Q:

Helping some of you writers and other artists can help me out. If I had to sum up my 2025 in one word, it would be…rejection. I experienced so many different kinds of rejections this year. I went on many promising first and second dates that ended with the other person ghosting, saying they’d just like to be friends, or just straight up telling me they weren’t interested in dating me, sometimes with reasons given, sometimes not. I didn’t get into the MFA program I applied to. I’m a writer with a day job in marketing and desperately want out of the marketing world and had hoped going back to school would be a way to get out. Instead, I watched as writer friends got agents, got book deals, and got published in a million journals and magazines. I got 11 rejections on the same piece, didn’t get any agent bites on an essay collection proposal, and basically was told so many times by so many places that my work was promising but not a good fit blahblahblah.

Honestly I’ve kind of come to terms with the dating rejection. At least for now. I’m taking an intentional break from dating this year, at least for a little bit. Will revisit. It has been helpful to see other advice letters come through about similar dating fatigue. But while I can accept that my personal life is nonexistent, I’m having difficulty accepting my creative and writing life are nonexistent, too. In addition to being a writer, I also do photography, and I haven’t had much luck there either when it comes to applying to things or trying to get my work shown places. I work hard. I care a lot. I know I have a voice and something to offer. Seeing other people’s successes sometimes sends me into this awful spiral of jealousy, shame, sadness, fears I’ll never accomplish anything. I know it’s toxic and self-destructive to think these ways but I don’t know what to do. I’m not giving up. But I NEED to find a way to handle these rejections better instead of just absolutely spiraling out and letting it hijack my brain. I know there are people who collect their rejections or whatever but that’s not really my style. I’d rather never read those again and eject them from my brain. In 2026 I want to have a better relationship to rejection ESPECIALLY the creative kind. Where do I start!

A:

Let’s get this out of the way: Everything you’re feeling is completely normal and very common for people living an artistic life, which always comes with a lot of rejection! We have chosen this path that, more often than not, is riddled with people telling us no, nope, not you, not this time, try again, we picked someone else! At this point, I’ve given so many writer friends pep talks about rejection that I feel like I should be a Rejection Coach of some sort.

But that’s not to say I have a perfect relationship to rejection! I get down on myself, too, and I understand the spiral you’re describing. There’s no sense in pretending “just care less!” is actionable advice here. It’s okay to care a lot about rejections, understandable even. But I do have three key reframing methods that I think would be a good place to start if your goal for the year is to adjust your relationship to rejection.

First, and this is a big one for me, CELEBRATE YOUR ALMOSTS! Get a personalized rejection? Get told you made it past the first round of deliberations but not the next? Were you a finalist for a grant or residency but not ultimately selected? CELEBRATE THAT SHIT. It shouldn’t only be the “wins” that we treat as special; those almosts are hard to get, too.  And they mean something! So celebrate them with a special dinner, a sweet treat, hell, even a damn post on social media. I’ve worked to distance myself from needing social media affirmation when it comes to my creative life (and recommend you do the same if it’s an issue for you)

Next, submit widely but with intention. If I’m being completely honest, 11 rejections for one story isn’t even that many! I’ve received 35+ rejections on a story before it eventually landed exactly where it was supposed to be. I have friends who have received more rejections than that for a single piece or manuscript submission. It sounds like you maybe only applied to one MFA program, and I would definitely recommend going through another application cycle that includes more schools (if you are indeed attached to the idea of getting an MFA — neither my wife nor I have them, which has not negatively impacted our overall career trajectories). The best way to figure out which journals and magazines to submit to is to read them. Make a list of your top choices and then expand that list to include more, paying attention to the kind of stuff they like to publish and asking yourself questions about how your work intersects. When you read a piece you especially love in a journal or magazine, look up the writer to see if you can find a list of other places they’ve been published in their bio. That’s one of my favorite ways to find a short list of places to submit. Similarly, look up the agents for authors you love and think your work is in conversation with. Be targeted in your approach, but again, also cast a wide net. You can be ambitious and submit to your dream places but should also be practical and submit to more than just your dream places at the same time.

My third reframe: Embrace envy. Perhaps conventional writerly advice would tell you to stop being jealous about other people’s successes, but I disagree. You certainly should not wish ill upon others or go on a rant about how someone is undeserving about their success — those behaviors will only make you feel worse. But I think a healthy and productive dose of creative jealousy is totally fine. Let it motivate you. Let it push you. I know you know this already, but those other people are getting rejected, too — they’re probably just not talking or posting about it. If they’re friends of yours, ask them about their rejections! Take them off the pedestal you’ve placed them on in your mind. I can guarantee they don’t feel 100% amazing about their creative work all the time.

Now, this wasn’t necessarily one of your direct questions, but since you did include stuff about your personal life and the rejections you’ve received there, I do think it’s worth noting that working on your relationship to rejection in your creative life could indeed lead to an improvement in your personal life, too, especially when it comes to confidence and a sense of self. For what it’s worth, I think it’s great you’ve decided to take a break from dating for now; that’s often what I recommend to people who are super down in the dumps about rejection. Because as with writing, rejection is just always always always going to be rejection attached to dating. And often the rejections are for reasons completely out of our control. That’s true for both writing and dating!

You can chime in with your advice in the comments and submit your own questions any time.