Spencer is googl–I’m sorry, Binging. Bing-ing, searching on Bing to find the rat poison and reads that it is odorless and tasteless (thanks, Internet!) so it sounds like it’d be extra great for a murder. Ali texts Spencer, telling her to call her back ASAP. I’m glad Ali never stopped being high-maintenance. Staying true to her heart, that Alison.
Mona finds Paige in a dark alleyway and murders her — nah, just playing with you, she finds her and threatens her life, instead! Maybe. She tells her in no uncertain terms that unless Paige is with her, she’s against her, which means Paige is with Emily and Emily is with Alison. Don’t do something stupid, Paige! Please!
Over at the DiLaurentis’ Haunted House of Guilt and Regret and Backpeddling, Ali is Googling herself and finds a lot of hateful things. Turns out, people weren’t that sad about Ali being dead/missing. Ouch.
Spencer stops her from overdosing on the hatemail and they bond about how intense their lives still are.
Ali tells Spence that the cause of Mrs. D’s death was that someone messed with her medical prescription and gave her enough blood pressure medicine to stop her heart.
Aria goes over to Ezra’s house to hang out and practice their crazed looks for awhile, and Ezra gives her advice on forgiving herself. LOLOLOLOLOL Ezra says he’s already forgiven himself because of course he has oh gosh stop the jokes.
He catches her on the phone trying to make an anonymous donation for Shana’s funeral and tells her that’s not the way of forgiveness. They play checkers.
No but seriously.
Paige visits Emily and warns her that when Ali returns to Rosewood, she should stay far away, because so many people hate Ali that she’ll be in danger. Emily’s like “pssh whatevs” but then there’s a rustling in her bushes and she runs inside and hopefully thinks twice about her life choices.
Hanna is at the mall trying on clothes.
Something weird goes down with a stranger outside her dressing room door but we can’t be sure.
Spencer calls and asks her about the doctor’s visit recording. Spencer’s weirded out because she was just with Ali and Ali didn’t mention it. Hanna gets annoyed about lying for Ali and tells her she’s sick of being the messenger and hangs up and shoplifts out her rage with a pretty cute dress.
But back at the house of love, Spencer is making some dins for Andrew, but just like friend dinner not like a date it’s totally not a date okay? And she cuts herself. She looks into the cabinet and finds the exact same medication, Losartan, that killed Mrs. DiLaurentis.
But let’s go back to Ezra’s house, where Aria and Ezra are playing a totally innocent game of gin. Aria asks if she can spend the night because her dad is out of town and apparently her mom is still not living in the US and everyone is super awkwarded out until she realizes that’s a strange thing to ask an ex. That’s like messaging your ex and being all, “Hey, just wondering how you’re doing?” and even though you think it’s harmless it’s not harmless, don’t do it. She leaves, thank goodness.
Emily and Ali are hanging out at Ali’s place and Emily tries to delicately tell Ali not to go back to Rosewood High.
Ali accuses her of not being 100% committed to
Sparkle Motion their friendship and says they’ll be fine if they just stick to the plan. I mean, friendship. Yeah, friendship.
Aria stays over at Spencer’s house instead, which you may think is a good call, except Spencer admits that she’s preeeeetty sure her dad killed Mrs. D.
Mr. Hastings waltzes on in and casually mentions that Mrs. Hastings won’t be home for a few days because she snapped at the police and so she’s taking a few days at “the spa.” I’m not sure if “the spa” is actually a spa or a rehab center or a shallow grave, but it doesn’t sound like a good thing.
We tapdance on out of Rosewood while watching Ali scroll through her hate mail with a strange grin on her face.
Even bad press is good press, right?
User craylittleliars on tumblr posted a pretty good summary of season 5 so far:
Everyone: ALI NO
Ali: ALI YES