The Staff Reading

photo by Norah Smith

Lizz R.: Where do I begin with the reading. It was such an incredible opportunity to hear what amazing talented people who I know and love are writing, feeling, working on. All of it.

Whitney: Oh man, the Staff Reading was all tears and joy and tender hearts.

Carmen: I went first at the Staff Reading because Riese likes to keep me on my toes, I think. I always worry nobody will remember me if I go first and also my voice is always a little croaky and also the podium was on wheels which made it really hard for me to cling to it for dear life. But in the end, I got through my mushy love-fest for Geneva in one piece and even got a gesture of approval from Brittani Nichols, so I think it was all fine.

Gabby: I hope Carmen never runs out of material from her beautiful secret tumblr.

Carmen (photo by Norah Smith)

Kaelyn: Carmen’s piece was so deeply personal and the love and longing was just emanating through her words.

Gabby: Can Elicia host a “Bad High School Poetry” nite at every camp? Like where she just sits atop a stump wearing glasses and reading aloud from her old high school poetry books because that was one of the funniest things I’ve ever experienced. I laughed so hard, like Carmen, I literally cried. I think I even queefed. Which was good because almost everything else was super intense.

Mey: Elicia’s poems were AMAZING and made me cry more than I think I’ve ever cried from laughter.

Rachel: I just re-remembered Elicia’s reading and started choking laughing all over again. It was LIFE-CHANGING.

Kristin: Elicia was moved to the top of my “must be best friends with” list with her reading of her bad high school poetry.

Elicia making everybody laugh (photo by Norah Smith)

Jenny: Elicia’s high school poetry was unbelievable and I will treasure it forever.

Whitney: Oh man, Elicia brought us back up when we were having all the feels—she so expertly read old poems adolescent-her wrote, and it brought to house into uproarious laughter. So, so, good for my heart.

Carly: Elicia’s reading had me falling off my chair several times. Elicia you are a national treasure.

Ali: Elicia KILLED ME DEAD. She was so funny.

Elicia: It was such a relief that people were accepting of my dumb poetry reading. I was so afraid it would be an odd note in the midst of some really heartfelt, beautifully written, powerful pieces. Like I said already too much, I’m not so good with feelings, so for me the only logical thing to do was to read a selection of poetry I wrote at 16 in a time when I was SURE I was THE BEST at expressing feelings, but I still sucked. Now at least I’ve accepted my inability to feel things normally, but more importantly, I no longer think I’m good at writing poetry which is really in everyone’s best interest. Also, shout out to my cabin-mate Alex for making me a really delicious whiskey sour cocktail before I headed to the staff reading which helped me to be a way-less ugly crier thanks to its face muscle numbing powers.

Ali: I am so happy Elicia read her high school masterpieces because then Whitney and Maddie read and I just about melted in a pool of my own tears. I would have legit become a water demon if Elicia hadn’t prepped us for the feels with the hilarious.

Jenny: Whitney’s reading shattered me into a thousand pieces and I basically silent-sobbed from the middle of her piece until the very end of the entire Staff Reading.

Whitney (photo by Norah Smith)

Cameron Glavin, Outsiders Counselor: I was accidentally on the schedule for the staff reading when I arrived at camp, which was bad for multiple reasons. 1) Public speaking is my worst enemy, 2) I knew what kind of talent was taking the stage from previous camps, 3) I knew that Whitney was going to make me cry and I am an ugly crier. Luckily, I did NOT have to do a staff reading, so everyone won. I sat with the Outsiders and Star Runners on the floor right up front. We laughed, we cried. It was great. Thanks for not making me read something I did not have.

Lizz: Whitney really touched me.

Maddie: I was fucking terrified to get up on that stage and read about my mom, but I am so glad I did. I felt so loved and seen by y’all in that space, and I don’t think I had any idea how much I needed that.

Carmen: I don’t always cry at the staff reading because I am an unfeeling bitch, but Maddie’s piece hit me right in the feels because things about moms always hit me right in the feels.

Riese: I’d decided not to read my Dead Dad essay ’cause I didn’t want to cry AND THEN MADDIE WENT AND READ HER DEAD MOM ESSAY AND I HAD TO CRY.

Maddie (photo by Norah Smith)

Maddie: I also loved every single word read by my fellow-readers, and I especially appreciate Whitney going before me so I could get the tears flowing. That night made me understand A-Camp, and even Autostraddle, in a newer and deeper way.

