Apparently, people have a lot of opinions about what you are and are not supposed to wear after the super-old-you-are-going-to-expire age of 30. From what I understand from the many articles and lists about what’s off limits, I guess dressing yourself after 30 is about finding that fine, fine line between co-ed and MILF, like sexy but not too sexy, attractive but not trying too hard, super confident but also age-appropriately modest. So basically just visible enough that you are still do-able vis á vis the male gaze without letting it get to your head — you hussy, who do you think you are!
But you know what is great about being a queer gal or boi? Not giving a hoot about social norms around what “respectable ladies” are supposed to look like. Because for many of us, that’s a completely unattainable goal. And “dressing for your age” is wrapped up in respectability politics that are classist and racist and dumb. Our shared experience of queerness is about being proud of our outsider status. We break all the fashion rules: whether that’s shopping in the boys and mens departments, putting hot clothes on fat bods, rocking alternative lifestyle haircuts, or wearing body glitter way past our tweens. We are communities who straddle multiple identities, who believe fiercely in celebrating individuality, and who don’t want to put anyone in a box. Because we’re awesome like that. So in the spirit of queer fashion and queer life and love, here are my fashion tips for all you folks on the cusp of 30 or above (based on researching many “what not to wear” advice articles), with cameos from some of your favorite inspiration models.
1. Mismatched Socks and Novelty Socks
30-something babe, Stef Schwartz, shows her disdain for the patriarchy and love of medical technology with this whimsical pairing.
You know what’s great about mismatched socks? You don’t have to worry about matching your socks. Also, who cares? I mean, if I saw some babe (cough cough Stef cough) wearing drugs and Rosie socks AT THE SAME TIME, I’d definitely want to ask her for her number. Wouldn’t you? This person is guaranteed to be not boring and probably really sarcastic and funny, is what I’m saying.
2. Body Con Dresses
Never stop being smart and glam and gorgeous, Laverne.
Um, I don’t want Laverne Cox to ever stop wearing body con dresses. I mean, unless she wants to which is fine because that’s her choice. But damn, at the young age of 31, she really slays in her curve-hugging sheath dresses. I hope she keeps wearing them until she’s 100 years old. Let’s all aspire to look so fine and grown-up chic.
3. American Eagle Jeans (or other fast fashion junior-sized brands)
33-year old CEO, Riese Bernard, is reveling in the perfect fit of her American Eagle jeans while also rocking a plunging neckline crop top and alluringly sophisticated grown-up belly button piercing.
Do you know how hard it is to find jeans that fit? Do you even know, really? If you like your American Eagle or Old Navy or Gap or junior section at Macy’s or whatever jeans, by all means, keep doing your thing.
4. Festive Tights
Fashion inspiration and over-30 beauty, Aja, is feeling herself in her delightfully festive tights.
“Wearing quirky tights not only makes me happy, it always seems to make perfect strangers happy, too. More smiling, less policing women’s bodies, thanks.” – Aja
5. Jeggings
32-year-old nonprofit director, KaeLyn Rich, looks so peaceful in her indigo wash jeggings. (Photo Credit: Waffle, initially without KaeLyn’s permission but it’s fine, whatever)
Jeggings are pajama pants that look like jeans. Jeggings stretch around my big belly and hug my little hips. Jeggings are the perfect pants, especially for those of us who have given up anything without a stretch waist. If you hate on jeggings, we can no longer be friends.
6. Snapbacks
Grown ass hotties, Alley Hector and Carolyn Wysinger keep it real in their stylish snapbacks.
Bois and gurls in snapbacks are so sexy. Don’t retire your snapback collection. Keep it fresh forever.
7. Suits with Sneakers
Ellen has a Cover Girl contract and a very successful talk show and is married to the equally gorgeous Portia de Rossi and has her own signature tomboy femme fashion line and is generally doing great. There is nothing more right than Ellen’s signature sneakers-with-suits look.
8. Hoop Earrings
At 32 and 33, respectively, Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé are feeling themselves in their respective takes on hoop earrings.
Nothing more to say here. This pic says it all.
9. Leopard Print
Aja is on the prowl in leopard print everything.
