Cut to aforementioned lair, where a bunch of lost-looking teenagers in cheap ponchos are serving cocktail shrimp to the whites while grown children with Nerf Guns stand in solemn rows, protecting their overlords. So, basically this is the U.S. Government.
Karma’s scheming how she can get this entire civilization involved in her personal vendetta, so, again: perfect metaphor for our actual civilization. Bravo, Penelope! Amy implores Karma to consider a compassionate approach ’cause they could’ve easily been born Mudmovers themselves, but Karma’s uninterested in immigration reform.
Then Amy ONCE AGAIN tells Karma she’s got something to tell her but then wimps out, instead ending a sentence that was supposed to be about hiding Liam’s salami into a sentence about how she’s gonna go get Karma a Diet Root Beer. Then, over at the snack table, Amy hears about rumblings of a revolution from a fellow Cloudsparklepony.
Amy: It’s just a stupid game, right?
Vashti: That’s what they said about the Stanford prison experiment.
Amy: What’s that? It sounds like a bad jam band.
The Mudmovers have been planning a revolution of their own, however, as they suddenly roll up into the Lair with a gift offering to their hoodie-wearing overlords.
It’s an ice cream truck! Lisbeth’s thrilled by the prospect of Choco Tacos but Karma’s still furious about Liam’s beef in Amy’s taco.
Shane and Lauren then emerge from the body of the ice cream truck, nab Nerf Guns from slacking Firepolicedancerdeers, and make demands. Namely, they want their cell phones back. Before Karma can throw all of them in jail on misdemeanor drug violations, Liam emerges from the bowels of the confectionary to talk about his feelings in front of the whole school!
Liam: We were heartbroken and angry and really really drunk, we both wanted to hurt you in the worst way possible. Amy, back me up —
Amy: Karma —
Karma: YOU LEAVE HER OUT OF THIS.
Amy looks awkward, Karma looks ragey.
Liam: There’s no excuse I can give you, I know that. But you made me feel things that I’ve never felt before—
Karma: Oh, so now it’s my fault for giving Liam Booker feelings?
Liam: No, it’s OUR fault, we did this. Amy, Amy tell her!
Karma: STOP SAYING “WE.”
Liam: I get that you’ll never forgive me but I just need you to know that I loved you. No — I LOVE you.
Karma gets a little teary but snaps out of it, telling Liam to go to hell. But by “hell” she means Abstinence Video World.
Liam: Fine, I’ll go to hell, if that’s what you want.
He totally stole that line out of the Jordan Catalano / Brian Krakow Playbook, but WHATEVER. Karma nails him with a nerf bullet.
“I can’t believe he tried to take you down with him,” says a frustrated Karma. Amy says nothing. I’m actually surprised that Karma’s choosing Amy over Liam — but how much of this is First Day Theatrics, that high-on-anger way that you act when you’ve just been handed the Worst Surprise Ever and want to throw a bunch of plates at a building? Will she feel better about it in a few days or weeks? Obviously she’s got a right to be livid, but these are still her two biggest fans, and they were trashed and heartbroken and sometimes shit just happens.
Back on the luxurious sunny grounds of this strange school, revolution is in the air and the walls have been plastered with Liam Booker posters.
Karma: Shane turned Liam into a martyr like he’s a fucking Mockingjay or something!
Amy: Really? I’m getting more of an Obama hopey-changey vibe.
Karma: We’re gonna expose him Liam Booker for what he really is.
Amy: Which is what, a werwolf?
No, I’m pretty sure that THIS is what Liam Booker really is:
JUST KIDDING! THIS is who Liam Booker really is:
Karma divulges to Amy that Liam’s family owns Skorkle — which Amy obviously already knew — and that she’ll use this info to humiliate Liam ’til he’s forced to transfer schools! Amy’s finally found her voice and is using it to tell Karma that this is a really really terrible idea. Undeterred, Karma demands Amy tell Penelope she’s holding an assembly in the cafeteria.
Lauren’s still on her anti-Brandy trip, which’d obviously be a set-up for “The Boy Is Mine” if this was Glee, but it isn’t, praise Lesbian Jesus.
Lauren wants to know if Theo ate Brandy’s brownie and if he’s pulling away ’cause she told him about being intersex. He denies the charges:
Theo: I meant what I said last night, I don’t care that you were born a little different. I think you’re the strongest sexiest most amazing girl I’ve ever met. No matter what happens, nothing will change that.
Lauren: Then why does it always feel like you’re pulling away? I feel like I’m going crazy!
Theo: There’s something that you need to know, I wanted to tell you earlier but I couldn’t —
But before he can get into it, Penelope announces that everybody’s gotta get their asses to the cafeteria for an assembly! It’s probably a pep rally for the Dylan Panthers, or else another opportunity for Karma to make herself even less popular than she was in the pilot.
The revolution continues indoors, where Shane’s holding a rally in the cafeteria:
Shane: Remember Liam. Never forget! He died for our phones!
The Mudmovers have gathered into an angry mob and are chanting for the triumph and release of their #1 false idol, Liam Booker.
