Dinah Shore Liveblog Day II: Dazed And Confused in Palm Springs

Hellooooo friends, and welcome to Dinah Shore 2011! Your intrepid Autostraddle editors will be scampering about Palm Springs like the cute little Chuck-Taylor-wearing sunburnt drunk internet kittens we are, and we have left an equally intrepid and adorable team of interns to communicate all of our adventures to you in the meantime. We’ll be hitting all the events, shows and parties of Girl Bar’s Dinah Shore Weekend 2011, and we want you to be there with us in spirit! Here’s a map of Dinah AutoHQ, courtesy of Design Director Alex Vega:

Autostraddle-girlbar-Dinah-map-2011

 

And check out our schedule of all the Dinah action happening this weekend! We’ll be at Girl Bar events Thursday through Sunday, and you might think you’re ready but you’re not ready. But we’re doing this anyway! Here we go!


+

Friday April 1, 2011

+

9:30 am: It’s supposed to be 90 degrees in Palm Springs today. And right now it’s 89 and only 9:30, I hope everyone has brought their sunscreen.9:42 am: Jess, via gchat: yesterday was stressful getting into the rooms … but today should be good. we’re all still in bed

9:48 am: I suspect everything will be boring for a while while the team recuperates from last night. Now, for the liveblog of Emily Choo’s life? Just finished eating breakfast, now watching an old episode of Glee. Yeah, I said it, I’m a Gleek.

10:14 am: from Rachel, via email: We have all just woken up, bright and chipper like happy children! Just kidding we all feel like caveman zombies. Hope the entire internet wanted to know that.

10:16 am: The team has bagels but no toaster. Or cream cheese. What will they do, toast it with a lighter or call room service? Adventures abound at Dinah Shore!

10:32 am: Rachel, via email: also Laneia really wants everyone to know that her foot isn’t broken yet

ATTENTION AUTOSTRADDLE READERS: LANEIA’S FOOT BONES ARE STILL INTACT. CARRY ON.

10:40 am: Oh thank God. The mystery of “lighter or room service?” is over. Also I am sending happy period vibes over to Riese, which is probably not as good as midol.

10:50 am: I think that we need context for this. Laneia, via twitter:10:56 am: OK, apparently they have ordered a pot of coffee but it has not arrived yet, Laneia is not actually going to die. As long as it comes soon.

11:06 am: THE COFFEE HAS ARRIVED.This is Rachel’s latte. It is already gone.11:09 am: Rachel, via email: It turns out that room service means getting THE TINIEST BOTTLE OF HOT SAUCE IN THE WORLD. Also the picture I sent you earlier was of my latte. Obvs it’s gone now. Riese still doesn’t have any midol.11:18 am: Rachel via twitter:

11:40 am: Sarah, via email: This is what we’re doing instead of going to the pool party.‘Cause, like, whatever, there are naked ladies and boobies outside, but do you know where else those things are? On Tumblr.

11:45: Oh, wait (Laneia via twitter):Personally it is my mandate to support all clothing removal anywhere ever. Especially before noon.

11:55 am: Team Autostraddle makes a solid effort to begin the day. Laneia’s shirt remains on.

Rachel: does anyone have a product that will make my hair look better than it does right now. like a shower in a bottle?

Laneia: We should do yoga
Riese: I want to spend the rest of the trip in child’s pose
Sarah: I’ve never done yoga.
Laneia: You should.
Sarah: But i’m not a hippie like you guys

11:59 am: A GREAT DISCOVERY IS MADE

Riese, via gchat: rachel just put on really short shorts and laneia is squealing
OHMYGODIHAVESOMANYFEELINGSABOUTYOURSHORTS YOUHAVESUCHACUTEASS
You guys, Rachel has a cute ass.

12:15 pm: Autostraddle becomes either Star Wars or the Matrix:
Rachel: Has anyone checked in with red team?
Laneia: Who’s red team?
Rachel: The girls in the other room. They’re red team, we’re blue team.
Sarah: What do the colors symbolize?
Rachel: I don’t know, I just want to pretend we’re in Star Wars.
12:22 pm: Laneia is obsessed with this photo:
Laneia: I want to be the one on the left
Sarah: You are.

See? She is:

Despite coffee, breakfast amenities, and awaiting ladies, the chances of Laneia and Sarah getting out of bed today are decreasing steadily.

Rachel reports more accurate numbers: 75% have showered or are showering, and I am only about 15-20% hungover.

