What self-respecting lesbian turns down a chance to sit in the same room as Rachel Maddow or Lana Winters?
“I would be remiss if I didn’t mention that not ONE of these witches has made a Diana Ross Supremes joke. Not once. And they say “Supreme” every five seconds. OPPORTUNITY MISSED.”
Welcome to the penultimate episode of American Horror Story, the show that hits you in the face harder than a left hook from Misty Day.
“She’s hoping to find out who killed Nan, which is a waste of spell if you ask me. There are like, four other people in the house with you, girl. One of them is crying and the other is playing a theremin. Do the math!”
Welcome to the tenth episode of American Horror Story, the show that got Stevie Fucking Nicks to appear in a move that was clearly a work of powerful magic!
Is this show ridiculous? Of course! Am I at all interested in watching TV shows that DON’T feature a talking severed head of Kathy Bates? NOPE NOPE NOPASAURUS REX!
“Apparently the witches’ journey to New Orleans was just like the Oregon Trail, only with less fiber and more smelly vaginas! This fucking show, you guys. This. Fucking. Show.”
Welcome to the seventh episode of American Horror Story, featuring an award-winning musical score by Hans Zimmer. I’m sorry, that’s not Hans Zimmer; it’s two goblins humping on a Casio keyboard. My mistake.
Welcome to the sixth episode of American Horror Story, where I come face to face with my greatest fear: bad New Orleans accents!
“Just when all hope seems lost, Zoe beheads the zombie while wielding a motherfucking chainsaw! Look who just became an interesting character!”
“I would love to know how much money this show spends on snakes, drummers, and chalk.”
Welcome to the third episode of American Horror Story, the show for all your minotaur sexin’ needs!
“Snakes hatch from eggs and crawl on them. They stab each other in the chest with needles. You know, typical married sex.”
Go out to your local Halloween store, buy a overpriced plastic witch’s hat, and prepare to hold the fuck onto it!