Karma’s got her own story to tell about a man who ISN’T WHO THEY THINK HE IS. She’s got her own megaphone and her own table to stand on top of, which she does, launching into a rant about how their Fearless Anti-Skorkle Leader is really a —
BUT BEFORE SHE CAN SPILL THE SEED, Amy murders Karma with a Nerf gun!
Karma: Amy, did you just kill me?
Amy: It was for your own good! Now you have to stop talking and go to the basement!
Then the Fireballs kill Amy for being a traitor. THAT’S RIGHT JUDAS GO TO THE BASEMENT AND LEARN ABOUT V.D!
All eyes are back on Shane, who has some more complaints to register:
Shane: They made us wear these brown sacks and they took our phones. Who knows what important texts we’re missing!?! They can’t Nerf us all! Viva La Revolution!
Then a food fight breaks out. I hate food fights!
Down in the tombs, Karma, Liam and Amy are not enjoying a romantic film about how you should never have sex ever. I mean aren’t these kids their own Abstinence Film?
Karma’s furious at Amy for preventing her from sharing Liam’s family secrets with the entire school, and Liam’s shocked to hear that Karma was planning to tell his family secrets to the whole school. Seriously that alone would be a huge red flag for me — I wouldn’t go near that girl with a ten-foot pole if she reacted to arguments between us by breaking my trust and publicly humiliating me, even if I was the one who fucked up. I’d never trust her again, you know?
You don’t just love people for how they act in good times. You love them for how they act in the worst of times, too.
Shit’s getting dirty:
Karma: You don’t like it, go cry to your rich mommy about it.
Amy: Karma, come on, lay off, Liam’s family stuff is a lot more complicated than that —
(Moment of terrible, awful, awkward silence.)
Karma: Wait, how would YOU know?
Karma gets up, and asks if this was more than a one-time thing. It was a one-time thing, Amy tells her, and she only went to Liam’s house at all to force him to shut the fuck up about their romp in the hay. Also for the cocktail shrimp, I imagine.
Liam gets up. Liam and Amy stand before her, a front united in remorse and dismay.
Karma: So Liam wanted to tell me, but you stopped him?
Liam: Karma, it’s not like that. Amy was just trying to save you the pain.
But Amy wants to take the blame where the blame is due:
Amy: It is like that. I was selfish, I couldn’t face what I did. It was horrible. It was the worst thing I’ve ever done, the worst thing I could ever do. But you can’t blame Liam and not me. Either you forgive us both or you hate us both.
Karma: Fine. Then I hate you both.
Basically it was like this:
But a big beautiful world lives on outside this sad, educational basement — outside on the grassy knoll, the children are pleased to have finished their seemingly pointless Social Experiment Costume Party, and Shane’s disappointed to learn that the only Duke-related news accessible on his mobile device is a Skorkle alert that his ex-boyf has signed with The Chicken Devils and is growing a beard.
We then launch into an emotional two-minute montage to the song “Forgive Me,” by Austra. Liam’s in his car, pounding the steering wheel, full of regret and rage. Amy’s at school with her textbook in front of her but that textbook may as well be a blank journal, ’cause she’s not reading a damn thing.
Amy’s not reading, she’s texting. Specifically; she’s texting Karma, begging for forgiveness.
Karma throws her phone across the room, which’s like the classic and stupidest breakup move because then your life is broken AND your phone is broken. AMATEUR. Then she tears photos of Amy off her wall. Sigh.
Lauren’s sitting in the courtyard, where Theo said he’d meet her after school to tell her that thing he has to tell her. But he’s nowhere to be found.
Everybody’s secrets are out and everybody’s heart is hurting. WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?
Here’s the trailer:
After watching this episode and next week’s trailer, we basically figured out exactly what’s gonna happen next week. 10% of this hypothesis is based on one page I saw of the script for 210 (which didn’t contain any definitive information, but did contain a line that makes more sense now that I’ve seen the 210 trailer), 20% is based on what was in the trailer, and 70% of the hypothesis is based on my PSYCHIC POWERS.
SPOILER ALERT IF YOU BELIEVE IN MY PSYCHIC POWERS!!!
So, this is what we think is gonna happen next week: Theo’s an undercover cop who’s been sent to Hester to find out who’s selling drugs. Remember how Amy’s parents said their fortunes have transformed since they started selling “baked goods” and how Brandy had a pot brownie this past episode and how Theo seemed awfully interested in hanging around her? And also how he perked right up when Lauren mentioned that she took ecstasy at the club? Right, so I think he’s doing a 21 Jump Street kind of thing. So, the cops are gonna show up to arrest the Good Karma family for selling pot brownies, Karma’s gonna pull some crazy-ass shit that’ll get her arrested, and then Amy’ll try to get herself arrested so she can be locked in a cell with Karma. Meanwhile, Liam’s gonna make peace with his Dad so that his Dad will give him money to bail Karma’s family and Amy out of jail — but in exchange, Liam will agree to work for Skorkle and keep all his family secrets. We’ll see Reagan for like two minutes, and it’ll be a weird cliffhanger that will leave us unsatisfied and annoyed, yet we’ll still accept it because we’re desperate for lesbian action.
TUNE IN NEXT WEEK TO FIND OUT IF MY PREDICTIONS ARE TRUEEEEEE!!!