Q:

My girlfriend and I are the same height and on the buxom side, so when we hug and kiss, our boobs naturally align and we enjoy rubbing them together. However, my girlfriend says her nipples are too sensitive to do it topless. She loves doing it with tight tops or lingerie, but I also want to do it skin to skin, which she avoids. We tried it twice, but both times she giggled and recoiled, saying her nipples were too sensitive. Is it possible for her to change this and get into it? I think we would both enjoy it very much.

A:

The initial reading of your question makes it seem like a ‘my steak is too juicy, my lobster is too buttery‘ kinda situation. However, interpreting this as a sensory issue, makes the difficulty palpably real.

Most people require more stimulation than chest-to-chest contact to reach nipple hypersensitivity, it’s definitely known to happen. It’s not a bad thing when people reach peak sensitivity — I get there after extended foreplay and some parts of my body get the hazard tape treatment.

Before I discuss suggestions you bring to her that could make topless makeouts viable, I have to stress that sensory issues are also boundary issues. No two people on Earth experience the same feeling identically, so this may just be a flat boundary for your girlfriend. Referring back to my opening remark about how this could seem trivial, but is actually a real problem; we don’t know exactly how your girlfriend experiences nipple sensitivity. If she doesn’t want topless skin contact, that’s her prerogative.

Since this is her sensitivity at play, she’s the right person to talk to about it. From what I can tell, she enjoys your time together but doesn’t want a specific kind of contact on her breasts. There’s room here for a discussion about what she experiences when that type of contact happens and how it makes her feel. Give her space to outline her reasons for not enjoying it when similar kinds of touch with a barrier are okay. It’s her body, so listen closely when she conveys its needs to you. You may learn something new, or it can just be as simple as ‘nope, too sensitive’.

It’s always possible for her opinion of this to change, but pushing for a change is unlikely to help. It’ll probably make her feel unheard or objectified for your pleasure and needs. If in the course of your conversations, she is receptive to trying to work around it, then you can work on it together. I have two main suggestions in that direction.

Firstly, if she likes having a barrier between her breasts and you, it’s possible to keep that energy while removing the clothes. Nipple pasties come to mind. There’s a virtually unlimited selection of sizes and types for all occasions. If she has textural issues, there’ll be plenty of options to pick from. Those could be a way to indulge in nudity with a barrier for the nipples. Even the ‘functional’ ones have a place. Sometimes, function is sexy.

Secondly, you can explore other positions for making out where chest-to-chest contact is not a concern for her. If she’s on board, a position where she is the little spoon and turning her neck to make out with you leaves her breasts out of it. Or lying on your sides and making out with your bodies aligned away from each other — pointing to opposite sides of the bed/couch. If she enjoys cupping her breasts to cover them, that’s a way to keep things face-to-face.

You’re not out of options here, but anything you do needs to have buy-in from your girlfriend. All of it starts with hearing why she feels strongly about nipple hypersensitivity and whether she wants to change how she feels about it. It’s good that she feels good enough to set a boundary about her body. That’s healthy behavior, and only relationship teamwork can bring about the next step.