what it is because I just started using Spotify and if there’s a better option, I don’t want to know. I refused to use it for a long time because they don’t have mixtapes and that’s half of what I listen to. But when half of my commute ended up being underground, it started to make more sense. I can save albums to my phone for when I don’t have service, listen to albums I don’t own, and easily discover new artists.

Even with all of that, probably the best thing is being able to listen to the artists of my youth. I’m rediscovering albums I actually owned on a compact disk at one point. Chingy’s Jackpot? You bet! Limp Bizkit’s Significant Other? Absolutely. Britney Spears’ first two albums? Why not?!

chingy

I remember reading the thank you section from the CD covers and how delighted I’d get if the artist chose to include lyrics. This made me realize, I MISS ALBUM ART. Sure, we still get to see it nowadays but it doesn’t make the same impression as when I got to hold it in my hands. Do I sound old? That’s fine.

I encourage you to make today a blast from your past and listen to some faves you haven’t given some loving in a while. Then, post the album art below!

limpbizkit

Per the usual, swap selfies, pet pics, stories, news, good stuff, bad stuff. I wanna know it all. Happy Friday, y’all!


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3. Go forth and jam.

Brittani Nichols is a Los Angeles based comedy person. When she's not tweeting about white people or watching television, she's probably eating pizza. Actually, she's probably doing all three of those things concurrently and when she's not doing THAT, she's sleeping. Brittani also went to Yale and feels weird about mentioning it but wants you to know.

Brittani has written 330 articles for us.

160 Comments

  1. In 1998, I bought a cd from Limited Too (a preteen-focused spinoff of The Limited/my favorite clothing store from 6th through 8th grade). One of the songs unexpectedly popped into my head a few months ago and I tracked down the songs and made a playlist. I’ve been listening to it at work and greatly enjoying it.

    01 – Bic Runga – Drive
    02 – Des’ree – Life
    03 – Destiny’s Child – Illusion
    04 – Save Ferris – Nobody But Me
    05 – DAG – You Make Me Feel
    06 – Chantal Kreviazuk – Surrounded
    07 – N-Tyce – We Come To Party
    08 – Anggun – Life On Mars
    09 – Imani Coppola – Pigeon Penelope
    10 – K’s Choice – Believe

  2. One of my big projects lately is making wedding dance mix which is one thousand percent about looping in all the songs that got played at middle school dances that I was mostly too awkward to go to. This has been my favorite flashback so far.


    Though I’m often like “Remember guys?” and people don’t remember.

    And then sometimes I sing this to make my gf laugh: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9aofoBrFNdg

    Also buying shit on itunes which is a rare occurrence for me- heavy into getting stuff from the library, bc free- and having small meltdowns about how many versions there are of the Electric Slide, omg.

    This is one week where I’m not working a bazillion hours, I feel like my brain took a dive into one of those foam pits they have in gymnastics gyms, so that’s awesome.

    And reading this neat book called “She of the Mountains” which is by this bisexual desi dude with some layering of Hindu mythology and identity narrative stuff, some neat art, and it’s pretty short, about the size of a chapbook. Get into it!

  3. [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QhJ6bE4z5vs&w=420&h=315%5D

    2000 – “Don’t give a fuck if I cut my arm bleeding / This is my last resort” I am the most credible 11 year old at school. My jeans have a chain attached.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sg0CeRog-yQ&w=420&h=315%5D

    2001 – I wanted to link to video with the travelling piano, but some copyright BS prevents. So catchy. Is she singing about me?

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9x99ZmVefxc&w=420&h=315%5D

    2002 – I don’t think I appreciated this ditty at the time. A forgotten classic.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PN7BizdkdPs&w=560&h=315%5D

    2003 – We didn’t know better.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tuy5qNDKKkY&w=420&h=315%5D

    2004 – Will anyone else admit to loving this song, to this day?

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NA6V8WYqc0A&w=560&h=315%5D

    2005 – Indie is here. You love this. You haven’t a song like this in some time.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DF0zefuJ4Ys&w=420&h=315%5D

    2006 – Lots of but this gives off a vibe of being completely sincere. No gimic.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bMfoXz6VMX0&w=420&h=315%5D

    2007 – Did this ever travel across the shore?

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz6UptPNbdA&w=560&h=315%5D

    2008 – Yo Vanessa Carlton, they’re writing even catchier stuff now.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Yy0AmZu3xLg&w=420&h=315%5D

    2009 – An awful year for music, but this was chill.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IE9xkZ8xTN8&w=560&h=315%5D

    2010 – Couldn’t pick between this and California Gurls. Both fun.

  4. I sort of missed out on the ’embarrassing music from youth’ thing because I grew up in a house where classical music and opera were pretty much the only music that ever got played. I still adore classical music but have branched out a little, though I didn’t actually buy any contemporary music until I was about 16. I think the first album I bought was Hopes and Fears by Keane – piano-driven stuff ftw!

  5. A few tracks from this album popped up on my iTunes shuffle this week and I remembered how much I loved this record as an 11-year-old. Her jumping around in the video for “Torn” probably helped too.