1:20 pm: Rachel via email: so riese and laneia are asleep again somehow i think, and also the circles under my eyes are so dark that i do not think they will ever go away ever or be covered by any makeup so i am just going to wear my sunglasses at all times including inside and when i am asleep. the good news is the hair product laneia gave me seems really good, when is someone going to start offering us endorsements1:33 pm: Look how much whiskey is still left after last night!
1:44 pm: Jess via email: we finally left the safety of our room and ventured into lesbianland by the pool

And they have hot Autostraddle shirts, look:

Which unfortunately they are also still wearing:

Also here is Rachel and Sarah F*cking Palmface with THE SHIRT:

1:54 pm: Rachel via email: At the autostraddle lounge at the girl bar pool party!2:00 pm: Laneia via twitter:Also there is a dude in a thong, possibly he is unaware he is in public, possibly he is just trying to incarnate ‘you do you’:

2:14 pm: Rachel via email: Jess is going to get an exclusive interview with the banana hammock guy for autostraddle dot com

2:17 pm: Laneia via email: bringing pre-cut mango was THE BEST IDEA I’VE EVER HAD

2:21 pm: Riese via email: i am going to make cargo shorts happen

2:23 pm: Rachel via email: apparently there is some lounging that is going on

And Haviland was just quoted: “does anyone know where my top is?2:29 pm: Rachel via email: I think sunscreen + you do you really says it all3:05 pm: Rachel, via email, is within four feet of…

THIS

3:17 pm: Rachel via email: VEGA IS IN THE POOLand it is very Ushery down there:These two miracles caused LANEIA AND RIESE TO WAKE UPAnd last but not least, Alex really liked how this girl looked in THE SHIRT too.3:23 pm: Rachel via email: Haviland is the best at selling calendars3:27 pm: Riese: Tequila sounds like a bad idea, and I’m the market for a bad idea.

3:48 pm: Rachel finds Julie Goldman: “the butchiest butch that ever butched”

Julie Goldman is butch

4:04 pm: Rachel via email: Alex, Jessica, brandy and JulieAlex also emails to let us know they’re chillin’ at the pool / Auto table:

4:22 pm: Alex is justcaughtnapping dot tumblr dot com

4:28 pm: Jessica interviews Banana Hammock man

So I got an exclusive interview with Thomas the Banana Hammock Guy! First Linda Perry, now this guy… it’s been quite an exciting week kids!

SO. Thomas the Banana Hammock Guy is a straight dude who simply lovesbeing surrounded by lesbians and comes to Dinah Shore every year –this is his third. He comes alone and stays the whole weekend, creeping out 10,000 lesbians each year with his thong and huge boner right there in front of God and everybody.

[a pause]
I have an update on Banana Hammock guy! Julie Goldman has exclusively told me that he got KICKED OUT!

Here is his picture:
5:00 pm (HAPPY HOUR): Laneia via text:

Rachel: IH MY GOD IT’S A LIBRARY. WHAT IF WE JUST SKIP EVERYTHING AND GO TO THE LIBRARY!
which is weird since Sarah F*cking Palmface says everyone is napping and being gay or something:
5:35 pm: Riese via gchat:

laneia: are you having coffee?
sarah: no, this is whiskey
(it’s in a coffee mug)
5:47 pm: Jess via Twitter:
5:50 pm: Alex via email: Team meeting at the GirlBar sponsored Hyatt room, just sayin’
This is what they were talking about:
Laneia: does anyone have visine?

Rachel: no but we have xanax which is basically the same thing

It was resolved around 6:19 pm: Rachel via email: Showers have been taken and whiskey has been drunk and tampons have been distributed, now we are going to dinner before the cocktail and then pure white party.

7:26 pm: DINNER HAPPENS.And with dinner comes the 8:11 pm tweet from Rachel:

8:40 pm: Only now Rachel’s computer won’t connect to the internet and she might be too panicky about this to go to the girl bar white party. This is not good, you guys, the internet is important.

8:44 pm: Sarah F*cking Palmface via email: and this is Rachel’s ass

9:20 pm: Rachel, via email: Getting ready for the cocktail party, and also how did I not notice how vaginal this painting was before this
Also Taylor’s twitter thoughts from earlier today are important, both for the evening, and for life:9:42 pm: Carolyn: I haven’t heard from anyone in a few minutes because they are probably still getting ready but I am channeling Emily Choo and eating a bowl of cereal that I am debating liveblogging (sample transcript: 9:40 pm: poured soy milk. 9:45 pm: remembered about soy milk intolerance. 9:46 pm: remembered about soy milk deliciousness. 9:52 pm: sneezing.).

11:03 pm:

If you are at Dinah Shore or just following along with intense fascination, the following events are going on right now:

Girl Bar’s Pure White Party in the basement of Zoso with a performance by Wynter Gordon

The White Diamonds Party at the Riviera Resort and Spa.

And they probably look like this:

Also the Girl Bar White Party is in a basement, so there will be no cell access, which concludes our liveblogging for this evening. If this makes you sad, here is a video of Julie Goldman as Lezilla at yesterday’s Funny Girlz 6 Comedy Show:

Stay tuned for exciting debauchery-based updates tomorrow!!

auto has written 483 articles for us.

74 Comments

  1. i’m sitting in my cubicle. i have 1.5 hours more to go before i get to leave and by some 90 degree appropriate clothing (i just got paid today and i like to procrastinate) before i leave this afternoon to the desert

  2. It’s 5 degrees in Thunder Bay (aka 40 degrees Fahrenheit) and I consider it to be gloriously warm for this time of year. Also just converted 90F to Celsius and as a result am reconsidering my pledge to attend Dinah Shore next year.

    • Hey – so I know we’ve only been together for…3 years…but I was wondering if you’d come to Dinah Shore with me in a 15-passenger van next year. Also, it’s only a 35 hour drive. We can listen to T&S, Indigo Girls, Ricky Martin and if I’m lucky, Harry Potter audiobooks. You bring the snacks.

