Hi, loves. How’s everyone doing? It’s okay. You can say “bad.”
These are not easy times we’re living in. I feel like I’m constantly fluctuating between big picture worries about the virus — and the social inequalities it’s exasperating — and my smaller struggles with the day-to-day of quarantine.
I’m single and before the pandemic that meant possibility — now it just means isolation. I have no idea how long it’ll be before I’m able to touch another person again. I have no idea how long it’ll be before I can go out and meet people and fall in lust and love again.
When quarantine began I focused a lot of my emotional energy on specific people I’d hooked up with before or who I hoped to hook up with in the future. But as the weeks have gone on I’ve had to face the reality that those projections had expiration dates. I simply don’t have anyone in my life who I want to be — or should be — pining after. But that doesn’t mean I’m not filled with longing! And unless I fall madly in love on Tinder — a thing that has literally never happened to me — or fall madly in love on Instagram — okay a little more likely — my quarantine longing isn’t going to be for specific people it’ll just sort of be.
Now I’m sure it’s very difficult to be separated from your partner or partners right now. I’m sure it’s difficult to have an ex that’s haunting your every thought. I’m sure it’s difficult to have one big crush that might’ve been in a pandemic free world. But it also sucks to feel horny and lonely and not even have faces and names to think about. AND BESIDES the entire world’s songbook is filled with music for those other moods. I’ve made a playlist for the rest of us.
There aren’t a ton of songs specifically about vague longing in the middle of a global pandemic, so consider this playlist a narrative journey of feelings. There are moments of hope and moments of despair. There are moments where all you want is love and moments where you feel done with love forever. Some moments you’re dying for a kiss. Some moments you really want to dance. And some moments you just need to masturbate.
Well I’ll be damned if you didn’t just capture my feelings exactly! You have put into words a lot of my vague whisps of desire.
“And unless I fall madly in love on Tinder — a thing that has literally never happened to me — or fall madly in love on Instagram — okay a little more likely — my quarantine longing isn’t going to be for specific people it’ll just sort of be.”
HAHA. I feel called out. I’m the only one of my close friends who isn’t in a relationship right now, so I definitely needed this solidarity today.
Whew I get this AND can I just say, I broke up with someone right at the beginning of all of this and it has been SO NICE not to have to expend emotional energy I don’t have on relationship maintenance, is there a song for that.
Thank you for sharing. I shall listen after my therapy appt which I am dreading because I know it’s going to be about a difficult topic. I’m so lonely. I do have a mega crush but I have no idea how they feel about me. I just want to be held. It’s been so long.
Holy shit. I feel all of this.