    1997-99 was a huge discovery period for me musically. I started my first band then and I will admit I dabbled in Nu Metal listening to bands like Korn and Orgy (Remember their cover of New Order’s “Blue Monday”?) However, the most important album in my life changed all of that in 1999.

    Fiona Apple’s “When the Pawn…” is one of the best albums from the past 20 years. Every track is a gem and it’s the only CD I’ve ever worn out twice. My third copy now has a home in the CD player of my car, even though I rarely use the CD player function to listen to tunes.

    • I have few Korn albums(first 4) in my cd collection(but not in mp3 collection). *embarrassed face* I’ve seen them a few times live and every show was like a great hits/singles tour. And I do remember watching Blue Monday video on TRL(remember that show?), and their other video for their song Stiches?

      • Yes! “Stitches” was the other single from the album “Candyass”. Two of the guys from that band formed Julien-K and they’re pretty good if you’re into synth rock. Orgy is still technically around. They had a failed Indigogo campaign like two years ago where they wanted $100K and got like $8K…I’m not going to say anything more. LOL

        One of my lesbros wants me to join him this summer at this outdoor fest with Korn, Godsmack, Slipknot and Marilyn Manson. I think I might go and reflect on that brief period of my youth and drink a case of Bud Ice.

        • I know what you mean. I’ve seen them all live at least once and for nostalgia sake it maybe worth it? But, I will give Joey, the drummer from Slipknot is pretty amazing. He’s like 5ft 2 and just pure machine live. I technically saw him preform(we were out side the venue wanting to get his autograph) live for another one of his band out on Sunset Blvd in L.A. He’s got some legs on him.

  6. The first CD I remember buying was Totally Krossed Out(RIP Mac Daddy) – Kriss Kross. It had such classics as Jump, and I Missed the Bus. I bought it when their second CD Da Bomb, which I also bought, came out. They had a third album, that I never got(they obviously lost their youthful charm and it showed in their music). I need to listen to them on Spotify, as I lost both CDs.

    I tried to get other albums, mostly rap album that are now deemed classic(like stuff from Redman, and 2 Pac). However, the clerk at Warehouse Music(remember them?) would always tell my parents that I am too young to listen to this album(I was in like 5th grade at the time) and they’d listen.
    I generally like to tell people the first album I bought is The Battle of Los Angeles – Rage Against the Machine, right after they broke up. It was really the third album I bought cause I wanted to look cool. I still listen to them, & got to see them play live a few years back it amazing.

    So, I am trying to grow my hair out into this JewFro-bob thing, but family members are not having it so I may be getting a hair cut out force and policing tomorrow. I want to get something that says genderqueer, but I am not sure what works with my JewFro that screams queer.

    I also submitted a picture to a queer non-binary Jewish Tumblr page for trans day of visibility, and it kind of made me feel good. It was also amazing to see all those beautiful trans, non-binary, and other identified fasces on my tumblr dash. Yay.

    I went hiking this week and here is an image from the hike.

    Thank you for viewing and reading.

  7. So I had truly strange music taste as a child. In elementary school I pretty much just listened to what my parents liked with a couple of additions thanks to my friends. I really loved Sting, Avril Lavigne, Seal, The New Radicals, Harry Nilsson, Annie Lennox, and the Beach Boys, knew every word to the Red Hot Chili Pepper’s Californication (the whole album, not just the song), and enjoyed Jane’s Addiction on road trips (mostly because of the name thing I think?). I have always loved loved loooved the Indigo Girls. Is that a sign or my root? Can it be both?


    Jamie Hernandez did the cover!!

    Ridiculous flower/life update post will come after my lunch meeting because I just can’t quit you guys. <3

  8. Blast from the past will always be Patti Smith. I used to listen to Land on my dad’s excellent speakers when i Was 7.

    I still liste to it aaaall the time.

    Also this week brought me the best week ever : i got a postdoc !!! I’m leaving for the uk in two months ! I’m so excited… even though I’m gonna miss the south of France

    Also also I’m at a bar right now and there’s the most beautiful girl at the table next to mine d my gaydar says she’s gay !

  9. Let me reveal my Punk/Metal roots.

    Helloween – Keeper of the Seven Keys
    Helloween – Keeper of the Seven Keys II

    Helloween – Walls of Jericho
    Dag Nasty – Field Day
    Metal Church – The Dark
    All – Allroy Sez

  10. Ohh my goodness. I was in high school/jr high in the early aughts.. Aka some golden years for sorryNotSorry music.

    Among my most commonly played..

    Simple Plan, Good Charlotte, Blink-182, Avril (I was angsty okay?!)

    But I also loved weird foreign pop groups.. Vengaboys(think 6 flags theme song) Aqua, B*Witched (the irish girl group) A*Teens (the revamp of ABBA) Apparently you put an asterisk in there and I’m Game!

    Let’s not forget Hilary Duff.

    Oh.. and lots of country, because I was a farm kid.