Gabby: Maddie’s words about her mom cracked my heart into pieces. We definitely exchanged platonic, love-filled letters post staff reading.

Mey: I cried during pretty much every single person who went before me’s reading. And then Whitney and Maddie were both before me and both of their pieces just made me fall apart, like, completely fall apart.  During Maddie’s piece, the altitude and all my sniffling due to crying combined to give me a bloody nose that started about 90 seconds before it was my turn to read. So then I had to go up there with a tissue, trying to not bleed everywhere while I read.

Mey (photo by Norah Smith)

Cecelia: I needed a canoe to paddle out of there after Mey’s piece, it was the most heartbreaking and haunting piece about adolescent friendship that I have ever heard.

Mey: I had to run to the bathroom as soon as I was finished, and thankfully Stef and Hansen came in to offer hugs and cry with me while I was crying and bleeding out my nose. Megan once again came to my rescue with a ton of tissues.

Hansen: I think a pinnacle moment of camp for me was standing in a bathroom with Stef and Mey after Mey’s reading, then Megan carrying about two hundred boxes of kleenex in for us and telling us to cry quieter because we were disturbing people. It’s fine, everything’s totally fine.

Elicia: I have to confess, I actually avoided the staff reading last year because I don’t like crying. Not that anyone loves crying, but I’m super against it at basically all times, specifically in rooms of other people. I’m glad I was able to participate in the staff reading this year, otherwise I may have shied away once again from some really amazing moments that I am glad I didn’t miss. Whitney’s piece ripped at my heart and so of course the crying started and then Maddie, holy shit, and Mey? OMIGOD. They were all so beautiful and personal and gut wrenching and fuck, I CRIED SO HARD! In front of like, A LOT OF PEOPLE! This is probably an emotional breakthrough of some kind, right?

Kristin: I have no idea where to even begin. I cried a hundred times.

Whitney: Maddie and Mey’s pieces made my heart fall apart and then put it all back together again—thank you so much for sharing, and being so incredibly brave to turn your feelings into words.

Kristin: Maddie’s piece and Whitney’s piece and Mey’s piece and so many other pieces gutted me with all of the feelings.

KaeLyn: I wasn’t even sure I was going to be able to read my piece because I was weeping so hard from the Whitney-Maddie-Mey triple slam of untenable emotions that came right before me. I felt a little weird that I was reading something I’d written for A+, so some folks had read it already. I also, of course, am never sure how it’s going to go over when I talk about being a sex-positive sex educator who doesn’t have sex all that much. But you all were respectful and generous and right-there-with-us. It is such a gift to have an audience of folks who are truly there with you 100%. Thanks for that.

(photo by Norah Smith)

Elicia: KaeLyn’s REALLY REALLY spoke to me. It was all so good.

Riese: KaeLyn spoke so authentically about something people don’t talk about enough. And hearing the first two paragraphs out loud (in which she details sexual things they used to do) was amazing.

Gabby: KaeLyn and her sex stories were perfect. Also, KaeLyn is so sexy jeezus.

Whitney: KaeLyn’s piece was super sexy and wonderful.

Lizz:  As a side note: I was sort of turned out by KaeLyn’s piece even though I’m pretty sure that’s not the point.

Cecelia: I wanted to watch an entire three hour Titanic-level epic feature film version of Lizz and Rachel’s recounting of their friendship, it was that monumental. That piece changed me to be more open and generous in my relationships.

Lizz: Rachel and I wrote pieces separately about our friendship and then smashed them together at the end. I think it came out nice; I love you Rachel.

Rachel: Lizz you’re my whole heart.

KaeLyn: Rachel and Lizz should only ever read pieces about their friendship that they write separately. I feel like I know them both so much more as people through each other’s eyes.

Lizz and Rachel reading (photo by Norah Smith)

Gabby: Lizz and Rachel told the greatest best friend story of ALL TIME. Literally, no hyperbole, I cannot think of one best friend story better than theirs. It fucking made me cry. These two snarky, hot shit, loyal as fuck, queermos told the story of their friendship and I wept and it was beautiful.

Riese: I love how Lizz, by the power of love, forces Rachel to become a person who tells personal stories on a stage! Their dynamic is amazing and the piece was excellent.

Kai: Lizz and Rachel might have given me life that night. And by might have, I mean my heart is beating for those two. The way they did the thing like a game of table tennis? Lizz. Then Rachel. Lizz again. Friendship is so nice and theirs is the nicest.

