Have you read Thought Catalog. Have you seen it. If you do it might make you feel like This Recording or even The Awl made you feel once upon a time, like “oh smart people are writing good things on the internet for free, I should subscribe to this RSS feed” and then one day it becomes really cool, like Green Day.
OK let’s say you’ve never heard of This Recording or The Awl and you’re already rolling your eyes at the above paragraph. Well turn that frown upside down, because my Laneia “Jones” (this is seriously the fourth last name she’s employed since our launch, we have to make new business cards every three minutes) possibly maybe has a thing going on over there, starring her five-year-old son Eli, who is a super-special person. I just want to make sure that you know that if you were a breadman made out of bread, and you got butter on yourself, that would be OK. Seriously. You’re beautiful. Just the way you are.
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Riese is the 40-year-old Co-Founder and CEO of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, video-maker, LGBTQ+ Marketing consultant and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and now lives in California. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.
Riese has written 3016 articles for us.
I have to admit…half of these I read in a Liz Lemon voice, and it was PERFECTION. Eli should write for 30 Rock.
Reading these made me feel human again.
When will Eli’s first full Autostraddle post be?
I kind of live for when Laneia tweets things her boys say. It’s my favourite, I can’t help it. I hope that when I have my own tiny humans they say things that are this smart and cute and clever and funny.
Reading this was the best part of my yesterday. I think I’ll read it again today.
i wanna be eli when i grow up
Laneia’s article was posted on my birthday. Tied for best birthday present with the flannel sheets my roommate got me.
I am in love with this and that amazing kid. ohmygosh. Laneia, you’re obviously pretty damn good at this mom thing.
“If you loved me then you should’ve put some cheese on it”
this is so true. if you change the Beyonce-lyrics to
“If you liked it then you should have put some cheese on it!”, it makes much more sense in my opinion.
“If you stare at me, I’ll love you”.
I love Eli
1. “There are no funny parts. There are no real parts”: This is pretty much my review of every movie I really hate too. This kid knows how to watch a film!
2. Eli has SO MANY THOUGHTS about foods! AMAZING thoughts!
3. It is really extremely adorable that your kids call you “Laneia,” Laneia.
“The sky is falling! The EARTH is falling. The earth is US. It’s just falling in space. We will say ‘oof!’ We are all just falling.”
So. My little emo heart LOVES THIS.
He’s right. Hard taco’s are way funnier.
LOL You’d think a lezzy would know how to spell tacos…
hahahaha! yeah, this.
“I tried to jump and change but my heart got smaller and I died but I came alive again and everything stopped.”
this is so great.
You really should have put some cheese on it, I think.
This blog may be my favorite thing ever in the universe.
your kid is a genius
I don’t even understand how one kid could possibly accumulate that much awesome in five years…
I think he learned by example.
You call these things ‘junk food’ right? I call these ‘delicious.’
This boy is amazing
this made me want kids for a second.
When I was five I was putting sandwiches in the VCR.
I put rocks in the VCR. You win.
I’m still hoping for an arranged marriage between Eli and my 5 year old, Zeca. They would have the best conversations ever.
and a (good) reality show? :)
Thank you for the funny, Eli [and Laneia, Riese], even though you’re TOTALLY serious…about everything.
*nominates Eli for “OMG, he said WHAT..?!” award”