I believe it was the great Frank Sinatra who said “icks? I’ve had a few.” Here are some of my icks, in no particular order: Has school spirit. Asks “how spicy is it?” (SPICE IS SUBJECTIVE. I NEED TO KNOW YOUR PERSONAL THRESHOLD FIRST. THE SAME GOES FOR ASKING HOW “SCARY” SOMETHING IS. IDK TELL ME WHAT SCARES YOU FIRST AND THEN MAYBE I CAN HELP). Knows too much about the stock market. Works in finance. Is a consultant. Tells me I won’t know the difference between vegan cheese and cheese. “I don’t read poetry” (This ick is specific to fiction writers). References viral TikToks in conversation too much. Describes a TikTok instead of just showing me. Tells me about a trip to India when I didn’t ask. Talks about pickleball when I’m talking about tennis. Cares a lot about birth order like posts “eldest daughter” memes. Is “best friends” with their mom. Is straight. Passes in front of me at a grocery store without saying excuse me (this is an inherited ick from my gay vocal teacher in middle school who once paused an entire voice lesson to rant about how rude it is to walk in front of someone looking at a shelf at the grocery store without saying “excuse me” and you know what he was right).

Smoking is a nightmare for me. Burned tobacco products are the worst, but vaping isn’t great either. Unfortunately, smoking is very normal in much of the world. Sure, it’s regulated in most countries, but it’s a lot more socially acceptable than a lot of the things we get into on this very site.

But normal doesn’t mean pleasant. I’ll paint you the picture: I’m autistic and have heightened sensory processing. I have an unusually keen sense of smell. That’s great when I’m testing new flavors or olfactorily examining something a friend passes me (completely normal behavior in my circle). The counterpoint to that sense of smell is that I’m highly sensitive to bad odours. I can pinpoint sewage leaks on the wind. Taking out the trash can give me an instant headache, if not make me outright nauseous.

Smoking is a sensory nightmare to me. The click of a lighter gets a stress response out of me because I know it’ll be followed seconds later on the wind by a burst of freshly burned tobacco. It’s a piercing scent that instantly sets off a headache in me. It’s eye-watering if I’m in actual proximity to it. When I hear a lighter or pick up cigarette smoke in the air, I tighten up noticeably and take several steps away.

It’s not just sensory or headache-inducing for me, either. I have a respiratory disability. Permanent damage partially driven by… growing up with a chain smoker in the house. I’ll never know if having a chain smoker in my proximity during childhood was the main driver of my lifelong disability, but there is zero chance it made my condition better. One of my lungs failed and collapsed at the age of 20. A horrible surgery and years of recovery left me here: one-and-a-half functional lungs, no running or jogging ever again, nerve damage, and assorted other issues. One of the fastest ways to agitate that damaged lung? Smoke. No particulate is great for it, but any kind of smoke is the worst.

I don’t just abhor smoking for its effect on my immediate functioning. I stay away from smokers and their territories because I have to do it to preserve what little respiratory integrity I have left. Most of the world considers the act socially acceptable as long as smokers follow some basic rules, but I have no choice but to avoid them wholesale. If I want to preserve my whole-body wellbeing, I must.

I feel so awful about this and it’s definitely a sensory thing, but chewing noises at large. Sloshing, slurping things, the particular crunch of a kettled chip in a seemingly very dry mouth, impatiently slurping a very hot ass drink, because why can’t you just wait one second until it’s bearable? I know, I know, there are specific ways to eat certain things, I get it! I also recognize how hypocritical this is coming from me considering I’ve been told I “eat loud.” However, I just can’t take it when witnessing or being proximal to this. I’ve had to stop chewing my own chips mid-crunch because it icks me in my own mouth. It’s a me thing, I’m aware.

Another ick is catching people doing gross things in general. I understand it’s the privacy of your own car or your own whatever, but catching folks picking their nose with their bare fingertips and putting it wherever they save nose treasure will forever burn my nerve biscuit.