  11. Until sometime in high school, I refused to listen to music made during my lifetime…. and while I’m rather more hip than that now, I did listen to this old fav all the way through today.

    In other news, I fell asleep sitting up at my desk at work for over 15 minutes. Thank Lesbian Jesus no one’s really around at the office today…

  12. She wasn’t my favorite during her prime, but my favorite 90s/early 00s pop singer is Mandy Moore. Listen to all of her songs, and then watch A Walk to Remember and cry.

    I pretty much exclusively listen to 90s/early 00s pop and show tunes. My playlists include Britney, Christina, Destiny’s Child (when Beyoncé had a last name), Backstreet Boys, N*Sync, and of course, Mandy.

    I’ve been doing a lot of power walking lately (I’m working up to running), and my mix is mostly 90s/early 00s. Some favorites include “AM to PM” by Christina Milian, the soundtrack of Josie and the Pussycats, “Rumors” by Lindsay Lohan, “Miami” by Will Smith, and “C’est La Vie” by B*Witched.

    I recently started babysitting a 9 year-old boy and am trying to introduce him to 90s Nickelodeon, but he’s unfortunately not interested in Hey Arnold, Kenan & Kel, and the other great children’s television of my time. His loss (and mine, since I don’t get to root for Stoop Kid to leave his stoop).

    I’m going to a Passover Seder tonight at my orthodox gay cousin’s apartment, which is something my family does every year. I’m always tempted to officially come out at Pesach, but I never do.

    To add to this long post of mine, I saw Fun Home on Broadway on Wednesday. If you’re going to be in NYC, do yourself a favor and see this musical.

    • That sounds fun teaching a child about the Stoop Kid(reminds me I need to watch Hey Arnold again) and going to a Gay Orthodox Seder. Good luck.

      Have you thought about maybe getting him into Boy Meets World at a starter, or is that a bit too adult?

  13. The first CD I owned was Britney spears and I still have it (at my parents house). I am not even ashamed.

    Last Sunday my girlfriend and me adopted a tiny little black poodle pup. I would add a picture if I wasn’t on my phone & currently wondering whether the little dude is going to wake up soon, at which point I have to act quickly, put on my shoes, and carry him downstairs so he can pee outside and I can give him sweets. you’ll just have to trust me on how cute he is.

  14. I had a HUGE Janet Jackson crush back in school, Rhythm Nation time.

    I wore a black jacket like hers instead of my school uniform, and managed to score free tix to several concerts. This ended up with me walking home across London and arriving back at 3 a.m. to my distraught mother (I was 14 at the time), who had not received any of the messages I had left with 3 separate friends to let her know where I was. I still feel terrible about this…

    …however I resolutely feel no shame in how I felt about Janet Jackson then. I was soooo gay and didn’t realise it! I will admit to “Black Cat” being played over and over…

  15. Hello everyone! Happy spring!

    Hm, music throwbacks. I actually got into music a lot more in my 20’s than in my teens. I think my first CD that I really fell in love with was Joni Mitchell’s Song to a Seagull, which I still love. I also remember rocking out to Michael Jackson with my dad going up skiing as a kid. Good memories. :)

    In other news…
    The trilliums and bleeding hearts are in bloom in the shade of evergreen forests:

    I am forever grateful to live at the junction of mountains and saltwater. I went to Snoqualmie Pass with my father last week, and we hiked to Anette Lake. Look at that teal color!

    I also visited Woodard Bay, an inlet of the Puget Sound near Olympia. It is a refuge for a lot of waterfowl, and I saw a whole flock of what looked to be blue herons. There’s also a railroad pier extended out into the water for several hundred feet, with no connection to the shore:

    Books enjoyed this week: “Hallucinations” (Oliver Sacks). “In the Body of the World” (Eve Ensler), “Proust and the Squid” (Maryanne Wolfe).

    It has been a mostly positive week, but also has had some of my classic anxiety moments. Just when I start thinking “I’m cured and my new meds are working perfectly,” I am reminded once again that I’m vulnerable. The anxiety monster has been with me for as long as I can remember, and I think it’ll always be a part of me, but I’m gradually training it to act less menacing.

  16. This kind of thread always makes me show my age.

    But let’s see. Back in the day, LGBT clubs were very strict with the admittance age. Less than 18 years old? You’re out.

    But we did have, in regular clubs, what we used to call matinées. Some clubs will open earlier for underage kids. And the way we recognized ourselves as LGBT teens was through music.

