Real L Word Los Angeles: Your Predictions, Hopes & Dreams for Reality Lesbian Show

We asked you to tell us what you want to see on The Real L Word (besides it not happening at all) Los Angeles. This is what you said. Intern Hot Laura has provided illustrations for four of your suggestions!

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Laneia: On The Real L Word someone had better pull a FULL-ON JENNY and bury someone’s dog/suitcase/toaster in the backyard OR I’M NOT WATCHING!”
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Des: “On The Real L Word there better be some goddamn fisting!”
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Intern Emily: “On The Real L Word, there will be no carnival flashbacks.”
Intern Jen: “But then what would I fast forward??”
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BCW: “On The Real L Word flowers won’t sing while Alice cries. And Betty won’t sing at all.”

Sapphicsass: “On The Real L Word Sounder eats Betty… then has to regurgitate her because he hates the taste of bullshit.”

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Stef: “On The Real L Word, Sounder 1 will have her revenge.”
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Ilene Chaiken Fantasies

Sapphicsass: “On The Real L Word, Kit adds words to her vocabulary behind Ilene Chaiken’s back, Shane gets carpal tunnel (screwing duh), Carmen returns (without permission), Dana appears (it turns out being a PSA for breast cancer didn’t pay very well) with Mr.Piddles in hand who then elopes with Sounder, and Alice plays a nasty tricky on Ilene involving a whoopee cushion, a light beer and a bilingual ventriloquist and Mama Chaiken is pisssssssed.”

Andrea: “On The Real L Word, everyone will make fun of The L Word until it ventures into the Vortex of the Chaik’s mind.”

Grace Chu: “On The Real L Word, Ilene Chaiken should be ousted from her position as executive producer and replaced with a group of LOLcats.”

marya: “On The Real L Word, Jenny will show up to push Ilene off the balcony…”

Barbara: “On The Real L Word, the series ends much earlier then The Fake L Word because Ilene gets frustrated that she can’t control the characters enough.”

lost it: “On The Real L Word, the original cast of The L Word will push Ilene Chaiken and Betty into the pool.”

Nicoleeolee: “On The Real L Word, there will be some plot continuity because Ilene Chaiken can’t be god of the REAL WORLD.”

bcw: “On The Real L Word, Showtime will put a secret clause in IFC’s contract saying that her involvement is purely symbolic and all creative control and veto power will go to Angela Robinson.”

Sapphicsass: “On The Real L Word Ilene Chaiken will be taken to a small and very clean “hotel” to live with white walls that are surprisingly cushy for declaring that she is the writer, creator, producer, incubator, fairy-godmother, baby mama, legal guardian, & commander in chief of Showtime’s new life-changing, earth-shattering, revolutionary, pioneering landmark new super-hit reality series The Real Luny World: LA style.”
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Molly: “On The Real L Word, Shane all of a sudden has a new interest in medical procedures and goes back to school… while fucking lots of nurses/interns in the meantime.”

Foist: “On The Real L Word, Mark is the cameraman.”

Nanc: “On The Real L Word, there will be no brain transplants.”

Scottish Lilt: “On The Real L Word, there better be no goddamn manatees. Let’s get a bigger budget and bring in the killer whales!”

Deb on the Rocks: “On The Real L Word, underground poker-ring absentee mother socialite lesbians will have better lawyers.”
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Deb on the Rocks: “On The Real L Word, no one will be called “Baby Girl.” No one.”
Intern Laura: “baby girl”: no — “candyass nannyfucking motherfucker”: yes, please.
Vikki: “There will always be a special place in my heart for “nannyfuckingmotherfucker”.”
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Wardrobe Fixes

JeniLynn: “On The Real L Word, no one will wear doilies. Or pirate shirts.”
Intern Emily: Or shirts at all! Everyone will be naked! Woo!”