Gabby: Yvonne’s La Virgen piece made me hold up a brown fist in solidarity.

KaeLyn: Yvonne had me clutching my chest because it was so vulnerable and so real.

Yvonne (photo by Norah Smith)

Mey: I loved Yvonne and Gabby’s pieces. As a queer Latina, they touched my heart so much and meant so, so much to me. They were really incredible.

Rachel: Yvonne’s essay about La Virgen had been a favorite of mine for a long time and I never realized I’d be so lucky as to hear it performed out loud; it was incredibly special.

Riese: It had been a long time since I’d last read Yvonne’s essay, and it was so exciting to hear it out loud now that I know her so much better than I did then. It’s such a unique and powerful piece of writing.

KaeLyn: Hearing Ali read her piece in her own voice was incredibly powerful. I remember when she published that essay and I shared it all around because it is so necessary.

Whitney: Ali’s piece was so honest and heartfelt.

Lizz: I’d read Ali’s piece about overcoming disordered eating on the site before, but it was incredible to hear it live.

Ali (photo by Norah Smith)

Carolyn W: For weeks I had been working on an idea, something new that I wanted to compose. As of that morning I still had not finished it. Finally about 2 hours before it was done. Then Kaelyn convinced me to also read something from my book (now avaliable on Amazon) and I was nervous about reading it because it has a lot of references to people places and things in the African-American community that are even older than me. To make things worst I somehow ended up at the very end of the program after all of these amazing writers that made people ball and laugh til they snorted. Talk about intimidating.

Carolyn W (photo by Norah Smith)

Kai: Carolyn, I want you to know I was in the crowd vibing with every single reference you made. I hear you.

Carolyn W: I was excited that the audience seemed to connect with my pieces and later so many came up to me to tell me how good that piece that I finished just hours ago was.

KaeLyn: Carolyn was so nervous and then was so awesome and I think that poem was perfect, babe.

Whitney: Gabby brought to many feels to her piece—I love her as a speaker, a poet, and a writer.

Elicia: Gabby’s piece really got me.

Lizz: Gabby’s piece reminded me why she’s a writer and I’m a muppet.

Gabby (photo by Norah Smith)

KaeLyn: Gabby’s piece hit so hard it made me stop breathing.

Kristin: I learned that Gabby is the most brilliant reader of beautiful words that exists in all of time and space.

Riese: Gabby SLAYED and earned a well-deserved standing ovation. I get chills just thinking about what she read.

Stef: Welp, this camp caught me at a weird time, and I’m really proud to accept the award for Most Prolific Crier of A-Camp 2015. I started during Whitney’s piece, picked up the pace during Maddie’s, lost it during Mey’s and fell apart entirely during Gabby’s. I removed myself from the room multiple times so my horrible, wrenching sobs wouldn’t disturb the rest of the audience. Cool reading, guys.

KaeLyn: Riese is just amazing and I loved all the 90’s girl references, which I related to so hard.

Lizz: I so related to Riese’s piece about middle school. Like I felt what she felt then and now. Especially about how it feels to find someone that fits now.

Kristin: Riese read about falling asleep with Abby even though neither of them could ever sleep well when another person was near them and I melted. THIS MOUNTAIN. UGH.

Riese (photo by Norah Smith)

Jenny: Wow. WOW. Okay. Everyone crushed. I laughed and I cried and I walked away with so much to think about. You are all such beautiful talented beacons in the night. Whoa.

Mey: Every year I’m reminded just how lucky I am to be on a staff with such incredible people and talented writers. And a super talented editor, Riese (who’s own staff reading was great) gave me the editing and guidance on my reading that I needed to change it from a lot of thoughts written down on a page to a real piece of writing. I just really love the Autostraddle writers so much.

Trent: I LOVED this. I’m totes doing this next year and I’m going to say “totes” a lot in whatever piece I read. Anywho… I felt there was a great balance in all of the readings. There was laughter, sadness, hilarity, vulnerability, relatability, understanding…lots of feels, but what else are we to expect? My hat goes off to every single one of y’all who shared a piece with us- so great. SO GREAT!

Ali: The staff reading is always my favorite part of camp, and this year was no exception.

Dannielle: You are all so talented. I cried four times.

Whitney: I was so honored to be reading alongside all of you brilliant, powerful writers.

