The following article contains spoilers for season two of The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives.
Welcome to our series called Dykes Discuss, where we discuss media and topics that aren’t necessarily lesbian-forward but that we still want to weigh in on! We have fun! Today, we are discussing season two of Hulu’s reality television series The Secret Wives of Mormon Wives. Here because you too can’t get enough of this wild show? Great, we want to hear alllll your theories and speculations for next season, which has already been filmed but doesn’t yet have a release date. Know nothing about the show and just want to bask in the humor and charm of our witty and gritty commentary? Great, there’s actually nothing you really need to know. The premise of the series is all right there in the title; it’s a reality television series about Mormon women. If you want to know who everyone is, read a cast primer, but also it doesn’t really matter!
Kayla: There is MUCH to discuss! I spent the whole weekend watching season two, and I have NOTES.
Christina: SAME. We are about to deep dive into some of the most fascinating reality personalities of all time in my humble yet deeply journalistic opinion.
Kayla: In a time where much of Bravo programming is on the decline (sorry to say!), The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives on Hulu is keeping reality television ALIVE AND (UN)WELL. Can’t say the same for the rest of Hulu programming…we can get into the Vanderpump Villa of it all later though.
Christina: I am refusing to fall for their VV propaganda. The only Lisa Vanderpump Face I recognize is from 2010-2015.
Kayla: I thought we were going to get a sophomore slump here, and we sure did not!
Christina: I have to admit, I waited a bit to hop back on the slopes of Provo! I was worried that the second season effect would get to them all in a bad way, and instead? The second season effect (this is when a new reality personality has their first year of TV under their belt and often misunderstand everything that makes people like them) instead has given us a group of women who seem to be mostly unable to…stop being themselves!!!
Kayla: Usually the fame and the scrutiny and the awareness of the cameras absolutely ruins the potential for organic drama and storytelling, but in this case, it HEIGHTENS IT? Because okay, for starters, has there ever been a figure on reality television so blissfully unaware she’s getting a villain edit than Miss Demi? And she spends the entire first half of the season attempting to paint Jen Affleck as the villain/New Whitney.
Christina: It’s almost impressive, watching her and that ombre hair try to start shit wherever she thinks she can, and it was DELICIOUS watching her fall! The absolute transparency of her midseason switch up! Jen Affleck skips that Arizona trip (dark) and you can almost see Demi looking around like, “well who is next?”
Kayla: She needs a target! I’m also so confused by her narrative that she was a fan favorite in season 1. Was that true? I recall my main thought about her in season 1 being “she’s hot.” Does that a fan favorite make?
Christina: I recall my main thought about her being “Wait, is that Jessi?”
Kayla: I’m glad that the two of them also acknowledge that they look alike. Because THEY DO.
Christina: I swear they are TRYING to look more alike now.
Kayla: The arc for Demi and Jessi’s friendship has been rather thrilling (and bleak!). Taylor’s reveal that Demi was shit talking Jessi’s hair business was actually one of the most jaw-dropping moments of the season for me. Coming for her BUSINESS is so mean!
Christina: I was gagged by her being willing to do season 2 without her! Like that is WILD.
Kayla: Again, coming for her BAG!!!! I feel like in these women’s worlds that’s actually worse than idk flirting with their husbands or something.
Christina: I mean, given that they are all supporting their husbands….I would imagine so!!!
Kayla: I have been fascinated by all the “feminism” language the girls have adopted for this season. They’re constantly talking about how Momtok is all about “women supporting women” and it’s literally just them…doing choreographed dances (poorly)? But then on the other side of that, I do see how making all this money independently of their husbands is legitimately empowering, especially given the worlds they exist in.
Christina: The feminism and therapy speak is very this era of reality TV, like how many housewives conversations have we sat through about being “a girls girl”? One million? But where the housewives drop the facade after about two rounds of fighting and start calling each other cunts, and these girls simply won’t do that! It’s all “Oh gosh” and “gaslighting.”
Kayla: The therapy speak this season was especially hard to swallow given how mean some of the girls continued to be about Jen when it is SO clear she was going through something very real. Thank GOD the producers pulled that girl off camera finally. It needed to happen sooner though!
Christina: I HAVE NEVER BEEN SADDER IN MY LIFE THEN WHEN JEN AFFLECK DISCOVERED SHE WAS PREGNANT AGAIN.
Kayla: I almost actually started sobbing during all the Jen stuff, especially the pregnancy reveal.
Christina: It was easily one of the darkest scenes on reality TV I have ever seen, and I watched season two of RHOBH!
Kayla: She is TWENTY FIVE. Her brain JUST finished developing! And she’s about to have her THIRD CHILD! And she’s DEPRESSED! She should absolutely never been on reality television.