Lastly: Biting fingernails or any small piece of anything and blowing it out of your mouth into the communal abyss severely shortens the life of my last nerve! The second I realize those short forcefully paced blows of air are actually failed attempts at that mystery thing on your tongue attempting to take flight; I lose it!! It’s gross, and it’s so self-absorbed. Lol. Like why would you think I’d just be okay with your mouth micro litter in the same small space as me?! ICK!

Is using AI a normal human behavior? I wish it wasn’t! Maybe there are uses in science that are valuable I don’t understand, but stuff like ChatGPT is so baffling to me. Why would you want to use something that spits out false information and in the process ruins the environment and encourages powerful people to fire their employees who actually can write and problem solve? “ChatGPT told me…” I don’t care. Ick.

Another one for me is when people say, “I’m an abolitionist but ___ should go to prison.” or “ACAB but ____.” Like, just make your joke if you want to make your joke or say your opinion if you want to say it, don’t dilute the meaning of these political beliefs/slogans. What are you a Democrat giving a press conference about how no one really wants to defund the police? ICK.

And, finally, people who use Venmo too much. If we’re friends, can’t we just switch off who buys the other one a drink? I’m not going to ask you to Venmo me $16. Just get me next time! I find it especially curious that the people who most like to Venmo request their friends $8 for a coffee are rich. I guess that’s how they keep their wealth!

Ok this isn’t virtue signaling or contrarian behavior for the sake of it, I swear, but the honest to goodness thing that actually gives me an ick is when people tell you about their icks?? THIS ROUNDTABLE ASIDE of course, sharing icks feels like the precocious little sister of Not Liking That Popular Thing Everyone Else Seems to Like. I mean, congrats for having an opinion, I guess?? That’s so novel of you?! I don’t know, it’s none of my business what you do or don’t like. Let’s talk about what you’re generating in this lifetime and why it matters to you, that’s so much more interesting! Having said all that though — and really getting into the spirit of this VERY FUN ROUNDTABLE — I do hate it when people lick their fingers. Specifically if they use that finger to first swipe up some remaining foodstuffs from a plate or bowl or yogurt cup and then lick it. Why couldn’t that have been a spoon instead of a finger, friend? Like I would almost rather someone just lick the plate directly! Go to town!

Loud chewing, although I’m trying to get over this because I don’t think it’s something people can control and then I’m always paranoid like what if I’m a loud chewer my gosh. When a white person says “spill the tea.” The phrase “gave me all the feels” in any context. A house/apartment/room with cat hair all over everything or where I can smell the litter box. (But also I’m allergic to cats, so is this an ick or is this an evolutionary adaptation for self-protection?) People who participate in internet pile-ons or enjoy cancel culture. This is a really specific and dated thing but in the late 90s / early 2000s, boys who frequently quoted Austin Powers in an Austin Powers voice were truly unbearable to me! “Do I make you horny, baby” was specifically an issue for me. (No it did not make me horny!)

“I don’t even own a TV.” Okay, congrats, you just told me we will have NOTHING to talk about. And it’s specifically that phrase. “I don’t really watch a lot of TV” is not the same. I don’t actually care if you watch a lot of TV or not, but “I don’t even own a TV” always feels like it actually means “I don’t even own a TV and I think I’m a superior being for it.” Also, the sound of someone blowing their nose. My old boss used to sit next to me in an open-plan office and just goose-honk into a tissue for three minutes straight, and it made me want to vomit. I understand if you’re walking down the street and you gotta do what you gotta do but if you’re inside?? It’s not a sneeze, you can hustle to the bathroom before clearing your entire sinuses out. Please. And spitting. Stop spitting while you’re walking! 99.9% of the time this happens it’s an old, white, cis man so probably nobody reading this but if you have to hock a loogie so bad you can’t wait until you’re not walking directly in front of someone who could get hit by spit-shrapnel, you need to stop smoking or drink more water or something, sheesh.