Nicole: “On The Real L Word they won’t talk about The L Word and have actual jobs to explain how they can afford any expensive clothing and other items”
B$: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn “dana lives” shirts.”

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Casting Suggestions

Barbara: “On The Real L Word Kate, Leisha, Camila, Clementine, Clea and Linda are cast. And the ratings surpass anything that’s ever been televised.”
Barbara: “On The Real L Word there will be no… ugly straight sister. I mean, Kittisms.”

Intern Elizabeth: “On The Real L word, Latina women will be played by themselves and Middle Eastern / Indian women will be themselves… I hope.”

des!: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn REAL lesbians.”

cycnet: “On The Real L Word, there will be lesbians who are not model thin. “On The Real L word,people will have real shit jobs like the rest of us.”

MsNJS: “On The Real L Word, people will be their actually ethnicity. No Middle Eastern Mexicans…”

Alex!: “On The Real L Word, IFC will not have cylon lesbians. It will have real lesbians (who are often nude). And the Lynch will commentate. And Ellen and Portia will kiss on camera. Cute.”

Barbara: “On The Real L Word, REAL lesbians will be cast; there will be about six women getting together and endlessly talking about how The Fake L Word really sucked. Revenge!”

Bren: “On The Real L Word, Los Angeles, will star the one and only Haviland Stillwell and all will be right in the world.”

Barbara: “On The Real L Word there will be no… ugly straight sister. I mean, Kittisms.”

Bren: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn butches.”

giancarla.debimonte: “On The Real L Word there’d better be some bois with toys *wink*.”

bcw: “On The Real L Word, no one will have a soul patch.”

Leah: “On The Real L Word there will be no Really Papi Really t-shirts :(”

mon: “On The Real L Word the lesbians will still be beautiful, even if it’s “reality”, it’s still TV.”

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Bren: “On The Real L Word, somebody better still be living with their ex-girlfriend that they broke up with 8 months ago… and 6 months ago…”

a;ex: “On The Real L Word, there better be some nanny-fuckin motherfuckers.”

Julia: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn continuity.”

marya: “On The Real L Word there will be no apparitions in the waterfalls.”

stef: “On The Real L Word, I hope there is a Mormon who is seduced into a life of decadent West Hollywood whoreishness and gets kicked out of BYU for it. Also, I hope there is a bangin’ house and a hot tub.”

Vikki: “On The Real L Word, there shall be no sperm-stealing lesbians!”

chris: “On The Real L Word there will be blood… and on a lighter note, there better be people running off treadmills backwards from surprise/laughter.”
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Debbie: “On The Real L Word, a giant rainbow colored unicorn will fall from the sky and devour Betty and their motherfuckin’ theme tune (oh dear god please don’t let them write/sing the new tune) and Jenny will realize the manatees were actually LOLruses and sail far far away on one…”

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Laneia: “OH DEAR LORD the prospect of another Betty theme song hadn’t crossed my mind until now!! Noooooo!”
Speedbumps: “On The Real L Word, Betty will explode in a splatter of off key voices, instruments and fugly.” dotted-divider2
Speedbumps: “On The Real L Word, Ilene Chaiken will refrain from smoking crack in all staff meetings.”
Intern Emily: “On The Real L Word, Ilene Chaiken will not be invited to staff meetings.”
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Rachel: “On The Real L Word, people’s personalities will not change every 6-10 episodes. Well, hopefully not, at least. Then we’ll have to wonder who cast the schizo.”

Intern Lily: “On The Real L Word, there will be no images of recently deceased tennis players in waterfalls.”

Lynne: “On The Real L Word, there better be some goddamn boobies. Also on The Real L Word there will be no penis.”
Sapphicsass: “Totally agree! No blow jobs in lesbo-land!”

Intern Jen: “On The Real L Word, there won’t be any toe nail clipping scenes.”
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All About Bette Porter!