    This two songs were like the doors to paradise:

    Bronski Beat, Smalltown Boy

    And Erasure, A Little Respect

  17. Oh Brittani, I just returned from the gym, where I listened to Spotify’s “Bring Back the 90’s” playlist, and it made me so happy, I spent extra time on the rowing machine, so I could spend time just listening to the music! (My back protested eventually, side effect of being a child of the 90’s)
    I might also have jammed out to Destiny Child’s “Jumpin’,Jumpin'” in the free weights section.
    I do strongly recommend that playlist!
    On second thought, maybe not in public places.
    Some tipps for Spotify:
    1.If you start the radio station based on artist Alanis Morrisette or Sarah McLachlan, you get an inofficial gay girl’s favorites playlist.(I might have waited two years for this thread to be able to warmly recommend this. You want to listen to Sarah McLachlan radio, really.)
    2.Orphan Black put a playlist up for each of their characters. Cosima’s is seriously badass. I might have hijacked one or two parties to play that stuff, or you know, the gym, for the more eager work outs. I mean, I did not hijack the gym, you know what I mean: Spirited fake rowing.
    Tatiana Maslany also put up the songs she used for getting into the mindset of each character in a separate playlist,btw.
    3.Try stuff you wouldn’t usually! I absolutely love the “Elektroswing” playlist, for example.Or Gotan Project for muggy summer nights.
    4.Hozier’s mom designed his album cover. Spotify has a few songs from his Spotify session, which are absolutely amazing. That version of “In a Week” punched me right in the heart.That is one amazing album.I might be in love with it a little bit,atm.
    5.Radiohead, Coldplay, Damien Rice.I tend to listen more to playlists or radio’s “based on”, since a lot of album’s include a lot of filler material in between a few singles.That way, I do get to discover new/old artists, too!

    I’m obviously very excited about this, Spotify has really enhanced my quality of life.Most of my life outside of work was spent to and from it,so there really wasn’t that much room for improvement in the first place until I could fashion a soundtrack to my transit.
    For example, every morning on the way to work, I would listen to Placebo’s “Pure Morning” and arrive grinning like a Leprechaun.:-)
    Have a great Easter Weekend everyone!

    P.S.: Is anyone else of the firm conviction that Alanis Morrisette’s “Uninvited” was written about another woman? I think it’s one of the simplest, most beautiful songs ever, but I simply can’t picture a guy in it.

  18. I went to middle school in the early 2000s. My best friend insisted that we request Selena’s “dreaming of you” at every school dance, even though none of our classmates even knew who she was. She reasoned that the song was longer than the average Usher song, which meant more time to slow dance with a boy. And somehow, she ALWAYS found a boy for me to dance with.

    We had school dances once a month, making that the song that defines my entire awkward adolescence.

  19. My formative years were in the early 00’s, but there wasn’t a lot going on musically in the mainstream at the time. Additionally I didn’t have a radio or very musically inclined friends, so my tastes were predominated by what my parents were listening to.

    My favorite albums of their’s were ‘My Funny Valentine’ by Chet Baker, and ‘Something to Live For’ by Ella Fitzgerald. Both of these are compilation albums, and jazz albums.

      • Yeah, I was born in late ’91, so I remember the tail end of the boy band craze, and then there wasn’t any comparably big musical craze/trend that happened while I was in middle school or high school.

        I think the next most popular band/trend with my cohort was My Chemical Romance, and their ilk. Which is fine if you like that, but it was never really my thing.

  20. Favorite 90s albums in no particular order:

    Bush- Sixteen Stone
    Live- Throwing Copper
    Dishwalla- Pet Your Friends
    No Doubt- Tragic Kingdom
    Smashing Pumpkins- Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
    TLC- Crazy Sexy Cool
    Counting Crows- August and everything after, Desert Life
    Weezer- Blue Album
    Jimmy Eat World- Bleed American

  21. Actual albums I had and loved dearly as a child were keep in my Barbie CD protector book which I still have because I may or may not be a junior grade hoarder.
    Once as a high schooler someone insulted it because it was a Barbie product and I told her as politely as could in front of adults to fuck off. For one Barbie is awesome go-getter who has all of the jobs. Secondly it saved my mother’s Beausoleil CD from the wrath of Katrina along with the 12 Yats of Christmas and other things that keep us going in the strange uncertain days after the storm and the awkward recovery. It was a constant during unconstant times.

    I can’t pick a favorite cause different albums where for different things in my childbrain. Some where solely for dancing, others dancing and singing, and some where just fer listening.
    And I have no idea what to categorize the Hunch Back of Notre Dame as. Self flagellation? Intro to Latin and foreign languages? First taste of classical liturgical music?
    It gave me so much little misfit me so many feels it’s just unfair and possibly made me an atheist. Still can’t watch some parts of the actual movie because I identified over much with Quasimodo as kid. So saaaaaaad.
    Outcast’d subject to public ridicule and big honking crush on Esmeralda/Demi Moore.

    My tops for dancing

    Hm I think this solves the mystery of why my accent in Spanish sounds kinda Puerto Rican despite the absolute lack of Puerto Ricans in elementary school except for that one girl who wouldn’t lower her self to be around the Honduran kids or speak Spanish in public.


    Genie in Bottle is what I figured about how roll my hips slow and move my hands sensuously to which I can’t decide if it’s disturbing or not


    Oh I wish I could still jump like that with my powerful baby ballerina thighs but ah am old an’ stuff.

    Top of Was Totally Pretending in Front of the Mirror to Be and Can’t Lie

    Britney, bitch!