When people lick their fingers after they eat, especially if it’s cheetoh-adjacent. I know it’s a normal human behavior, but I can’t stand it. I can’t even watch it happen. It makes me nauseous. I think that’s partially the OCD talking, but it truly is not hygienic! Especially in this COVID-stricken society, why are you out here trying to willingly collect germs in your mouth?

Additionally, I hate when people say they don’t “gossip.” Yes you do Everyone does (Thank you, Kelsey McKinney and the Normal Gossip podcast). Don’t put on a holier-than-thou attitude because you want to go to Heaven or get an A+ or get a promotion at work. Have you told an embarrassing story about yourself at a party? That’s gossip. Talk about sports? That’s gossip. Do you consume media? THAT’S GOSSIP.

Oof, I have so many icks. My biggest ick right now is when friends use “we” and just assume I’ll infer that they’re talking about their significant other. I see this in both queer and straight relationships, long and short, and I don’t understand why they can’t just be clear about who they’re talking about! I say “my partner and I” and I wish other people did too! And also!! Just because y’all are dating or married or cohabitating doesn’t mean that you suddenly have unified, singular taste or experiences and yet! “We don’t like [insert thing here]” is a sentence I have heard more than once! I will readily admit that sometimes I use “we” but I hate it when I do and I am really trying to rid myself of the habit.

Another ick — also has to do with partnered people — is when people automatically assume they can bring their significant other to a small group, or even a one-on-one, friend hang. I do not want to spend time with every single one of my friends’ significant others!! If I did, I would befriend them! Also, it’s just polite to ask if you can bring someone before you show up! Double dates exist for a reason!!

Some other icks: humming off-key (especially if the person humming only knows part of the song so they keep humming just that part), not holding the door after someone holds the door for you, talking loudly on the subway, only doing cardio and not strength training, not using headphones when listening to audio in public…

Man, where do I start with this? When you talk about icks, I feel like you have to ignore the fact that someone will inevitably be pissed off about what you say, so I’m going to try that. Also, before I start, I just want to say I’m defining “normal human behavior” as stuff we’re allowing to happen in our society without addressing it in any real way. Some of the biggest icks: adult Harry Potter fans, people who still post their Starbucks orders on their Instagram stories, wellness influencers who are also grocery store walkers and the people who listen to and follow them, people who talk shit about the South when they’ve never been here, Disney Adults, people who complain about noise in public, picky eaters (even if they’re kids), people who use any AI generators for anything, putting stuff in a store anywhere you want because you don’t want that thing anymore, flip flops worn by anyone for any reason, not using your blinker, having a made-up corporate job that you can’t explain to me in a single sentence, vegans who comment on the food I’m eating while I’m eating it, anyone who says an entire genre of music “is bad,” influencers who post their strength training routines with god-awful form, pocket watchers, sports betting, anyone who says “There’s a good app for that,” people who “hate to read,” bad tippers, CrossFit, compulsory heterosexuality, and people who say things like “The U.S. is a democracy.” I’m sure I’m missing quite a few here, but this will do for now.

Whistling. I hate whistling. It makes me so mad. We all agreed that teaching children to play the recorder is a universally reviled custom, so why when we escape that elementary school hell would you go and do your best imitation of that cacophony with your lips? People who whistle generally are not good at whistling or in tune, and they aren’t considering whether I would rather hear their little tune versus whatever is going on in my head (I don’t want to hear their tune). If you’re whistling near me, I’m mad at you and judging you.

I also hate it when people still think AI is intelligent. It gave me the ick when ChatGPT first went commercial, and it gives me the ick now.

Besides that, a thing that gives me the ick that is perhaps more complex are situations where people fall into partnerships really quickly and go from a healthy dating cadence to enmeshment in like 60 seconds. If it’s a friend, I have to suddenly hear about this new person all of the time and find myself encountering them at every hang. If it’s someone I’m dating, now I have to tell them I don’t want to date anymore because I have boundaries around this behavior. It’s just very unchill and seems unhealthy, plus — and here’s the petty part — I’m not dating that person and I don’t necessarily want to spend as much time with them!