Sidesweep over to Hanna’s bedroom, where Hanna’s mom is looking for Hanna to make sure she’s at school, I guess? Instead, she finds Alison, who tells her that she couldn’t sleep last night because she kept hallucinating someone trying to break into the room, so she slept in a cabinet. Mrs. Marin tells her to take the day off, and I can no longer tell if everything Ali is a lie. My gut says “yes.”

Oh hello, I didn’t see you there.

Later, Mrs. Marin offers to take Ali out to dinner since she hasn’t left the house all day. She agrees.

Emily and Spencer head over to the stable where Bethany’s horse was kept because why not. They meet a guy who works there, and even though he’s instantly annoyed with them, he tells them about “the bucket incident.” Apparently, Mrs. D told Bethany to call her Aunt Jessie, but Bethany had a meltdown and threw a bucket at her.

Can you point me back to Stars Hallow, I’m supposed to work a shift at the diner later

Spencer asks if Alison was ever with them, but the dude doesn’t know and tells them to leave before the storm blows in because metaphors can be really intense on this show. Spencer says ok and then does the opposite.

Hanna is eating a meal alone in her car in the rain when Zack gets in the passenger seat, and I say “nooooo” out loud to myself in my bedroom. He tells her it seems like they were both feeling the same “vibe” and gives her his number, which she tears up as soon as he leaves. Gross, dude. Gross.

I hate you so much.

Meanwhile at the Casa de Marin, Hanna’s mom is making dinner reservations for herself and Alison. The storm is appropriately wild outside, and the camera horrifyingly pans to the knife set for a brief moment immediately before A breaks into the house in a way that can only be described as Scream-esque.

What’s your favorite ABC Family Original Movie?

Mrs. Marin sees A right as Ali comes down the stairs. A runs away, dropping a knife in their wake, and Mrs. Marin CALLS THE FUCKING COPS LIKE A GOD DAMN ADULT HUMAN.

Lieutenant Tanner arrives and questions the dynamic duo about their horror movie showdown. They feel certain that it was a man, but Tanner questions Ali until her story and reasoning quickly collapse. Valiant defender and maternal figure Mrs. Marin gets in Tanner’s face and tells her to “catch this psycho before he strikes again.”

I like her face because she always looks like she’s about to say “yeah ok whatever.”

Aria is folding placards for the engagement party that will probably happen in the next episode when who’s at the door but a rain-soaked Hanna Marin! It’s very romantic. She’s here to discuss the pressing matter of the fact that Zack is a giant pervert in a way that awkwardly reflects Aria’s relationship with Ezra apart from the element of Zack also being a cheater.

You’ve seen the music video for “All The Things She Said,” right?

Aria flies off the handle and tells Hanna that she’s always the problem, citing Hanna’s recent drunken loose-lipped tendencies as evidence. It’s not relevant to the issue, but Aria has an ax to grind and a little sexual harassment isn’t going to stop her. Aria throws Hanna out of her house.

First Spencer’s addiction storyline and now my older man storyline? WHEN WILL THE THIEVERY STOP, HANNA. WHEN.

This whole situation is The Most Ridiculous. Remember how supportive everyone was last season when Spencer had a drug problem? Was everyone only nice to her because they felt like she was working to solve their problems? So since Hanna is breaking their code of pointless silence, it’s ok to be furious with her? I don’t know, you guys. I’m starting to really turn on our protagonists.

Spencer and Emily are still in the stable somehow as Spencer flips through the guest book in search of Alison’s handwriting, which seems… specific. Emily finds a riding helmet that Spencer is sure belongs to her sister, but before any serious detective work can commence, A locks them in!

I don’t know if this counts as found art, actually, as much as it’s just like, an object.

They’re trapped with a horse that’s spooked by the storm! But don’t worry, Spencer uses her Hermione Powers breaks them out using a ladder and kicking horse? It’s not super clear. It’s fine, don’t worry about it, we’re moving on.

Spencer is back at home tending to a black eye she must’ve gotten at some point from the horse. Toby shows up, and after a quick recap, laments feeling powerless. Spencer apologizes for being mad re: the Police Academy and tells him that she’s excited for him to help put an end to this. It’s a refreshingly open and adult conversation.

I’m gonna level with you, I just want to smoke a bowl and go to bed.

Emily calls Aria, but she doesn’t answer because she’s too worried watching Zack snog her mom. They all sit down to watch a movie together, and Aria looks uncomfortable, hopefully because she believes Hanna.

I have a lot of questions about this seating arrangement.

Elsewhere, Ali is packing her things and getting ready to leave. The break-in at Hanna’s house was too much, and now she’s skipping town for good. Emily and Spencer are a Greek chorus of panic, but Ali interrupts to tell them that SHE ORCHESTRATED THE BREAK-IN AND THAT IT WAS NOEL KAHN. Oh my stars and garters!

Ye gods

Ali says it was to make Hanna’s mom stop questioning her, and now Emily and Spencer look like this:

And that’s all she wrote! We all survived relatively intact! Yay! Join us next week when Jenna comes back and the liars are finally on board with the fact that Ali has lost her mind!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=N7eb5d_NUr0

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6See entire article on one page

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!