“Give me a break with this. Thanks to its versatility, leopard print is practically a neutral.” – Aja
10. Crop Tops
34-year-old executive editor of a very famous online publication and overall cool mom, Laneia, is ready for date night in an aubergine crop top with no bra and hoop earrings.
Everyone wear crop tops forever, on all bodies, all ages, all the time.
11. Brightly Colored Eyeshadow
Contributing editor, KaeLyn Rich, feels like she’s 32 with these bright, bold summer eye looks.
High pigment eyeshadow in colors that look like they came out of a crayon box or David Bowie’s make-up bag are not for the faint-hearted. But they are for adults of any age. Go ahead. Call me tacky. I’ll take it as a compliment.
12. See-Through Shirts
40-year-old rebel girl style icon, Carry Brownstein, is rocking out in a see-through top and very adult-ish festive tights! (Photo by minusmanhattan.tumblr.com)
Just because your twenties are behind you doesn’t mean you have to fear a semitransparent top. Put those layering camisoles and tanks away and revel in your glorious bod.
13. Whimsical Kitty Prints
Fully grown woman, Aja, really is the cat’s meow.
“I know a sports rehab doctor who wears a cat print skirt from Modcloth to work and her peers and patients are always super floored, AND SHE LEARNED IT FROM WATCHING ME.” – Aja
14. Comic & Fandom Apparel
Waffle, 33-year-old wonder boi and life companion of KaeLyn, is rocking a Spiderman hat from the kids’ section and a very chic adult-sized Wolverine hoodie.
Why would they make fan apparel in grown-up sizes if it wasn’t for grown-ups?
15. Graphic Tees and Slogan Tees
31-year-old Aussie and HR director for this really cool website, Crystal, is fully committed to partying like a rock star and also living like a pirate. Bless her.
You can take our fun graphic tees out of our cold, dead hands. How else will we tell the world how witty and adorable and smart we are? Also, funny slogan tees are literally the best part of Pride. Also, you could buy some fun slogan tees right here, currently available to queers of all ages.
16. Miniskirts and Minidresses
Fashion writer and grown-up woman, Aja, is Fit for a Femme in her striped mini dress and white mini skirt.
Who says the fun stops at the knee? No one. No one says that. Let no one tell you to drop your hemline just because you passed the 29-year mark.
17. Oversized Sunglasses
Sex-on-legs music editor, Stef, takes sun protection and style seriously in her oversized sunglasses.
Stylish eyewear is for every age. Plus, you need all the sun protection you can get in this ozone-depleted age of imminent doom.
18. Plunging Necklines
http://instagram.com/p/26eFggxdiA/?taken-by=janetmock
At 31 years young, Janet Mock demands respect and exudes babeliness in her low-cut animal print dress. I got chastised at work once in my 20s for showing too much cleavage at work (which really just means I have big boobs that are hard to cover up). To this day, I hold a grudge about it. If a best-selling author, MSNBC talk show host, and contributing editor at Marie Clare like Janet Mock can work a deep v-neck, it’s safe to say we can bury this so-called “fashion don’t” in the past forever.
19. Pigtails
Looking fly and cursing the world that does not want her to wear pigtails, KaeLyn looks to the universe for answers. (Photo via Bread and Water Theatre)
Apparently it is unclear whether adult women can wear pigtails, but as someone who has, indeed, worn them, I am here to tell you it is a-ok. If anyone tries to infantilize you, you can slap them in the face with your pigtails.
20. Fringe
Aja is ready for the fringe festival in her fringed Lovebyrd tank and grown-up denim vest.
Fringe is fun and wearing it kind of makes you want to spin around in a circle and go, “Wheeee!” as your fringed garment fans out around you gloriously. ‘Nuf said.
21. Glitter Makeup
32-year-old human person and super legitimate adult, KaeLyn Rich, is showing off her monolid makeup skills with green glitter up to her brows.
Throw some glitter in the air because sparkly makeup never gets old. Who wore it better? 12-year-old girls or me? I think the answer is obvious.
22. Funky Sneakers
At 42-years-old, Rachel Maddow’s colorful sneaker collection is a thing to be coveted. Nothing says, “I’m nerdy and gay!” like unexpectedly fun footwear.
