NSFW Lesbosexy Sunday Wants You To Take Off Your Shirt

Welcome to NSFW Sunday!

+ Jezebel breaks it all down for you about what does and doesn’t happen to your vagina and asshole from sex, with an emphasis on the fact that both of these situations are MUSCLES which expand and contract:

Sexual arousal/relaxation is what loosens those muscles so you can receive the peen/fingers/dildo you so desire. But still, when this happens, Castleman explains, it doesn’t make a “big open cavity” like a loose sock or an empty potato chip bag, dumdums. There is no possibility for the aforementioned “hotdog in the hallway,” AKA “bee bee in the boxcar” scenario, as funny to imagine as that may be.

+ Ways to get into talking dirty in bed include narrating what’s happening, complimenting your partner, asking questions and giving directions:

“‘Touch me here.’ ‘Kiss me there.’ ‘Take off your clothes.’ ‘I want you to come.’ ‘Close your eyes.’ ‘Turn over.’ ‘Leave that on.’ ‘Put your hand here.’ ‘Don’t move.’ ‘Don’t stop.’ ‘Please don’t stop.’

Whatever you say, make your voice a little lower and softer or huskier than your regular voice. This will probably come naturally—kind of like how your voice automatically gets higher when you talk to a baby—and the more you do it, the more naturally it will come.”

+ A growing number of couples in committed relationships, including marriage, are living apart according to a recent study. According to Nerve:

“This is a growing trend in the US, with the number of married couples choosing to live apart growing from 1.7 million in 1990 to just over 3 million today. That’s over 3% of all married couples.

Though the numbers doubtlessly reflect the number of couples who live apart in different cities— the tumultuous economy and lack of jobs in any one city might explain some of the rise—there seem to be instances where couples living in the same city just plain don’t really want to look at each other all the time, and so they retain separate residences.”

+ In honor of Masturbation Month, Autostraddle has put together a pretty amazing masturbation roundtable. We encourage you to share your stories, weirdos.

I read The Book for weeks — in my room, in my yard, in the porch swing, in the bathroom. My favorite section was on masturbation, obviously. It was complete with a super clear diagram and helpful tips to get you started. “It may not feel good at first,” it said. “Massage the clitoris in a soft, circular motion. You can even massage the skin around it.” For whatever reason, that was the most intriguing: “the skin around it.” As if my mind hadn’t been fully blown with news of a clitoris (whatever that was) between my legs, I could also do stuff with the skin around it?? I was totally used to that skin; I’d been looking at that skin for years. This made me feel a lot calmer about the whole thing. The Book also said that masturbation was totally normal and that I shouldn’t be worried about wanting to do it. Thanks, Book!

+ What linens do you need to wash between partners? Everything? Only things they actually touched? More or less depending on your laundry situation? Jolie Kerr answers:

“How would you feel if the situation was reversed, and you were doing the nasty on a set of sheets that had been used by your paramour for the same act with another lady?

If you’d be livid or squicked or simply aghast that someone could be so careless with his sheeting, then there’s your answer — you need to launder the linens between guests.

If you’re shrugging and thinking, “What I don’t know won’t hurt me,” then your answer is that you can rotate lovers in without the benefit of a laundering cycle.”

+ The Lingerie Lesbian discusses women, sexuality and power:

“It is almost impossible to find a situation in which the display of female bodies or female sexuality doesn’t carry with it the weight of how you will be judged and discounted. There is a logic behind it that comes from the assumption both that women’s bodies are out of their control and that they use sexuality as a method of persuasion, a combination that makes unchecked female bodies somehow dangerous.”

+ Solopoly discusses the importance of making a conscious choice about your relationship style, whatever it is:

“People should know what their relationship options are, and see that any type of honest, consensual relationship stands a decent chance of making the people involved happy. And that the mere existence of non-standard relationship options or preferences doesn’t really threaten anyone.”

+ Sex dreams can influence your daily life, according to a new study:

“They found that the occurrence of infidelity or presence of strong emotions like jealousy towards a partner in a dream often affected feelings towards that partner the next day. When a person dreamed of a fight, often they were more likely to fight with their boyfriend or girlfriend on the subsequent day. And when a person dreamed of cheating on their partner or being cheated on, they reported less feelings of intimacy and even felt less loving the next day.”

+ There is now a peer-reviewed journal about porn, proving it is more worthy of discussion than ever:

“‘Porn, of course, is very marginalized as a media form and yet at the center of lots of scares currently around young people and their access,’ she says, as well as ‘the objectification of women.’ The journal aims to bring some empiricism, as well as a global perspective, to the discussion. ‘The Anglo American debate is framed within the feminist and objectification rubric,’ she says. ‘In Europe, that just isn’t the case.’ Papers will look at the content and ‘textual formations’ of porn, surrounding legal regulations and other ‘questions that remain rather hidden and haven’t had the kind of rigorous debate that we might like to see,’ and which ‘we’ve seen about nearly every other media form,’ she says. That isn’t to say that the journal won’t address worries about porn’s impact, but ‘it will have to proceed beyond the scaremongering.’ They’re interested in evidence, not anecdotes.”


All of the photographs on NSFW Sundays are taken from various tumblrs and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the tumblrs and photographers who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email bren [at] autostraddle dot com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.

Carolyn Yates was formerly the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com. Her writing has appeared in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. She lives in Los Angeles by way of Montreal and Toronto. Find her on twitter or instagram.

Carolyn has written 946 articles for us.