    And next is a very embarrassing tie between Millennium and Bye Bye Bye

    When I was 12 or so I discovered hard rock and listened only to the radio and Yahoo video where I discovered Rammstein and that the guys in AC/DC were white which kinda blew my mind a bit because Bon Scott and Brian Johnson’s vocals were so very James Brown to me and just could not of thought white anglo men sounding like that. It was just not a thought that occurred to me as a kid and in the back of my mind it’s still weird how white rock music has become.

    Here is the wee demoness that puked on me this morning and is not a proper dog yet

    Once she’s a proper dog she’ll have a forever home and not have to sleep in a crate every night because proper dogs poop outside and don’t eat everything they can fit into their freakish Tardis mouth.

    • Went and listened to as much of Play With Me as I could find on youtube, yass oh yass.
      I’m going to do some very evil things with that music accompanying me.
      I’d very much agree with the assessment of “underrated”

  22. The first three albums I owned by purchasing with my own money I think sort of sum up everything going wrong (right?) with my musical taste.

    Metallica – Master of Puppets
    Ace of Base – The Sign
    Brooks & Dunn – Neon Moon single (It’s faintly possible I bought this single also at the same time I bought Ministry’s Psalm 69 and the soundtrack for Chess, but I’m pretty sure they came later.)

    I grew up in a house where I wasn’t supposed to listen to secular music except classical. This meant out of sheer rebellion I listened to almost anything I could get my hands on.

  23. I haven’t listened to it in AGES, but I played the cassette tape of Bush: Sixteen Stone over and over and over in my youth. Also, the Jurassic Park score. (cassettes were these clunky [yet satisfying] devices where data, such as music was stored on magnetic tape, to be played back in cassette players.) : P

    So, I volunteered at the Trans 100 live event! Um, I’ve heard that Lana Wachowski said some not good things. I actually left early because I’m a downstate Illinois gal, and I was worn out by Chicago. But some nice pictures were taken. I hope sharing them doesn’t upset anyone. I don’t know exactly what was said, but I don’t support racism.

    This was myself and a very sweet trans man, he too was volunteering:

    This one was just me. Other than maybe showing how tired I was, I think it came out well.

    I know I’m getting into tl:dr territory, but I need to whine/dump/solicit advice. Maybe I should just link my Tumblr .

    I don’t know what to do. My mother wants me to come home for Easter on Sunday. I don’t want to go if my father isn’t going to acknowledge that I’m a woman.

    Thinking about it just made me break down crying. Like had to lay down on my bed and curl up and cry.

    It’s been a tough week. The disappointment at the Trans 100, the misgendering at the VA, coming back to a shitstorm at work after being off for three days. Just a lot.

    (background on the VA comment. I had to have a colonoscopy at the VA medical center on Wednesday. All day long, I was misgendered, called “he” and “him”. The VA provides my HRT. It is well documented that I am a transgender woman. I should have said something, but sometimes I’m not my best advocate. At one point, in the operating room, they unfastened my gown to attach the heart monitor leads, and just left me exposed for what felt like forever. I don’t know if I was already somewhat sedated, or just cowed by my position, but I fixate on that a bit and just get upset.)

    It’s just, if I go and nothing changes, I’m just going to send myself into a depression. I can typically bounce back pretty well these days, but it still is really hard. I can’t even entertain the idea that things will change, because that seems like something which has an infinitesimally tiny probability of happening.

    I thought about going back “presenting as a woman.” You know, force the issue: “This is me!” But I don’t know if I could handle the rejection if it went that way.

    I just don’t know.

    I really want a hug.

    • A million hugs for you ~ do you feel them yet?~ *hughughughughuuuuuuuuuuug*

      You are an amazing, strong, beautiful woman in every way. I am going to paraphrase my wife here – you are your family’s potential for change and growth. By being yourself, you are gifting them with the incredible possibility of going beyond their current limitations. If they are unable to support or see you for who you are, know that it makes no difference to your truth. And we are here to love and support you as best we can.

      Good luck, and love is with you always *….hugshugshuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuugsssss*

    • I’m sorry there are stupid people in your life who aren’t grateful or respectful to you.
      You don’t look tired to me in those pictures you look like a politely satisfied ruler of something or a titled personage.

    • I read a beautiful and very sad article a while back about toxic family relationships and the damage you do to yourself by enduring them. Maybe it’s worth asking your mum if you can see her separately? I’m sorry you had such a tough time getting medical help x

      • That’s one problem I have, my parents pretty much do EVERYTHING together. Typically, if they are separate, it’s because my father has found something to do that is more “guy oriented.” Drinks with co-workers, etc. My mother occasionally will do these kind of things, but not often.

        Their relationship works as long as my mother remains submissive and agrees with my father. It’s somewhat infuriating to see, always has been, but so long as everything fit in his neat little (narrow) worldview, there weren’t any issues.

        Well, now I’m queer. My mother is supportive, my dad isn’t. Having my mother drive me to my procedure was the first time we’ve spent time together alone in at least several months.