KaeLyn: I finally understood Mt. Feelings at the staff reading.

Heather: I cried so hard after the staff reading, I did not think I was going to be okay. (I was okay.)

Maddie: After the staff reading I couldn’t really make words happen with my mouth, so I went and climbed into my top bunk and wrote extremely sentimental love notes to everyone else who read because I love all of you so much and I wanted to make sure I said so. Then I put them in everyone’s pigeonholes before I chickened out, and then I went to Klub Deer.

Dannielle: This was the first night we bro-d the fuck down with a bunch of staffers and started to feel all the feels about camp friends. Everyone is so fun and sweet and cool.

Elicia: The impromptu hang out in my cabin with Brittani, Kimber, Carly, Mal, Liz C., Jasika, Claire, Danielle, Jenny, Julia, Kristin, Carmen, Alex, Mary and Marni was the greatest thing of time. #BeetleWalk #HeyYouGuysCanIComeInHere #TwirlTwirlTwirl

Chelsey: After the Staff Reading I sat with the Blackhearts and some of the Runaways and we had a feelings circle. I can’t describe how powerful it felt to be sitting with all these strong humans listening to their stories and the things that scare them and the things that they were carrying. The feelings circle was exactly what I needed after the highly emotional staff reading and I’m constantly grateful for them for lifting each other up no matter what feeling they are having.

Speakeasy Night at Klub Deer

Gabby : This was an important night for The Speakeasy. During the day our workshop was for QTPOC-only, so that we could heal and build community. But see, we also need to/want to do that with all of Autostraddle and this dance party was how we wanted to do that. It was our first official dance. EVERYONE was invited. We were so fucking excited. Carolyn, aka DJ Knocturnal, had been working on a playlist for weeks. Trent and I helped her tweak it on the mountain. We wanted to keep people’s asses moving and bodies thumping. We wanted everyone to feel welcomed and loved.

Carolyn W: For weeks I had been telling Gabby “I got this, don’t worry about a thang.” We came up with this idea of a Pajama Jammy Jam like in the movie House Party 2. If you are gonna model your party after House Party you MUST KILL it!!

Stef: We were told that this was some sort of pajama night, so I showed up in my actual PJs, a giant wolf t-shirt and leggings. For some reason, this was the night a lot of campers came out in animal onesies, and if you didn’t know what camp was all about you’d probably assume it was just a lesbian furry convention. I’d had too many drinks for this.

Cecelia: I saw people do unthinkable dance moves and perform illustrious acts in animal onesies.

Carolyn W: Literally the first three days of camp I could be found in random locations with my laptop working on my setlist. I got to Deer and Cee got me all setup. And I started playing at 10;45 to like call people over.

Carolyn W: At 11pm there were roughly five people. I was nervous lol. I didn’t want ANYBODY to miss a minute of this playlist I worked on. So I decided to play YG “My Hittas” until people came. Vivian bought a pinata and while she couldn’t make it to the party, Cleo helped us string it up. After the third spin SolAngel from FIREBIRDS ran into the party and that was all she wrote.

Laura W: Remember how I said that I had the best afternoon ever? The Speakeasy takeover of Klub Deer transformed it into the best day ever.

Gigler: Speakeasy night was an iconic moment for klub deer. DJ Knockturnal went all in on her set, Viv’s piñata was there, Kaylah was in her glory, Djuan turnt most of us out at some point or another, and Bump & Grind came on which was a big moment for Carmen.

Carmen: I was a little late to Klub Deer on Speakeasy Night, but luckily I didn’t miss “Bump ‘n Grind,” which Carolyn was gracious enough to play the spoken, sexually frustrated introduction to beforehand. I’m pretty sure people were calling my name. That spoken word introduction is literally my theme song.

Carolyn W: Dear Carmen, I dug around for 3 days looking for Bump & Grind on my computer but couldn’t find it. However all my DJ drinks and adrenaline laid it right in my lap and the perfect time just for you. Cause you sang it all the way up the mountain.

Gabby: We had Tower of Terror repping their cabin. The BEEHIVE in full effect. All the people in their animal onesies and pajamas twerking and shaking. There may have even been a steady-grinding threeway on the floor, ya heard. Shit, even Cee showed up to the party and Marni in her bear suit. It was perfect! In an ideal world, we’d all always be able to chill like this, you know?

Cecelia: If it’s any indication for how well DJ Knockturnal aka My Bunkmate Carolyn W was spinning, this was by far the sweatiest, grindiest Klub night of all.