Rachel: “On The Real L Word, there be no one like Bette motherfucking Porter!”
a;ex: “motherfucking agreed!”
alexM: “On The Real L Word, there will be NO Bette Motherfucking Porter.”
Sapphicsass: “But I love Bette motherfucking Porter!”
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Katie: “On The Real L Word, they better have some fucking sippy cups.”

ne;;y: “On The Real L Word, if someone dies we want to know the killer.”

Discojen: “On The Real L Word, everyone will go to work and not all meet in a cafe/bar/club and text their partner while sitting on the next fucking table to them!”

Carmen: “On The Real L Word, there better be real lesbians having sex to the “Finally” song… and there won’t be any stripteases interrupted by stupid phone calls.”

Hardyz: “On The Real L Word, there better be more than one Goddamn person able to perform a computer search.”

Hardyz: “On The Real L Word, there better be more than one Goddamn person able to perform a computer search.”

bizzle: “On The Real L Word, LC and Heidi will be friends again.”

kjones: “On The Real L Word, there better be a massive blackout so everyone can get it on while Freezepop plays.”

bizzle: “On The Real L Word, there better be some table flipping!”

Sapphicsass: “On The Real L Word, there better be more than one damn place to eat.”

mon: “On The Real L Word, a cute bespectacled lesbian will rage about the unfairness of the world, only to have a fellow lesbian rather passively agree. Then a bald man in charge of her reality show future will make her write supportive comments on his blog.. oh wait.”

Sophie T: “On The Real L Word there better be some goddamn arson, ARSON!”

southpaw: “On The Real L Word there will be talking-laughing-loving-breathing-fighting-fucking-crying-drinking-writing-winning-losing-cheating-kissing-thinking-dreaming. Also, people really need to stop giving Ilene Chaiken money. I mean, c’mon people, it’s the 90’s.”

southpaw: “On The Real L Word, everything will be sponsored by OURCHART DOT COM, the social network based on The L Word.

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Barbara: “On The Real L Word there will be no baby showers during which pregnant men throw up. I guess.”
a;ex: “The icing on the top the lovely comment cake is the indifferent “I guess” at the end. Well played, Barbara.”

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foist: “On The Real L Word, Mark is the cameraman.”

Leah: “On The Real L Word there better be some viewing of a goddamn PODCAST!”

nil: “On The Real L Word, pregnant ladies won’t get banished to Buddha Camp.”

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Ann: “On The Real L Word Angelica can honk the horn”

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Vikki: “On The Real L Word, nobody better make baby girl live in a tool shed.”
Scottish Lilt: “Aye, because NOBODY puts Baby in a tool shed. Guuurl!”
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ManillaPudding: “On The Real L Word, Shane goes to school on the internets.”

SandyPants: “On The Real L Word, there will be holidays: Christmas, Thanksgiving, Valentines Day, and the Fourth of July!”

Riese is the 37-year-old CEO, CFO and Editor-in-Chief of Autostraddle.com as well as an award-winning writer, blogger, fictionist, copywriter, video-maker, low-key Jewish power lesbian and aspiring cyber-performance artist who grew up in Michigan, lost her mind in New York and then headed West. Her work has appeared in nine books including "The Bigger the Better The Tighter The Sweater: 21 Funny Women on Beauty, Body Image & Other Hazards Of Being Female," magazines including Marie Claire and Curve, and all over the web including Nylon, Queerty, Nerve, Bitch, Emily Books and Jezebel. She had a very popular personal blog once upon a time, and then she recapped The L Word, and then she had the idea to make this place, and now here we all are! In 2016, she was nominated for a GLAAD Award for Outstanding Digital Journalism. Follow her on twitter and instagram.

Riese has written 2743 articles for us.

3 Comments

  1. I’m glad I’m not the only one who felt this way about Betty and didn’t get why they had so many appearances.

    P.S.
    ” bizzle: “On The Real L Word, LC and Heidi will be friends again.” ”

    …The Hills?

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