Things Laneia’s 5-Year-Old Son Said

Have you read Thought Catalog. Have you seen it. If you do it might make you feel like This Recording or even The Awl made you feel once upon a time, like “oh smart people are writing good things on the internet for free, I should subscribe to this RSS feed” and then one day it becomes really cool, like Green Day.

OK let’s say you’ve never heard of This Recording or The Awl and you’re already rolling your eyes at the above paragraph. Well turn that frown upside down, because my Laneia “Jones” (this is seriously the fourth last name she’s employed since our launch, we have to make new business cards every three minutes) possibly maybe has a thing going on over there, starring her five-year-old son Eli, who is a super-special person. I just want to make sure that you know that if you were a breadman made out of bread, and you got butter on yourself, that would be OK. Seriously. You’re beautiful. Just the way you are.

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Riese is the 40-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 3016 articles for us.


  1. I kind of live for when Laneia tweets things her boys say. It’s my favourite, I can’t help it. I hope that when I have my own tiny humans they say things that are this smart and cute and clever and funny.

    Reading this was the best part of my yesterday. I think I’ll read it again today.

  2. “If you loved me then you should’ve put some cheese on it”

    this is so true. if you change the Beyonce-lyrics to
    “If you liked it then you should have put some cheese on it!”, it makes much more sense in my opinion.

  3. 1. “There are no funny parts. There are no real parts”: This is pretty much my review of every movie I really hate too. This kid knows how to watch a film!

    2. Eli has SO MANY THOUGHTS about foods! AMAZING thoughts!

    3. It is really extremely adorable that your kids call you “Laneia,” Laneia.

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