It’s Just That The Season is Ending Next Week and It Doesn’t Really Seem Like It’s Gonna End Well
When it’s Effy’s turn to read out hers, she tells everyone that the grades don’t matter, and that it’s just “numbers on a page.” That’s a little contradictory because A is a letter, not a number, if she studied she might know this.
Effy: You’re all great. You’re all great people, but I think I’m finished. I think I’ve had enough.
Freddie: What are you on about, Eff?
Effy: You have to make sacrifices to get what you want… I’m in a different place now. And I’m sorry, I’m really sorry.
Freddie: So what are you saying?
Effy: I’m saying goodbye.
Effy clarifies that she’s finished with poor Freddie as well, and says she’s going home. To a place called Kill Joy. Katie turns to Freddie and points out that he got dumped again. Thanks Captain Obvious.
This is annoying, you don’t get to put your friends through hell and then be the one who walks away. I hope everyone is in denial and thinks she’ll come back because: 1. She will, 2. That’s what I’d do.
It Was a Rainy Night, When He Came Into Sight
Effy runs into Cook outside the pub. He tries to tell her that they have a lot in common, that she belongs with him, smoking cigarettes in the shadows. She tells him that he’s no good for her.
Cook: If this was us meeting for the first time, I’d do it all again – the fucks, the fuck ups, everything, I’d do it all again.
Effy: What’s that supposed to mean?
Cook: It means I still love you.
Cook looks sexy in the rain. Effy tells Cook to “piss off” and then runs home to rub Freddie’s name off her whiteboard timetable.
I Want You to Try a New Drug it’s Called Codependency on Your Doctor
At the next therapy session, John T. Foster hypnotises Effy to get rid of her bad memories which can obvs only lead to a positive outcome. He talks about how his office is a safe place with no fear or danger, just ask Freddie.
Love Means Saying You’re Sorry Right Now Plz
Freddie visits, he wants to know how she could say she loves him and then break up with him the next day. He challenges her to look him in the eye and tell him that she doesn’t find him attractive I MEAN SHE LOVES HIM, but she can’t. She’s just under John’s control. He tries to kiss her and she kisses him a little bit and then she pushes him away.
Effy: I went crazy when I was with you, and I can’t let that happen again. Love’s not supposed to do that, you made me go mad.
Freddie: You’re making me mad now, Effy. And that’s exactly what love’s supposed to do.
I have issues with both of those statements but I’ll let it go.
Once Freddie has stormed out, Effy shuts her eyes and in her mind replaces what just happened with unicorns and butterflies.
This is How I Feel When I Lose Tinkerbell Actually
Later Effy takes her medication and then has a near breakdown when she realises she can’t find Patto, her stuff giraffe. She pulls the room completely apart, pulling everything out of the cupboards and screaming for her mother. Mrs Stonem calms her by locating Patto but too late the room already looks like Hoarders.
Rather than pack her past back into the drawers and wardrobe, Effy just gets out the lighter fluid and burns it down. Now her and Freddie have something else in common. Effy tells her mother that she needs John T Foster, he’ll make her better. Sheesh. I hope when she ditches the doc, she still gives meds a chance.
Coincidentally This Pond Also Looks Like a Hallucination
I don’t know what John did to Effy in their session exactly, but when Cook finds Effy at the park she’s not quite herself. When Cook tells her that Freddie called him upset about the break up, it’s clear she has no idea who Cook is or rather who she is.
Clear to everybody but Cook, that is. Remember how he told her that if he met her again for the first time then he’d want to do everything again? He thinks she’s putting an act on and giving him his chance. He asks her what her name is and introduces himself to “Elizabeth.”
He Ate My Heart
They get acquainted quickly, ’cause next thing they’re at a party with pretty people and red lanterns and music and they’re dancing up real close. Even when Effy throws her arms around him, Cook keeps his hands and mouth to himself, and I’m not sure if that’s because of Freddie or because he just hasn’t found a window yet or because this time around, he’s gonna be more like King James, or James and the Giant Peach, I don’t think either of them fucked on the first day of meeting.
Effy: I wouldn’t usually go for a drink – let alone a dance – with someone I’d just met.
Cook: Oh yeah? Why did you?
Effy: You seem nice.
Cook: I am nice. So what are we doing next, mystery girl?
Effy: Something bad.
Cook: You’ve come to the right man.
