For over a decade, queerness on The Real Housewives of Atlanta has existed somewhere between the gay hairstylist, third-party invitations for some marriages, and a salacious rumor that ruined one of the show’s most beloved duos (Kandi Burruss and Phaedra Parks). But Season 17 did something different. Instead of showcasing queerness like a sidekick or a scandal to investigate, the show allowed it to be at the forefront of these women’s stories across several of the cast members, something we’ve only seen on more recent seasons of Real Housewives of New York and Real Housewives of Miami respectively.
At the center of that shift was Porsha Williams, whose second year back as a full-time housewife gave us something we rarely get to see on reality television: a Black woman in her forties openly exploring her sexuality while continuing to create the life and future she actually wants for herself. And somehow, in true Housewives fashion, she managed to do so while continuing to navigate a very public and messy divorce, being a mother, juggling multiple business ventures, and, perhaps most surprisingly, winning over the queer community while dating a man and a woman at the same time.
It’s an achievement far easier said than done for women whose queerness becomes public after years of exclusively dating men. And while Porsha has always been my girl, she certainly has the resume for some side-eye. After watching her go through three very messy and painful breakups with men, it would have been easy for me to dismiss her dating a woman now as her simply having a “men have put me through hell, so let me try women” era. But then I remembered something extremely important: Porsha has always been a little gay.
And RHOA producers have nearly a decade of footage to prove just how long Porsha has been dipping her toe in the lady pond.
There was former housewife Kandi Burrus confronting her in 2017 about their alleged intimate encounter after a night out at the club. There was the infamous Bolo stripper night in 2021, when another former housewife Kenya Moore was determined to figure out exactly how close Porsha and then-friend of the show Tanya Sam had gotten. Porsha was even caught on the hot mic referring to herself as a lesbian that night—girl we all heard it!
And then on an episode of Ultimate Girls Trip in 2023, Porsha was told by a psychic that she might have a “problem with lesbians” in her future. We can’t even say Porsha was told something she didn’t already know. She herself acknowledged this season that people have had plenty to say about her experiences with women over the years, and she has had plenty to say about them, too. In her own terminology: She had already dipped her “toes, feet, and hands in the lady pond.”
But for all that dipping, us queer RHOA viewers had never actually seen Porsha romantically date another woman on our screens before. And that’s what made the introduction of her now girlfriend, Patrice “Sway” MicKinney, so different (and enjoyable) to watch this season. When Porsha brings Sway to Drew Sidorra’s movie premiere at the beginning of the season and the women inevitably want to know what’s going on, Porsha’s explanation is refreshingly simple: She’s dating, and this is a date night. Like myself, when my latest crush—whom my friends didn’t know about—walked up to our section at the club, Porsha brought her woman to the function.
The casualness with which Porsha officially comes out to her castmates becomes even more meaningful when viewers learn Sway isn’t new to her life. The two had met almost a decade earlier, when Sway gave Porsha her number. Porsha, despite being interested, never followed through, admitting in her confessional she wasn’t sure if she was ready to explore romantically dating a woman. As we know, she went on to get engaged to Dennis McKinely (twice), have their daughter, then marry and divorce Nigerian businessman Simon Guobadia before eventually reconnecting with Sway.
In the black lesbain community, love stories like this are usually seen as horror stories. Straight woman gets hurt by a man, straight women dates gay woman to be loved properly, and then straight woman goes back to men once she’s healed. However, that is not the story we are seeing with Porsha. Sway had already been there, the attraction had already been there, and the only thing that changed after all of those years wasn’t Porsha’s sexuality but her willingness to consider that attraction as something that could become a real relationship.
And that, more than the mere fact that Porsha is now dating a woman, is what makes her storyline so refreshing. (Sway being so easy on the eyes also doesn’t hurt).
Porsha actually lets Sway be a real option for her. In addition to Sway, Porsha was also seeing Michael “Mike” Anthony, and genuinely appeared interested in both. She doesn’t present Sway as the fun queer detour on her more serious romantic journey with Mike. Both relationships are allowed to exist on equal footing, with Porsha asking herself the same question about each person: Can I actually build a life with you?