Much like an episode of Bitch Sesh, I’m not necessarily fact-checking anything I’m saying in this conversation, but I’ve been told that Jessi and Jen were both more or less “cast” in the series, whereas the other girls were already friends/collaborators via Momtok. But Jessi’s integration into the group was smoother because they all sort of knew her through her business. Whereas Jen was coming in fresher and didn’t blend as easily.
Christina: HMMMM that tracks, I could see that. I actually really like Jen??? Is that crazy??
Kayla: I really like Jen! I want to protect her! She seems very impressionable all around. The girls like to focus on how she’s manipulated by Zac, but in the same breath, they’re manipulating her, too.
Christina: And like, I need to see proof Zac ever got into medical school in New York.
Kayla: Oh much like Craig lied about passing the bar on Southern Charm, I’m almost positive Zac did not get into medical school and I absolutely believe he gambled his med school money away.
Kayla: I did not know Mormons are allowed to do ketamine. They can’t get a skinny vanilla latte but they can do ketamine????
Christina: Shoutout to that doctor who was like “Well ketamine isn’t mentioned by name in the commandments soo…”
Kayla: Thou shalt absolutely enter a k hole.
Christina: And look they did make ketamine therapy look banging. I too would like some nice headphones, some IV K, and a blanket.
Kayla: The season was one long ad for Poppi, ketamine therapy, mid hair extensions, and self tanner.
Christina: This season had me feeling like Tyra Banks on ANTM cause I was ready to cut everyone’s hair off. Miranda actually DOES need a pixie cut and WOULD look like Twiggy.
Kayla: This is why Whitney is my GIRL. Everything is so relative to the Mormon context they live in. Like I kept saying Whitney is BRAVE to not have hair extensions and appear on camera without makeup…but I’m kind of not kidding! She’s “brave” for those things given the world she exists in lol. She also has a level of confidence the other women couldn’t dream of. I actually love Whitney and wish we’d gotten more of her this season, but I think she was too “well behaved” this season to get more screen time.
Christina: YES I was really there for the early part of the Whitney redemption tour (having bunnies at your shower so people don’t touch your newborn??? brillant??) But I was disappointed in her for sticking with Demi throughout the season, but you know what they are really bonding about is Taylor being the “OG creator of MomTok” and how salty they are they matter less.
Kayla: I can see Whitney calculating in real time who she should align herself with, but she picked wrong with Demi! She really was there for Jen in a real way though. I was touched by her going over there before the trip and cleaning up for her. That was real. Almost uncomfortably so. Again, production should have pulled the plug on Jen before it could even get to that point. While we’re back to her though: I can’t believe one of her storylines before she was (rightfully) pulled off the show was walking back the “fact” that her husband is related to Ben Affleck.
Christina: Was it walking it back or was it…uh…bullishly insisting it was true? Which to be clear I 100% believe that Zac would have said that at some point.
Kayla: Yeah, I think he said it early on when they were dating and then never thought it would get to the point of reality television viewers — famously self-proclaimed investigative reporters — fact-checking.
Imagine if my wife [Kristen Arnett] told me she was distantly related to Will Arnett when we started dating.
Actually I’m going to start this rumor.
Christina: I will cosign it.
Kayla: How old were these two when they started dating? TEENAGERS?
Christina: I mean all of them!!! Are!!!! CHILDREN!
Kayla: The ages frighten me every time. I know the cast of Vanderpump Rules were all babies when that show started but they didn’t…have babies.
Christina: And they have multiple children. Which is part of the secret sauce of this show for me: watching them all grapple with their religion.
Kayla: Yes! I liked the allusions to people from church hating all of them lol. I kind of wanted to get into that more but understand why THEY don’t want to.
The Mormon church loves silence and secrecy, and reality television flies in the face of all that. What makes this show ultimately more compelling than Real Housewives of Salt Lake City is that we get wayyyyy more of that religious tension here.
Christina: There was a point in episode 8 where I scribbled “how long can they do this show and not wake up to their religion being wack” and then they had that conversation about “sealing” and how men stay sealed no matter what and how that was bs and then I wrote a follow up note that said “oh right now!!”
Kayla: This was another instance where I felt Demi trying to assert something/spin a particular narrative. She REALLY wanted Jessi to say outright that she doesn’t believe any of it. It felt like she was attempting to weaponize something there?
Christina: She really brings that vibe to like 99% of conversations.
Kayla: But again little does she know…that’ll actually endear a lot of viewers to Jessi more? Because she’s being real/vulnerable/honest. So many of Demi’s machinations backfire on her. Tis the Leo way…all that hair, all that confidence, but sadly none of the execution.