        I wonder if I have to explicitly say “I’m not coming around until you can talk about this?” I’ve tried a few emails. I actually received a very nice and heartfelt response to huge first one, but it boiled down to how hurt he felt, and asked (essentially) if I was mentally imbalanced like my bipolar grandfather. I sent a response, being gentle but explaining that I’m under professional mental health care and medical care. This isn’t a whim, all of the hits I’m sure we all know. He didn’t reply. I tried again after talking with my therapist. Still no response.

        It’s stressful to me to go back and pretend to be who I was. I’ve made so much personal progress, and hopefully helped the community at some small local level. I’m such a different person now. But I can’t share that. Shouldn’t he wasn’t me to be happy? To be a fulfilled person, male or female?

        He won’t talk to me, he won’t talk to my mother about me, and he’ll never talk to a therapist or anyone, I’m sure.

        I would like to see my mother more often, but it’s hard to separate them.

        I don’t want to use my presence or absence as a punitive measure, but like you said Pearlsafterwine, I’m enduring the visits. It’s difficult for me.

        Yuck.

    • *Bear hug*
      Those pictures are great, I wish I was half as photogenic!
      Also, Bush! Golden State is one of the best albums of all time!
      And I’m truly sorry about your VA experience, a lot of people don’t have colonoscopies because they feel so uncomfortable, so I just wanted to give you credit for going there and going through with it, despite everything.
      Some advice with the parentals for Easter:
      You don’t have to stay with them.
      Checking into a motel or having a back up plan to just be able to up and leave really helped me. Or just meet your mom for Margaritas at the hotel bar, or something.
      It doesn’t necessarily have to be either/or it can be somewhere in between.
      I wish you a lot of strength and positive and wonderful experiences where you don’t expect them!
      Have a good weekend

      • Fortunately, it’s only a 45 minute drive to my hometown, where the parents live. So I do have the option of taking off. (I will usually take laundry if I’m going, because otherwise it’s off to the laundromat. I can knock out a visit and do laundry, score!)

        I do like the sort of compromise solution. It makes me kind of think that I could say something along the lines of “I’ll be in town on this day, at this place. If you want to see be, meet me there. I’ll be expressing my true gender.” Neutral ground. That seems like a good idea.

        The only complication is my puppy. Unless maybe I made the neutral ground my grandparents’ house.

        Sorry that I’m writing down all of my processing here. But I think I like this approach.

        Thank you

    • 1. Most importantly: Hug!!!

      2. Great photos! Jealous you can pull off that lip color and I love that it matches the background.

      3. I had issues with my parents for a long time (not trans-related but still extremely painful). My therapist suggested that before visiting them, I guess how many times they would say something awful. Then during the visit, I count how many times they actually do say something awful. If that number hits my initial prediction, then I get to treat myself (I bought myself some awesome shoes!).

      This therapy technique helps reduce the pain of hurtful comments. Instead of just feeling hurt, you also start associating ridiculous comments with something positive, like new shoes or a manicure or whatever.

      It helped me brush off the stupid things my parents say. I feel less vulnerable around them. Anyway, I wish you luck with your parents and I’m sorry you’re having a rough week!!

      • 1. Thank you!

        2. I had to go back and look to make sure I was pulling it off. It’s from Urban Decay and I loved it, but have been afraid to wear it because it is kind of severe and I’m pale. I actually swapped colors too many times before heading out. The lighting in my hotel room was so dim! Anyway, thanks again!

        3. That is really kind of hilarious. I love therapists. My dad has never seen the actual me, the problem so far has mainly been not discussing my transition. I’m getting so close to the point where I will be throwing out my guy clothes and being the real me at all times. Once that happens, I have no intention of “butching up” for anyone. (I’ve nothing against butches, I love you, but I’m super femme) But if it ever comes to it, I love this technique!

        I still haven’t decided what I’ll do. After the rough week, I’m not sure I can handle going back. I hate to keep putting things off, but I also need to just relax, emotionally and physically.

        • Best wishes to you, Devlin, as you work to make a decision, to find an option that works for you. My wife and I just went to visit with her relatives for the second time since she transitioned. Her mom, brother, and one sister have been mostly supportive and attended our wedding. Then last year for Thanksgiving we were invited to her religious uncle’s house. My wife talked with her mom about her concerns with being misgendered. At first her uncle said she would always be *old name, then came around to saying he wouldn’t use the old name or the new name. The visit ended up being okay- no one was hateful, though there was some misgendering. We went to visit a second time today, and my wife was so very anxious but wanted to see her brother and mother. I think it all went pretty well. Her uncle even used the proper name, though one aunt went back and forth between the old name and the new. Still, just nudging the flow of things. Her sister’s fiance even told her mom that he can tell we are in love, even though he doesn’t approve of lesbians. So sometimes repeated nonthreatening exposure can help, but only if it feels right to you.

          • I appreciate you sharing this. I sort of understand that my father has a lot to work through. I appeared to be his only, and oldest son.That bears a lot of weight to some people. If he would just talk to someone else and work through whatever he needs to, for my sake, it would be really great.

            For aunts and uncles and other extended family, I don’t understand the issue, I mean I guess pre-existing bigotry, probably.