23. Halter Tops
46-year-old comedian and general babe, Margaret Cho, is happy to see you in her floral print strappy halter top.
Strappy tanks and halter tops look great on bodies of all ages. I guess older people are supposed to be ashamed of our decaying bodies, having supposedly spent all our sexual currency in our youth, but that is just BS. Also, sometimes it’s 90 degrees out and you just need to be wearing as little clothing as possible.
24. Headbands
30-something fashionista and contributing editor, Aja, is ready for a garden party in her pretty floral headband.
“First we’re scolded for flower crowns, now headbands. Sheesh. (What else am I supposed to downgrade to if what I really want is to wear a tiara all the time?)” – Aja
25. Sequins
Aja shines bright like a diamond in her gold sequin mini.
“Oh, we’re not supposed to wear sequins? Or miniskirts? What about a sequin miniskirt? Definitely not?” – Aja
26. Fauxhawks
30-something celesbian chef, Jen Biesty, cooked her way into our hearts with her blond fauxhawk in Season 4 of Top Chef.
As one of the classic lesbian haircuts; right up there with the pixie, the crew cut, and the Shane; the fauxhawk is a timeless and super gay choice at any age.
27. Cut Up Tees
34-year-old lead singer of Against Me! and activist, Laura Jane Grace, looks (fantastically!) every bit her age in her cut-up black band tee.
Because t-shirts look so much more badass and are so much more comfortable as tanks, no matter your age. We all know it.
28. Super Skinny Jeans
Sometimes you might have a moment of self-doubt and think to yourself, “Are these pants too skinny/tight?” But then you remember that Kate Moennig (37 years old) and Leisha Hailey (44 years old) only own skinny jeans and you realize that you are living your best life.
29. Boots with the Fur
The whole club is looking at her, Aja, I mean, that grown adult over there with the boots with the fir. (Get it?)
If you live in a cold city and you know what I mean if you do, fur-lined boots are fucking practical. And cute.
30. Denim Cutoffs
You heard her. She calls the damn shots.
I CAN’T WAIT TO TURN 30 YOU GUYS!!!!
I mean I am already planning the party. It’s in 1,5 years.
But nevermind: all of this! Special shoutout to Aja! Sequins! Glitter! Tights! Big earrings, short skirts! God I love this!
I also couldn’t wait to turn 30 and it was, indeed, the best. It’s the best decade yet! I can only imagine 40 will be even more badass.
I live in leggings, cut up crop tops (aww yeah 10 & 27 combined!) and novelty socks. I’m almost 30 and intend to carry on wearing these rad items of clothing for a long time!
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HgzGwKwLmgM
Love all of this! Sparkly, bright makeup, nerdy gear, and graphic Ts forever! I’m 27, but fully intend to continue wearing these things til way past 30.
I support you fully in this proclamation. I believe you can do it.
It’s like you guys are my fashion therapists or something <3
Call Bravo. Tell them to give me a TV show, please. What Not to Wear, Autostraddle edition. We’d follow people around with hidden cameras and then tell them what we liked about all their outfits. “Love those PINK pajama pants you wore to the grocery store! So practical!”
I just turned 30 a few weeks ago and you will pry flower crowns/glitter/skinny jeans/cut up tees from my cold dead novelty-manicured hands.
Pics of novelty manicure, please.
How perfect was this list in my life at this moment? I turn 30 in EXACTLY 11 months from today.
SPARKLES AND MINI SKIRTS FOREVER!!!!!!
Happy birthday, 11 months from now EXACTLY! I hope you wear lots of sparkles for your celebration.
Mostly what I learned from this list is that Nicki, Bey, Laverne, and Janet are all my age. And instead of feeling like WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE, I feel like CUSP MILLENNIALS ARE GODDESSES AND WE ARE MADE OF DIAMONDS AND RAINBOWS AND ARE PERFECT IN EVERY WAY.
YAS
I’m 46, I’ll own up to 6 of these (but not telling you which 6).
You can own up to all of them because there’s no shame in the game here! :)
I am far from 30 but I plan on being this stylish when I get there an beyond! Yall rock!