28 Comments

  1. Okay, so if dreams have a real influence on your daily life, can someone please explain to me the significance of last night’s dream, to wit: me, sitting in the grass in the sunny overgrown garden of a slightly crumbling but rather pleasant old mansion house with a four year old and a gorgeous lady explaining to her that no, I am not really going to marry the scruffy jaded ginger beard dudebro (rock star, maybe?) who owns it and is currently angsting around under a portcullis somewhere because a) hello, total lesbian and b) I’ve known him since CHILDHOOD jeez he just needs some support or something I guess while he’s being moody or whatever until suddenly WOW that’s a lot of ants and also bugs that look a bit like curled up centipedes or something but for some reason hot lady knows what they’re called and is totally calm and then TERRIFYING SWARMS OF FLIES JESUS quick grab the kid run run get inside, whew we’re safe but omg we’re both covered in little white bug bite lumps and I’m like ‘lol, we are going to be SO ITCHY tomorrow’ and then flirty flirty take of shirty and OH GOD WHY AM I AWAKE NOW, BRAIN, WHY DID I SLEEP THROUGH THE BUG ATTACK BUT WAKE UP BEFORE WHAT WAS PROBABLY GOING TO BE EXTREMELY UNCOMFORTABLE ANTI-HISTAMINE SCENTED SEX FFS.

    This is why I should never be allowed to write a rom com.

    • This makes me feel better about last week’s dream that involved cowering in a sketchy alley in Philadelphia while a gang of aliens flew by in a hovercraft/UFO shooting out the streetlights with machine guns.

      As for “sex dreams can influence your daily life,” this statement took my memory right back to my 22-year-old “straight” self having a sex dream about the lesbian lifeguard (who soon became my first girlfriend).

      Also, don’t you HATE when you can’t remember your great dreams???

  2. This is very Interesting:

    “-there seem to be instances where couples living in the same city just plain don’t really want to look at each other all the time, and so they retain separate residences.”

    We should talk more about this. For me it says, “It’s not that I don’t love you/want to spend my life with you, but if I have to see you everyday, interact with another person everyday, or make small talk regarding what I did today without having time for just me I might completely lose my sh*t”

    I recommend a weekend residence? Separate friends that are just for you? If I had these feeling I would be more partial to same residence separate bedrooms that are just for you. Not saying you can’t sleep in the same bed, but sometimes you reaaally just want you own space.

    • I think separate bedrooms could be nice. Or even like, an office space or den if one of you is like this and the other doesn’t care.

      Honestly, I have wondered a lot about not having my own space. I might lose my shit, yeah. Introvert likes alone time.

      • ^^That seems like the best solution. I know I love having my “me” time. I’ve come to realize that I have habits/behaviors that just scream introvert. But at the same time most of my family and friends are social butterflies that love interaction, and this results in me being dragged everywhere because I can’t say no.

        Them: “Hey do you wanna go out for the fourth night in a row and not get back ’til 3 in the morning. C’mon it’s gonna be awesome”

        Me: …(I really just wanna stay home and watch Netflix/listen to music/read a book/)…”Ummm, okay. Sure”

        …That or I lie and say I have to study lol.

    • my dad and stepmom have been together since i was 8 – i’m 34 now – and they’ve been married since i was about 18. they’ve never lived together, ever. there are a lot of factors going into it, but at base i think they derive a lot of comfort out of their relationship without having to give up too much of themselves to accommodate the other person. they have *very* different lifestyles/living styles.

      • “…i think they derive a lot of comfort out of their relationship without having to give up too much of themselves to accommodate the other person.”

        That’s the reason I got out of why people choose to live in separate places. But like you also pointed out, there might be other factors that go into making this decision.

    • I’m an introvert and always wondered how this would fair in a potential relationship, whether platonic or romantic. I need my space A LOT (big emphasis here), so finding someone who understands that can be challenging at times. It’s probably no wonder why I prefer to just hang out and chill with myself most of the times because it’s comforting and well, other people drain me, especially if they are constantly and consistently all up in my grill. People tend to take introversion the wrong way too, assuming that because you don’t want to be around them constantly that you don’t like them, when sometimes that’s not the case, it’s just that you need that space to re-energize.

    • My girlfriend and I live together, largely for logistical reasons, and we have separate bedrooms. I’m more of an extrovert while she identifies as an introvert, but both of us can be really intense personalities anyway so having our own space is necessary. I’m not sure how we would have coped if we had to share a room (especially with our non-monogamy)…it would be hell!

  3. I don’t think I could do the whole living in a different house than my spouse thing… I love alone time, but I feel like I could just tell her “I need to go to a coffee shop for the next 5 hours to be alone, be back by 3…” lol but perhaps I am just weird.

  4. I’ve done long distance relationships a few times. I had a girlfriend who moved away to New Jersey, a boyfriend who joined the Air Force, and a partner who lived about three hours away (we visited on weekends, alternating who made the drive) – it’s not impossible, but it sure as hell ain’t easy.

    I love living with my partner now, and we even got to skip the whole “should we move in together?” discussion. A couple years ago, I needed a roommate, and she needed a place to stay. She moved in, and a couple months later, we decided we were together.

    Kind of puts a new perspective on the U-Haul lesbians joke, right? Some of us move in together BEFORE we date. 😛

  5. My girlfriend and I are both moving within a month of each other. Sure, living together has crossed our minds. But I’ve never lived with a romanic partner and she’s done it a bunch, which intimidates me for some reason. Plus, right after we had our first, “well, wouldn’t just be easier if we…” conversation, Krista (over at Effing Dykes) posted an article about waiting a year before cohabitation that I really connected with. Ultimately, we’re pretty set on living apart for the foreseeable future, just for our own sanity.

    @Rhiannon, if you had already U-Hauled, then what did you bring to the second date?

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