            I’m pretty sure that every other person in my life has been able to come around to being supportive.

            It sounds like you were married before she transitioned? I know that probably want easy for either of you, but I’m glad to hear about it. My wife and I divorced, but we had a lot of other issues on top of me being trans. It was a mostly rational decision to split, but I still love her so much. Maybe not romantically, but she was a big part of my life for six years.

            I think it’s just this week getting to me, I’m close to crying at the drop of a hat.

            Thank you very much again for sharing

        • It’s totally hilarious. Every time someone says something awful, I shrug, giggle in my head and think, “You just got me one step closer to new jeans, asshole!”

          Anyway, take care of yourself and remember that autostraddle has your back!

        • I hope today’s going well, whatever you decided to do! Sending you some awesome queergal love and hugs from across the country <3

          Also! On the subject of bright lipstick:
          1. it looks raaad good job
          2. if you're ever feeling like something's just TOO intense or dark or saturated or whatever, try putting on some blush! If you don't usually wear it, it can feel like a bit much when you first put it on, but it helps bring color to your face in places OTHER than your lips, so it can help to balance a bright color. If you're already used to blush, put a tiny bit more than usual on top of your cheeks! Blush's the reason I wear a bunch of deep lipstick :)
          3. A strong wing of eyeliner can help balance bright lips in a more graphic way! Pretty much any color works–black or blue or whatever! My go-to is a darkish metallic gold, but I've got this crazy sparkly dark green that I looove.

          • The decision was kind of made for me. I did a long run yesterday, and it was 55-60 degrees out and windy. I thought I’d dressed warmly enough, but I think I was wrong. I think I had some hypothermia.

            I felt a chill to my bones, and even this morning I was achy and cold even though I layered up like crazy. I did start feeling better in the late afternoon, after a nice nap.

            Mainly I just watched Arrested Development because I knew it would make me laugh and that’s what I needed.

            I did decide that I will be going to visit expressing my true gender next time. It’s time to kick-start this discussion. I’m going to do it, but not on the heels of a terrible and emotional week.

            Thanks for the makeup tips! I need to get a good liner to do wings, I’m just so worried I’ll mess up!

            I’ll have to try blush, I used to use it pretty regularly, but I got worried that I was being too done up. It’s a tough balance! I like how you said “balance… In a graphic way.” I should think about makeup more like design, more intentional. Interesting!

            Thanks

  24. When I was growing up, I listened to whatever was playing on the radio, of which my mom usually had control over. Sometimes it was the local radio station playing the current hits, sometimes it was all James Taylor or Brooks and Dunn (the James Taylor was the worst, though. Ugh.) Which is the total opposite of what I listen to now. I’m not sure when I last listened to the radio. I’m big into the indie/singer-songwriter stuff these days.

    Speaking of opposites…I am currently…um…not even close to sober. Which is not at all my usual state. I think I drink maybe 2-3 times a year. I save it for special occasions, and if this week doesn’t qualify as a special occasion, I don’t know what does. This week, I found out at work that my current team of about 6 or 7 people is being split up. My boss and 4 of my coworkers are forming a new team, while one other coworker and myself are being left behind on the old team to do the work of all 6 people while reporting to a new boss. Stuff like this is normal at my job, except the thing that gets me is that I’m more qualified to be on the new team than about half the people on it but yet I’m not. We found out about these changes on Tuesday. I’ve spent the days between then and now making jokes about how I’m a reject and how our new team name should be “the unwanteds.” Also, I think I might lose someone very dear to me in the next few weeks. As in she might die. So yeah, a gold star week for me. Hopefully next week is better, but I have my doubts…but oh well. There’s nothing I can do about either situation right now.

  25. There is a song, from back in like, 7th grade, by a singer named Myra,and it’s not on Spotify, which hurts me to the core. It’s called “Lie, Lie, Lie” & I listened to it a tooooooonnnn. Like, I mean, gave it to characters as part of their story and played it over and over on my portable cd player. She’s the person who did the “Miracles Happen” song for The Princess Diaries. Which I never saw, but I at least know that.

    I’ve actually made a Spotify Playlist of songs that are nostalgic,actually. This includes Dishwalla’s “Counting Blue Cars”, S Club 7’s “Reach” & “Two in a Million”, and Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars”, among others. It’s why I’m sad the aforementioned song isn’t on Spotify.

    I spent Friday reading The Essential Dykes to Watch Out For, and now I feel kinda weird. I’m thinking about how people and things change as time goes forward, I’m thinking about getting old, how I’ve always felt old, how I’ve never had a life and don’t have one now…. I’m glad I get to go to a Harry Potter themed party, so I won’t have to think. I’ll just drink things and watch Harry Potter,and pretend like im not a 26 year old with no life! Haha. At least im socializing.

    • <3

      You have a life!

      I read your profile and you seem super interesting and sweet (also based on your kind comments.)

      Have you tried volunteering? It's a good way to meet like minded people, and typically if you meet someone volunteering, you can bet they're a good person. I guess that makes volunteering a selfish act if you approach it that way, but it's a selfish act that helps others. Win-win?