Thank you so much for this! A lot of body-policing bullshit has crept its way into my psyche (from being around people who talk about what other people are wearing) and it’s so nice to have the validation of “Wear what the fuck you want. Wear what makes you happy.” Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Those poor people, buying into the patriarchy. So sad for them and so sad that they will not know the joy of wearing WhateverTheFuckYOUWant. Bless them.
The revolution will be wearing crop tops or it will be bullshit.
Thanks for this inspiring post, KaeLyn and team!
You are kind of a crop top master, so I take this as high praise. If there was a crop top reality show, Master Crop Top/Top Crop Top, you’d be the champion.
WHERE IS THE WITTY SLOGAN
TEECROP TOP WITH THIS STATEMENTI NEED IT
I’m still in my twenties but still sometimes feel limited in my fashion choices because of an idea of “maturity” or some crap. So my 25 year old self appreciates this list! It’s very encouraging.
It’s a real thing. It is. And I feel ya’. And sometimes I do police what I wear because of needing a job and/or respect from older-more-conservative adult people, but uh…don’t let it get into your actual brain that any of that matters.
Turning 30 in December and I’m only starting to become comfortable wearing some of these things now, the hell I’ll give them up in five months time!
Seriously. Except for funky shoes, which have always been my game, everything on this list that I wear I started wearing *after* 30. Hell, after *35*.
KaeLyn thank you! Goddamn I’m 32 and a friend asked me how much longer I was going to wear my lip ring…I pointed out my tattoo 1/2 sleeves and said why should I take it out, I can’t take these off can I?!? What the hell. I will never stop wearing graphic tees, skinny jeans, nerdy clothes and fun trainers – and flannel…so much flannel.
Ask your friend how much longer they are going to wear that judgy attitude, maybe.
Seriously, though, that’s silly talk.
Flannel is a great addition to this list! YES!
What I learned from this article: Aja has awesome style!
Y’all look so damn good!!! My personal favourites are the jeggings (@kaelynrich) and the crop top. Inspiration for days!
Thank you. I feel like I really stepped up my editorial game for that jeggings photo.
Seriously, though, how cute does Laneia (@green) look?! With the lights behind her? I love that pic.
I definitely have an internal debate some days regarding my short shorts. but then I remember I have no fucks to give and that I really like my legs and then decide to wear the shortest shorts I can find.
Who wear’s short shorts? YOU WEAR SHORT SHORTS. (Yes, I’m yelling.)
I recently turned 30 and have heard more than one comment about short shorts in my 30’s… I plan on wearing them in my 40’s too if I wish!!
I love it when fashion also says ‘fuck you’ to the patriarchy. You all rock! <3
About to turn 43 and still wearing basically all of the above. Anyone who has a problem with that can suck it.
You are an inspiration to us all. :) Keep doing you!
I liked this.
I often accidentally wear see-through t-shirts because I am too cheap to buy ones of sufficient quality to be opaque, obviously this is my subconscious keeping me hyper fashionable.
This made my morning! Look at all those foxy people.
This article is fantastic! I’m glad you addressed nerd apparel, because that would eliminate 3/4ths of my wardrobe when I hit 30. And then how will my friends at the comic store know how cool I am?
I relate to that first picture of KaeLyn on a deep emotion level.
Also the fact Kate Moennig and Leisha Hailey are IRL friends made me way more euphoric than expected.
Thank you. I really feel it captured the essence of my love for jeggings.
Thank you Aja!!! I’ve been saying for years that leopard print is a neutral!
And thank you KaeLyn for this article!! I’m 33 and am so sick of seeing some of my favorite wardrobe choices “banned” for me in those stupid lists :)
Leopard print is my actual favorite. I wore a leopard print dress on my wedding day. I’m serious about it. Aja had it more than covered with her looks, but just stopping by to say leopard print forever!!!!!!!
Yes, leopard print forever!!! It’s awesome that you wore leopard print for your wedding!! :)))
To my 30 year old self, this article reads like a fashion spread.
In fact, I was kinda sad it didn’t come with a little subscript informing me where to buy Stefs medicine sock(s).
i bought mine at the sock man on st marks in new york, but i think they are made by hotsox!