They walk off in search of something bad. And coincidentally come to a road. You know, roads, the kind people get hit and almost die on. She has deja vu, which Cook says “Isn’t that a french word for what the fuck is happening?” which is funny. Then he says he calls chicken (something Cook never would’ve done the first time around). See, he cares now — and something’s wrong.
Effy says she’s been there before. And someone got hurt.
A Monster in my Head
Effy doesn’t think it’s a game. She really doesn’t know him. And Cook says that he knows her, she’s got a birthmark on her ass and they’ve fucked in every sense of the word. Then a bus speeds past and she starts freaking out, remembering Tony but then getting confused because it never happened. Also she’s still dressed like Angela Chase per ushe.
She pushes Cook to the ground and runs off, and by the time he catches up to her he finds that Effy wants to stand in the middle of traffic. That’s bad! Not fun-bad though like breaking the rules on the first day of school. She’s screaming that she’s not scared of anything.
Just as a van approaches, Cook jumps into the traffic and saves her. She kisses him, then asks him to take her to Freddie.
The End of the Road
Cook: You remember me though, yeah? You know who I am?
Effy: How could I forget? You’re my friend.
These Friends of Mine
Effy passed out on the side of the road and Cook somehow got her to Freddie’s place. He tries to call the ambulance and Cook questions him about why all of his bags are packed and beside the door.
Cook: You fucking skipping out on me man?
Freddie: Yeah, I’m leaving, I was going to go tonight.
Cook: You were going to fuck off? Leave her?
Freddie: She broke my heart, man.
Cook: She broke my heart as well. You broke my heart. I bet you’ve broken hers at some point. So what are we gonna do, are we just three losers screwing each other forever, or are we something better than that? Fuck me, grow up. I’m done here.
And so it is; Cook is the better man.
Love Means Having to Say You’re Sorry Part II
Cook’s last words to Freddie were to not fuck things up. He must’ve listened because she’s back in hospital and he’s by her side, telling her that they’ll be together and everything is okay.
Another Day For You and Me in Paradise
John T Foster comes into the room to see Effy, but she’s finally woken up to his quackery and general creepiness and bad cardigans and doesn’t want him to be there. Freddie tells him in no uncertain terms to fuck off, that Effy isn’t his patient anymore. He clicks his pen and leaves. TAKE THAT HE CLICKED HIS PEN
This is Everything
With John gone, Effy tells Freddie that he deserves better. And that she loves him, she whispers it over and over again.
Since my Bag is Already Packed How About a Holiday
Freddie’s bottom lip is quivering and he has tears in his eyes. This genuinely brought tears to my eyes, knowing in advance that this is going to be the last moment that these two kids share. It’s sort of perfect but also really fucking sad. Freddie and Effy fall to sleep holding hands.
I Like Unicorns
Freddie is woken up with a phone call, it’s John T. Foster and he wants to have a chat about why he can’t be Effy’s shrink anymore and so Freddie goes to his safe and peaceful office.
I’m Having a New Friend for Pre-Dinner Air-Snacks
Freddie and John sit down for a man-to-man chat, in which John tries to convince Freddie that the Stonem family need to give this maverick therapist another shot. Freddie points out that his involvement in Effy’s life has only made her worse.
John admits that he was somewhat arrogant and creepy and mistakes were made, he apparently cared too much. He pleads with Freddie that he be allowed to continue to treat Effy. Again. Freddie tells him to fuck off. Again.
Freddie tells John to stay away from Effy and starts walking out. When he gets to the front door, it’s locked shut and John is right behind him with a baseball bat, calling himself a creature of instinct and telling Freddie that he cannot have Effy.
The last thing John tells Freddie, right before bashing his head in, is that Effy really did love him.
The sound of Freddie struggling and of the bat crashing against his skull in sickening. The blood spattering on the windows is disgusting.
Furthermore, it’s incidential and arbitrary. Who is this guy? He just came into our lives in this episode, and already he’s murdering a main character? Sorry, nah. Murders like this don’t happen every day. This is more than unlikely, it’s downright sensational, and honestly, I hate to say it, very Ilene Chaikenish.
This is the dumbest thing to happen on my teevee since Jenny “died.” Also, sidenote; the “in loving memory” bullshit that Skins posted on their website is so annoying — what’s “In loving memory” of Freddie Mclair? This episode? He’s not real, and also, this episode killed him, so it’s a weird way to honor his memory. Ugh. Just UGH.
Basically this is how we feel about that:
[Sidenote Riese is still in 100% denial that Freddie died, and is pretty sure he’ll come back next week. Only happy memories. No bad memories. Phone home.]