That distinction matters because one of the most common ways people feel like bisexual women operate is through an unspoken hierarchy. Women can be sexually exciting. Women can be explored. Women can even be loved. But somehow marriage, children, and white picket fences are reserved for men. Porsha’s storyline this season resists that. We watch her seriously consider whether Sway could be the person she built that future with. Sway also makes it clear she isn’t interested in just being another player on Porsha’s roster. Another treat this season: seeing a masculine lesbian demand respect for herself and her sexuality and it being received with love.
In addition to Porsha, K. Michelle admits to taking a dip into the lady pond in episode six. When complimenting fellow housewife Shamea Morton Mwangi, she jokingly says she likes sleeping with “chocolate women” and is “gay on holiday,” before more plainly clarifying she’s attracted to both men and women. Later in the season, when the full cast goes to Scotland for their own version of a Traitors episode—that we didn’t even see?—K. Michelle shares that she had actually been in a long term relationship with a woman which at one point had her thinking she might identify as a lesbian. She even moved the woman to Atlanta before their relationship eventually fell apart amid issues over K. Michelle continuing to talk to men. Which, K. Michelle says, led to the woman jumping on top of her car before ultimately hooking up with her hairdresser as payback.
It’s on that same Scotland trip that new housewife Pinky Cole, of Slutty Vegan fame, shares some of her own queer tea. Before marrying now-husband Derrick Hayes and starting their large family (Pinky is currently pregnant with her fourth, Derrick’s sixth), Pinky shares she was in a three-year relationship with a woman. Now apparently this was not exactly breaking news in Atlanta: Phaedra Parks jokes in her confessional that she had always known Pinky enjoyed swimming in the lady pond and was actually surprised to see her marry a man given her previous “sexcapades.” When the group asks why Pinky never married her longtime girlfriend, she jokes that she wanted something “long and strong,” (as if strap-ons can’t be both of those things!) before clarifying that the relationship just stopped working and she didn’t leave it to go back to men. Interestingly enough, she also threw in the fun fact that she wouldn’t be against dating another woman later in life if the opportunity presented itself. So while her finances might be filing for bankruptcy, her queerness isn’t just yet!
Finally, this brings us to Drew Sidora, whose relationship with queerness has been a recurring RHOA subplot whether she likes it or not. Or rather, whether she wants to admit to it or not. Sheree Whitfield first brought the rumors that Drew was involved with former WNBA player Tamera “Ty” Young during season 15, then Kandi Burruss claimed Drew called Ty her “girl crush,” before Drew’s own husband (well, now ex-husband) accused her of having an affair with the player. Drew has maintained she and Ty were just friends, but across networks over on VH1, Ty’s ex-girlfriend Ming Lee alleged during the final season of Basketball Wives that Ty was spending more than 50 hours a month talking to Drew on the phone while they were still together. So, were they or weren’t they? Who really knows, but whatever was going on reads very queer.
That context makes it especially interesting when Drew finally talks about her own experience at the Scotland dinner. (I think Bravo should rename that episode “A Dip Into The Lady Pond” since all of them admitted to wading in those waters). Like the others, Drew admits she had sexually explored with women during her marriage, but describes those experiences as something she largely did for Ralph and says she couldn’t see herself being solely with a woman. And that is, of course, Drew’s experience to define. But if Porsha represents what it looks like to become increasingly comfortable with uncertainty around one’s sexuality this season, Drew represents what it looks like when you keep that uncertainty at arm’s length.
Regardless, Season 17 of RHOA has shown us the rainbow has been holding a peach this whole time.
Because truthfully, this franchise has always been incredibly queer, but historically, that queerness was more likely to show up as mess to gossip about, a kinky story shared over dinner on a cast trip, or a juicy rumor to be brought up on the reunion stage. This season offered something different: genuine representation of the many ways queerness can show up in a woman’s life, whether through sex, love, fluidity, or becoming open to possibilities one may not have imagined for themselves (I’m looking at you Porsha girl!). And there is something so meaningful, and very beautiful, about watching those experiences being shared by a cast of older Black women who more than likely came of age during a time when being this open about sexuality was far less accepted. Imagine how freeing it is to talk about your same-sex experiences around a table with your good housewives, a little shade and mess thrown into the conversation?! I would love a seat at that dinner.