Christina: It’s hard to watch her plans backfire, truly! And it’s also hard because Taylor is like, impossible not to root for, somehow? “somehow” here means “largely due to her various traumas and inability to be anything to but herself”
Kayla: GIRL STOP SLEEPING WITH DAKOTA THERE’S NO WAY THE DICK IS /THAT/ GOOD.
Christina: AND THAT IS A GREAT EXAMPLE.
Kayla: Watching Taylor with her family early on in the season…yeah I’m gonna ride for that girl because her family has fucked her UP.
Christina: The only one I ride with is her sister!!!!
Kayla: Yes. When her sister was like “you two just don’t belong together” I was like HELLO??? LISTEN TO HER!!!
Christina: Because that was one of the most uncomfortable family conversations I have ever witnessed. Like how are you going to look at this girl crying about her boyfriend treating her like garage and be like “Well you need to ask what you did to make him act like that”???? I woulda killed everyone at that table.
Kayla: If my parents invited my ex who I just kicked out to a bbq…idc if we have a kid together I am NOT showing up!!!!!!! And cussing someone out!!!
Christina: I mean we have to say Taylor’s mom is….wack.
Kayla: The extent to which she acquired a whole new face…harrowing.
Christina: The extent to which she is still on the side of her daughter’s ex-boyfriend…..extra harrowing.
Kayla: And like WHY? Dakota is not a catch! What is his JOB? DADTOK?
Christina: how dare you speak of dadtok to me
but also what are ANY of the mens jobs?????
Kayla: Great point. I’m glad we don’t spend too much time with the men on this show. They are very go girl give them nothing.
Christina: Literally so horrid.
okay ENOUGH table setting: who do you think is gay?
Kayla: WAS JUST ABOUT TO TRANSITION TO THIS TOO. here is my rundown:
Taylor + Miranda: FUCKED. I believe they hooked up. It’s the reason why Miranda is so weird about the swinging scandal. She’s not even with the dude anymore so none of it is about protecting him or cheating or anything; it’s just gay panic. Taylor is already pretty open about having made out with other women sooooo.
Mikayla: WANTS TO FUCK WHITNEY. Sorry, her obsession here is just too over-the-top to not be laced with something queer.
Whitney: Is 100% in a lavender marriage with her gay husband. I don’t care how many times the two of them have denied it or made jokes about it. It only makes me believe it more. Also, much like these women and their Mormonism, I don’t need it to be true to believe it. DOES THAT MAKE SENSE?
Layla: Could be bisexual. So sexually repressed it’s hard to say.
The rest are straight I think. Demi does make the most homophobic comments during the sex party (what WAS that sex party), which could give queer but I don’t think so with her. Also, she’s either attempting to correct the narrative on with some of her pro-gay TikToks lately OR she’s trying to expose someone else in Momtok for overt homophobia to DEFLECT from herself and how weird she was about girl-on-girl stuff at the sex party.
@whitneyleavitt FWB
Kayla: I would love for Mayci to have an ounce of queerness to her, especially since I have learned she actually had a pretty legit collegiate tennis career before she got pregnant, but she’s as straight as her hair.
Christina (sent simultaneously): Okay I largely agree with all of these and I would like to add Mayci, for a reason I cannot actually understand? I suppose this is what we call a “gut feeling” but I can’t put my finger on it.
Kayla: OH INTERESTING
Christina: LOL ICONIC
Kayla: No I love that we are picking up opposite energies here.
Christina: There is NOTHING there textually?
Kayla: Mayci and Mikayla do often have the vibe of best friends who “joke” that they’re each other’s wives. I think it would be so easy to be closeted in Momtok. It’s like culturally sanctioned homosocial activity. With a lot of culturally sanctioned physical contact!
Christina: I did actually get emotional when Mayci told Mikayla she was preg.
Kayla: I love when you can tell who are real friends.
Christina: Me toooo. And Mikayla is just so gay to me???
Kayla: Yes.
Christina: Also one of my faves. I’m into her weird energy and her ability to twerk.
Kayla: OKAY SHE DID ACTUALLY TWERK WHICH WAS CRAZY
Christina: I WAS SO SHOCKED
Kayla: I THOUGHT SHE WAS GONNA LIKE “”TWERK””
Christina: No those cakes were MOVING
Christina: I also think I could like Miranda, but girl give us something!
Kayla: Yeah, felt like a starter wife on Housewives who never fully catches. I was most into the fact that she was so supportive of her ex husband’s new girlfriend when her ex husband was starting shit at that cursed house party early in the season. How are these house parties getting so out of control when the only thing anyone is turnt on is diet soda?