    • Your playlist might make me sign up for spotify’s premium service!! I clicked it, hit shuffle, and Aerosmith/Run DMC’s “Walk This Way” came on, and the rest of the list seems similarly awesome, and varietal. Love!

      Feminist nerd blog, you say…?

  26. I was a huge Spice Girls fan back in the day. Looking back on it now, my obsession with watching certain parts of Spice World over and over again may have been a sign that I would grow up to be totally gay….. When I was in junior high everyone was obsessed with Sk8er Boi by Avril Lavigne and I’m embarrassed to say that I probably still know all the lyrics.

    Hope everyone’s having a great weekend! I’m about to go visit my family for Easter and I’m really excited. Although my allergies are so bad right now I may not be able to stop sneezing long enough to see where I’m going…

  27. Um, so outside of my whiny post, did I mention that I updated the gender marker on my driver’s license?

    I’ve already started updating my gender marker at places that have my old gender on file for whatever reason!

        • Mine kind of does too. My weight is actually the same, but fluctuated a lot in the intervening years, including a drop after getting on HRT and then an increase when I started marathon training/eating ridiculous amounts of food. (It’s going to be a hard habit to break when I slow down on the running again.) My height was more wishful thinking, I guess. “As a guy” I guess six feet seemed cooler.

          Yuck

  28. I was definitely a visual kei fangirl and loved bands like X Japan and hide and spread beaver a lot. J-rock also actually led me into actually making friends outside of school and some amazing friendships which I’m grateful for. Unfortunately after the death of guitarist hide, it became rather painful to listen their music and I slowly spiraled away from the entire scene. It’s still good memories and I don’t think I could ever let go of the CDs that still sit, dusty on my shelf.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MbPr1oHO4Hw&w=560&h=315%5D

    Getting into j-rock also led over to an appreciation for other japanese musicians and to this day my love for Sheena Ringo and Utada Hikaru remains steadfast.

    [youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ECxBHhMc7oI&w=420&h=315%5D

    Side note: my parents always felt that I would get over my j-music, manga and anime phase and I’m happy to say that nope, I’m still a fan after all these years.

  29. For my favorite album of yore, I present 98 Degrees and Rising. Part of me really hates myself for how often I blasted this CD. I played it so much, I some how wore out my first copy. Part of me is semi-impressed I still know all the words to I Do (Cherish You). I’m a romantic, obviously.

  30. First album i ever bought by myself (and still shamelessly listen to)

    If we’re talking favourite teenage album though I absolutely have to go with this gem (currently owned on vinyl, CD and iTunes because i just love it that much)

    • Just in case the pictures don’t show:

      First album: Take This To Your Grave – Fall Out Boy

      All time favourite album: Whatever People Say I Am, That’s What I’m Not by Arctic Monkeys

  31. I remember listening to Salt-N-Peppa as a child and singing happily along to “Let’s Talk About Sex” (my parents are sort of liberal hippies). My brother gave me The Murmurs tape when I was a young teenager, which was recommended to him by a friend. One year as a young teenager I received two Ani cds for christmas, from my parents. Most of the musicians I’ve listened to have been lesbians/bisexual/very LGBT friendly, still I identified as asexual until my late 20’s.

    So today my wife and I went to visit her conservative christian relatives, as I mentioned above. We were playing a game where you try to have people guess a phrase. I got “U-haul” and said, “What lesbians do,” not realizing that everyone else immediately thought of things that were not family friendly. My wife said, “Scissoring?” And I immediately added something about moving in together, and was quite embarrassed. Thankfully everyone seemed to find it funny and it might have even broken the ice a bit with her sister’s fiance, who later told my mother-in-law that even though he doesn’t agree with lesbianism, he can tell that we’re in love. So now my wife keeps teasing me about all of the things that are just “What lesbians do,” like planting apple and cherry trees (which is our plan for tomorrow), hang out, etc.

    Oh, and also we’re giving IUI one more try to see if we can make a baby with her stuff and my stuff. The ovulation predictor kit had a smiley face so on Monday we’ll go to the doctor’s office and try again, using the third out of four vials that she saved. I’ve been debating a career change and kind of want to see what happens with this possible kid thing before making any big moves, but we’ll see.

  32. I’m always late on the open thread train, buuuuut I went to Amherst/Northampton over the weekend to tour colleges (I’m a high school baby). Was bored Friday night; looked up house shows online; found a punk lineup like 3 minutes away from where I was staying with the fam. There were lots of cool/cute people and I got invited to go to a party after with some UMass girls. I had a really great time involving boxed wine and yeah I got my mack on. Parents were not pleased at my returning at 2am considering I am technically still a child in not my home town. They’re chill tho so they weren’t that mad.

    TL;DR: Thought Northampton would be a wonderful haven of cute college lesbians; completely delivered.

  33. I added Melissa Etheridge, Come To My Window, to a playlist the other day and holy babygay feelingsfest! I may have only been seven years old when that song hit the radio, but I knew that song was relevant in ways I couldn’t even explain.

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