“medicine socks”
i don’t know for sure but i know you can get a LOT of novelty socks (and Festive Tights!) on sockdreams . com. i used to constantly be making wishlists there until i realized that it’s hard to match Festive Tights with a wardrobe that consists mostly of Festive Dresses unless you always want to look Exponentially Festive which is a little too festive for me
I am taking this article as a sign from above that I should go ahead and paint my nails black already, which I have super wanted to do since about three days ago, even though I’m 31 and haven’t worn nailpolish since I was like 13.
Oh lourdes yes, why have you not yet?! Do it right now!
I also started the polish thing again in my mid 30s. First, the pastels with the accent nail straight out of Spring Breakers, and recently gorgeous dark red, lifted, I have no shame, from Kristen Stewart’s style in Clouds of Sils Maria. Do it! I get no end of compliments on them, & I bet black would fly too. I’ve definitely rocked a dark grey.
I used to do black nail polish but now i do this amazing glittery teal nail polish called naughty nautical and i am almost 34 years old!
Also, I happened to have written a haiku on this matter, a while back:
^ This is what happens when you go thrifting right after yoga.
DAYUM, @grrlscout!
Everything about this photo is perfect.
Good golly thanks much!
hehe @chandra *blushing furiously*
This article is so good. I’ll be 30 in March so it’s great to know I don’t have to throw my entire wardrobe away and start all over again! Phew!
Also, y’all are super cute.
We are all very cute. It is true. I bet you are cute, too!
*blushes profusely*
Y’all are FABULOUS.
takes one to know one
so what you’re saying is I should buy everything FFAF wears, yes?
good, I was planning on doing that, though she favors a more orangey-red lip that I do, but otherwise, yes, everything.
also pigtails, duh, when I have hair that’s long enough to do anything with I run out of any other ideas.
yup, i think that’s exactly what i’m saying. @fit-for-a-femme has gorgeous style.
As someone rapidly approaching 30, thank you for this. I constantly struggle with how I love dressing and how I feel someone my age ought to dress. I own nearly everything on this list. So thank you for telling me it’s ok to keep rocking my Urban Decay Heavy Metal glitter eyeliner and my mini skirts and colorful tights and pigtails and my beloved MLP Sweetie Bell croptop. I am sending you so many internet hugs.
From that description of your style, you sound adorable. Go forth and sparkle.
38 year old grown ass woman, still rocking all but 4 of these, and those weren’t my style even in the ancient history of my nubile youth. Screw conformity in all its guises!
Just getting more and more badass and wise by the year, I suppose.
I’m going to keep this bookmarked for when I turn 30 in a few years because my mother will inevitably try once again to make me dress like an “adult”
I will be wearing skinny jeans, colorful sneakers, snapbacks, graphic tees, and superhero everything well past 30
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW3PFC86UNI
Um, I plan to be BURIED in whimsical kitty prints. If there is an expiration date on those, I’m leaving this planet for a more whimsical-kitty-print-accepting alien society.
You should put that in your burial plan in your will.
This is the best.
You are the best. #partylikearockstar #livelikeapirate
Rachel Maddow is my style icon. If she can, and I quote, “dress like a 14 year old boy” well into her 40’s and beyond then dammit, so can I. I always tell people that I’m “Pulling a Maddow” when I get out of my vaguely gender neutral business casual work clothes and throw on jeans, a pokemon t-shirt, and Vans.
Ugh. She is the hottest. And she is really serious about her sneaker collection. Google “rachel maddow sneakers.” She’s legit.
I so needed this! I am 30 now and constantly struggle with wanting to wear things that I am afraid I am too old for, and feeling like I don’t feel old why can’t I?? Also can relate with the low cut tops issue, have gotten in trouble more than once for too much cleavage, I can’t help I have boobs and all the shirts I like happen to show them!
Seriously, my boobs are 42D and they just do what they want. I have invested in higher-neck tops and dresses for work now, TBH, but I hate them. It’s not really my style and I resent that small-boobed people can wear shirts I can’t and still be deemed “professional” because they don’t have a cleavage line. Like, my shirts were not even that low. I have lower-cut shirts.
Exactly, it was never that my shirts were super low, just v neck and if someone smaller wore them it wouldn’t be an issue. I just learned to wear a cami under everything, even though I hated extra layers at times.
