I need to learn how to cook these motherf*ckers, because I’m just totally and completely intrigued by their prickly exteriors and absolutely delicious spirits.
“A year with a turtle, it seemed to me, was a perfectly acceptable short-term alternative to a cat – mostly because it wouldn’t make me want to scratch my eyes…
I’m not interested in the kiddie theme park variety made of cream soda and syrup from a squeeze bottle; I want hot, alcoholic, grown-ass woman butterbeer.
