NSFW Sunday Is Still Not Having Sex Even Though The Election Is Over

Feature image of March and August lingerie via the lingerie addict. All of the photographs on NSFW Sundays are taken from various tumblrs and do not belong to us. All are linked and credited to the best of our abilities in hopes of attracting more traffic to the tumblrs and photographers who have blessed us with this imagery. The inclusion of a photograph here should not be interpreted as an assertion of the model’s gender identity or sexual orientation. If there is a photo included here that belongs to you and you want it removed, please email bren [at] autostraddle dot com and it will be removed promptly, no questions asked.

Welcome to NSFW Sunday! A short one this week for obvious reasons. Take care of yourselves and each other out there.

+ Maybe you think it’s time to fuck. Maybe you think it isn’t. I welcome all debate.

+ Cranberry juice does not cure UTIs. (It may or may not prevent them.):

“There are two separate issues here that, somewhere in the twisted game of telephone from research to doctor to patient, ended up being confused: prevention and treatment. Prevention happens before you get sick — in this case, the idea is that cranberries will stop you from getting a UTI. Treatment happens after you’re sick — it (hopefully) cures an existing UTI, restoring your urinary tract to its non-bacteria riddled happy state. So before we go deep into the science on this, I want to say up front that research is still unclear as to whether cranberry products can prevent UTIs. But there’s one place where research is not divided: cranberry is not a treatment. It does not cure UTIs once you have them. Chugging it will not miraculously clear up your bacterial infection. Taking the pills will not soothe the burning when you pee. If you have a UTI, you need a doctor, not the juice section of the grocery store.”

@the_estelle_x via rodeohs

@the_estelle_x via rodeohs

+ The Republican party thinks porn is a public health crisis. It’s not, obviously. If there is a public sexual-health-related crisis, lack of comprehensive, accurate sex education is behind it. Prop 60 may have been defeated, but porn stars fear the future.

+ A lot of bad things can happen when you go through a significant other’s phone. Instead of that, try mutual trust, honestly and respect. Also get them to have a stronger passcode, just in case.

+ At Oh Joy Sex Toy, Erika Moen reviewed the Crave Vesper, a vibrator you can wear like a necklace.

+ This glossary for online dating will explain “cuffing season” or “thirst trap” to you.

adeadlydame. Support her via her wishlist.

adeadlydame. Support her via her wishlist.

+ Vaginal health is changing, and credit in part belongs to women like Emily and Laura Schubert and Lillian Tung, of pubic hair and skincare brand Fur; Ida Tin, founder of period app Clue; Natalie Brito, creator of sexual health app biem; and more.

+ Victorians had some really weird ideas about sex, notes Therese Oneill, author of Unmentionable: The Victorian Lady’s Guide to Sex, Marriage, and Manners, in an interview at the Millions.

via zony8

via zony8

+ From the Autostraddle Lesbian Sex Archives: here’s what to do if you think you’re bad at sex:

“Try new things until you figure out what works. This is important for responding to activity partners, and it’s important for your own growth and development as a sexual being. There might be something you think you like that might be terrible in real life, or best left as a fantasy, or that works in some ways but not others, or that is the only way to want to fuck for the next three months. There is a reason people refer to sexy times as “play.” Sex is a weird and awesome thing that sometimes makes no sense and sometimes is the only thing that makes sense and it is always supposed to be fun, so have fun with it.

If you don’t have someone to practice with, practice on your own. Masturbate furiously. Find out what you like and let you brain carry you in different directions.”

Carolyn Yates was the NSFW Editor (2013–2018) and Literary Editor for Autostraddle.com, with bylines in Nylon, Refinery29, The Toast, Bitch, Xtra!, Jezebel, and elsewhere. They live in Los Angeles and also on twitter and instagram.

Carolyn has written 1077 articles for us.

39 Comments

  1. Porn is “obviously not” a public health crisis? I get that AS is sex-positive, and I appreciate that, but I disagree on this point. Not that I think all porn is evil, but violent misogynistic porn is wayyy too easily accessible to minors.

    • Porn in general is easy to access.
      It’s true the boring nasty het porn has longer reach, more money behind advertising etc. than the nice fun queer porn.
      But minors are minors what they access should be under the purview of their legal guardians.

      When ever attempts are made to rein in porn, it’s the smaller operations (like queer porn) that take the hit not the big nasties.
      And the performers.

      Misogyny doesn’t even get winded from the hit.

  2. “Fuck for love, fuck for peace, fuck like you can never fuck again. It’s time to fuck.”

    Ugh!!! *tears phone book in half*
    As much as I want to, I honestly do not feel like fucking is an option that is open for me. I mean two friggin’ weeks of no fucking?! Are you kidding me?! Argh!!!!

    Also, that article about what to do if you think you are bad at sex isn’t as helpful as I thought it would be. But maybe my problem is that all previous partners, current partner and even crushes all have more experience than I and it affects my performance. Why can’t I just gain some XP by reading or going on a quest? ARRGGGGHHHH! *rips another phone book*

  3. I’ve been with my lady for 1.5 years and I feel like I’ve gotten solidly good at the general sex experience (making out, touching, sliding around, humping) and even pretty good at finger-fucking, but I still feel hopelessly bad at giving oral. I legitimately think it’s an endurance/stamina thing? I can’t make my tongue go very fast and it gets tired SO easily. Does anyone have suggestions for this? Is it worth trying to work out the muscle by doing a flicking motion inside my mouth while I’m reading AS (or doing paperwork at work?). Any guidance would be much appreciated.