Christina: We kept saying that as we were watching, like they are SOBER. and yelling in the yard!
Kayla: The look on Taylor Frankie Paul’s face when she was watching the fight outside…she wants to fight SO BAD. The other girls are like nooooo don’t go to jail again girl!
Christina: I was SO proud of her for not physically fighting this season! Cause I know she wants to!!!
Kayla: Demi being stone cold sober and still jumping to the exaggeration that Chase LAID HANDS on her……
Christina: (sorry it was hot to me that Brett was ready to rumble)
Even though he is absolutely cheating or did
Kayla: Oh yeah no Brett is a hot husband for many reasons, the fact that he doesn’t even need to fact check before he’s ready to fight for his wife chief among them.
Christina: …is the second that he is 47?
Kayla: When I was like 19 I insisted the hottest age for a man to be was 47.
Christina: SAME
I don’t know why it was 47
I think I wanted to say 50 but was scared
Kayla: I also don’t know…how did we both get there…
Christina: It’s part of the Alan Rickman/Tony Stark thing.
whatever they call that path to dykedom
Kayla: John Slattery was also 47 at like peak Mad Men.
Christina: oh then it was that
Kayla: Why didn’t we spend more time with that hot mic moment of Brett and Demi’s! Not that we actually learn anything concrete from it other than that Demi does not believe him that he didn’t cheat, but I really thought that was going to come back.
Christina: WELL IS THAT ALL PART OF SEASON THREE? Like it seemed like the final ruveal was reallllly setting up a Demi fall.
Kayla: PROBABLY. Apparently that next season is already banked. When it finished, I was frantically googling WHEN DOES SECRET LIVES OF MORMON WIVES COME BACK? There are no real answers. But they filmed 20 episodes at once and broke them up. AND cameras are already back up for season four. So it seems like they’ll always have a season banked even as another one starts filming.
Demi is going to fall from grace and I guess we’re going to have to also contend with this Vanderpump Villa dude supposedly having an affair with Jessi.
Christina: I will be gagged that she had an affair, but we MUST stop pretending like the Vanderpump Villa part matters.
And look even though Demi is in her villain era, that pregnancy test “game” was cruel and I hope production apologized??
Kayla: That was soooo cruel and fucked up. I kept waiting for one of the girls to pull the plug, but yes we’ve been informed it was production pushing it.
Christina: It somehow felt extra cruel because we the viewer’s didn’t know about the second pregnancy so even I was like “wait is she???”
Kayla: I want to be clear that I’m LOVING Demi as villain. She’s getting a lot of hate, and the criticism is all valid but I mean come on, we need a villain! And she’s doing it well despite that not at all being her intention! And then to see her in this really real human moment actually made her an even BETTER villain in my eyes. I like my villains to have a pinch of vulnerability to them. Otherwise, where are the STAKES
She actually outdoes Whitney’s villain arc in season 1, even if some of the beats are the same (like her threatening to leave Momtok).
Christina: She is a better villain because she is like….ten percent less calculating? And it gets in her way, which we NEED. Wow, you and me defending a villain edit? WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT
Kayla: I also was on her side when she opted not to skinny dip. Seems v legit that she was like “my stepkids literally watch this show” lol. And meanwhile, none of those bitches even skinny dipped they were merely topless!
Christina: Right like lets be real here! This is simply showing off boob jobs, which I APPRECIATE and RESPECT, but skinny dipping it is not.
Kayla: Season was also an ad for boob jobs.
Kayla: I also like that in general this show is pretty lax about breaking the fourth wall. I think the fourth wall used to be more important in reality tv of yesteryear, but it has become a hindrance for a lot of longtime reality series. Breaking it is always more satisfying because then people are actually talking about the things they’re talking about instead of talking around it.
Christina: Yes! I had a note about that! It might be the best I have seen the 4th wall stuff handled on a show. It helps a ton that they can use “MomTok” as stand in for “the show.”
Kayla: Any final thoughts on the season / general appeal of the series?
Christina: I love this show! I think it is actually really interesting to discuss, I think these girls feel like the Vanderpump cast of old, like real people who are messy and addicted to being on TV and I think that is good (except for Jen Affleck, may she get all the peace she needs).
Kayla: Yes, may Jen Affleck stay as far away from cameras — including phones — as possible.
As for the rest of these women, I hope they keep up the delusion!
Kayla: This photo is so funny because it looks like THEY are the dykes convening to discuss. You know Demi has to be so mad about her placement here.
Christina: That’s been making me laugh whenever I see it. I know she is Beyoncé dot heated.
What should the dykes discuss next? Let us know!
47 is the only age a man should ever be