If you are comfy in it wear it. Worry less about what people think and just put in on. Confidence is attractive. I used to worry a lot about what I wore in my twenties and even my thirties, now I just say this outfit feels good and I go with it.
I am 32 and I will wear my robot dinosaur/unicorn leggings, my Bee and Puppycat t-shirts, my brightly colored sneakers, my impressive array of snapbacks and whatever the fuck else I want until I don’t want to anymore.
I am HERE for the jeggings advocacy (and also the rest of this article which is perfect). They truly are the ideal pants.
My ass is too fabulous for skinny jeans. Jeggings for life.
I’m Eastern European – I consider all animal prints neutrals.
I need more sneakers
I own/wear 6 of those things. Not bad
I love this.
Also, I don’t understand. oversized sunglasses are the staple accessory for the chic older lady. Throw on a head scarf and I want to age 30 years just to be that fabulous.
It’s kind of like the phenomenon where buying toys when you’re over the age of say, 9, makes you a “baby”, but once you hit 18 and buy toys, you’re a “collector”.
You will NEVER take my snapbacks from me! Or my fly haircuts lol
As a 31-year old trans woman who’s had some feelings about style, this was a very empowering article. Now I feel so much better about rocking my Star Wars t-shirts, skinny jeans and sneakers!
Oh gawd every single one of these made my heart thump with HELL YES. 37 and don’t you fucking dare tell me what I can’t wear.
Seeing all these cool 30-something-year-olds on here makes me feel better about entering my late 20’s.
YES to graphic tees, whimsical socks, and sneakers!
(And speaking of tees, I just got my You Do You tee in the mail today! :D Yay!)
As a 34 y/o (so old!) lesbian mum, I don’t care what people think of what I wear…so long as I’m comfortable – who cares?! Funky sneakers, socks with rad images, graphic t-shirts and snapbacks – yes! We are teaching our kid that it’s okay to be who you are, and you can look cool doing it!
I say screw anyone who wants to dictate what you can or can’t wear based on your age. I didn’t dress to please the crowd before I turned 30, and I’m even less likely to do so now that I’m 40.
All of the pictures above are adorable, and that has nothing to do with the age of the wearers
I think I have those exact same Rosie the Riveter socks.
ALSO JEGGINGS. JEGGINGS FOREVER. My partner tried mine on and was like “why are they so comfy?” because all they wear are proper jeans made out of something called denim?
Yes, good. Y’all are the best.
Several years ago when I was still under 30 a coworker said to me “When I turned 30 I got rid of all my t-shirts with words on them.”
F*ck that, I still wear them pretty much every day and I have more than will fit in one drawer :)
What kind of evil person would try to make anyone stop wearing cat prints???
So much style. I’m 30 and hell no way I’m giving up some of my favourite things.
Rules have no place in the wardrobe!
Check out this woman! Rocking it hard at 93!
http://www.theguardian.com/fashion/2015/jul/29/iris-apfel-documentary-film-better-happy-than-well-dressed
I’ve worn probably almost all of those things…
Except body con dresses. They scurr me! >.<
I’m only 24 but you’ll be prying my makeup, fandom tees and leopard print from my cold dead hands.
Also Riese, I would sacrifice small humans for those legs! Colour me jealous
Hell yeah! Cheeky shorts, especially!
“I got chastised at work once in my 20s for showing too much cleavage at work (which really just means I have big boobs that are hard to cover up).”
This exact thing happened to me (in my early 30s) by a supervisor whose chest was very flat and who wore tops with slits far deeper than my v-necks. Still get incensed when I think about it.
Also, glitter is my signature accessory. Well, that and my purple hair. And I don’t see either one going anywhere any time soon. Hoorah, femme fashion fortitude!
I’m not even 30 yet and this still makes me feel better!!! YAY!!!
I love wearing fandom tees, I have a crap ton of anime and comic book tees and there’s no way in hell I’m getting rid of them when I turn 30. Especially the DBZ t-shirts.
Love this! I’m 33 and I’m wearing American Eagle jeggings right now. At 5’3″ and size 14 it is super hard to find pants that fit me and AE usually comes through.