    • First, have an explicit conversation about what types of sensation your partner is actually into! Honestly if super rapid pinpoint sensation is her thing, maybe there’s a vibrator you could use or switch off with. But maybe it’s not. Or maybe it is sometimes but other times she’d really like [another type of sensation], you know? Talking about it and trying things together is the only way to find out.

      Also, instead of trying to use just your tongue, use your whole face. And your hands. At the same time.

    • Hehe….. your post made me giggle, imagining you doing tongue flicking exercises while at work!!?
      Ask your partner what she likes. Do it in different positions. 69, from the doggy, her sitting on your face, missionary, in her parent’s bedroom ?……Create sexy setup. Makes her hot before you go down, and easier to get her to orgasm.
      If you get tired, laugh it off and have her use her vibe, that you ….whew!….are worn out, then cuddle and kiss her, while she uses her vibe. Talk sexy to her, play with her bits…..whatever she shows you she likes.
      It is not your responsibility to make her have an orgasm! You are there to show you love her, and want her to be happy.

    • I find that stopping to give kisses on thighs or general areas help in giving me a brief rest depending on who I am giving oral pleasure to. Rest your head on her thighs and prop that ass on a pillow to give you better access. Chew gum? I started chewing gum for hours and my jaw doesn’t get as sore anymore.

      I am pretty good at reading my sexual partners when I do oral and I always make notes of what they like, their level of arousal and where to focus my attention. Practice and get to know those sweet spots. It may sound selfish but knowing how and when to stimulate certain areas will cut the time and spare you from a sore mouth. A sore or tired tongue/ jaw can potentially cause some unnecessary hurt feelings too. I get dejected when my wife has to stop because of a sore mouth since I last way longer. At the same time, I feel bad because I want her to enjoy herself the same way I enjoy pleasuring her.

      Honestly, though, just have fun with the oral. I wasn’t able to fully enjoy the work that I put into oral until my wife and I role played for almost a month. Do what makes both of you happier.

      • I SOOO can not believe I’m asking this as I’ve never been in a sexual relationship with anyone so far, but being everyones here has been so open, caring, and non-judgmental on such a personal topics…here goes.
        I hope you don’t mind me asking Avawn because I don’t assume you to be an expert or anything, but to the best of your knowledge can the act become more fun for some what actually ice cream. I’ve read about putting whip cream of other lick-able desserts on the vulva to make oral sex more fun, but I wonder if there is to much of a risk for sugar based genital infections. It’s not that I’m planning on trying that myself, but if anyone one else was, it might be good to know.

    • Ahh thank you all for your advice! I will get started with your suggestions asap. Starting with a convo with her about exactly what she likes, thank you for that reminder to use my words :)

    • I just wanna say in a sea of articles and facebook posts about he-who-shall-not-be-named, it is INCREDIBLY moving (and awesome) to find a stream of comments about “how to best go down on your girl”

      YESSS Autostraddle ILU.

    • I feel you there, the whole “bi slut” thing is part of the reason I’m afraid to flirt with girls. Although I have a bigger problem with girls flirting with me (since I’m a boi I think people just assume I like only women) and then my internalized biphobia and kink shaming kicks in and get scared to open up and end up ghosting on them. -_-

    • Anyone can be a slut really. Sometimes I don’t know of being one is a good or bad thing. Just don’t let what others think of your sexuality get to you. It is your happiness, not anyone else’s. I am jealous you are a virgin tbh. I wish I had waited for my wife. I am sure you will find someone to have that special moment with. Be yourself.

        • I would feel the same way if I knew that other women did want to sleep with me. I lost my virginity in a drunken haze and with someone who stopped talking to me for a while. That horrible experience made me wish i had waited for my wofe, or at least for someone thay knew what they were doing.

          Tip: Ladies trim your damn nails for christ sake! Don’t make your virgin partner feel like a scratching post! Lol!

          • I was actually “straight” and a Christian fundamentalist virgin at the time. I’d have rather lost my virginity in a drunken haze than in the way I did. :P

    • Because supposedly we have more opportunities and of COURSE we’d take as many as of them we possibly could *eyeroll*

      I mean yeah looking statistics we’ve a wider pool of potential partners, but numbers lack the human element yanno.
      Just because there’s a quantity to choose from doesn’t mean a person will go for all of them. Quality is a thing to look for and qualities are thing we humans look for.

    • I guess I technically am one of those sluts though, since I’m one of those bisexuals who is looking for polygamy/open relationships. In my case I’m not a virgin, but my fear results in having had sex with a man and still being emotionally attached to him (even though we haven’t had sex since then, afterwards I explained to him I prefered women by far when it came to sexuality).

      My relationships with men consist of only emotional attachment and BDSM with no actual sex. But even then, it feels like enough to scare off bi phobic women. I feel bad for Lu84 cause I feel like I’m part of the problem. :(

      But then again, Lu84, you just got to be yourself. One tip I got was to go into it with a friendship mentality and if things start hitting off, then you can move into the flirting. I think that tends to work better for us shyer folk. If you gather the courage to flirt with someone and they give you crap for your sexuality, don’t let that put you down. At the end of the day there’s nothing wrong with you, it’s their fault for being a bigot.

          • If you want to identify as one, you are. If other people want to identify you as one, they can fuck off and they’re shitty people.

          • To me it’s someone who is willfully and intentionally sexually abusive, irresponsible, and disrespectful with other people’s sexual health/well being because they can be bothered to be a decent human or much less sex partner.
            So for me it’s gender neutral term I apply to anybody…like say “frat bros” who chump and pump unwrapped and insist the receptive partner is somehow at fault for not being pleasured by the experience and the risk of STD transmission ain’t their problem.

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