Gabby: The DJ set was so strong. Bodies were grinding until 2am. We had to literally STOP THE MUSIC cuz people weren’t leaving. It was a beautiful thing. I’m glad that all A-campers were able to be with us and have a good time. That’s what we’re about. The Speakeasy is political QTPOC space, yes, but that doesn’t mean that we don’t move with love for all people. Let the mountain hear our truth and continue to bring us together and drop it fucking lowwwwww.

KaeLyn: I danced so much. long. I was sad that Nurse V was feeling ill, but we brought her pinata to Klub Deer and Cleo helped rig it up and at some point in the middle of the night, it started raining candy. The bump and grind game was strong.

Kaylah: Everyone knows that I live for a crunk night at Klub Deer, and I can honestly say that Speakeasy night was the most live night in the history of Klub Deer. I embarrassed myself by thinking I could handle Miss Kentucky without using Gigler or the mantle (our stage) for twerk support. Trent backed it up with such strength that I lost my balance and had to tap out.

Elicia: I’m still really pissed I missed the pinata being broken. Most of what I remember that night was how stoked KaeLyn and I were that people were making out. We were like, giddy about it. Is that weird?

KaeLyn: My favorite make-out team was the one where one person was in a dinosaur onesie and their dino tail was rhythmically swaying back and forth as they shook their booty and lip-locked with a cutie. SO CUTE. I wanted to run up to all the twosomes and the threesome and be do a little cheer, but that might be weird or ruin the moment, so I just chilled by the fireplace and admired how babely Elicia was again. Also I could watch Gigler and Kai and Kaylah and Carmen dance in a Vine loop forever. I really really could. Also, also, Trent. TRENT. OMG TRENT.

Trent: I twerked a lot. There was a pinata. I saw titties. I saw lots of bumping and grinding. I twerked a lot. I sang all of the lyrics to every Nicki Minaj song. Everyone had a good time.

Kaylah: My favorite part of the night was “closing time” and Carolyn turned on the lights and a slow jam thinking it would make us stop dancing. Muahaha! Don’t you know the A-Camp Twerk Team will twerk to anything with a beat? She straight up had to turn off all the music to make us leave.

Carolyn W: I had a BLAST it was the most amazing thing! I played straight party music, new music, old music, hip-hop, reggae, reggaeton. But I was AMAZED to hear the crowd turn up to old stuff like “Poison” “Rump Shaker and the ORIGINAL “Bitch Betta Have My Money” by AMG. But yo when I dropped “Scarred” by Luke that was it. All I saw was bodies folded like oragami. It was a hotbox!! There were animals making out in corners. We never go to hit the pinata cause someone straight pulled it down. People were partying outside. At the end I decided to play some 90’s Bump and Grind music. When I put on Jodeci “Stay” and it looked like the party was gonna go until 4am, Gabby pulled the plug. We literally had to throw people and out she had t force me to stop playing music. It was one of the most epic experiences of my life. And yes the DJ got a fw dances in too ;) I hope everyone enjoyed the night as much as I did. The pic of me and Djuan Trent says it all.

Gigler: Props and gratitudes to the organizers of speakeasy night, Vivian’s deer tattoos, and everyone who turned out &/or got turned out on the dance floor. I honor your contributions.

Lizz R.: I think I danced for ever and ever and ever at the Speakeasy Klub Deer night. Like forever.

Stories From The Barracks

Stef: Our staff cabin was plagued by moths, a black widow spider and a water heater that died over and over and over again, despite Cee’s best efforts to learn how to repair it herself. On the plus side, she did hook it up so we were able to take showers in Deer, which was both charming and awkward at the same time (walking out into a serious panel in a towel feels really cool), and used the key to open up an extra walk-in closet in our cabin. She also went the extra mile and had a ladder installed on my bunk bed, which was a game-changer. I’m sorry we left the mountain before Cee was able to get around to more serious home renovations, like putting in shelves or landscaping.

A-Camp 7.0 will take place May 29th-June 3rd in Angelus Oaks, California. Registration will open February 1st.

Pages: 1 2 3 4 5 6See entire article on one page

Before you go! Autostraddle runs on the reader support of our AF+ Members. If this article meant something to you today — if it informed you or made you smile or feel seen, will you consider joining AF and supporting the people who make this queer media site possible?

Join AF+!