  3. you can see the reflection of his thong “covered” ass on the glass partition behind him, it’s hovering over that ladies head like an evil, slutty poltergeist.

    please tell me there are hot thong clad ladies there to make up for that hilarious monstrosity!

  4. did I say that you guys are soooooooooo cute and adorable in the pics x100…

    the laptop in bed cracked me up also, glad I am not the only one who does that…..

    guy in thong…ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww…..

    my girlfriend and I went to in ‘n out burger for lunch and ate our burgers outside while reading your blog on my laptop….made for a very enjoyable lunch…..bay area is 80+ so tanktop and shorts weather also….

    luv you guys!!!!!!!

  5. I know this is wildly inappropriate, but is anybody else curious as to if any of the auto editors have hooked up? We know such personal things about them already, it seems only natural for me to wonder, right? Yea? No? Total perv? I have no gauge for these things anymore.

    Dinah, Drinkies and cramped quarters just seem like a recipe for sexy sexuals is all I’m sayin’,

    • I’ve always imagined/assumed that orgies are just a part of their get togethers. Including meetings done online.
      They discuss the website, life, feelings and seal the deal with an orgy to assuage any anxieties they’ve got left about the website/world.
      I don’t do it in a pervy way to get off, it’s on par with assuming they probably drink tea or whiskey, like it’s just a thing. But then again I assume everyone is fucking so it’s no biggie to me.

  6. Right now, northern Germany seems to be channeling Palm Springs like it is it’s Spirit Animal. Just saying. I am in the mood for putting on that spring skirt and go out to the park to oogle ladies and pretend I am at the Dinah, with a disgusting fish pond instead of a pool. Oh wait, I live almost by the sea. You now what that means…beach time!

    Also, that hand-holding-hotel-room-picture? <3 I wanna hold all of your hands! especially laneia's…I don't want to bully anyone, but she is so cute I can't even, one christmas present wasn't enough.

  7. it seems some of us are in a hot drinkin situation with a big group *cheers* here is to us and to team autostraddle in dinah shore situation *clearly im drunk*

  8. A List Of Some Things I Learned At My First Dinah:

    – “going solo” = does.not.even.exist. b/c meet-n-greets are highly effective at dinah. and then there’s the AS lounge too…so i mean – next year perhaps?
    – a good way to introduce yourself to someone new is to find a girl who talks w/her hands & then time your approach perfectly to get smacked in the face. it’s best when it’s not planned though.
    – BUT ALSO – it is maybe a good idea to at least familiarize yourself a tiny bit with the promoter/co-owner of the company/the basis of an L Word character/whatevs so you don’t drunkenly ask her, “Oh…so what exactly is it that YOU do then??” at the first meet-n-greet.
    – DRINK TICKETS are sold in 10’s, but the drinks are 7 for beer & 8 for cocktails/wines/etc. I have 7 leftover tickets actually but they’re from two different hotel parties & apparently they are not universal.
    – DRINK TICKETS CANNOT BE USED FOR TIPS.
    – the Dinah diet = legit. I guess it’s technically the “ketel mary”/whiskey/beer/”champagne slushy thing” diet but still. it works. the secret is in the palm trees I think.
    – lesbians + ASL interpreters = perfect combo.like pb&j.
    – despite being in the official program & on countless promo cards AND even if you happen to also be the “World’s Funniest Lez”, the staff will not let you into the pool party w/out an actual i.d. card.
    – attempting to sneak certain people sans i.d. card into pool parties = tougher than movie theaters.
    – sneaking AS bombers into pool parties = SO VERY LOGISTICALLY IMPOSSIBLE WTF.
    – if you tell a joke and it’s not that funny, don’t worry b/c Brandy Howard will totally let you know just how NOT funny it really was.
    – but she will give you a chance to redeem yourself. you’d better make it really good though.
    – b/c she will absolutely remind you about your initial bad joke the next day.
    – if Julie Goldman happens to be doing extremely accurate / uncanny impressions of your grandmother’s different split personalities, just go with it.
    – drunk lesbians really do seem to love stickers though.
    – even if you made up your mind that you are never going into the dinah pool, you actually still might end up in the dinah pool at some point before you leave & it’s really not bad at all.
    – if you hypothetically passed out on the floor in your hotel room & you find your m.i.a. camera in between the magazines in the side table thing, there may or may not be (among other things) video/pictures of Team Auto.
    – there is no amount of awkward immunity training for dinah. NO AMOUNT. NO IMMUNITY.
    – but it’s totally fine once you leave & listen to Madrugada’s “Majesty” a few times on repeat during the 5-hour drive back home & just let that oh-so-awkward dinah dust settle, y’know? bc it will settle and IT WILL ALL BE OKAY.

    – Team Auto = a great group of ladies with an overall good vibe & they’re all very personable & really you should all just go next year.

    *I found out about DS via here, so thanks to Team Auto for that :) Dinah Shore was / is easily the most memorable rollercoaster ride ever.

Contribute to the conversation...

You must be logged in to post a comment.